Monday, August 19, 2019

Chihuahua sized Rottweiler.

 In this dawning age of the "bully", I'm beginning to feel like a kid in high school again. I have been watching how there has been an increase in homophobic incidents over the last couple of years, it's beginning to feel even more uncomfortable out there. I hate the feeling of being helpless, I hate the fact that nature seems to under equip many gay people for the oncoming battle. Fight or flight, I learned at a young age to back down, not only was I not aggressive like most boys, I was always half the size of my friends for that age. I was even a target for younger children, they knew that they could bully me and if I fought back, well I was considered acting shameful for hurting a younger person.

 Sixpence has been running some great posts regarding negative attitudes towards the LGBTQ community. I half jokingly commented to him, that I often feel like a Rottweiler in the body of a Chihuahua. I'm still a lot smaller than the average man. I remember being intimidated while watching hockey players come out on the ice after I was finished curling, one day last winter. These guys were huge, they were strong and they were very aggressive towards each other, if one decided to attack me, there would be no way to defend myself and I hate that feeling.

 Yesterday, here in Ottawa (of all places), there was a fun day planned for families with small children, it was story time, children's books read out loud to them by... wait for it.. drag queens! I thought that was hilarious! Many young families brought their children out to teach them about diversity. Over a hundred people show up and everyone was having a great time until a Christian group stood up and started yelling and protesting the event. They said it was perverted and child abuse. Now who would know better about sexually abusing children than a Christian church.

 This infuriated me, I have been feeling so angry inside and helpless at the same time because if I was there, what could I do. It's upsetting also when you realize that in the Ottawa area, these people are mobilizing, they are starting to show up at LGBTQ events. That's not homophobia, that's just raw hatred, targeted towards us. Maybe Anne Coulter was right when she said, "we should kill their leaders and convert them", only in this case it would be convert them to atheism and apply it to all right-wing religions. I'm tired of them trying to shove their hocus pocus on the rest of us. Enough with trying to play along with their make believe stories. We don't go to their church and start screaming about child abuse.

 I used to say that I respect people's religious beliefs, well I don't anymore, frankly I think most are stupid and they  better respect me enough to keep it out of my face. I'm going to end this here before I say something that I will regret.

Saturday, August 17, 2019

What am I watching?

  What are you watching, I often see that question on the net these days. I guess because now people have so many choices, with the internet and satellite tv, that the answer is as diverse as are people. I don't watch tv anymore, I find it boring, very cliche, predictable. I think every scenario has been played out over and over, nothing surprises me much these days. Even when a new series looks promising, I find that soon I will be disappointed, the writers will fall back into the usual story lines.

 I woke up early this morning, 4:30... and couldn't get back to sleep, it was still dark out until almost six. I broke my "no drinking coffee" rule and settled down to watch the view. What am I watching, this is my Saturday morning show.

 The moon getting ready to set, with the soft sound of crickets as her lullaby.

 The morning fog suddenly forming over the fields.

 My flowers, glistening from the dew, silent now but getting ready for the day's busy bee activities.

 A mother deer, safely nibbling clover around the buildings. She acts casual but I know her secret, she keeps her fawn in the long grass around the barns, even though she doesn't trust me, she knows I keep the bad things away.

 The fog, lifting to quickly escape before the sun rises and dissipates it.

 On its way to becoming.. a cloud? Rising out of the earth and floating away, reminds me a little, of a squiggly caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly.

 I finish my coffee, the sounds of daytime are beginning. I should get going, I have important plans to ignore and procrastinate on.

 Have a good day people. What are you watching?

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Then vs now.

 Today marks the 50th anniversary of Woodstock, no of course I wasn't around to take part in it but many of you older folks probably remember when it was happening. I have over the years watched many documentaries about it, looks like a blast or at least the aging baby boomers want us to think that. I remember my parents being horrified by the same documentaries, they felt it was people channeling their inner piggy. Running around half naked in the mud, dancing, laughing, drinking, having sex, "mommy, daddy, you keep saying that like it's a bad thing"? Except the drugs, I was never impressed with drugs, all the potheads around where I lived were weird, I never wanted to be part of that crowd.

