Thursday, February 28, 2019

Thoughts on the way home. "Home"?

 Driving home this evening, I was a little late from working longer hours and stopping for gas. The sky was clear, which is something completely rare this year. I could still see some twilight as I was getting close to home, the clock read 6:58 pm, that made me feel hopeful, maybe spring hasn't forgotten us after all.

 During my travels it was announced that the lead singer of the band Talk Talk had passed away, he was 64. That was an eighties band I used to listen to, another part of my youth gone and it makes me feel sad but at the same time, I am getting used to it. Then it was announced that the actor Luke Perry suffered a stroke, at first I was wondering what the heck happened, they said the "aging actor" is 51, oh yes... I remember now, we are entering our senior years, that still shocks me, I forget that I'm not in my late thirties anymore. I never watched 90210 but I know who he is, I remember thinking he was smoking hot.

 Try not to think about it, try not to think about it, just keep driving towards home. Define "home", I never thought the day would come when the farm no longer feels like home. At first it was my anchor when dad died, the one thing that wasn't changing and I clung to being there. After a while however, it did begin to change. When I had to place mom in a nursing home, it began to change for me, it took on a different feeling, not the same comforting feeling as before. It became more like a museum to my parents than a home. Now however two years later as I approach the place, it almost feels like a burden, something tying me down. At other times it almost feels like a library book, I'm just borrowing it for now until the next person gets it.

 Sometimes I feel that the farm is an entity and I'm doing it/her a disservice by staying here, I'm holding her in limbo, whereas a new family would breath new life, new ideas into her. I am ending my stages in life with her, someone else would be a beginning. My only hope is that they will see her for the beautiful lady she is, with all her rich history, landscapes, plus nature... and not just as a business with barns.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

The little darlings.

 I hope some parents finally get a wake-up call. This week it was announced that many school buses have been cancelled... permanently, parents were told they would have to find their own way of getting their children to school. The reason? A huge shortage of bus drivers, they just don't have the people to drive the buses. Who can blame the drivers, children have been taught to reject authority, they don't listen and the drivers are not allowed to discipline the kids in any way. Yet they are expected to still maintain an orderly bus run and drive safely. Any problems and the news is showing up at the poor driver's house. Hard to drive anything with a load of untrained monkeys behind you.

 I know any of my friends who used to drive a bus, have moved on to something else. They can tell you unbelievable stories about rotten kids and the clueless parents that support the little darlings at every turn. Nobody wants that job anymore and this dire situation kind of proves it. Maybe if the little sweeties have to walk a few miles to school, they will learn to behave and maybe once the parents are inconvenienced every morning for the rest of the school year, they will also learn a lesson, you may think your little darlings are cute... we don't agree.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

Well... that was fast!

  Today was my last day of curling. I played a good game, I'm happy with how it went. Afterwards we had little prizes, awards and trophies, then there was an awesome potluck dinner, I couldn't eat another bite. I had a lot of fun over the last four months, plus I met new people and got reacquainted with old friends that I haven't seen in years. Four months, was it really that long? Feels more like only a few weeks, when I agreed to sign on back in November, I felt it was a long commitment until the end of February and yet here we are. Time flies when you're having fun I guess. I did okay, I need more ice time to practice, one guy who just started after Christmas, is already as good as people who have been playing for years. Some people just have a talent for picking up new things.

 Another lesson for me to learn... is the same one I have spent my life trying to overcome. For years two friends have been trying to get me to join curling. I was too shy, too afraid of embarrassing myself. I gave it much more importance than it actually had. I have no self confidence when it comes to new situations. Now I truly regret not trying the sport sooner, I have wanted to for years. Even if I tried it and sucked, then what...  I could have just said thanks but no thanks. Even better, this league would have said, "don't worry, just come out and have some fun". The people are all very easy going, nobody takes themselves too seriously. Interesting as well, there are people of all ages and all skill levels. Fun is fun is fun, I need to learn to have some every now and again.

 They encouraged me to come back next year and if I'm still living around this area, I will. I'm going to miss it, I felt that the game also helped pass the time during the long winter months. On the flip side, it will be nice to have my Sunday afternoons again. Getting ready to go, then curling, socializing with team mates and visiting mom afterwards, made my weekends short. Anyway, it was a new trick for this old dog to learn.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Oh sorry! Excuse me for expecting better!

