Friday, October 31, 2008

All Hallows Eve

Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh! Run everyone and remember, if you split from the group, you will be next! Muhahaha! Happy Halloween kids! I am starting a little early because I will not be around for a few days and I wanted to have my blog fun now. Death came the other night for my poor tomato plants. Tomorrow night is my sister's annual Halloween dinner, it is fun we have good food, friends and watch the kids come for treats. My sister, like her brother (me) has a bit of a brat streak in her. She likes to make up her front yard with things that jump out at you when you enter her grounds. I mean grounds, as in ghoulish grave yard, she has fun turning her front yard into an old story book haunted grave yard, none of this 'PC' smiling happy face ghosts. The best part is usually the kids are trying to calm down the mothers.

Make no bones about it, we both have the same liking for scary things, even as little kids we have always liked scary movies, stories, books etc, however that is we like scary movies and not gross or gory movies. Does any one remember the Saturday morning oldies, Abbott and Costello or even Laurel and Hardy, being chased by the wolfman, bats or vampires, for kids those were scary and fun days, we never knew whether to laugh or be scared. It often brought in our parents to get a kick out of us watching the same movies they watched when little. Halloween for us was just a fun time to dress up and go visit neighbors, for kids stuck out in the country this was a welcome break from the isolation. It is sad that so many people want to ruin it for kids now, the usual bunch that is always at it, sucking the fun and life out of everything, like vampires only their pay off is monotony and control

After the dinner and scaring the crap out of little kids, a bunch of us are going to a gay bar for a little drinking and dancing, more bad behaviour, oh yeah! That night it will be back to Dave's for the night. I am a little excited about this because the next day, he has plans for me. It will be my b'day and he has a weekend planned out but will not tell me a single thing. He just gave me a list of different types of clothes I will need for the days and evenings. I am not even sure if we are staying in this city. I do not care if he takes me somewhere exciting or relaxing, I am excited that someone has planned something out for me and I totally appreciate that. Still the not knowing is a bit like being a kid on Christmas morning. Did I just say Christmas, yikes back to Halloween, the other will be here soon enough.

The Haunted House. On my way home to see my parents, I was saddened to see that an old farm house on the way there, had been torn down. There are plans to build homes along that road because it has a river view. I am sure every new home will be nice, in fact so nice that every home around it will be build exactly like it, except for the door or siding colour. I was sad to see the old house go as it to me was standing history. It was even still in use last year. Gone too is the ghost story within. The house was quite old, at least a hundred years or more and through the years the original children grew up and left, leaving behind their parents to age and eventually die. Even before my time, for many years the house sat empty. One night a man returning from a late binge on the town, saw a glowing figure standing in the door, knowing no one lived there anymore, plus being of Irish background and hearing the old people's stories of spirits, banshees and devils there was no way he was going to stop and check it out. At first he said nothing, people would blame the drink he well knew. However as many a night traveller passed the house, she appeared. In the door, the glowing figure, waiting, peering out. People began to talk, many had saw the figure, many felt it must be the old woman who had lived there all her life, lost or confused and so she stays bound to where she knows, her house. It soon became that many of the superstitious people were afraid to pass the house at night. Finally some men had become curious and wanted to investigate, including a family member who came back to see what was going on. They stayed around one night, at first nothing happened but then suddenly a glowing started to appear at the front door, a long slender figure, and staring at the light, they saw it was actually coming from upstairs. To their surprise they discovered that light was coming from a passing car as it came round the corner on the road, the light would shine directly on a long mirror in the hall upstairs and reflect back out, giving the appearance of a glowing light in the house where no light should shine. In the last few years, road work and clearing of brush had exposed the once hidden mirror to certain headlights, it was all in how someone passed by, causing some to see the reflection and others not to. The mirror was moved into a room and the ghost was finally laid to rest. Of course many of the old people did not accept this explanation, eventually a family bought the place, moved in and never reported any strange lights after. Now of course some say tilted floor boards, but they could just never figure out how the old piano that came with the house, no matter how many times they moved it, kept returning to the corner where it was when they moved in.

