Monday, October 3, 2016

Mystery Box?

It was a dark and stormy night, (always wanted to write that) and the wind was howling outside, I was worried about the roof as it needs some repairs, it began raining heavily and I thought to myself that I had better check in the morning for leaks. The next day I had a bit of time to check in the attic before I had to leave for appointments. I have never been in the attic in my life, no one ever went up there except for my dad. One of the reasons being it doesn't have a true floor, one wrong step and you could bring down part of the ceiling. I get my ladder, flashlight, dust mask and crucifix (in case of vampires, ghosts or any of the general walking dead gang). Up I go and everything looked fine, uneventful, no leaks and not even a little bat to fulfil the stereotype of the creepy attic. The insulation covers most of the floor so I decided not to attempt walking around. I was pressed for time and slightly noticed a cardboard box off to the side. I had to go and closed the trap door and left for the day. ....................................... Later that night as I was falling asleep, a little voice in the back of my mind said "there's a box up there, sitting quietly out of reach, what could be inside". Since my family has been here for over a hundred years, anything from the past is more meaningful because it connects me to my ancestry. Sometimes my mother would throw away old books, tools etc, especially in the house. Naturally she wanted to leave her mark and maybe didn't always see the sentimental value of certain things. .................................... I grew more curious and tried to figure out a plan to retrieve that box. The next day I had the brilliant idea of using a long handle with a hook on the end. Back up I go, first checking that no blood thirsty fanged hairy creature was hiding behind the trap door, (because after all these years of waiting it would be really really hungry). I reach over excited because this is one place mom never got to, could it be old papers with writing from my grandparents, old deeds or maybe even old photos! I hook the box and..... and....... nothing. The Box is empty, there is nothing inside, all these years it has been sitting up there empty. This could be a post like a Seinfeld episode, a post about nothing but the truth is at some point there was something in that box, maybe it was just building materials when the house was being built, maybe there were important papers in it at one time and they were moved to a better location, I will never know. I decided to leave the box there because I feel it's still serving it's purpose, it is still keeping it's mystery.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Wagon Wheels and Gay Blogs

I was watching a program last week and it was about life in the early days, how everything was done by actual horse power, water power and lots of elbow grease. They were demonstrating the skills required to build a wagon wheel, one that would last and not act like the one floppy, squeaky wheel I manage to always get on my shopping cart. I was thinking about the way a master builder would feel when he realized that cars were taking over and wagons would soon be a thing of the past. I guess that's what happened to the gay blogs, ten years ago I think was the heyday for gay blogs. I guess times have changed enough in a positive way that the gay blog is no longer required. I should be happy about that but I do miss the community that was created by the need. It's so different now for people coming out, not that big of a deal anymore. I see the last group that is still active is the men who fall into the bisexual category. I have a lot of empathy for them, caught in between two worlds, many are struggling to figure out where they fit in. I see them looking for support the way I did years ago. I can't really offer them any advice, it's not my experience and seriously what do I know, I'm just a wagon wheel.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Milestones from Stepping Stones

The other day I was listening to the radio and one of the reporters was talking about an interview he did with gay comedian and actor Scott Thompson, it was regarding a show he was doing in Ottawa for pride week. Scott was saying how he now just does a routine and doesn't do his past gay characters. He said it's because in the past people were willing to accept the gay characters for a laugh but were not comfortable accepting a real gay person. He said now however people don't care about gay or straight and he no longer needs the safety net of a gay character to hide behind. He can just be himself, a gay comedian. The younger people don't see that shift, but it catches me every now and again, I like to pause and think about how far we have come. Sometimes I have to take a second, I think back to when I was a teenager and would just dream of a world where gay people could just be themselves one day. I'm seeing that happening now, it's hard not to wish I was younger to be part of this but maybe I wouldn't appreciate it as much. So here's to another shift in society, where we can just be we, because most people want it that way, awesome!

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Decent People.

This weekend I was putting together a small photo album for mom, it helps keep her mind active and gives her a sense of familiarity as opposed to all the newness that surrounds her now. As I was choosing pictures, looking at all our photos taken over the years suddenly brought me to tears. So much has changed since those happy days of birthdays, Christmases, vacations, new puppy etc, etc. I can't help but feel anger over the hand life dealt my parents, I see the history of them together over the years in the photos and think about what a rotten ending they will have. My parents were never famous, they didn't become a mayor of a city, a star athlete or head of a corporation, but they were decent people. They did their best with what they had like many others. Very decent people, they followed a code in life to be honest, to work hard and pay their way. To not take advantage of others, to mind their own business, to be religious but never put their beliefs on others, to encourage us to be decent as well. Then what did they get, no retirement, no traveling, no growing old together becoming one of those cute couples people point out and joke about that being themselves one day. I miss them, even mom is not really mom, she is only a shadow or echo of mom, and not even that one day soon. Anger inside every day, every day and sadness too and a different kind of loneliness, one too complex to explain tonight. I can't believe it at times when I'm sitting here alone in their house, where are they, where are they, everything is waiting for them, they should be home. This weekend would be their wedding anniversary, they would sometimes go away for the weekend to listen to music at a festival. That's where they are, I will pretend that for tonight, they will come home tomorrow, everything will be fine again, that's what I will hold for tonight.

Saturday, August 27, 2016


One of my earliest memories is of me sitting on the kitchen floor playing with my toys. It is a large country kitchen and at the other end is a young woman sweeping the floor. I look at her and think to myself that it's mom, and as long as she is around I'm safe, that of all the people I know in my small world, she is the kindest to me. She looks over and says how about we move my toys so that she can finish sweeping the kitchen, it was a daily routine that she did after breakfast. The memory ends there, I'm not sure why that moment stuck in my little mind, I guess it was when I started to figure out who people were and how they related to me. Even years later I still felt that as long as mom was around, I would be safe in some way. ............................................ When I was still very young, I happened to watch an old black and white movie called "Body Snatchers", I was disturbed by one of the story lines, an alien took over the body of a boy's mother. She looked like his mother, sounded like his mother but it wasn't his mother and he just knew. It frightened me that a person I was so bonded to, could someday become someone else, but it was just a story, that couldn't happen or so I thought. Fast forward to today and I discovered it can happen, only it's called Alzheimer's disease and not some catchy Hollywood title. ........................................... This week that long gone young mother sweeping the floor could no longer keep her son safe, she could no longer keep herself safe and it was the boy's turn to keep his mom safe. One of the hardest things I had to do in my life was to place mom into the care of a seniors home. She didn't understand why she had to move there and became quite frightened. I know it was the right decision, everyone agreed it was the right decision, but some part of me feels that I have betrayed her. ............................................ It did not go well but luckily for me there was a nurse who has handled this situation many times and knew all the right things to say. Turning my back and walking out the door was numbing, I held it together until I got back home, when I entered the house I said out loud "goodbye mom" and then completely lost it. I was encouraged to stay away for a week to let mom become familiar with her new surroundings but I would call in the evening to ask the nurses how things were going. They told me one night that she was worried I would be stressed over this and hoped I was alright, even though many days she is confused about most things, somewhere locked deep inside, that mother is still trying to look out for her son.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Over the Olympic hill.