  Yesterday I was listening to the news regarding a meeting of Catholic bishops from around the world regarding the sex abuse scandals, they happen in almost every country where the church has members. I was raised Catholic, my friends and neighbors are mostly Catholic so I'm not an outsider with anti-Catholic views just looking to criticize the church. What I heard however; made me laugh with disbelief and embarrassment.

 I don't know what I was expecting, I thought that by now the church would be more educated, have more knowledge and at the beginning it sounded like they were trying to do the right thing. Soon it was evident that they were just saying the right phrases to make positive headlines. The conference on abuse did not allow any victims to speak, did not invite any experts on sexual abuse to speak and did not create any repercussions in the church for abusing people. Instead they created a list of "reflections" for a person to think over.

  Many bishops were surprised by the allegations, I have to ask, what rock have they been living under? You don't get to be a bishop by hiding in the woods all your life! You have to be educated and generally live in a populated area. Other bishops said that sexual abuse was a "western illness", that it doesn't happen in places like India or African and Asian countries, despite many people showing up from those countries with the same horror stories that happened here. The bishops also got bogged down with what "is" actually sexual abuse. Apparently raping a woman is slightly acceptable in some countries but not others, raping boys is for the most part a no no but they felt we need to take in cultural differences. Well... oops, silly me, I thought the vow of celibacy meant no sex at all. I thought that vow would have made it pretty clear as to what is or isn't acceptable. These same bishops would probably tell you that sex between two "adult" males is sick, that's one of the reasons their judgments lost their power over me long, long ago.

 I will be honest and say I was disappointed and actually surprised by hearing this, the hierarchy used to be very conservative but more worldly or better educated, now they sound more like evangelicals. I'm almost expecting them to declare that it's the devil attacking the church and that the victims secretly belong to a cult that was formed to bring them down. This feeds into the people who are too lazy to think for themselves, I remember one older woman who insisted that the victims are just looking for money and attention. That's completely false, I know of men from well-off families that came forward, they were embarrassed to have friends and colleagues hear about sex acts committed against them but they felt compelled by never being able to move on from the abuse until they said something.

 Now I feel maybe this result is actually a good thing, maybe more people will start to see how silly and phony the whole thing is. People need structure and guidelines to live by but it's 2019, time to stop living like it's two thousand years ago, put away the robes, candles and crying statues, let's move on.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Work poop'n.

  There you are, you are having a productive day at work when suddenly you get that feeling, yes you have to go potty... and not just the sprinkling potty, the full stinky potty, you have to go poo! Classy right?

 I hate, with a number one passion, having to go for a number two at work. I can't hold it, people are going to get wind of what I am up to sooner or later. I slip quietly away and try to make my deposit. However I get very tense and being very tense and trying "to go" are a combination that just doesn't mix. It's hard to relax because I am trying to do something private in a public place. First however, how gross is a men's washroom, I always feel that the place needs a bleach power wash to disinfect the area.

 As I place layers of toilet paper down on the seat... and then set them on fire, ok not really, I settle in and try to relax. However without fail some guy will rush in and always pick the stall beside me. There he will sit and then he will start going into labor. He will grunt and groan but worse is the straining noises, like the guy is lifting weights. This totally breaks my concentration and I lose focus. Now I'm too tense... I can't "go" when I am too tense. It's also a game changer when the guy next to you, clearly eats too many spicy foods! I finally go but I am unable to relax enough to go completely, so for the rest of the day I feel like there is a literal, "stick up my butt".

 Later in the evening when I get home, I can relax and go. When I am at work, I learned to play with my phone, read a few stories, it makes me forget where I am, just like the old days where some people used to read the news papers while doing their business. Poop'n @ work , it's gross, I hate it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Tuesday, Tuesday, ba ba.

