Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Oh no, Gaydar on the Fritz Again.

Again this week I was very happy to take my mother to see her dentist. I mentioned him before, so little and cute in his pink shirts, very perky, very friendly. Reminds me of a young Matthew Broderick with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. Great smile and not because he's a dentist, because it's a great warm smile. ............................................... He and his assistant were joking with my mother to help relax her before the start of her procedure. At some point they began to joke about decorating and painting a house etc, where the dentist exclaimed that since recently married, he has already learned to just let his wife pick out the colours. That he has been informed by the Mrs dentist, women are better than men in picking out colours and he just needs to say "yes dear". I was very shocked at the "my wife" part of the conversation, oooops boy did I get that one wrong, second time this month! So, does anyone have the number of a good gaydar repair man?

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Relationship Advice For Straight Couples!

Every evening at six, it has always been the tradition in my family to watch the news and get the full details of the day's events. I don't have many channels and unfortunately immediately after the news all my channels carry those celebrity gossip shows, or as today's youth call them, "the news". Today I heard a blurb about another famous couple who split up because the husband was humping the nanny, seems to be a new Hollywood trend. This had me thinking as I was looking at a woman so pretty that even gay little me might even sleep with her, well not really but somewhere deep down the caveman in me grunted, anyway I suddenly realized the mistake and the solution ........................................ Less Mary Poppins, more nanny McPhee, you know the one with the warts and all. Less Fraulein Maria, more Mrs Garret! Seriously, take advice from a gay guy, since you straight people have been telling us how to live our lives for years, let me return the favor. First have the mother do the hiring, now ladies your nanny is not an accessory to your house or furniture. She doesn't have to look like she could go straight into a photo shoot, she only needs to take good care of your children. In this case an older experienced person would actually be an asset. Now for you young mothers in Hollywood, if your husband is one of those top 100 actors that make people feel weak at the knees because they are so darn handsome and charming, then it's probably not a good idea to hire a perky 20s something young woman with model good looks, to stay at home alone with your hot attractive husband when you are away for days working on your own project. Do you see the problem with this picture, especially if the nanny may have a crush on the man, any amount of attention from him would be exciting to her so imagine if he started flirting. As a gay man I can tell you that you need a nanny who could easily be mistaken for a drag queen or one of those older larger ladies who work at McDonald's during the day. This solid piece of advice will give you a happy marriage, unless you're friends with that girl in the vampire twilight movie, the gossip on those shows that I never watch is that she is a home wrecker.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Security! Canadian Impostor!

In Canada the media is going absolutely bonkers, like screaming fans at a Justin Bieber concert, they are gushing and fawning over a different Justin, our prime minister of Canada. There is a total analysis this week of every detail including clothes, menus, agendas, what may or may not be said tonight, because tonight is the state dinner with president Obama, or as the American media has been reporting, today is Thursday. Shockingly however a fraud is about to be committed! Call security, call in the secret service, call in the Donald to check documents because... how embarrassing but Justin Trudeau is NOT our head of state, the Queen is, he is an impostor! Leave it to the selfie taking, panda cubs holding, photo shoot loving prime minister to run in and hog the camera on Queen Elisabeth. Lol, lol, I can just see a certain other blogger choke after reading that. Everything I think should run smoothly, President Obama and Prime Minister Trudeau are cut from the same cloth so to speak and should find common ground despite the age difference. I can't resist this but also I imagine that Justin and Michelle Obama will bond over trading great hair tips like the latest styles and hair care products; however sadly this may be the last this will happen, if Americans vote in the one we dare not mention, I doubt there will be any dinners after, especially the part about great hair tips, that just wouldn't make sense.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Voice from the Past.

Sometimes I feel like the "me" from the past is reaching out to me. That the guy who started writing out who he was and where he was going is trying to get my attention to let me know I am going the wrong way. I used to write posts back then about how I wished I could go back to tell the younger me everything will get better, coming out is better. Back then I never assumed I would have to send messages forward in time to get back on track. As I open my blog, all these old posts come forward and when I read them, they are always from the happier times, when I first started dating, first trip with a boyfriend, funny relationship bloopers etc. The posts transport me back to those feelings, emotions, excitement and even though I am enjoying myself with my new buddy, it's not the same. It's like my past blog self is trying to say, "here's where we were, see how happy we used to be, now go find that again". Maybe I need to find the posts on breaking up to counteract the effects of the mushy posts. It's kind of oddly funny that what I wrote back then can be personally recycled to draw strength from.

Friday, March 4, 2016

The Friend and the Benefits.