I don't know about you, but if I hear one more comment about an athlete being "over the hill" because they are turning thirty, I'm going to SCREAM! What does that make me? I'm just waiting for the day when some scientist will ask me what it was like watching the dinosaurs die off, ( I cried the whole time until I realized I no longer had to scoop that giant poop). I have reached the age where I fully understand the saying "youth is wasted on the young". ...................................... I have been watching some of the games, especially the men's swimming, I must confess I am very pleased that the guys are wearing swimming trunks again and not those full body suits. I personally find the trunks hotter on the guys than the old Speedos. The Americans have been dominating again and they are not too hard to look at either. I saw something that I found a bit amusing, I can see why some countries do so much better than others. The top countries walk out with these streamlined, in shape bodies, tall broad shoulder strutting six packs, while some others have flab and spill over their waistline, lol not judging but I wouldn't put any money down on such a swimmer. I heard in the old days they used to swim in the nude, actually I wouldn't want to see the return of that, guys extremely nervous, under pressure and swimming in a cold pool, I prefer my imagination to reality.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

In The Wrong Club.

Some days do you ever feel like you belong to the wrong club or that life played a trick on you and placed you in the wrong environment. Like being born into a family of fishermen but you hate the ocean or raised on a ranch and are afraid of horses. Maybe you want to be a famous singer; however you have a fear of crowds. Me, I get squeamish quite easily, plus I'm gay, two things that don't go hand in hand, in an lol gay sex kind of way. Sometimes when I read people's dating profiles, I am commenting in my head things like "eww oh no, you want what" or "yeah that's never going to happen". I often wonder what is the "norm" for gay relationships now, I wonder if the people looking are a lot more "wild" than the every day kind of gay relationships. I can see being more open to things as I fall in love with someone who would hopefully be a life long partner, but I have no desire to go wild with a stranger. I wonder about this because of what my straight friends tell me, all the studies that come out these days about how couples are much more open about sex, they say "no, that's just fixed, it's less often and much more tame than it was in the beginning". I'm just hoping that when I find someone it will be often (8 or 9 times a week) I just don't want to have to present him with a list of "don'ts" and "really don't even think about it", that could be a relationship bummer. Yes, I'm just kidding about the 8 or 9 times a week, sort of.

Friday, July 29, 2016

Look at me! Look at me!

You stopped looking at me, I don't know if there is anything there but it made my day to catch you glancing at me. Then you stopped looking and I was crushed, ok maybe not crushed but definitely disappointed. This week I tried to be hot-er, ok maybe not hot but definitely not troll-ish, at least I don't think I'm in the troll family. Any who I thought I saw you look yesterday but I wasn't sure, so a little spark for me to feel weather it was my imagination or not, today however I saw you stare at me.... twice, tooooootally made my day, and I would just so sh#t my pants and faint if you ever came over and talked to me. Well.... that certainly would be a lasting first impression.

Monday, July 25, 2016

One Day... maybe.

That I would walk inside the house, toss my car keys onto the counter and say jokingly, "hi honey I'm home" and someone would answer, "I'm in the living room". I walk in, bend over to kiss him hello, we would ask each other how our day went, I would crash on the couch tightly beside him and cuddle for a few minutes, mindlessly watching something on t.v. before we start supper. That's me, not some fantasy about being stuck on an island with a randy hockey team wanting to use me to take the edge off (ok let me think about that one for a second), I daydream about being a husband to someone.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Stereotypically Gay Me.

I wish I didn't inherit the stereotypical "gay klutz in sports gene" but sadly I did. Sure I tried to play sports but I never improved, I was mostly the worst player in every sport, just slightly ahead of the girl who didn't want dirt to touch her or the guy who haunted the library at lunch. I missed out on that bonding moment (ok and all those team showers to). It is still happening today, many people at work like to hang out with coworkers after hours and on weekends, but they are on teams or play golf etc. None of these I can do and I don't enjoy sports as it makes me feel awkward as if back in school. It's a way for people to connect, a shared common goal but sadly the only thing that I can catch is a cold. I'm not really going anywhere with this post, just a complaint but I guess that's life.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Some where out there, la la la!

Lying in bed Wednesday morning, thinking to myself (which is always dangerous), I was going over the post I wrote about being alone. I was having a poor little me day that day however I was having an analyzing day Wednesday. The truth is being alone is my fault, a knight in shining armour is not going to come for me, (just maybe men in lab coats), how would he even know I am looking. I concluded that I am not putting out, oh umm sorry, I mean I am not putting myself out there, as in actively looking for a boyfriend. Yup that's the answer and it's the truth, I can't really whine about being alone if I do nothing and worse..... I don't let people know that I am g, ggg-eh, gaaaay. Ok problem solved, I will start doing something about this... next week, oh but then I'm kind of busy this week, the week after I have that thing to attend to, then you know it's the end of the month blah, blah, blah.

Friday, July 1, 2016

It's Canada D'eh!

It's not about the sea of red and white flags, it's not about the barbecues or fireworks, it's not about hockey, maple syrup or beavers. It's about taking a moment to look at the rest of the world, see how most people live and think to myself, as far as being born into a country, "man oh man did I ever hit the lottery on that point"!

Saturday, June 25, 2016

And then one day!

And then one day you wake up and not only do you realize that you are alone, you realize that you probably have waited too long. Sure, people will say nice things about there being plenty of fish in the sea but that is what they are supposed to say. Reality is like a bucket of ice water poured over your head, the truth is all the good ones are already taken, those that are left have issues, issues, issuuuuues. I have issues, we all have issues but too many people feel that only their problems matter and while being ridged about their own life, expect everyone else to work around them. I know people get set in their ways as they get older but what is the point of how you set your table, if you don't have anyone to share it with.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Thinking to myself.

This morning I woke up a bit early, the early sunshine and singing birds have been doing that a lot lately but I'm not going to complain about spring. Lying there for awhile before getting up, I was thinking life thoughts, happens in the morning while my head is clearing sometimes. I suddenly realized that I am still ashamed to be gay, blame it on where I was raised or how I was raised but it's the truth, plain and simple, I'm still ashamed of being gay. Of course I have come a long way but a large part of how I live my life is because I am still embarrassed to be gay. I still hide it from people at work, even people I know would be positive to the revelation that I'm into guys, plus around where I live, no one has a clue, people still say I should find the right woman. I think this is something that will always stick with me, I can't wash away the years of hurt and insults I have heard straight people say about gay people, even the ones who are understanding and apologetic now. Actions speak louder than words but my inactions speak volumes. Something to work on I guess.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Hard at work.