Happy Halloween! ;P

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Simple Moment

It happened the other night, it was a simple moment, nothing earth shattering and yet it was the world to me. I had spent the day at Dave's, doing little projects outside together before the winter sets in. The day was sunny and unusually warm, the air had an ironic spring smell to it as if life was about to start over and not go to sleep. I did not want the day to end but the sun was sinking lower in the sky. Everything was so silent and the beauty of the sun setting over the creek that quietly flows past Dave's house was breath taking. I said to Dave, "wow that is beautiful" and looking over at him, he sat on a stone wall, reached out to me and said come here. He pulled me into him, I turned around and sat on the wall between his legs. He wrapped his long arms lovingly around me, put his chin on my shoulder, our cheeks touching and we just sat there in silence together watching the sun go down. It had so much meaning for me that the moment was almost over whelming. One reason, I felt it was the summer sun's last good bye, the last perfect sunset for the season until next spring. Most of all however it was the reason that poems are written about, it is the fodder for love songs, two people in love watching the sun set. A first for me I realized of my entire life, and even though I have watched many beautiful sunsets, this time it was almost intoxicating to be sharing it with someone. A simple moment for most people everywhere, but something so touching and new for someone who has finally allowed himself to fall in love.

I get it now, the love songs that is, the love stories and poems. I thought I understood them before but I see now that you can not really grasp the meaning until you have actually been in that emotion. It is kind of like when someone has suffered a great loss, everyone tries to comfort them by saying they understand, when in reality they have no clue, they never had to experience the feeling. That was one of my fears when still in the closet, to grow old and die always having been alone, never knowing what 'being in love' with someone was like. I would have considered my life a waste if that had happened. I understand now when love songs speak of never wanting to be apart, of being complete together and of being broken hearted at the thought of losing one another. Whispering to Dave I even expressed this feeling to him, I said "so this is what love songs are about" he kissed me lightly on the neck just below my ear and whispered "I do love you so much". I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and just enjoyed the warmth of his body. The air quickly became very crisp with the fading light and as the sun finally sank from our sight, I softly said "thank you for sharing this with me".

Friday, October 24, 2008

When I Look Back

This past year I felt that I had done little with my life, however a straight friend made the comment "are you freaking kidding me" and then pointed out the guy she knew a year ago and the guy now. Sometimes it is good to have some of those straight people around, they can come in real handy! When I look back I am amazed at the way I stepped into this new world of mine, to go from being afraid of even typing the word 'gay' to where I have a boyfriend and most people know about us, it is almost unbelievable to me at times. If three years ago someone tried to tell me this, I would have said their crystal ball was broke, I would have also said they were totally wrong because "I'm straight, what the heck are you talking about" and then went off to sweat over what I did wrong to let them see through the 'straight shield' that I was obsessed over.

I am back planning to attend my sisters Halloween dinner (where did the time go) and it was such a huge event for me last year. Some may remember there were suppose to be some gay men and women there and I was excited as it would be my first contact with other gay people. Some may also remember it ended up with only one straight man showing up and some lesbians, the guy left early and I was teased about being the only man in a house full of women, most of who are married or gay! I had fun anyway and a good laugh out of it. Here I am now not thinking about whether the people there will be gay or straight, male or female, I just want to make friends and have a good time. I have Dave now and it will just be an evening out, plus a chance to let Dave and my sister get to know each other better. Mountains are becoming molehills, and this tells me I am on the right path, because I want to feel good about the things I've done this last year, when I look back.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Legal Action

I have posted pictures on here of my balcony and how I grow plants and keep it spotlessly clean. One of the ways I keep pigeons away is by simply placing small flags around the railing. I figure that if everyone pitched in a little, we can make our surroundings look nicer. That is one of the reasons I will pick up garbage in the hallway if some lazy ass drops it. I think this is my home, I don't want it to look dirty, I also understand that most people these days do not think this way. Even in their own building if they drop something, they always think "oh well they pay people to pick up after me".

Today I received a letter from the company that owns the building, they said it has come to their attention that I have flags on my balcony and screening on the railing (yes dork, for the last FIVE years I have). The letter also stated only summer furniture is allowed on the balcony, I guess no flowers or mini garden. They said to remove them at once and threatened to take legal action if I don't do it within the next few days. The flags were the small ones that you see at a parade, not huge ones, the dark screen was here when I moved in and covered the rails so the pigeons could not fly through the bars, the flags scared them from flying over the top railing onto the balcony, you can't see the screen from the ground and I can't see the harm in having plants and flowers.