 Yesterday was a holiday for some of us, it was family day. I hope I don't have to refund it since I don't have a family. It started as a bribe to get a politician 're-elected in Ontario, oh well at least we get something in return. That means Tuesday is my Monday so this week I don't like Tuesday morning since it's like Monday morning for me. I just woke up and now I'm playing with my phone at 2:20 in the morning, yup this thing is not addictive at all. Move over Teddy, I'm coming back to bed. -_-  snorrrr... snorrrzzz... zzz...

Monday, February 18, 2019

Wait! Back the truck up!

 Brace yourself, I will ask you to put on thinking caps and I'm going to stir the pot a little.The other night I was watching a program on tv and it was trying to teach us morals. I always get annoyed when Hollywood tries to teach me morals, especially during a sitcom.

 I tend not to get into debates over reproduction, I'm not part of that life experience, so the people that are, need to work it out for themselves. In the show one of the newlywed women, informed her husband that she didn't want children. The show was hinting at "her body, her rules", the husband was disappointed but kept saying that he supported her choice. Naturally, it is her body and she shouldn't let anyone else make her do something that she doesn't want. First off, I thought that was a stupid premise, wouldn't you discuss something that huge (having children) before marriage? They discussed every other stupid topic on the show, if they wanted to teach younger people something, why didn't they have a few difficult episodes before the wedding where the characters had to work out their differences. I think the writers were trying to create controversy surrounding the show.

 This may get a little intense but don't misunderstand me, I haven't gone all evangelical, just follow my track and you will see where I'm going with this. I have watched other shows that had the character of a wife, think that she is pregnant but doesn't want the child. The husband is expected to only support the wife's decision because, "her body, her decision", anything else and he becomes the show's villain. I'm not going there, that would be an awful situation to be in. Here comes my point and I only bring this up in the name of fairness. In the show I was watching, a distant friend discovered he can't produce children so he asked the male characters for one of them to help him and his wife, by being a sperm donor. Since the men weren't going to have the chance to have children they went to say yes; however their wives said NO!

 WHOA! What!?! Back the truck up! What the? What happened to "my body, my choice"? The guys were portrayed as selfish for wanting to do this and selfish for upsetting their wives. The women were portrayed as being sensible. A sperm donation is easier than a blood donation for Pete's sake. That's why I hate anything Hollywood tries to preach to me, so according to them, the wife should have reproduction rights over her husband? In fairness, the women should have been supportive of the husband's choice to help out a friend, anything less is hypocritical, at least that's how I felt watching it.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

Gay guy, straight guy.

 I remember a time when people used to criticize gay men for being too over sexed, too promiscuous, having too many partners. Straight men were considered to be more monogamous by nature... baloney! I remember thinking that certainly doesn't apply to me. I'm not judging anyone, I just hated when people thought every gay person was exactly the same.  I recall some women saying that straight men would be just like gay men, only that women don't let them, lol.

 On Friday, I was working late and saw something that may be totally innocent or may be something not so innocent. A man was about to leave, he didn't seem to notice I was still working. From my position I could see his computer screen clearly. He clicked on a site and a bunch of profiles of women popped up. He is married and I believe has children, the pictures were not professional work type pictures, they were the type of pictures taken for a dating site. I was surprised a little, this guy is a really nice person, not one of those creepy guys. I am not totally surprised however, I think most gay and bisexual men get exposed to things that the average person has no idea is happening. The man started chatting on line with one of the women so I walked away and made some noise to let him know I was around.

 There is a weird experiment happening with my work place. Men are sent over seas to work for a couple of weeks and then return home. Depending on the man's position, it can be every six weeks to once every three months. I should say because most of the positions are engineering jobs, there are not many women at my work place but they have an equal obligation to travel as well. Usually at first the men call home every evening to say goodnight and say how much they miss everyone. However after a few trips over, they start to get to know the people in the overseas work environment, calls home become less frequent, they start to go out to restaurants, bars, dancing, weekends sight seeing, it's like a second beginning as if they are just out of university and still single. There are always younger female engineers to take them out, show them a good time, constantly looking after them, becoming close friends in a new environment until finally one night they go one step further and they have sex.