Typical for this area at this time of year, our weather has been swinging between snow and tropical jungle over the last few weeks. The past week has been very hot and humid, resulting in many of the guys that I work with wearing shorts to work. I like the shorts that come to the knees, I think most guys look good in them. I don't like the ones that are really short with a split way up the side, they don't look good on men and I find most of the men who wear them are much older and very pale white in colour. It makes me think of uncooked chicken legs. This is the same reason that I never wear shorts, I think I look like a pale stork or ostrich in them. ............................................ Women have the saying "a good man is hard to find" but gay men have the comical version, "a hard man is good to find". The other day I was walking into my department at work and noticed two guys I know installing something at ceiling level. The guy holding the ladder looked to be in pain or discomfort, he was standing in an odd position as if he hurt his leg. As I approached I suddenly saw his problem, while holding the ladder he developed a raging hardon, the shorts he was wearing probably made things worse by not containing the offending member and I would guess was letting in fresh air which can make things worse, lol. Carlos is not a tall man, nice body but is only about 5.6 or 5.7, so I have to say how impressed I was because from what I saw he was probably 6.5 or 7 lol. As I got closer he tried to turn away from me and also turned more shades of red than I knew were possible, but poor man, he was trapped, holding a ladder, shorts, no way to conceal the problem. I was turned on a little lol, plus it really makes me happy to finally see that happen to someone else for a change because that is the kind of thing that happens to me all the time. Although at "seven" or more I probably would go around with no pants at all, because a little bragging doesn't hurt anyone.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

What is it about you?

What is it about you, it just makes my day to see you. I look at you and sometimes I catch you looking at me. I think you are the cutest guy ever, not movie star cute or model cute but "cute as a bug" sort of cute. A lot of people might even overlook you, but not me. Now life keeps putting us together, you came to my area one day, I couldn't speak to you, what is it about you. I have been moved to another area, I feel electricity in my stomach when I realise that this is your group, I joke, laugh and talk to the other guys, until you come around, I lose my voice when you are near by, what is it about you. I wonder, am I picking up on an invisible vibe, some secret pheromones, are we compatible on some hidden level in nature. I would like to talk to you but now I am afraid, (I know) that I will get tongue tied and screw up my first impression. You worked near me today, I couldn't speak to you, I know my ears will burn bright red and I will be discovered, people will know how I feel about you. I heard you speaking, you just had to have that sexy voice, very masculine. ................................................ The end of the day comes, everyone leaves, I'm working late, the place is empty, I could hear a pin drop. Suddenly from behind a pillar you appear, you have been there this whole time, I quickly run through my mind wondering if I was talking to myself or worse.... singing to myself because I thought I was alone. This is my chance, just the two of us, say something clever even witty maybe, think think think, what is it about you, I feel you unplug me. That's it, I could joke about you startling me, say something Steven say something. My mind is blank, I open my mouth to say something but no sound comes out. You check your messages and leave, I missed my chance and I am completely off kilter, I didn't say a word, what is it about you, why am I so thrown when you are around.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

The one and only!

I can't be the only one, I can't possibly be the only gay man at my place of work. Granted it is technology driven work so a lot of engineers and maybe not a huge calling to "the gays" but that's me being stereotype-ish implying that gay people don't want to be engineers. If one more super fem guy, fabulously floats up to me saying look at the pictures of my wife and children.... I am going to SCREAM! Is the world playing some sort of joke on me, little me versus the world, the land of the straights. I am going to be captured and placed in a gay zoo, alone without a mate and "gay Steve" rights activists will pity me and demand my release. Well maybe I won't be totally alone, after all there are a lot of women engineers at my work and I think they might belong in a gay zoo, we would know for sure by their Home Depot frequent buyer's card

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Cry Baby Me.

I'm not sure if it's because I am getting older but I'm a lot more emotional than I used to be and I really hate it. Especially since my father died, it will be seven years this spring (unbelievable to me, time flies) and I found that it changed me, or more correctly, I found that his dying damaged me emotionally. I seem to cry or more correctly almost cry at every strong emotion, happy or sad and it's really becoming annoying. I am almost embarrassed to watch any kind of movie at a friend's place and certainly uncomfortable in a theater. I was raised to hide our emotions and while that is wrong and unhealthy, I also don't like when people feel the need to share every emotion with everyone, that makes me really uncomfortable as well. I don't see crying as a weakness anymore but I see it as a weakness in this case. I find emotions are like flooding wasters to me, rushing forward with the power of a river, pressure building up behind a dam, building building until I can no longer hold back and then boom, it breaks through. I worried this was a gay thing but I'm not sure, I see it in straight guys as well but I have to admit that I notice it a lot more in the gay men I have met. ............................ I wish I could control it like back in my early years, maybe that wasn't really control, maybe it was emotional ignorance, still I would like to get back to a place where I didn't have to worry about falling apart in front of someone.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

It's Not A Lie in Gayland.

Is it okay to lie about my age, I mean in the world of the gays? In Gaydoneah age is a horrible thing and a gay man must have done something terribly wrong to deserve getting old, once you get past thirty, you might as well be ninety. Looking young is my super power, I don't have any talents really, I am a very average person, but I have this gift of looking much younger than I am. Many times at work guys in their thirties will say "I thought you were my age". I love to tell the story of my fortieth birthday, I was asked for id by the bouncer when we went out dancing, many witnesses were there to hear the whole thing (I love making sure everyone knows that story). ............................................ So like a super hero, is it wrong to use the power I was given. Is it wrong to maybe tell a teeny tiny little fib sometime about my age. I don't do it, I would feel guilty but I know a lot of people would dismiss me for my age. Depending on the crowd I want to run with, I am thinking about holding back the truth. I wonder if I would be the only gay man out there lying about his age?

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Good bye little Molly.

I once heard a lot of gay men give their cars cute girl names. It made me laugh because for me that was true. It just happened one day out of the blue, I happened to look in the rearview mirror and saw this enormous transport barreling down on us, debris flying off the thing every way possible and I hit the gas yelling "go Molly go go"! Being a focus, it's little but they can move when needed and we zipped out of there, as for the name Molly, I'm not sure where that came from, maybe because when I was younger, the local farmers often named their work horse Molly. ........................................ I am not the type of person who feels an emotional connection to objects, definitely not my car, I think that is more of a straight man thing lol, my car is like my toaster, lawnmower, t.v. set etc. Point A to point B is all I want from my car, I did like it as a good machine; however that connection ended when it no longer was reliable .................................. This week I will get my new car and it had me thinking, if I was the type to get sentimental and treat this as saying goodbye to a friend this is how it would go. ....................................... Hey little Molly, you have carried me through a lot in the past ten years, I was thinking of when we first met. I was tired of trying to rely on constantly late busses, feeling trapped when I needed to get somewhere and worried about my parents way out in the country. I had a bit of a phobia of driving but suddenly it went away and later on you helped me more with that. I clearly remember driving off the lot with you for the first time and feeling euphoric, I said out loud that I was free, that this moment was the beginning of my true freedom to go anywhere I wanted and not have to rely on anyone. I felt it was the beginning to another part of my life. Remember then we pulled into the parking lot at work for the first time, I wanted to play something cool on the radio, but the only song on was ABBA's dancing queen so we blasted it anyway. You allowed me to finally have a social life and travel, you were key in my coming out, you took me on dates when I finally got a boyfriend, we went to Montreal and took part in the pride celebration. I was able to spend more time with my parents, I was free to visit people like I always wanted to. .................................... There were sad memories to, I saw my dog in your rearview mirror for the last time, I had to stop because the image made me cry so hard I could no longer see to drive. You took me home when I lost my job, you were there when Dan and I broke up. I had a lot of running with you when Dad became ill, you brought him home for the last time. ................................ You allowed me the opportunity to move back to take care of mom, still a key part you are playing in my life to get me into the city for work. All the friends I have made, the club's I was able to join, the places I went to, all because of a car. There are so many other experiences and memories I can't recall at the moment. No other machine can become such a big part of a person's life the way a car sometimes can, I can't believe it's been ten years already. Good bye little Molly, thanks for the memories.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I Saw That!