This has just upset me greatly, I am a good tenant, I am clean, respectful and always pay my rent. They could have just asked me as I see the manager all the time. If the flags were bothering someone they could have just said "Steve we have to ask you to remove the flags" and I would have done it, not send me a threatening letter. I'm waiting to see if other people remove their flags etc as well. They gave me a list of ways to keep away the pigeons, I say f$%* you! If you want me to do these things then buy them for me and I'll put them up. I honestly give up however, looking at the other balconies with TV dishes and wires everywhere, covered in two inches of bird crap, bikes, old chairs or just years of pigeons building nests and crapping, I will do the same. If they want me to conform, I'll conform, I'll just close my balcony door and let it become a filth hole like most of the others.

I can't help wonder who complained, some crazy old pigeon person that thought it was cruel to scare them from my balcony, maybe one of those bitter people who just can't stand to see someone doing something nice and tries to interfere, or maybe one of those hypocritical Quebec separatists who bitch about Canada flags but work for the Canadian government and live in Ontario for the better health care. Perhaps the pigeons like everyone else, have gotten themselves a lawyer.

Dear building management, please forgive me for trying to keep my balcony clean, for trying to add a little beauty and make it inviting, I promise that you have taught me a good lesson and I will never attempt to do that again. I promise to never pick up paper in the halls either or put some dumb ass's garbage down the shoot who just left it at the door to smell. I promise not to try and clean all the salt and snow from my boots, I'll just walk in like most others do. Now don't you worry, the next time someone asks me "is this a good place to live" I will be sure to tell them how you are on top of the flag situation... but can fall behind quite a bit when it comes to repairs.

Monday, October 20, 2008

No Time

I do not want to sound like a broken record but some times I find city life and city people so cold and self-centered at times unlike people from the country. There is just no time for anyone as people rush around to no where and I realized that it is also starting to rub off on me. This week one of my close friends lost her Dad, she was strong but still being the youngest and Daddy's girl, there were times where the thought of never seeing him again or talking to him again would overwhelm her. I let her cry on my shoulder so to speak the next night on the phone and asked what arrangements would be made. Later I spoke to our groups of friends to see who was going where and when. This is the part that reminds me that I am in the city now, everyone made statements like "oh I sent her an email" or "I will probably call her" or "I will be in meetings all day so I can't go in the evening". I thought 'wow' when did we get to the point of having so little time in our lives that we could not set aside a moment to go comfort a friend in time of sorrow. When did we become so self centered or uncaring. It is like people don't want to have to put themselves out in the slightest way for others.

In the country we would not dream of missing such an important moment in a friend's life. It is a sign of respect to the family and it would almost seem shameful for us not to go. I remember my sister and I talking about this one day when we first moved to the city. If we went to a funeral or were invited to a wedding in town, we expected it to be huge because there are more people in a city. However we were always surprised at how few people would show up to events like this. Where I came from the halls and churches would be packed if a loved friend was married or their family member passed away. When I went to the wake, there was only one other person from our group of friends. Some people asked me to send their respects however I decided not to, as it is up to them to make the effort. I thought also how silly will it sound to say "Mary is thinking of you in this time of sorrow and feels really bad about picking up a few groceries, that could have waited until tomorrow instead of coming here to support you".

No time, there just seems to be no time left for anything except work, school, TV or the computer. People have to plan out weeks ahead of time to visit each other, and that is even not too often once we get past 27 - 28. I sometimes hear people complain about having to go see their parents as if their time was too good to waste on Mom and Dad, making fun of them because they are old and set in their ways now. I remember at work a woman saying that her father bought a house down the street from her, my thought was, "oh that is good, he will not be lonely and she will have him close by" I was suddenly shocked when all the people around her groaned and said things like "that is awful", "oh no that's bad" or "I would move." Same with kids these days, I know they can be spoiled but there is no time for kids in our society now, maybe that is why they are brats. I always hear about changing schools to run all year, after school programs, before school programs, three year old kindergarten, huge government daycare programs, as both parents have to work these days to make ends meet. It is a fact of life I understand that, just I feel sorry for kids if we have to keep them in an institution because no one has time to look after them. You can pay someone to look after them but you can't pay someone to love them and kids are smart, they know when someone cares. There is just no room or time for them, I understand the cities are too fast paced and dangerous now to let them run around and play like we used to. Same with pets, people complain and say it is cruel if a factory farm locks an animal up in a cage and I agree, but these days how many people lock their dog or sometimes cat in a crate for the day because they don't have time to train them properly or the animal can't stand to be alone. There are people in my building who love their pets and take care of them well, but think for a minute, they lock the dog up at six, leave for work, come back that evening around five, take the dog out then maybe lock him back up at seven, go out for the evening and return near ten or eleven. There is love just no time to show it.