 I can't help think of the contrast between then and now. A festival, thrown together in a farmer's field, some really cool performers who loved music and who also felt it important to speak out on issues, came together to create a historic moment in music. Sure, many people went there to just have fun but it became bigger than just a concert.

 Compare that to today, people tried to recreate the moment, however in my opinion, it was with the idea of cashing in on a memory and not about the spirit of the original concert. They didn't secure a site, they had a line up of people, some who play a computer program and not instruments, some top forty pop singer types, the kind of people I feel, would be more worried about parking their limousine or having sparkling water shipped in. It just seemed a disaster in the making even though they had fifty years to plan it. After the usual bureaucracy, red tape or whatever piled up, the event fell through and was cancelled. That speaks volumes about the competence or maybe dedication of people today. I'm not into county music but maybe they should have asked for advice from the country music festival types, they know how to get things done, plus they still play real instruments at those festivals.

 I found it sad but to be honest, I don't think too many of the original festival goers would be able to take part, so it's not like that crowd was let down. I think it's best to let it go, just look back and think "wow". I watched a clip that gave me the "warm and fuzzies" there is that iconic picture of a young couple hugging, wrapped in a blanket. They tracked the people down and "melt in your mouth sweetness", they were a young dating couple who eventually got married and are still together today. You can watch the clip below if you like. Peace everyone!

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Hearing a parent's voice when you speak.

 As we get older, how many times do we say something and then think, "mom/dad used to always say that"! Often it becomes a joke, a friend will shout a warning, then say, "oh I sounded just like mom there, I always said that I would never do that". I actually don't see the big deal, as long as you didn't have abusive parents, they got you this far and to be honest, many times.. they were right.

 Tomorrow is the fifteenth of August already, unbelievably some schools are back in session. The fall fairs are advertising for people to come and enjoy them, the nights here are cool with crickets chirping. I remarked to a friend about this, saying summer is almost over, when it hit me, I sound just like mom!!!

 We used to hate it when she would lament about the approaching fall. We would get mad at her, "awe mom stop ruining summer, there's lots of time left".  Now I understand her, I see why she felt that way. Why she would keep pointing it out on the calendar. Mom hated winter with a passion, she found it lonely and isolating. To a child enjoying summer, two or three weeks left was an eternity, fall couldn't touch us, even better, school couldn't find me, it was a world away. For an adult hating the thoughts of fall, we know just two more weekends and Boom!!! Summer is over, there's nothing to stop winter now.

 I feel that tug as well now, in the fall I always have the feeling that I should be leaving for somewhere. I'm envious of my godparents, they both have good pensions and retired early. As soon as Halloween arrives, they hug us goodbye and return in the spring. I always try to fight off the fall blues, I concentrate on the good aspects of fall which mom would stubbornly never do. Fast forward to today, I know if mom was well, she would laugh and gloat, "see what I mean now"?

 I also heard myself saying something mom used to say. Someone was making negative comments about homeless people and how they are always begging for money at the stop lights. How they wanted to tell them, "get a job, lazy bum". I commented that I thought the person was being mean, that it's more about mental illness than just being lazy. Then I said a warning mom used to always give me, "that's someone's brother, sister, son or daughter, how would you feel if it was a family member of yours being made fun of"? The person said, "yeah, you're right, it was was mean of me". Thanks mom.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Eye need new glasses.

 I have been procrastinating about getting new glasses, I damaged my old pair and have been using a really old pair for the last two years. I also needed my eyes examined, it's my inability to make a decision that let it get this far. I kept thinking that I might try laser eye surgery but I am hesitant to do anything regarding the eyes. One of my aunts keeps going blind, she has had three implants but they stop working after a year and it's painful to see a once active woman, look defeated, I don't want to go down that road unnecessarily.

 I had an appointment yesterday, everything seems fine, I was a little worried as I noticed some differences in vision. He said my vision regarding distance probably won't change much as I get older. Yes the doctor was a male... and yes he was attractive. He had slightly greying hair but I like that, I could tell he is probably close to my age but still has a young look to him. He was friendly and explained everything really well.