Sometimes at work I happen to exchange glances back and forth with this cute guy, I am not sure if he is gay, I get that vibe from him but I seem to be off lately so I could be wrong. He is much shorter than me, has sort of a Jason Priestley look to him only blonder and less pretty boy. Seems like every time I go to steal a glance at him, I catch him staring at me. Today however I saw him checking me out. I was washing my hands and he came into the washroom. He didn't realize that the mirror would reflect his image even though he couldn't really see the mirror. When he walked in he did a double take and looked me over or more like up and down. There were other guys in there and he didn't notice them. Maybe it's nothing, maybe I look like someone he knows but still it felt good to get checked out.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Stress Free Life.

Sometimes I feel like running away, like a little kid or teenager who can't cope. Just pull on my jacket and go, jump in the car and drive off, just keep driving, never to return. Let someone else worry about the stuff that keeps coming up in every day life. Let the phone ring and ring because I am not there to answer it. Let all the bills, taxes, red tape, stacks and stacks of letters go untouched. Let someone else deal with a parent's Alzheimer's disease. Let me forget about the relationship issues. Let my work pile up and all the people above me can stand there, clipboards in hand, staring at each other not having a clue as to how things actually work. Let everyone wonder where I am, let the stress that they created do a u turn to come back on them. ............................................ Then reality sets in, where would I go, how would I make a living, it's not like in the movies, things would only become worse over time. I have responsibilities, lucky me.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Oh no, Gaydar on the Fritz Again.

Again this week I was very happy to take my mother to see her dentist. I mentioned him before, so little and cute in his pink shirts, very perky, very friendly. Reminds me of a young Matthew Broderick with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. Great smile and not because he's a dentist, because it's a great warm smile. ............................................... He and his assistant were joking with my mother to help relax her before the start of her procedure. At some point they began to joke about decorating and painting a house etc, where the dentist exclaimed that since recently married, he has already learned to just let his wife pick out the colours. That he has been informed by the Mrs dentist, women are better than men in picking out colours and he just needs to say "yes dear". I was very shocked at the "my wife" part of the conversation, oooops boy did I get that one wrong, second time this month! So, does anyone have the number of a good gaydar repair man?

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Relationship Advice For Straight Couples!

Every evening at six, it has always been the tradition in my family to watch the news and get the full details of the day's events. I don't have many channels and unfortunately immediately after the news all my channels carry those celebrity gossip shows, or as today's youth call them, "the news". Today I heard a blurb about another famous couple who split up because the husband was humping the nanny, seems to be a new Hollywood trend. This had me thinking as I was looking at a woman so pretty that even gay little me might even sleep with her, well not really but somewhere deep down the caveman in me grunted, anyway I suddenly realized the mistake and the solution ........................................ Less Mary Poppins, more nanny McPhee, you know the one with the warts and all. Less Fraulein Maria, more Mrs Garret! Seriously, take advice from a gay guy, since you straight people have been telling us how to live our lives for years, let me return the favor. First have the mother do the hiring, now ladies your nanny is not an accessory to your house or furniture. She doesn't have to look like she could go straight into a photo shoot, she only needs to take good care of your children. In this case an older experienced person would actually be an asset. Now for you young mothers in Hollywood, if your husband is one of those top 100 actors that make people feel weak at the knees because they are so darn handsome and charming, then it's probably not a good idea to hire a perky 20s something young woman with model good looks, to stay at home alone with your hot attractive husband when you are away for days working on your own project. Do you see the problem with this picture, especially if the nanny may have a crush on the man, any amount of attention from him would be exciting to her so imagine if he started flirting. As a gay man I can tell you that you need a nanny who could easily be mistaken for a drag queen or one of those older larger ladies who work at McDonald's during the day. This solid piece of advice will give you a happy marriage, unless you're friends with that girl in the vampire twilight movie, the gossip on those shows that I never watch is that she is a home wrecker.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Security! Canadian Impostor!

In Canada the media is going absolutely bonkers, like screaming fans at a Justin Bieber concert, they are gushing and fawning over a different Justin, our prime minister of Canada. There is a total analysis this week of every detail including clothes, menus, agendas, what may or may not be said tonight, because tonight is the state dinner with president Obama, or as the American media has been reporting, today is Thursday. Shockingly however a fraud is about to be committed! Call security, call in the secret service, call in the Donald to check documents because... how embarrassing but Justin Trudeau is NOT our head of state, the Queen is, he is an impostor! Leave it to the selfie taking, panda cubs holding, photo shoot loving prime minister to run in and hog the camera on Queen Elisabeth. Lol, lol, I can just see a certain other blogger choke after reading that. Everything I think should run smoothly, President Obama and Prime Minister Trudeau are cut from the same cloth so to speak and should find common ground despite the age difference. I can't resist this but also I imagine that Justin and Michelle Obama will bond over trading great hair tips like the latest styles and hair care products; however sadly this may be the last this will happen, if Americans vote in the one we dare not mention, I doubt there will be any dinners after, especially the part about great hair tips, that just wouldn't make sense.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Voice from the Past.

Sometimes I feel like the "me" from the past is reaching out to me. That the guy who started writing out who he was and where he was going is trying to get my attention to let me know I am going the wrong way. I used to write posts back then about how I wished I could go back to tell the younger me everything will get better, coming out is better. Back then I never assumed I would have to send messages forward in time to get back on track. As I open my blog, all these old posts come forward and when I read them, they are always from the happier times, when I first started dating, first trip with a boyfriend, funny relationship bloopers etc. The posts transport me back to those feelings, emotions, excitement and even though I am enjoying myself with my new buddy, it's not the same. It's like my past blog self is trying to say, "here's where we were, see how happy we used to be, now go find that again". Maybe I need to find the posts on breaking up to counteract the effects of the mushy posts. It's kind of oddly funny that what I wrote back then can be personally recycled to draw strength from.

Friday, March 4, 2016

The Friend and the Benefits.