 Some of the engineers have a secret girlfriend, some even have an apartment with a girlfriend and their child. Others divorce the old wife and replace her with a newer version, one that is more traditional, she works outside the home but insists on doing all the house chores, every man's dream no matter what they say. I don't want to judge anyone, I have seen wives that didn't deserve the good husband they got so there can be two sides to every story. I just think it's interesting that when average, ordinary straight men get an opportunity to have multiple, younger, or secret partners, many jump at the chance, I thought that was only supposed to be a gay man behavior trait? Also, just like many, many gay men, there are men at my work that don't act this way, they think that behavior is wrong and are dedicated to their partner only. I think people need to judge the individual and not the group as a whole, some men are dogs, some are not... gay and straight.

Now for my next post, I'm going to reveal a shocking truth that many gay and straight men have in common, many straight men will look around nervously to see if any other guys are within ear shot and then whisper, "I tell everyone that I don't like ABBA but I actually do like a lot of their songs"!

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Feeling Resentful.

 When I was younger I often didn't get involved in most activities around this area. I didn't hang out with "the crowd" I didn't play on any sports teams. The results are that I still don't get invited to most parties or fun activities to this day. I'm ok with that, I'm not a kid anymore, they just don't think of me when planning an event, it's not an exclusion on purpose. Plus I have some good friends around here and I enjoy my time with them. All is good, that is until...

 What does really bother me is when there is a really crappy job to be done... I'm the first person they think of, "Let's get Steve to help". There are not a lot of younger people around but the ones who are, don't have much community spirit, they don't volunteer for anything that doesn't benefit them personally. I got a message last night, "we are shoveling the snow off the church roof, we need you to be there for ten". I'm not twenty five anymore, I don't go to church and yet I'm expected to climb onto a slippery tin roof and shovel off snow, literally almost up to my waist. I try to avoid shoveling as much as possible here. They could have hired someone, it would be safer. I was too nice, I usually wouldn't say no but I have to think of myself these days.

 The same with other requests I get. I don't mind looking after friends places when they go away but if I haven't heard from someone in years and suddenly I get a call asking me to look after their place while they go south, are you kidding me? If sports teams use a facility and I'm asked to help clean it up... oh I see how it is, even though they are strong and healthy, they are too good to get their hands dirty or maybe that's not fun so we will ask Steve instead. Seriously, if people want the opportunity to use a church, park or whatever, they have to learn to support it. I can understand some of the problems, most people around here are my age or older, people stopped having children and what few kids there are, immediately go to the city when they are old enough. I am however not some misfit that you call only when there is unpleasant jobs to do, it's insulting. Well I have a new hobby and that is inventing new ways to say no!

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Hmm, that grass looks greener!

 One of the quirks of my personality is I often feel that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Having been around cows, I understand that statement better than most lol.   Today was Valentine's day and one of the things that drives me crazy about the day is that when I'm single, the day means a lot to me. I feel left out of the holiday, I am envious of all the happy couples who have celebrated this day with love and romance. When I am dating someone however; I ignore the day and think it's a gimmick to sell flowers, gifts and evenings out at a restaurant. It's nothing special, just another day. I'm such a dork.

 My favorite Valentine's day was my first with Dan, he came over to my apartment and I made him supper. I remember feeling a little nervous about giving him a card, I wasn't sure if he would think I was immature or worse... being too clingy, too fast. I remember after I gave him my card, he had this smirk on his face, went to my hall closet, pulled a card and a little bear from his jacket and handed them to me.

 Maybe if I make a promise to Cupid that from now on I will try to keep Valentine's day, he will draw his bow and send me my true love. If he even does that anymore, maybe he just swipes right.

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Back around again.

 Today is a snow day so I'm home from work, I have never seen it snow so much... so fast. The next person who says the climate is not changing, will get a snowball to the head. The levels of snow and the size of drifts this morning are beyond belief. It seems like every second week we are breaking some bizarre record.

 I was visiting with friends on Sunday and one asked how are things going, she knows all my issues and so it wasn't a general, "how are things" where I am supposed to be polite and just say fine. I just shrugged my shoulders and said it's the same crap over and over and over. I told her the same issues that I complained about a year ago have all come back, as they did the year before that and the year before that. It seems that I tackle each one and eventually everything is finally settled, when all of a sudden, a law changes, companies change or something else changes and everything falls apart and I am back to square one.