 Then came the hard part, picking out a frame, they were having a two for one special so I got a pair of sunglasses as well. Picking out a frame is so hard because it's not like a hat that you don't like later on, your mistake will be on your face every day, you can't leave your glasses at home if you don't like them. I got tired of looking and picked a frame that is not too obvious, the trend of the retro style with large frames looks good on some guys but not me.

 I went shopping after to give my eyes time to recover from the drops. The optometrist said that it's a cloudy day so I should be fine. As soon as I stepped outside, the sun came out full force and I imagine that's what an owl must feel like.

 I went into a nearby candy shop and thought of Debra "She who seeks" right away, they had candy unicorns! So I bought some... because that's what gay people do, it's a calling. They came in all pretty pretty colours lol.
To be honest the taste is something that I would describe as being, "acquired" to put it politely. I went to a nice restaurant and treated myself to a good dinner.

 After dinner I went to do a little more shopping for things I needed.  People kept staring at me startled or surprised, giving me strange looks. I checked myself out in a mirror to see if I had food on my face, lol it was because of the drops, I forgot, instead of this : ) people were seeing this O_O  they must have thought I was high on drugs or a vampire. It made me think of a cat at night.

 They said the sunglasses take longer, up to four weeks, which is too bad because I would have liked to have them for pride so that I would look cool.. while everyone ignores me. My procrastinating was always an issue. Just last week I finally got my kindergarten project done!

Monday, August 12, 2019

Observations from a chip stand.

 Yesterday on my way home from visiting mom, I stopped at a local chip stand, or as some say french fry stand. This place has been there since I can remember, it's not a chip wagon, it's an actual building but you eat outside. When we were kids it was a huge treat to go there. As owners changed there was less effort put into the taste of the food,  it was just a business to them, eventually I stopped going and spent years just driving by. That changed four years ago when a woman who is a foodie took over. I'm not a fan of fries but I like hers, everything she makes has an added touch. The place is as popular now as back in "the day", she had to extend her hours and stays open until October, unlike the previous owners who closed on the long weekend in September. I'm glad her extra efforts paid off.

 I didn't feel like cooking (or doing dishes) when I got home so I decided to stop there. I try not to eat unhealthy food but I figured this was my Sunday treat. Sitting in the eating area allowed me to "people watch", this is one of my favorite past times. The first person I noticed was a woman who pulled in, she was trying to figure out the best way to park, the parking lot is not clearly defined but most people try to be efficient with the space they take up. Just as it seemed she had a perfect spot and was about to shut the engine off, she would put it in drive again and shift her car around. Finally after, literally about four or five minutes she timidly got out and went to place her order. I take note because I think all these little behaviors, tells me something about their personality.

 Next was a nice looking couple with young girls, while waiting for their food the girls giggling climbed onto rocking horses designed for much, much younger children. They were laughing as they really put stress on the toys. The parents just looked at them, you could tell the father wanted to say something but he didn't. The children trained him and the mother to stay quiet, never to challenge them, that's what I feel. It would have taken my dad one angry glance and I would be off.

 As I was eating, a young family sat down at the table beside me. In my head I was thinking, "wow kids your daddy is hot"! Actually the family was gorgeous, both the husband and wife were very photogenic, the little girls were cute. I couldn't help it, I totally checked out the guy. He had major cute daddy butt, his shorts and polo shirt fit very very nicely, handsome face as well, just an all around dilf! They were quiet people that spoke politely to each other, which is nice. There is nothing more annoying than a loud family with bratty kids climbing on everything, when you're trying to eat. Usually they keep looking around to see if they have an audience, no thanks I don't want to be part of your low-class show!

 A very nicely dressed woman in a beautiful suv pulled in. She asked if they took debit, they said unfortunately no, keep in mind this is out in the countryside so it's not always easy for a business to get access to that technology. I found it interesting as she was trying to find money in her car, enough to buy at least a large fry. She probably never had to worry about money, she probably hasn't used actual money in years, until one day when she doesn't have internet access, suddenly she can see what it feels like to not have enough for what she wants. She sheepishly placed her order, as if embarrassed by not having money.

