Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Thinking to myself.

This morning I woke up a bit early, the early sunshine and singing birds have been doing that a lot lately but I'm not going to complain about spring. Lying there for awhile before getting up, I was thinking life thoughts, happens in the morning while my head is clearing sometimes. I suddenly realized that I am still ashamed to be gay, blame it on where I was raised or how I was raised but it's the truth, plain and simple, I'm still ashamed of being gay. Of course I have come a long way but a large part of how I live my life is because I am still embarrassed to be gay. I still hide it from people at work, even people I know would be positive to the revelation that I'm into guys, plus around where I live, no one has a clue, people still say I should find the right woman. I think this is something that will always stick with me, I can't wash away the years of hurt and insults I have heard straight people say about gay people, even the ones who are understanding and apologetic now. Actions speak louder than words but my inactions speak volumes. Something to work on I guess.


Anonymous said...

Life is a work in progress, don't beat yourself up over it.

Ur-spo said...

Yes, something to work on.

Here's my advice in a sort of exercise. Whenever you feel this way, stop and say to yourself (or out loud if you fancy) 'Oops it is happening again"! . This is not your real self talking but a someone else whose gotten into the recesses of your pumpkin and thinks he is in charge. Tell him I hear you but you are not the boss and what he says is rubbish and he no longer will call the shots.
If he continues to execrate, imagine putting a cream pie in his puss.