I had thought of many ways of easing my readers into my latest choice regarding my new friend but the heartbreak drama kind of put everything out there. I won't lie and say it just "happened". I knew he was open to a friend with benefits, it's kind of how I found him. I went over to his place the first time to check him out. I actually didn't feel any kind of connection to him the first night, other than he seemed very genuine and so I thought at least I would have a friend out of our meeting. I wasn't attracted to him, he said he was early fifties but to me I thought he was closer to sixties, it was dark and hard to tell. ............................................. The next time I went over was during the day, I noticed his blue eyes and in daylight he looked younger, after a while he excused himself and changed into a lighter shirt, that is when I saw his smooth arms and shoulders, I knew then he was being truthful about his age. ............................................... I have always considered myself to be a sexual person, even though I never ever seem to get to have sex. I think growing up in a time when gay sex was constantly being mentioned in the same breath as HIV, aids, hospitals and death, pretty much took away the desire to meet people. I never really had sex until my twenties, even then it was very little. My boyfriend and I at that time had roommates, we were both in the closet so time alone was rare. In my late twenties and into my thirties, I shut down my gay self, I threw away that part of my life which I deeply regret now. When I finally got back into a relationship, even though the guy was fantastic to me, things fell apart and to be honest it was in large part to the fact that he was one of those rare men that doesn't like sex. Near the end of our relationship I was lucky to get anything from four to eight months. ............................................ Enter my latest buddy, the second night I was there when I saw him with no shirt on, I was attracted to him but only in a sexual way. He was not shy but was very respectful towards me and that is just a huge turn on for me as well. He complimented me, said I was his type and I could see he was really attracted to me and not just saying he was, that's a good feeling, to be desired by someone. I felt so sick and tired of being alone, I was tired of always doing the right thing and mostly I just wanted to see another guy naked other than porn and be able to touch him. He could tell I wanted to ask him something but was unable to, so he invited me to relax in his Jacuzzi, I paused for a long time and said yes. This lead to more after and honestly it was pretty awesome, we seem to have some crazy chemistry between us and it was a perfect match. ........................................ He had all the right moves, he never tried to push me beyond what I was comfortable with and he was careful. So it surprised me with how awful I felt after. On my drive home I thought I was about to cry or something dramatic like that, like I lost a part of me or betrayed myself, maybe I did, maybe by having a friend with benefits signaled to me that I have given up on a real relationship. I noticed something right away, when I was with Dave my past boyfriend, I loved his scent, so much so that I could actually sleep better by cuddling with one of his shirts. Now however I could smell this guy's scent on me and it almost made me sick, I would scrub it off immediately when I got home. .............................................. I could end this post here, I could say I learned my lesson, friends with benefits is not for me. That wouldn't be what actually happened, the strangest thing occurred the next day, I woke up with an absolutely raging erection that stayed with me throughout the day, I kept having flash backs from the night before, not to be gross here but I was soaked by days end if you get my drift. It was a little exciting like back being teenager again. That night on my way home, I decided to give the friend with benefits thing a try, after all, I'm not seeing anyone, he is not seeing anyone, we live close to each other and we are both tired of being alone.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Need a Backbone!

Nope, not a post about wimping out on some important life choice, it's a simple post on when plans backfire. The other morning we had snowzilla III and I was off work for the day. I was actually excited about this because I was thinking of all the chores I needed to get caught up on and the snow day would have been a perfect catch up time. I was just lighting a fire to warm up the house and as I stood up, I felt my lower back muscle pinch. Eeeeeeoooow. I hate that, it hasn't happened for a few years now and I wasn't expecting it, although I guess a person never really expects something like that. ............................................ I was humped over like an elderly person, I lost the power to stand, so so annoying. All I can do now is wait it out. Nothing more frustrating than having things needing to be taken care of, having the time to do it, but not being able to do it for reasons beyond my control. Lying around feeling sorry for myself, it makes me think how we can take being mobile for granted. A little scary to think there are people who are always in pain or are hurt in a way that they will never walk again. Most people have things to do, places to be, so it's startling when something comes out of the blue and interferes with our plans. Maybe somewhere in our bodies there is a trigger to shut us down, press the reset button, take a moment and slow us to a crawl (almost literally for me). Or maybe I'm just getting older. ....................................... Actually I don't think this is an age thing, I have had this problem since I was a teenager, lower back pain seems very common. Many people nod their heads in agreement when I say I can pile firewood or stack heavy boxes all day with no problem, then bend down to tie a shoelace, pick a piece of paper off the floor or stand up from lighting a fire and boom! Instant excruciating back pain. As soon as I am able to drive, my new buddy has an awesome jacuzzi and gives great back rubs, a friend in need am I. There really isn't any point to this post other than me whining and looking for empathy from you people, shameless I know.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Musical Steven.

Back in the day, when children were being very active the adults used to say "you're full of beans" (then they usually belted them into behaving). I'm not really sure if the saying has to do with jumping beans or the effects that baked beans can have on a person, as in beans, the musical fruit. ............................................ There lies the problem for me, love baked beans, not safe for me (or the people around me) to eat them so I usually don't. My neighbour however loves to cook, her favorite thing to do is make large amounts of homemade soups, stews, goulash and then share with the rest of us. One of her dishes is homemade baked beans in a tomato sauce with roasted pork, she also uses home grown spices, onions and her own garlic. I can't refuse eating this treat. ............................................. It unfortunately takes a little planning, I have to wait until the weekend, I think the main culprit is the garlic. I don't want the guys in the hazmat suits showing up again asking if there has been a chemical spill. I am pretty much grounded for 24 hours after the meal. This is when I usually start getting calls and emails to join someone for a entertaining evening. Now I have to think of ways to diplomatically decline the offer without revealing the actual problem. I must also remember not to get trapped in a car with some poor unsuspecting friend. Today I am off work so yesterday was bean day, thought I was pretty much in the clear until I received an email from someone who knows I'm off today, asking me to visit, now I have to think of something to say. When did eating baked beans become such a social dilemma. The other day there was a discussion in the blogosphere about meals that encourage great sex afterwards (sorry JP can't seem to link), I don't think I would be going out on a limb here in saying baked beans would definitely not be one of those meals. In fact depending on what you and your partner are into, I think baked beans would actually be a deterrent to gay sex in particular, well that's my opinion anyway.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

From Beginning to End.

Driving home from work late one night, I was flipping through radio stations to entertain myself with so as not to fall asleep. I landed on one that I have recently started listening to. It's one of those stations that plays music from the eighties. There used to be a number of them years ago when generation X began to hit their thirties. I think people grow tired of hearing the old songs and move on, ending the market for that period. Now as the older X'ers approach their fifties, I guess this station wants to take a run at the generation again. ............................................ The station was playing a song called "Video killed the radio star" a pop song, certainly not the greatest song to come out of the eighties but it has special significance for me. I was about to go to my very first dance, I was really excited, it was my step towards adulthood and as I walked into the dance, that was the song the DJ was playing. It's funny how something like a song, sight or smell can be sealed in a person's memory at certain moments in our life. Now whenever I hear that song, I am that shy awkward kid, walking into a dance, my first step towards my teenage years. It had me wondering about the other side of this life moment, what was the last song playing as I left my very last dance. ...........................................I would know that answer or be able to take a really good guess if I finished my high school years in the country because every dance in my country school ended with "stairway to heaven", I think it was a law written down some place. I loved to dance, I was ok at it, at least much better than most of the other guys who only did the white boy left right shuffle. It was not that fun at the dances in the country, the guys lined up along the walls and watched as only mostly the girls danced. Surprising for many of you to hear but I was not that popular, the girls I feel had a sixth sense that something was not up to standard with me, I feel women's intuition was telling them I was gay even before we understood what that meant. Dances were very structured in our minds, people were to dance in pairs only, girl with girl, girl with guy who likes them or sometimes girl with male friend but that was frowned upon because it could make the girl look unpopular. ............................................ I moved to the city for my last two years of high school and dances were a blast, it was everything I hoped for, everyone danced together guys, girls and there was no boring structure to it, just one big party. I wonder however what was the last song playing, I didn't pay attention to that mile stone in my life, when high school ends, teen years would soon end and I would be an adult. I don't remember the last dance, did I stay to the end, was the last song one I liked, was it something I hated, was it maybe even stairway to heaven, I guess I will never know.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

My Buddy, Still.