I had thought of many ways of easing my readers into my latest choice regarding my new friend but the heartbreak drama kind of put everything out there. I won't lie and say it just "happened". I knew he was open to a friend with benefits, it's kind of how I found him. I went over to his place the first time to check him out. I actually didn't feel any kind of connection to him the first night, other than he seemed very genuine and so I thought at least I would have a friend out of our meeting. I wasn't attracted to him, he said he was early fifties but to me I thought he was closer to sixties, it was dark and hard to tell. ............................................. The next time I went over was during the day, I noticed his blue eyes and in daylight he looked younger, after a while he excused himself and changed into a lighter shirt, that is when I saw his smooth arms and shoulders, I knew then he was being truthful about his age. ............................................... I have always considered myself to be a sexual person, even though I never ever seem to get to have sex. I think growing up in a time when gay sex was constantly being mentioned in the same breath as HIV, aids, hospitals and death, pretty much took away the desire to meet people. I never really had sex until my twenties, even then it was very little. My boyfriend and I at that time had roommates, we were both in the closet so time alone was rare. In my late twenties and into my thirties, I shut down my gay self, I threw away that part of my life which I deeply regret now. When I finally got back into a relationship, even though the guy was fantastic to me, things fell apart and to be honest it was in large part to the fact that he was one of those rare men that doesn't like sex. Near the end of our relationship I was lucky to get anything from four to eight months. ............................................ Enter my latest buddy, the second night I was there when I saw him with no shirt on, I was attracted to him but only in a sexual way. He was not shy but was very respectful towards me and that is just a huge turn on for me as well. He complimented me, said I was his type and I could see he was really attracted to me and not just saying he was, that's a good feeling, to be desired by someone. I felt so sick and tired of being alone, I was tired of always doing the right thing and mostly I just wanted to see another guy naked other than porn and be able to touch him. He could tell I wanted to ask him something but was unable to, so he invited me to relax in his Jacuzzi, I paused for a long time and said yes. This lead to more after and honestly it was pretty awesome, we seem to have some crazy chemistry between us and it was a perfect match. ........................................ He had all the right moves, he never tried to push me beyond what I was comfortable with and he was careful. So it surprised me with how awful I felt after. On my drive home I thought I was about to cry or something dramatic like that, like I lost a part of me or betrayed myself, maybe I did, maybe by having a friend with benefits signaled to me that I have given up on a real relationship. I noticed something right away, when I was with Dave my past boyfriend, I loved his scent, so much so that I could actually sleep better by cuddling with one of his shirts. Now however I could smell this guy's scent on me and it almost made me sick, I would scrub it off immediately when I got home. .............................................. I could end this post here, I could say I learned my lesson, friends with benefits is not for me. That wouldn't be what actually happened, the strangest thing occurred the next day, I woke up with an absolutely raging erection that stayed with me throughout the day, I kept having flash backs from the night before, not to be gross here but I was soaked by days end if you get my drift. It was a little exciting like back being teenager again. That night on my way home, I decided to give the friend with benefits thing a try, after all, I'm not seeing anyone, he is not seeing anyone, we live close to each other and we are both tired of being alone.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Need a Backbone!

Nope, not a post about wimping out on some important life choice, it's a simple post on when plans backfire. The other morning we had snowzilla III and I was off work for the day. I was actually excited about this because I was thinking of all the chores I needed to get caught up on and the snow day would have been a perfect catch up time. I was just lighting a fire to warm up the house and as I stood up, I felt my lower back muscle pinch. Eeeeeeoooow. I hate that, it hasn't happened for a few years now and I wasn't expecting it, although I guess a person never really expects something like that. ............................................ I was humped over like an elderly person, I lost the power to stand, so so annoying. All I can do now is wait it out. Nothing more frustrating than having things needing to be taken care of, having the time to do it, but not being able to do it for reasons beyond my control. Lying around feeling sorry for myself, it makes me think how we can take being mobile for granted. A little scary to think there are people who are always in pain or are hurt in a way that they will never walk again. Most people have things to do, places to be, so it's startling when something comes out of the blue and interferes with our plans. Maybe somewhere in our bodies there is a trigger to shut us down, press the reset button, take a moment and slow us to a crawl (almost literally for me). Or maybe I'm just getting older. ....................................... Actually I don't think this is an age thing, I have had this problem since I was a teenager, lower back pain seems very common. Many people nod their heads in agreement when I say I can pile firewood or stack heavy boxes all day with no problem, then bend down to tie a shoelace, pick a piece of paper off the floor or stand up from lighting a fire and boom! Instant excruciating back pain. As soon as I am able to drive, my new buddy has an awesome jacuzzi and gives great back rubs, a friend in need am I. There really isn't any point to this post other than me whining and looking for empathy from you people, shameless I know.