I am just making this observation, not trying to get up on a high horse. In fact the next day I fell into the "don't take my precious time" selfish trap as well. The funeral was in the morning and I was going out to Dave's place and then my parents. I thought I would go to the wake the evening before and that would be enough as the funeral would cut into my travel time. The next night however I was thinking, I am sure my friend had all sorts of plans for the week and she had to change everything, I felt guilty because all I had to do was show up and I failed in doing that, I failed to do something so simple as to give her a little comfort, by giving her a little time.

Friday, October 17, 2008

This Way.

The weather here has been beautiful these last few days. Dave and I have been trying to get some last minute hiking in to see the final farewell of colour before the grey days of November come. Once again I want to take you with us and see where the paths lead.
Many of the paths in a nearby park are walk ways so that everyone can get out and enjoy nature. This is a real nature park, not a city park.

This time the paths opened up new breath taking views that I was not aware of, even living so close.

Views like this one, I grew up in hilly country but I was not aware of this look out. I was amazed. A lot of my photos did not turn out because of the clouds playing tricks with the lighting.

Sun and clouds battle it out for control of the sky, you can see the shadows and sunlight chasing each other across the valley below.

Some guy sitting on the stone wall of the look out. Okay its me again, there everyone happy now? There was a reason why I made the last shots so far away. Looking over the valley I can see why my Irish ancestors settled here.

Some cute guy sitting with a sexy pose on a rock, yup its Dave. With my honey-bun however I don't even let him read this blog so it would not be fair to put a clear pic of him on here.

This tree was interesting it started out as a sapling growing in the crack of the rocks.
Totally surrounded by rock it sent out roots across the rock above and below until it hit earth, now it is anchored to the stone but the roots do not enter the ground for about five feet (1.5 meters) from the tree. Made me think of tree tentacles as if it would grab a person walking by.

Cool water, I love the smell that comes off of a clean lake. Since this is park land there are no cottages to spoil the view. It makes me think of jumping in however the day was not that warm. There is an interesting fact about this lake. When the sea receded after the last ice age this lake stayed salty for thousands of years, giving the salt water fish time to adapt to fresh water. Thus they say there is a type of fish that is a salt water fish everywhere else in the world, but here it exists as a fresh water fish.

A hidden cave in the forest floor, don't fall in! There is a fence around it and I think just as well, you would almost stumble into it before you saw it. It drops down suddenly and quite far. They say two brothers used to mine down there for minerals back in the day.

There were many other interesting things we saw that day, these were just a few. We were being called back as the day was ending and we had plans later. Another walk way only this one would guide us home.

A final view before we left, we could look out towards the city where I had to return, one last shot and I thought it was fitting as the conflict within us of loving nature but having to return to the city, was being played out on the valley floor below as the city is trying to spread out into the country.
Everyone have a good weekend and try to get out before the colours are all gone. In fact I see a lot of blog writers doing the same type of post, maybe that could become a meme theme, if you want to take part get out, snaps some photos and post them. Just my way of encouraging you to get out. :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Boring Love

Warning! The following post will be dull, boring and even mushy but it is a fact of my life. I figured I better give this warning because I do get emails saying things like "Dear Steve, you seem like a nice person but all you ever talk about is your relationship with Dave or about being gay" and " Dear Steve, I like your blog but they are getting too mushy and I am bored with them." Actually this does not offend me as they probably think they are helping me out, and honestly I know it is partly true. The thing is... this is a blog about a gay guy coming out and entering into my first real relationship, so naturally the things that are on my mind about all this will make it into my blog. I did not intend to write about my whole life here. Also most say people write blogs for attention, not in my case, it was a place to get my thoughts out. I often turn down suggestions to draw attention to my blog. Honestly I like the small group of people who I have met through this blog and connected with, plus I respect the people who read regularly but for their own reasons choose to stay silent. I do not have an interest in trying to spice it up more to be read more as that would not really be me, also I don't want to lose that connection with the people who comment and email, I would miss you guys/gals.