So after the intense drama of stomping on someone's heart and have them break down sobbing in front of me, I decided to stay in touch and check up on him. I contacted my friend to make sure he was alright. I went over to talk things out, he was ticked off with me and I understand that. He gave me a little heck but eventually we ended up laughing about the situation, he is still hurt but understands, it's nothing personal. We both agreed that we would remain friends, not a lot of gay people around and we need each other. I warned him to guard his feelings, not to get carried away again if we are to continue hanging out. ....................................... We are so different from one another, from different worlds and yet there is a chemistry between us, it scares me at times how quickly he has figured me out. He can read me like a book and will often say "oh boy, what's wrong now" when I have something on my mind. He knows this and will say, "I know you buddy, I've got you figured out". ............................................. I don't feel an attraction to him but also I can already see the problems that would break us up if we were dating. Yes I am an over thinker. I am also a person grounded in reality and to be honest, the last relationship I was in crushed me when it ended. I don't want to get hurt like that again, I know it will probably happen but I would like to avoid that if I could. I am romantic at heart but the reality part kicks in when it's clear that a certain relationship would never work. Oh man, that's coming out so wrong, I am sounding like one of those awful romance made for tv movies. The one where the guy says he was hurt and will never let love in again until one day he meets the neighbor who he hates at first but then blah blah blah, you know what happens. ............................................ I know, actually we both know it's probably better if I stay away but we're both tired of being alone. We both have friends but sometimes we want a gay friend, just to talk about all the things we don't feel comfortable mentioning to our straight friends. Living within minutes of each other makes that friendship work, so we're going to continue and take things as they come. I like just hanging out with him, for example the other night, it was just fun to drink beer and watch clips on YouTube of Mrs Brown's boys while nearly pissing ourselves laughing, something everyone needs from time to time.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

I Broke Someone's Heart.

Last night I broke someone's heart, someone that I care deeply about and today I feel what can only be described as sorrow. This is not how I had planned to start blogging again, I had a bunch of posts in mind but have been too busy to put them in writing, I have said in the past, whatever is rolling around in this head of mine, may come out in my blog, and this hits the emotional scale at the top. ............................................ To fill in the blanks, I met a really nice guy not far from where I live. We really hit it off, there is chemistry between us, we are really comfortable around each other. He is a very down to earth type guy, a very manly, pickup truck driving, construction worker, slightly bad boy type guy. I should be nuts about him, but I'm not, unfortunately that "spark" just isn't there. I like having him as a friend...... and yes when he suggested a friendship with benefits I agreed. Something that I have never done before, something that a huge part of me kept saying "no" to but I have grown tired of being a "good" guy and wanted some sort of connection with another man. Lets just say he knows all the right moves and so our friendship became quite intense. However he suddenly began to use the word "love" which sadly I just wasn't feeling, I really wish I did but love doesn't work that way. I tried, which I know was a mistake, it only made him fall faster and harder. Finally this week he was telling me about plans he had for us in the future, how he never felt like this about another guy. He said to please not hurt him, that I had won him over, that he would do anything for me. I was stunned, shocked, I didn't think this would happen so fast. ............................................. I love the guy but not in the way he wants, he often picked up on that, I felt so much guilt about this for the last two weeks. Finally last night I told him the truth. He was heartbroken, I mean really heartbroken, he really cried, his past relationships were not that good and he said he thought he finally lucked out with me. If he had grown angry with me I could have taken that but he said kind and loving things that melted my heart on the spot. He understood, better to know now than later, it would only be worse. I don't think I have ever felt like such a pile of garbage as I did last night hurting someone I care about. On the way home I cried, I realized that the old saying is probably true about friends with benefits doesn't really work, in a lot of cases someone will end up getting hurt in a fwb situation. Yuck, life is just easier blogging instead of meeting actual people, maybe I'll just stay on my computer. Well not really, I'm just saying that because I'm down.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Coming Soon, Grand Reopening!

Grand reopening coming soon, BIGGER, bolder, flashier, sugar free, fat free, smoke free, more nudity, environmentally friendly, controversial, girls girls girls, guys guys guys, triple X rated, confrontational, drug induced sex romps and much much more of none of the above!

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Think I'll stop here, at least for now.

When I started blogging, way back in 2007, I became part of a community of gay people coming out, supporting each other, sharing experiences etc, it was a little exciting actually, almost like a second adolescence. I really missed it when I moved and no longer had internet access, I really missed the people who I had met on line. After getting net access again I thought about starting back but waited for a while. This time it's different, blogging is the VCR of technology and not many do it anymore. Especially not many of my past blog buddies, sadly many deleted their blogs and the result is a lot of good posts are gone forever. ............................................ I blog mostly to get stuff out of my head, but lately I have nothing to say, or things I want to say but hold back for many reasons. My blog has never felt the same this time around and I have to remind myself to do it, like a chore. I didn't connected with many people this time, I do say I blog for me but I like meeting other people as well. I did get to meet with a small group of super sexy men and I am really happy about that. I know some of the reasons for the blog going cold, like putting up a picture so people can relate to the poster etc were some of the things I should have done. Mainly I think people sense when you are passionate about something like first coming out, compared to blabbing on about buying socks. ................................. I will stop here, I'm not interested in blogging anymore. I don't want to say I quit, not that final, because Murphy's law will strike and something could come up that I want to vent about and I would look stupid saying "I'm back" after saying goodbye. Also blogger has done something to make it harder for people to read blogs, I guess they are trying to get people to sign up to their sites, a good way to make people do the reverse. To the super sexy guys, you have my email and I am going back to my lurker ways so I will watch what people are up to including you gentlemen.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Stepped into it I did.

Well here is what I have been up to, a little while ago, I suddenly had the urge to do something about my lack of gay friends and I decided to put out feelers for my area, I had the bright idea that I would be more inclined to follow up with a friendship if the people were close by. At first I was very pleased with the response, there were some good emails going back and forth between myself and different guys. I was surprised by the number as well. The problem appeared within a few days however when I was trying to meet with some of them. It turns out, from the group of about fifteen guys, fourteen are married and wanted to start something on the side, the one who is single does seem to be nice but he says he is fifty one; however looks more like seventy one. Oh well, it was worth a try.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Not So Fast "lady".