 I love when people don't act the way you expect. Another young couple with a little boy and girl, were eating in front of me. The kids were adorable, sweet little munchkins that reminded me of two little kittens. They were dressed to suit their looks, which was surprising because the parents were biker gang looking. Kind of scary looking, scruffy beard, tattoos, piercings, "punch you in the face demeanor" and the husband had the same look about him. They were very loving and attentive towards their children, which shouldn't have surprised me but I battle my own stereotypes. When they finished they decided to get ice cream for dessert. The kids asked for chocolate and I listened as the parents ordered for themselves. I was expecting something like whisky flavored ice cream or at least maple walnut. The mother asked for bubble gum flavoured ice cream and the father asked for cotton candy flavoured ice cream. I am not kidding when I say his dessert looked like a gay pride day, ice cream cone! Her cone was a bright neon blue, the happy colours really clashed with their anarchy attire. I thought that was the high point of my people watching adventure.

 My last observation was that I must listen to my body, a little voice kept saying, "Steven, it's almost six, it's too late for you to eat greasy fast food and drink a pop, just go home, you're not twenty five anymore". Didn't listen but should have.. burp.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

What does the label say?

  This is an adult only post, warning strong language and sexual content will follow. You should probably click away if you are not comfortable with this topic. There, I warned the innocent people, just in case. These are some of my rambling thoughts, while reading items regarding LGBTQ issues. You must however agree with everything I say.. everything. Just kidding.

 Straight is the new gay... sorry, no it's not. I find it almost comical how a lot of the younger guys insist that they are straight, while at the same time it's difficult to understand what they are saying with a penis in their mouth. I guess a gay or bisexual man, is still a second class man in their eyes, why else reject the label. They still see it as a weakness I assume. When I talk to actual straight guys about this, they just shake their heads and laugh.

 For straight men, their goal is to have sex with women, they said even if they are having a dry spell, they would be inclined to find an older woman or a less attractive woman, it's just not in their mind to think about being with another guy. Most said if worse came to worse, they might try an escort but never another guy. Real straight guys don't tense up from these questions because real straight guys are not hiding something or in denial about something. They usually just shrug their shoulders and say, "nothing against gay people, it's just not how I am". For the gay men into the fantasy of being with a "straight" guy, before you jump on me, think in reverse, many of you have a close female friend that would sleep with you, how often have you done that? I know personally I couldn't, it never crosses my mind when I'm thinking about sex. Anyway, youth is short, call yourself what ever you want and have fun with each other, don't worry about labels... but you're not straight.. ha!

 I find that the younger generation is so worried about not being a label, that they have hyper labeled themselves. When I read about local LGBTQ events, I get confused by the person's identity. On one hand they start lecturing people about labels and then they proceed to put a multitude of labels on themselves. I find I'm doing a google search half the time to understand what they identify themselves as.

 Stop the bi-phobia, there has always been a mistrust towards bisexual people and a dismissive attitude towards them on both the homosexual and heterosexual sides of society. I have heard people say, "pick a side". I'm always disappointed with gay people, if anyone, we should be more understanding. It's basically saying that you are either a damaged straight person or damaged gay person and you should get back to your group. I have met a few bisexual men and they certainly were not confused, they like both and have always know it. There is a movement to wipe out the bisexual label apparently, they want everyone to be called pansexual. The way I understand it, some people look down on bisexual people because many are attracted to the stereotypical male and female, where pansexuals are attracted to the typical male and female types, plus everything in between the spectrum. They feel bisexual people are discriminatory in choosing a partner because they may not be attracted to transgender or non binary people.

 I find this completely ridiculous, your sexuality is your sexuality, that would be like saying I'm discriminating against women because I'm gay and only attracted to men or I'm discriminating against transgender people because I am not attracted to MTF people. I have written about being attracted to FTM transgender people, it's not something I chose on purpose to be more accepting or politically correct, it's just the way my sexuality works, I have no control over it. I can't help who I'm attracted to, neither can bisexual people. It seems like the younger generation is so worried about being tolerant that they have become intolerant. It's becoming a joke, let's celebrate diversity as long as everyone's diversity is exactly like mine.