Now the mushy parts. Dave and I have actually been doing pretty well, he is really trying to give me the things I need in this relationship and it is working out well. I know we are in love but now it is going to that next level where for lack of a better word, we are really bonding to each other. I feel happy and good about our relationship, I don't worry anymore that it will not work out, it seems we have opened a door to being able to say anything on our minds and we only appreciate the other more for their honesty. We can't stand being away from each other and right now, there is nothing I love better than on a cold night, being snuggled up close to my warm guy... even if he does snore a bit, a big bit, a lot. I was teasing him the other day, I said this must be love because we speak 'baby talk' to each other now. You know, like when he is really tired and wants me to come to bed with him he says "me tired, need go sleepy, you come wiff me peas! I'm just as bad, I'll say "its cold, snuggle up wiff me under the bankies" umm yeah, I'm serious, we actually say that to each other! We always cuddle up together, whether eating, watching TV, sitting outside in the sun, everywhere. I still get little jolts when he takes my hand, I like to just touch him, smell him and we still just kiss on the couch for fun. I don't see myself anywhere else right now except with this man.

We are so ordinary, I think straight people who don't know gay people would be shocked with how day to day ordinary we are. I think that is a message I would like to give younger gay people or older gay people coming out who feel they don't fit into the 'gay lifestyle' the message that there is not one way to live gay. They can be anything from a drag queen, to a couple that comes home from the office, cooks supper and goes out riding on dirt bikes after. The life you want is the life that you can take for yourself and live, there are plenty of gay men of every interest to live it with you.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The 'It' Couple

A funny thing happened on the way to being a gay couple, we have become the 'it' couple or 'in' couple or what ever you call the people that everyone seems to want to have over for dinner. I started to notice this the last few weeks. I wonder if it is because we are gay and it is the 'in' thing to do in having a gay couple over, well at least I hope not. I am not sure if it is because we don't bring kids in tow with us or maybe more like we are both very easy going and put the hosts at ease. We both have a good sense of humour and like to play around with our friends. We are also open to trying new foods etc so that is probably another reason. It feels nice to be wanted, welcomed and well fed, sometimes it seems like our weekends are booked up and I feel guilty when trying to avoid a dinner. I guess too it is probably because we are a couple now and anyone who has been single for a long time knows how single people can be left out of gatherings, couples just seem to do more things together. I wonder if we have become the 'cool people', the ones to have over. I really don't mind if it turns out that we are a bit of a novelty for some people to have over, it will give people a chance to get to know us better and see we are just a very abnormally normal couple. I know with Dave's family, it is to get to know me better and I appreciate that, they have been very welcoming. Most likely it is because we are both so adorable... did I mention modest too?

Friday, October 10, 2008


In the 'old days' like when my grandparents were young, many of the old farmers and lumber men in the area where I grew up, had drinking problems. Being of Irish or Scottish background, it was often a common thing. No one ever spoke the word 'alcoholic' more like they would say 'spree' or 'binge'. This way no one had to admit that there was a problem. People covered for their family members drinking and thought no one knew, when actually everyone knew.

There would come a time when a wife or mother would reach her breaking point, she would haul the man down to the local priest or minster and have him swear a pledge never to drink again. The man not actually being able to stop would create a 'stash'. My father and his friends would often tell us younger lads about the old folks stash. They spoke of finding bottles of whisky or beer hidden in stable mangers, hay stacks, water troughs, wood piles, under stumps or almost any place where the women would not find them. To this day, sometimes along fence lines when an dead tree falls over, there will be a small bottle tangled in the roots.