Sometimes being gay, being different from most men, can have funny results. I have an email account that I don't use often. I call it my "make sure you are not crazy email account". I use it when I am first meeting someone or joining a group. Lately I am receiving a lot of spam, some is very clever in the way it is presented, almost the way a close friend would email. However I don't use my real name, so they are busted when they email, "hey Tom it's me, still single?" The funniest for me though is the constant, buddy I have the perfect girl for you, (no you don't) or remember me it's your best girl, we had a blast (not likely) lets hook up again, (what do you mean again), many women liked your picture (amazing since I never took one) and finally, just a lonely girl looking for a hook up with a cute guy, (well then, just keep looking sister because I am looking for the exact same thing). It's funny when they assume I am straight, it gives them away immediately. Of course the sad truth is if someone sent an email "I'm the hot guy who met you last week", I would instantly know it was spam as well.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Ground Control to Major Tom?

I was saddened to hear about David Bowie dying, I don't really follow famous people's private lives so I was not aware that he had cancer. I credit him for inspiring many of the bands that I used to listen to growing up. I was not a dedicated fan but I liked a lot of his music. I don't know a lot about music so I want to blog about him from a different angle. Besides being ground breaking in music, he was also ground breaking in the sexuality department and gender bending. As a gay boy growing up he gave me that flicker of courage, of course I kept blowing out that flicker of courage but that's another post. A part of me wants to claim him as "ours", listening to the radio stations everyone is making statements about how great he was and how everyone loved him and his music (typical), I know things have progressed but I remember things differently, better to leave those memories in the past. I feel Bowie was one of those steps that brought us to where we are today as a community. I actually don't know if he was gay or bisexual or who he was with at the end, I just have this gnawing feeling like we have lost another of the elders of our tribe.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

You, the bestest blogger! ;)

Over the last few weeks, I have been hearing about a lottery down in the States, that has reached staggering amounts of money as in hundreds of millions. Turns out that Canadians can also buy tickets to this fortune. Now it apparently has hit the over one billion mark, with the conversion rate, if a Canadian were to win they would have to give the winner a state of their own. I would take Main or Vermont, I think they would fit into Canada better and seem like a good place to liv- um,err, I mean own. ............................................ Now comes the radio vomit, the whining, "that's just too much money" sure, "I wouldn't want it" buuuull. In all the history of lottery winnings, not once do I recall anyone ever saying, "just give me half, I don't want all of it". Studies have shown that if you were good with money before you won, you were good with money after you won and lead a good life. If you were bad with money before the win, then you are the idiot crying on the news about how you lost all your money buying drinks and gambling in casinos. ............................................. I want it all, lol, in fact if you win I will help you with this horrible money burden. Seriously not just the fun a person could have, the people and causes that could be helped, really helped. A person could do a lot of "silly" but more importantly a person could do a lot of good. ...................................... That leads me to my next statement. I don't buy tickets and I don't plan on driving to the border to get one of these billion dollar tickets; however I have a good feeling about "you" yes you know who you are, it may surprise you that I think you have the best blog on the entire net. You are by far my favorite blogger, deep down I think you felt that, maybe we didn't really connect, that is my fault I was too shy from being star struck by your awesome personality. I would hope that you don't think I am just saying this because of your pending win, what you do with your millions is your choice, but you know if you feel generous towards someone clever enough to recognize your true greatness then I would totally accept that gift, only because I want to honour your thoughtfulness towards me.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Dream'in of Seamen.

File this under WTF-rig, over the last couple of weeks I have been having repeated dreams about seamen, no wait not good dreams, gross dreams because actually they are about semen and not seamen. I don't know what the heck the interpretation of these dreams are but I'm not sure that I really want to find out. I should probably point out that I am slightly repulsed by the man goo, the smell of bleach and ammonia with the consistency of phlegm. Many times I have received warning letters about being expelled from the gay club for holding this view but I can't help it, eww, ick don't get that on or anywhere near me! .............................................. The first dream was a bit unsettling, I dreamt that I had been sleeping, on my back, in the nude (which I never do) and during the night I had contracted a type of flu bug, only the results were that instead of vomiting, I was... umm umm, shall we say being a semen fountain, all night. In the dream when I wake up, it's everywhere and there is a large puddle of it on the floor. Suddenly I hear some of my relatives coming up the stairs calling me, I have to scramble to shut the door before they see the disgusting mess. I wake up for real feeling grossed out to the point of nearly being sick. ................................... Wait, it gets worse, a few nights later I have a dream that I meet some of my gay friends at a gay bar. All seems fine, we are having a good time and are heading out to a restaurant joking and laughing, when suddenly as we pass a men's washroom, a creepy guy who had been playing with himself, darts out and smears semen on my face! With my mouth partially open from laughing you can guess what happened. The rest of the dream I am trying to have assault charges laid but I am also in a panic over the health status of the perverted guy. ...................................... That was weird/gross but it gets worse. Then there is the dream where I am in my room again and I noticed semen, on my headboard, then on the floor, curtains, window sill, some on the walls and I am trying to figure out what is going on. I look closer and I see these large black beatles, they are chewing the frame of the window and chewing holes in the walls and all the while doing this they are secreting semen, like some bugs put out silk or slugs leave a trail, it's them that are making a mess, everywhere. .............................................. The last one is not as clear, I end up going to the doctor for a lung or stomach infection, turns out to my absolute embarrassment, it's because I was not careful, at some point while spending time with myself (yes that kind of alone time) I wasn't careful with my aim and got myself in the face, causing a form of sperm infection in my lungs, where they then had to alert the entire hospital. This time I woke up from embarrassment. I have no clue what the heck this is about. I am amazed at the bizarre dreams my little brain comes up with. I'm not sure if I should be impressed, grossed out or frightened.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Empty House, Empty Home.

I know a house is just a house, but sometimes my emotional side wonders if there is a soul to a house. Not like the soul of a person but more like the collection of energy or "being" left over from the people who once lived there. I was thinking melancholy thoughts about my maternal grandparents house today with the passing of the holiday season. That typical white farm house, with generation after generation of my mother's family being raised in it. Even though her memory is fading, those early Christmas mornings are etched firmly in her mind, she still gets a huge smile when she tells us about them. She had a large family including the grandparents in her earlier days. A house full of little kids, watching out the window Christmas eve, running down the stairs in the morning, big meals, the sense of being together, the simpler times of that era. ................................... However the farm was miles from a school, there was no such thing as a school bus back then so my grandfather built a house in the village where everyone could stay for the winter, soon they would live in the village permanently and my grandfather would travel back and forth to the farm by horse and eventually car. My uncle owns the place now and since he is in his eighties and never married, he spends winter at a local seniors home. ......................................... I have this image in my head, what a contrast, Christmas day seventy years ago, a loud, busy, excited household. Children playing, adults drinking tea and the house would be filled with the smells of cooking and baking. Compared to the last few years, Christmas morning, empty, mostly silent, maybe the odd sound of cracks due to the cold, maybe the sound of a mouse that got in, emptiness. I wonder if the house feels lonely, does its spirits wonder what happened, where is everyone. There was a time when no one probably could have imagined it to be empty at Christmas. There is another part of me that feels there is something obscene about a perfectly good but empty house, when there are so many people around the world living in tents or on the streets, seems off somehow. ............................................. I am not always this sad sack at this time of year, just it seems easier to write about, anyway that's it folks, the end to the Christmas season, now on to Valentine's day where I will whine about not having a boyfriend,lol.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Twelve Drummers Drumming!