 One of the things weighing heavily on me now is the nursing home where mom stays has decided to close, they gave me six months to move her. I had a chance to move her last fall but left her there because she is happy and they never told me they are closing until after I turned the other place down. Mom has a social worker that helps us navigate through the system and is helping me place her. Unfortunately the place we like most has a huge waiting list, we can place her in another home until the one we want has a spot open.

 It was hard the day I left mom where she is now, one of the hardest things I ever did. I knew it was for her own good but I felt partly like I was abandoning her and also partly like she had died, her body was still alive but by placing her I was admitting to myself that "mom" was gone. Now I have to do that all over again and this time maybe twice. I am one of those people who can't let things go, this is stressing me out (plus many other problems), I feel this is going to shorten my life.

 My aunt called me for a shoulder to lean on, she is married to my mom's younger brother, unfortunately he also has dementia and is almost at the same level as mom. She is trying to care for him while waiting for a spot to open as well. I can hear the stress in her voice. I felt so horrible when she said that by placing him, she feels that she is abandoning him, she cried a little. I'm pretty blunt and told her the truth, that it will feel awful but once the dust settles, she will see it was for the best. I told her to make sure her daughter is with her to make it easier. Then she said something that people in our situation will understand immediately, there is a saying that "alzheimer's or dementia in a person, is the longest funeral a family has to attend".

Monday, February 11, 2019

Gays in snow.

  I didn't get the memo but apparently there was a winter gay pride parade on the weekend. Naturally there wasn't as big of a crowd, since it was freezing with a nasty wind chill factor. People had to trade in their feather boas for knitted scarves. That's an interesting idea, I will have to google to see if it was the first winter pride parade ever held. Wouldn't that be fun to take part in, can't you just see a big fabulously dressed drag Queen with snowshoes on and a large fake icicle on the end of her nose, hmm maybe a costume idea for next year... not.

 Unfortunately the news said that there was also a protest against pride. I was surprised that something like that happened in Ottawa. It's unsettling that people hate us so much that they would take the time and effort, to go out on a freezing cold day to heckle us. Their hate was drowned out by people chanting, "love, is love, is love". I was furious when I heard this. I wanted to find out who organized the idiots, that protest just didn't "happen". As usual the media was trying to make a mountain from a mole hill, turns out it was only eight people. What the heck are they protesting anyway, do they think we are going to turn straight? That is like me waiting for one of them to become intelligent.

 All the feelings of being upset were washed away this evening with a story about a goalie in the NHL who has amongst other things, a rainbow flag painted on his goalie mask. He did it to show support for gay friends and to help gay people feel welcome to the sport of hockey. Tonight or tomorrow night, the local team (Ottawa Senators) are having a pride night at the game, to make gay fans feel welcome. Now I know what you are all thinking... "gay people don't watch hockey"? You are forgetting the thousands and thousands of Canadian and American lesbians who love the game and could check your judgemental butt right through the boards. Joking aside, there are a lot of gay and bisexual men who watch it religiously as well. A huge majority of the players in the NHL are actually very open, friendly, decent people. The players are always helping out with children's hospitals, mental health, sports equipment for low income families etc, so I am not surprised. I'm just waiting for the invitation to the showers after and then I'm in for sure!

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Times, they are a changing!

 I was reading about a beautiful home for sale and one of the features advertised was a sex dungeon. Yes, you read that correctly. It seems a married couple had a great sex life together, the wife passed away and the husband doesn't want to live there anymore. He is not embarrassed and doesn't want to hide what they were up to, I guess it's his way of honouring the memories he and his wife made. Neighbors are starting to realize why the couple's answering machine, constantly said they can't come to the phone right now because they are tied up. You have the option of removing the "equipment" or leaving it there. A sex dungeon sounds like fun, it would be a great conversation piece during Christmas holidays if you have family staying over. I'm sure you could get safety features if grandma and grandpa wanted to try it out. I would however want all new equipment, using the existing slings, cuffs, whips and nipple clamps, would be to me, like wearing someone else's dirty underwear. The couple apparently had grown children, they tried to reach them for comment but their therapy facilities said they were in the middle of a session.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

About the "T" in LGBTQ.