I was lucky in that my parents viewed drinking as a waste of money and they also saw it as a character weakness or flaw, so I was able to avoid any hardships brought on by parents drinking as some of my friends went through. My Dad does have a 'stash' however and it is one of his quirks that I find so funny. The problem is my father is suppose to watch what he eats, however he always had a major sweet tooth, the sweeter-fattier-gooey-sugarier something is, the better he likes it. He will put jam or syrup on cake and cookies if you don't watch him. My Mom takes care of him and makes him low fat meals watching what he eats. He however hides goodies from my mom because, trust me if she finds out he is going to remember the lecture! The worse place of all is his old pickup, it is a virtual crack-house of goodies. From chocolate bars in the glove compartment to cookies, little cakes, pop, chips under or behind the seat, you will find almost anything to satisfy a junk food craving. The truck is the safest spot at the moment as his dog also realized what he is up to and will swipe cookies if she can find them.

I used to turn him in, that is right, I ratted him out! I did not want to lose him as he had health problems. I used to tell him "Dad you can hide that stuff from Mom, but you can't hide it from your heart". Now years later however I see it different, he is in his 70's and worked hard all his life, he will not be with us forever so why not let him enjoy a secret cookie. It may sound strange to say but I would rather he passed on happy doing what he likes at a younger age than for him to be in his 90's locked up in a home. It also does not hurt to know where I can get a candy bar when I want to cheat on my diet as well!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

One Pack

Easy steps to perfect abs, this story grabbed my attention because as a gay man, I would like to be a little hotter... well maybe not hotter since I am not even 'hot' right now but I would at least like to try for 'warm'! The story went on to list a bunch of easy steps I can do to help me change my one pack into a six pack. First it said to drink water as soon as I get up, apparently it helps to start your metabolism for the day and switch it into fat burning mode. However it said drink 16oz, that is two glasses of water, I feel water logged already thinking about it. It then went on to say eat a big breakfast within an hour of getting up. I am sure many of you are like me in that our system just does not work when we get up, eating as soon as I get up makes me feel sick and my mouth stays dry until a couple of hours after, so everything is like eating paper towels. The story said that the more you eat in the morning will act in reverse to the fat around your waist, the idea is that the big meal first off in the day will start your body and release hormones that burn fat, where if you eat late in the day, it just stores the fat. Unfortunately chocolate, candy or cookies were not on the list of foods to have for breakfast, nor were huge amounts of bacon, waffles or sugar coated sugar flakes with extra sugar added for flavour... darn! They recommend oatmeal, other whole grains and maybe a glass of water or milk, keep in mind that I am suppose to have already drank two glasses of water. They stressed that water helps remove the fat that hides your six pack, they said to drink one gallon or almost four liters per day, I think I would be floating by then. I could see this being okay for big guys, if you are 6'4 and a solid 220 then it would be no big deal but for po'wittle me I would probably have to pee every ten minutes.

It is strange when we think that our parents always used to say that breakfast was the most important meal of the day, I mean who knew they were actually right! I always thought it was one of their tricks to get me to eat. A Russian friend of mine told me about a saying they used to have where she came from, it went something like "keep your breakfast for yourself, share your lunch with your friend, give your supper to your enemy.

The story of course said to exercises but that the most important thing to show off those abs was to burn off the fat hiding them, then you can work on defining them. It said to pack your lunch, this way you control what you eat, I feel that is true because when ever I try to buy a lunch, the choices are just not that healthy, even when they say low fat or healthy choice. It said to have a rule to only eat what you bring with no cheating. Pack a good lunch using all the foods you know you are suppose to eat but don't at the moment. You know, the foods that you see when you open the fridge door (like apples) and then close it again and say to yourself "there is nothing to eat in this house." It also said to eat small amounts often throughout the day. I used to do that and I used to eat so healthy, just the last couple of years I fell into a life style of convenient food and usually what ever is easy and fast it not good for us. I am watching what I eat (most days but dang it is hard) and getting out more to at least walk for an hour every day, but I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for a six pack picture going up on here, maybe a two pack! Okay have to go people, I need to pee badly.