On the twelfth day of Christmas........ I actually had to google search this, I forgot what was given on the twelfth day. Twelve Drummers, Drumming, so odd in our culture now to think that this used to be the end of the holiday season. Most people want to pack up and move on from Christmas within a day or two after, myself included, Christmas is a little sad now that most of my family is gone. ............................................ I heard that there is no boxing day in the United States, is this true? Do you just go 25,Christmas then 26, regular day? I have only been boxing day shopping once in my life and that was last year, I didn't find the deals that great so I don't plan to ever do that again. ........................................... Thanks to Will and Laurent for helping me out with a little Christmas math problem, I was wondering how they got the twelve days of Christmas from December 25 to January 6, turns out the sixth is not counted as one of the days of Christmas, unless you cross over to France but that's another story. I can't link to their sites, sorry gentlemen my smart phone has a not that smart user! .......................................... Gold, frankincense and myrrh. Tomorrow is the Epiphany, marking the time when the three wise men came bringing gifts. Just the gold please, going forward if anyone wants to bring me gifts I'll take the gold. Enquiring minds need to know, frankincense and myrrh are dried tree sap (googled it) that is burned for the scent, so I am sticking to the gold only request please. .............................................. There I made it, the twelve days, I posted each day, not anything ground breaking but that's nothing new on this blog, lol. Going to try to make my cranberry oatmeal cookies tonight as a tip of the hat to the twelfth day. Now if I could just get my car back.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Pretty (cute) In Pink.

Today I had to take my mom to her dentist. While she doesn't like it, I actually look forward to going. The reason totally selfish, her dentist is a cute little gay guy, or a slightly effeminate straight man. He is very bubbly or perky and wears a lot of pink shirts, and may I add, he looks good in them. I think he knows, that we play on the same team that is. I sometimes find myself wondering if he is flirting a little, maybe it's my imagination, he is very friendly with everyone but I get this feeling. It's like he is saying, I'm in the club, we have a special secret bond. He has a great sense of humour, I like that in a person. He seems quite young but it must be good jeans because you can't come out of high school and become a dentist over night. I am ready, if he should ever ask, "want to go for a drink sometime" the answer is yes! Oh I know it won't work out but the answer is yes......... because I want to tap that, lol. ............................................. What is my count now Will? Is this the eleventh day of Christmas? In honour of Will (sorry can't link with this phone) I am leaving my lights up until the sixth, and due to the fact that there is a -30 Celsius wind chill out. Saint Cupidbunny Day was a great success, we had the traditional dinner of crisp beacon strips dipped in chocolate because everything goes good with bacon and because chocolate is, well, "chocolate", you can use turkey bacon if you have dietary restrictions, then we drink cheap wine because that's what the shepherds had in the field when Cupid had to leave. Then you have to go door to door handing out practical gifts like rolls of toilet paper, thumb tacks or toothpaste because everyone can use them and this way you are gifting something that people want, unlike the usual gaudy ties. Honestly it's a thing.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

A bit nippy out.

Today I confirmed my position on not taking down my Christmas lights, mostly because the temperature has dropped, more like plummeted, more like came crashing down to the ground. This morning was actually not bad out but now its -20 Celsius with a blowing wind that could shave the hair of your legs off. I thought better to leave them on. The odd thing about this area is this is typical, green Christmas eve and day with early fall like warmth, then freezing your jingle bells off. .............................................. Today I didn't plan it but I have been taking stock of where I am and what have I been doing. I was looking through photos of friends and all the things we were doing and more importantly why I am no longer "doing". No it's not part of a new year list or set of goals, more like, what the heck happened to where I wanted to go in life. How did I chose to get so off track, and so I started emailing everyone, to get back in touch.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Saint Cupidbunny Day!

Today is Saint Cupidbunny Day, it's the day that Cupid the angel left the other angels with the shepherds and went to seek out the Easter bunny. Upon finding him he gave him a high five and said "you're on kid" get ready with the coloured eggs and chocolate etc. This is why the malls begin to put up the Valentine's decorations and Easter eggs already. What? Too bitter? I couldn't resist, I have a bad sense of humour. ............................................ I am going through car withdrawal, my car tricked me, it went through a cycle of working fine to dropping dead repeatedly until it kicked the bucket Christmas eve. Most local garages are closed down for the holidays so I will not get it back until next week, grrrrr. Having no car in the city is annoying if you are used to driving one, having no car in the country is isolating, is stressing, is almost a type of handicap. I do have wonderful neighbours that are ready and more than willing to help. I hate asking for help and so I decline offers of assistance, mostly because I know there will be important situations where I will need a lift and don't want to over use my friend credit. .............................................. Speaking of watching tv, (see how I did that, a little rough transition but...) I was watching some comedy shows the other night and some of the younger comedians were gay. I understood why they would announce this if their act included observations on the differences between gay and straight people but I found it strange to announce that you are gay and then proceed to do jokes about work or going to the bank. We would never see a straight comedian come out and say "I am straight, I like to be with women, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the bank". I found it odd. Now watch how I end this post in a subtle way, the end!

Friday, January 1, 2016

It's 2016, please time, slow down.

New Year's day, most people have wished everyone well by now. I usually don't celebrate new year's day, it wasn't part of my culture growing up. I don't see it as any kind of a special day, to me it's not some magical beginning or ending, it's just another day in a string of days that keep marching on. .............................................. I guess this is why I never make new year's resolutions. To me if a person is going to quit smoking, lose weight or start to exercise, then just do it. If they are putting it off until some imaginary starting point, then no wonder so many people fail. I believe that if someone wants to reach a goal, then they will start to work on that goal and if they don't really want to do it, they will procrastinate. I used to joke that my new year's resolution was to never make new year's resolutions. ............................................. I have already heard people on the news saying, "now that the holidays are over" and I find that sad. It seems like there is shopping time and Christmas time. Shopping time holy days are the most concentrated on and deemed important, with all focus on shopping. Once we get to the part of family and friends getting together, well that's just a waste of time and no one is spending money so let's just rush through them. The twelve days are not up yet lol! Plus the orthodox churches will have Christmas next week. ............................................. No use fighting it, today and tomorrow the boxes will come out, the decorations will come down, the trees will disappear. The holiday served its purpose, to give light and happiness at the darkest time of the year. Brace yourself for three months of winter, (unless you live somewhere warm) the days will begin to get longer so at least we have that to look forward to.