 Regarding the person who is transgender at work, I understand now that some of the "buzz" was created by the human resources department sending out an email. In it, the department stated why the person was away in order to prepare everyone for the change. This way there would be no startled looks, no stupid questions, we would address the person by a new name, make them feel at ease and move on. I think happily most people see it as an opportunity to show how inclusive they can be. Some are a little uncomfortable because they are not sure what to say or if something is even required to be said. I see this being a non issue within another week.

 The surprise for me was that it's not the person I suspected. There is a person in the offices that makes me feel like they are somewhere on the scale. It was however one of the engineers, I was really surprised and didn't see this coming. I guess I'm not as LGBTQ savvy as I would like to think I am. I don't know this person so I feel it would seem patronizing to go and say something to them but at the same time I wonder if it would help to know they have me firmly in their corner. Her coworkers are clearly on her side so I think the best thing to do is let things run their normal day to day routine. I certainly feel she is "home", as a man she looked scruffy and slightly unhealthy, as a woman she looks like she is where she belongs.

 The other night the person from the offices happened to come down in my area. I always saw "her" as a woman, I was thinking she looks like many of my lesbian friends. She has a lot of masculine traits, a woman but with some boy-ish features. While in my area she... walked into the men's bathroom. That really surprised me, now I'm totally curious just for the sake of being curious, is this person a guy that looks like a woman, a gay man embracing his feminine side or female to male transgender person. I think it's so fantastic that this is just part of the new normal, what I like the most about it is everyone seems to be "meh who cares", which is how it always should have been.

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Man turn offs.

 The buzz this week is over a certain singer who sang with his shirt off during the halftime show at the big football thingy last Sunday. I don't care about his nipples, I was grossed out by the walking tattoo nightmare that he has become. I liked Maroon5 twenty years ago and probably wouldn't mind seeing him shirtless back then but now it made me think of that relative that eats at the table during family gatherings with their shirt off, making everyone feel uncomfortable.

  I was thinking about the top five man turn offs for me. Things that immediately deflate a boner like one of Tom Brady's balls.
 1) Tattoos all over a guy, especially face and neck. Makes a guy look dirty to me. One or two can be hot but more than that is a turn off for me.
 2) "Woman butt", sometimes I see a really cute guy walking towards me, then I notice that he has the thighs and a butt like a woman does. It's game over for me when I see that.
 3) Long hair, especially long hair with a man bun. That shuts off the attraction button for me.
 4) Piercings all over, particularly I can't stand any on the face. The lip, nose, eyebrows or cheek makes me feel like I'm talking to a pin cushion. Earring or nipple done is ok for me but please no jewelry on the wee wee!
 5) Wig or some kind of hair piece, it creeps me out. If done really well then ok but most are not and end up looking like a raccoon crawled on top of some guy's head to die.

 There are more but I notice these the most when doing some man watching. Just like with window shopping, it's ok to watch and drool every now and again. ;)

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Steve makes a funny at work.

 Today at work, one of my coworkers (let's call him Khan) was using a chemical that is nasty. He wasn't wearing gloves and I warned him that he should wear gloves to protect his hands. We sometimes use surgical gloves, they protect us while giving us mobility at the same time. He actually took my advice and put on a pair, he is not used to working with gloves, plus he was working with very small parts and soon became annoyed. Holding up a gloved hand, I heard him sigh in frustration and say, "I don't like having to wearing this, I can't feel a thing with this on", so smart ass me says, "ah Khan, men have been saying that for years". It took him a second but he burst out laughing.

Monday, February 4, 2019

Ass biting Karma.

 I just love it when karma comes calling. A woman in Canada won a small lottery of 50 thousand dollars. Now it's not a million but 50k is nothing to sneeze at. When the woman went to claim it she was told no, that she is not getting a cent. You see the woman likes to steal from people (dirty and used a stolen credit card to buy the ticket. According to Canadian law you are not allowed to keep any profits resulting from a crime, that includes writing a book about your past crimes or having a movie made about your life of crime. Also includes lottery tickets that you bought with a stolen credit card. I'm sure this person hasn't learned a thing, I bet she is walking around whining and complaining about how unfair life is to her, she probably feels that she has been shafted. Sometimes you just have to believe someone or something is dipping a hand into daily life. Lol!!!

