Friday, March 27, 2009

About Not Posting

I have not given up on posting, just to let you know that my Dad is very ill and so I went home to be with my parents. I will post again when I return.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Great Beyond

Last week a satellite was launched into space to look for signs of life on other planets. I am always very interested in news like this. I like when we look beyond the stars and give mankind something else to focus on besides the day to day troubles we bring to ourselves. It is fascinating with how some people can be so grand in their thinking.

Taking a step away from the usual things I write about, I just wonder what you think about life out there. Myself, when younger, I used to believe most UFOs were spaceships coming to visit earth, I just accepted it as a fact since so many people said they saw or had contact, I was angry with the government for always covering it up and could not see why they just could not admit it. I loved watching programs and reading books about this subject, one day however I read the book 'Communion' by Whitley Strieber and after that I no longer believe it possible. There are just too many factors preventing visitations to be true. Now regarding government cover-ups I feel they have to do with weapons testing that went wrong and became exposed to the public. As for life on other planets, that is possible but I don't think of life out there in terms of little green creatures running around in futuristic cities and driving space-ships. If there is actual life on another planet, it will probably be wiggly things swimming around in some sort of ocean.

The satellite will not be able to pick up life, only signs that a planet could contain life and even then, a planet could show positive signs but there still be nothing there. It would be interesting however, to find a planet in the future with at least types of animals and plants on it. Would they resemble in some way life here or would they be something that our minds could never dream up. That will not happen in our life time and when a person starts to understand the distances in space, even if we sent probes today, by the time they begin to reach other planets, mankind will probably no longer exist. I watched an interesting interview with a panel of scientists who work in this field. They said another factor keeping us from finding other advanced life is not only the vast distance but also the vast amount of time, meaning there is probably not any other life as advanced as we are this moment in time, however that there could have been before us and there will probably be after us. They said probably every so many million years an intelligent civilization pops up and sends out messages into space to see if anyone else is out there. No message is returned because either the green guys are long dead or are a long way off from coming into existence, interesting thought. I also wonder if that is true, why do we think there is a higher life form out there or that there used to be a higher life form, my thinking is someone has to be first so why not us, what if we are the first (so called) intelligent life.

When I come back down to earth and see how most people live in this world with wars, oppression, fundamental views etc, I could understand why another life form would feel we are not ready to meet. I honestly don't think there is anyone else around except our little mixed up selves. I think people have to also get over that thought of another life form coming to earth to rescue us from our troubles, we have to do it. Can you imagine if it was the other way around, if humans landed on another planet with simple towns and villages. I think the second thing we would say right after "we come in peace" would be "so do you guys have any black oily stuff bubbling out of the ground anywhere?"

As readers I am interested in what you think, don't let my views affect your answer. Do you believe we have been visited, do you think there is life out there, life as in with cities or just swimming around in goo, do you think there is only us on earth and every other planet is just big rocks floating in space. Maybe you could care less and never think about it at all so don't worry all comments will be respected no matter what you believe.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Dirty Boy!

Writing my last post I had an uneasy feeling about it, I worried about coming off as judgemental. Honestly I know I was being judgemental but it is not in the way most would understand. I know that there are gay men who just want to have a 'buddy' or 'buddies' to help them get through life and I think that is your life so do what you feel is right for you. I even understand the attraction to it, for myself right now it is not something I want but I don't think I'm better than them because I do see the erotic excitement to exploring with different people.

My problem is with the guys who pretend 'no strings' sex is not what they are after. I respect a guy that says this is what I am about and is at least honest about it. However I am uncomfortable if a guy thinks 100% about himself and how he can 'use' other people for his satisfaction only. I also have a huge problem with a guy being dishonest and deceitful in trying to get someone into his bed, that is just wrong, creepy and shallow. I can't see not caring at all about the person you are with at such an intimate moment. I also wonder about guys that just become an open door to any stranger, why are they treating their body like a trash can, I feel there is probably an underlying problem. I wish they would stop, not because I look down on them but because I care about people and if there is a problem I want them to heal inside, plus remain healthy mind and body.

