Sunday, April 24, 2016
I once heard a lot of gay men give their cars cute girl names. It made me laugh because for me that was true. It just happened one day out of the blue, I happened to look in the rearview mirror and saw this enormous transport barreling down on us, debris flying off the thing every way possible and I hit the gas yelling "go Molly go go"! Being a focus, it's little but they can move when needed and we zipped out of there, as for the name Molly, I'm not sure where that came from, maybe because when I was younger, the local farmers often named their work horse Molly. ........................................ I am not the type of person who feels an emotional connection to objects, definitely not my car, I think that is more of a straight man thing lol, my car is like my toaster, lawnmower, t.v. set etc. Point A to point B is all I want from my car, I did like it as a good machine; however that connection ended when it no longer was reliable .................................. This week I will get my new car and it had me thinking, if I was the type to get sentimental and treat this as saying goodbye to a friend this is how it would go. ....................................... Hey little Molly, you have carried me through a lot in the past ten years, I was thinking of when we first met. I was tired of trying to rely on constantly late busses, feeling trapped when I needed to get somewhere and worried about my parents way out in the country. I had a bit of a phobia of driving but suddenly it went away and later on you helped me more with that. I clearly remember driving off the lot with you for the first time and feeling euphoric, I said out loud that I was free, that this moment was the beginning of my true freedom to go anywhere I wanted and not have to rely on anyone. I felt it was the beginning to another part of my life. Remember then we pulled into the parking lot at work for the first time, I wanted to play something cool on the radio, but the only song on was ABBA's dancing queen so we blasted it anyway. You allowed me to finally have a social life and travel, you were key in my coming out, you took me on dates when I finally got a boyfriend, we went to Montreal and took part in the pride celebration. I was able to spend more time with my parents, I was free to visit people like I always wanted to. .................................... There were sad memories to, I saw my dog in your rearview mirror for the last time, I had to stop because the image made me cry so hard I could no longer see to drive. You took me home when I lost my job, you were there when Dan and I broke up. I had a lot of running with you when Dad became ill, you brought him home for the last time. ................................ You allowed me the opportunity to move back to take care of mom, still a key part you are playing in my life to get me into the city for work. All the friends I have made, the club's I was able to join, the places I went to, all because of a car. There are so many other experiences and memories I can't recall at the moment. No other machine can become such a big part of a person's life the way a car sometimes can, I can't believe it's been ten years already. Good bye little Molly, thanks for the memories.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Sometimes at work I happen to exchange glances back and forth with this cute guy, I am not sure if he is gay, I get that vibe from him but I seem to be off lately so I could be wrong. He is much shorter than me, has sort of a Jason Priestley look to him only blonder and less pretty boy. Seems like every time I go to steal a glance at him, I catch him staring at me. Today however I saw him checking me out. I was washing my hands and he came into the washroom. He didn't realize that the mirror would reflect his image even though he couldn't really see the mirror. When he walked in he did a double take and looked me over or more like up and down. There were other guys in there and he didn't notice them. Maybe it's nothing, maybe I look like someone he knows but still it felt good to get checked out.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Sometimes I feel like running away, like a little kid or teenager who can't cope. Just pull on my jacket and go, jump in the car and drive off, just keep driving, never to return. Let someone else worry about the stuff that keeps coming up in every day life. Let the phone ring and ring because I am not there to answer it. Let all the bills, taxes, red tape, stacks and stacks of letters go untouched. Let someone else deal with a parent's Alzheimer's disease. Let me forget about the relationship issues. Let my work pile up and all the people above me can stand there, clipboards in hand, staring at each other not having a clue as to how things actually work. Let everyone wonder where I am, let the stress that they created do a u turn to come back on them. ............................................ Then reality sets in, where would I go, how would I make a living, it's not like in the movies, things would only become worse over time. I have responsibilities, lucky me.