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Trust broken.

 This week while I was on my way to work, there was a sudden urgent message over the radio about an early morning shooting in a mall and they were asking people to avoid the area. I was thinking to myself that it was probably another gang shooting, unfortunately Ottawa has become a very modern city and lucky us, we now have our very own drug gangs fighting for territory.

 I learned this weekend it was actually a confrontation between a police officer and an indigenous person. Yesterday there were native protests, seems a little fast to jump to conclusions but to be honest I no longer blame them. I was raised a good Catholic boy, in a good family and I believed in the rule and the fairness of law... then I grew up.

 In Canada, fortunately you can't just apply to be a police officer or get voted in, you have to take college and university courses, training etc. I can just imagine how hard the job must be so I don't want to take anything away from that fact. I was a person who always believed that the police were good and the ones saying otherwise were just scum looking for a way out. That belief is completely broken now, with video cameras and cell phones we have witnessed the police completely lying about a situation and the wild, crazy, almost unbelievable version of the person charged turns out to be true. Even for the gay community in Canada, we have just gone through a court hearing where a man confessed to being a serial killer, he killed and chopped up at least eight men that he admitted to. The police kept denying that there was a gay serial killer, I guess because we gays are such a flaky bunch that we will just disappear from our family, friends, pets and careers without saying a word to go off somewhere and have sex in a secret place... for years?

 I like when I'm taught a lesson in judgment, I often do it automatically but much less so now thankfully. For example, I remember some indigenous women saying that the cops in their area will let them go if they have sex with them, some said the cops almost force themselves on the women. At the time I was outraged, I remember thinking that these women were probably picked up driving drunk, selling drugs or selling themselves and were desperately trying to get off. I had a "ya right" attitude, there was no way I would believe such a crazy story for one second. A few weeks later, some female police officers said that they were often sexually harassed, sexually assaulted and raped on the job by male coworkers. Now I don't know what to believe anymore but my mind is wide open, if you rape your coworker on a stake out, what would you do to a woman that society looks down on.

 Closer to home a teenaged boy was badly beaten by a group of cops, he suffered many injuries. They said he resisted arrest and it took a group to get him down to cuff him. The kid told a different story however; he said that as soon as the cops showed up, he lay on the ground and gave up. He said the police then jumped out and attacked him for no reason. Sure.... ya right... as if... like cops are going to just start beating some skinny kid for no reason. Turns out that one of the stores had a camera facing the parking lot, they gave the film to the media. What we see next is this skinny kid ( who did just steal) walking out into a parking lot late at night, suddenly a bunch of cop cars appear. The kid is startled but knows he is caught. Before anyone even steps out of the cars, he lies face down on the ground with his hands behind his head. A smart move I thought, no use making a bad situation worse. Then we see a group of police pour out of their cars, run over and just start kicking and punching this kid.

 My trust is broken, I know there are plenty of good officers but we don't know which one is going to show up in a time of crisis. There are many more stories like these examples sadly. I have had neighbours that pull out their gun and start shooting at everything that moves, I certainly wouldn't want them as a cop! My mind is wide open about the incident last week, I hope it's not racially motivated, I will have a lot of empathy for the cop if he was placed into a dangerous situation but sadly I'm just not so sure anymore.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

February blahs!

 Goodbye January, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out! This winter is bad, really bad, there is a never ending, well below normal temperatures, constant freezing your butt off weather pattern here. Plus to make matters worse, it's constantly snowing. Normally if it's arctic temperatures, it's also usually sunny... not this year. I'm constantly getting texts from friends feeling isolated and trapped. At least with February we know we are on the home stretch. I'm thinking about turning on the outside lights again just to make it more cheerful. I've heard of Christmas in July, I would probably be committed for starting a Christmas in February trend. I'm going to search around for another fun holiday to culturally appropriate, it's worth a shot.

 I know in this area when they asked the groundhog to come out and check for his shadow, he said "you're joking right"?