I can be a dirty boy, I am not all sweet and innocent. I'm with Dave now but if I was single and one of my friends wanted me to stay the night, depending who it was, I might. Even if I chickened out, the thought is there. In fantasy world, Steve is a bad boy, I can't tell you how many times I wished I had a 'gay spray', just one squirt and any guy will sleep with you, but not because the spray made him, only because he always wanted to and the spray lets him relax enough. Many times I have been stranded on an island only to discover a troop of hot marines have been there for months and ask if I can help them out (cliche I know) and of course I do. There have been times riding home on a bus where a cute guy gets on and all I can think of is I wish I could just ask the guy to come home with me and he would consider it an honour and say "sure I'll come home with you, then you can give me a bath and we will take it from there", if only! In the 'real' world, I never really spoke about this but just before I met Dave, I had met a guy who for the most part was straight and dated women, he was honest about it but said there was a part of him that liked to spend time with a guy. He was really cute and wanted to be friends, we hung out a bit and he seemed a decent normal guy, nothing happened between us plus I met Dave around the same time so I figured it best to cut ties with the first guy and go for a serious relationship with Dave because that is what I wanted. I'm just trying to be honest and say if I had not met Dave, I probably would have started a 'buddy' relationship with him, maybe not who can say but the potential was there.

My point is I understand there is a much larger flow in how gay people relate to each other than in the straight world, relationship wise and sexually that is. What is enough for me may not be enough for you and that is not my business, I don't have a problem. I just hope however you live your life you are not hurting gay family members because the rest of the world does enough of that to us already.

Monday, March 2, 2009

From in Awe, to "Oh Ewww!"

My ex came to town last week for a visit. For those who are new to this blog, I did date someone years ago before Dave, only I panicked and slammed myself back into the closet at the time. I managed to find my ex on line two years ago, I always wondered what happened to him. We have emailed back and forth a few times since then. He moved a world away and is doing really well for himself. I knew he would as he was a very smart man and entered into the tech world as it was taking off. He talked about how he met someone and they have been together for ten years, I talked about my hiding as I had not met Dave at that time. I was happy to have reconnected, I always felt bad at the way things ended and wanted to say sorry for basically taking off on him.

The emails soon however became inappropriate, they began to take on a sexual tone. I thought this odd for a man in a long term relationship and wondered if he was joking. If I mentioned it, he would say he was only joking and so I let it go, it was not the humor that I remembered from him however.

This week he came to my city and even though he knows I'm with Dave, the emails took on a 'hook-up' tone, actually almost desperate to the point where they began to feel creepy. He told me that he had a "special" friend in every city as his job sends him all over the world. I was hurt because I realized that the reason he wanted to meet was mostly to have a "F*buddy" in this city. I suddenly had the thought, if he has become this stereotypical gay manwhore, then he will have an ad on craigslist, and so I checked. I felt something sink inside me, there it was, an ad for strange guys to come over to his hotel room and he listed the things he wanted them to do to him, he even had the nude picture.

I suddenly did not want to meet with him and backed out of our dinner, I felt gross inside, I had this image in my head where he would try to plant me with a greeting kiss after using that mouth to service a group of sweaty strangers. I would not even want to hug him. I had a feeling he would be making suggestive jokes all night, only I would know for sure by then that he would be serious. That part of my life is over now, that young man I once dated died when I saw the craigslist ad, I don't know this guy that he has become. It makes me wonder sometimes, how we can get caught up in this gay world and what happened to turn him this way. The man I met years ago I had so much respect for, this man he has become is... well I don't want to place judgement on him but I will say this, I am really worried about him, because I know that other sweet person is still in there somewhere and I feel something bad will happen sooner or later.

I should probably say I'm not a prude but there is a difference with having a hook up buddy and sleeping with every easy craigslist guy in all the cities you travel to.