Decent People.

This weekend I was putting together a small photo album for mom, it helps keep her mind active and gives her a sense of familiarity as opposed to all the newness that surrounds her now. As I was choosing pictures, looking at all our photos taken over the years suddenly brought me to tears. So much has changed since those happy days of birthdays, Christmases, vacations, new puppy etc, etc. I can't help but feel anger over the hand life dealt my parents, I see the history of them together over the years in the photos and think about what a rotten ending they will have. My parents were never famous, they didn't become a mayor of a city, a star athlete or head of a corporation, but they were decent people. They did their best with what they had like many others. Very decent people, they followed a code in life to be honest, to work hard and pay their way. To not take advantage of others, to mind their own business, to be religious but never put their beliefs on others, to encourage us to be decent as well. Then what did they get, no retirement, no traveling, no growing old together becoming one of those cute couples people point out and joke about that being themselves one day. I miss them, even mom is not really mom, she is only a shadow or echo of mom, and not even that one day soon. Anger inside every day, every day and sadness too and a different kind of loneliness, one too complex to explain tonight. I can't believe it at times when I'm sitting here alone in their house, where are they, where are they, everything is waiting for them, they should be home. This weekend would be their wedding anniversary, they would sometimes go away for the weekend to listen to music at a festival. That's where they are, I will pretend that for tonight, they will come home tomorrow, everything will be fine again, that's what I will hold for tonight.