Monday, September 28, 2009

Feeling beat

Information over load, I can't post there is just too much to say. I'm not back, I can't come back for a while. Something I never mentioned before is the fact that my mother, who was a very strong independent woman most of my life, has been robbed of her independence by a type of genetic senility. Like her mother before her, it has taken away her short term memory and left her confused with almost any decisions she may have to make. We used to think at one time that if Dad were to die first, mom would move to town and continue on without many problems. That thinking changed about five years ago when we noticed she began to have trouble remembering important information. Often she would become frustrated with us (mostly poor Dad) because she believed we were not telling her information, she could not accept that we had told her and she forgot.

Mom relied on Dad heavily these last few years and as a couple they survived just fine. Mostly she just needs someone to keep her on track and I often felt a cold chill when I thought to myself "what if Dad were to pass away." Like a bad dream coming true, we now have that situation, so for me right at this moment there is no coming back, no picking myself up and trying to get on with life. There is only another situation that I have to deal with, my life will have to be put on hold until mom is settled somewhere that I know she is happy and safe, she just can not be left alone. Dave understands but is not happy about the situation, last Christmas we had imagined that we may be living together by now, life certainly can change a person's plans.

This is the reason that I do not post often, I'm hoping to change that soon, I'm trying to get Internet access out in the wilderness where she lives. If I do then you can laugh at me as I write posts about the angry gay guy chasing raccoons out of his garden, (they stole all my honeydew melons those little fury bastards...22...)