No cookies were harmed in the making of this blog... okay two were but they deserved it!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Who We Love

Last Saturday a friend of Dave's, invited us over for supper. I really like Mike, he is a decent guy, Dave and I were thrilled to hear that the relationship he started two months ago was going well for him. Mike is shy and a bit old fashioned so does not date much. We both were looking forward to meeting his new boyfriend John. Everything fit, John was a down to earth (cute) guy and they matched, you could tell just by the way they were together. John also just came out last year so we had a lot of notes to compare. The supper was excellent, conversation went well and after we moved to the living room to watch a DVD. Cuddled up with Dave, the usual for me, I looked over to see John cuddled into Mike, with Mike mindlessly rubbing John's shoulders and back in a very loving way. I thought to myself, this is where I want to be, in a setting with gay friends, enjoying the evening and being with my boyfriend. I had that feeling of belonging, of being part of something, it was so satisfying.

Most of my friends are straight, they are very open and accepting towards me, however sometimes I just need to be around other gay people who understand where I am coming from 100%. My sexuality will not choose my friends for me but I feel a 'need' to also have some gay friends. It is just a matter of me knowing they 'get' the whole gay relationship issue. Dave and I find it hard to meet other couples that we can share time with, just an evening out, at a concert, dinner or even hiking. Most gay people we run into are either single or do not have the same interests, we are also cautious of the couples that want a bit of "extra" with becoming their friend.

We had a good discussion about what it means for each of us to be gay, our journey out, on meeting other gay people and overall acceptance. Talking about how hard things were for gay people when we were kids, about countries who to this day, kill or torture people just because they are gay, Mike wondered out loud a thought I often have, what does it matter who we love? Why such a big deal? We laughed, all four of us at the thought that any of us were a wild leather and chains sex addict like some would have the world believe we all are. Mike said "John and I go about our day doing everything that other couples do, the only difference being we both have the same parts"! That is true for Dave and myself, we make lunch, clean house, watch TV and joke around, nothing too out of the ordinary there!

Mike and John have a big age difference, almost twenty years and some people may have a problem with that. Again I say, what does it matter who we love. They fit, they both have tried to date others in the past never finding that connection. If they click and complete each other, why would it concern anyone else, it is not their business. I think people should just be happy and whoever works in a relationship with you, makes me happy for you. Sometimes I get asked, "would you date a person of this race, colour, age, religion?" I always think that question is silly, finding a good loving relationship with my soul mate, is not like buying a fall jacket. I can't imagine saying "oh he is perfect for me, smart, funny, cute, thoughtful, now if I could only get him in a different colour." I feel when you click with someone it should not matter, I used to think before I met Dave, "whoever I date, I hope he is a good person and is my best friend as well as boyfriend," I did not think in terms of "he has to be this tall, this shade, this eye colour". I would say however religion might be one factor that would stop me from dating someone, if they insisted that I had to join their religion when I did not believe in it, would cause me to not go down that route.

Sometimes I wonder if that is not part of the problem with the world, so many people with opinions about who we love, maybe too many opinions, too many people are worried about what everyone is doing in their private life, so much so that they neglect their own life, maybe that is why they are so bitter when they see real love in a couple they don't consider to be part of the norm.

Friday, October 3, 2008


Since there are so many gardeners in blog-land, this buds for you. As fall is here, it has turned quite cold these last few days. Most gardens are long finished, my parents for example are north of this city almost by two hours so they lost their garden to frost in the first week of September. Dave is closer and along a river so his vegetable garden finished out a couple of weeks ago but he still has some flowers. As for my 'back 40' or balcony as normal people say, it is hanging on. The heat from building protects it from frost, actually most years the plants stop flowering from lack of sunlight as the days are shorter. Some of the stronger plants live until November which is unheard of this far north, they die from being frozen not from frost as they will not be touched until the temperature drops well below freezing. I hate to just cut them down if they are fighting to survive so I wait until the weather does them in.

This week I harvested my vast crops, actually I have been eating fresh tomatoes, peppers and onions all summer from the balcony and what better to have a hobby that pays you back with food! I wanted to bring in the veggies in case they get frozen, there are still green tomatoes and small peppers out there, I left them as some days when it is warm and sunny, they try to grow and ripen fast before winter.

Dave gave me this geranium, it started out as a small cutting but did really well in it's pot and grew into a bush, it is still flowering like crazy, if anyone knows what it is, please tell me.

A photo to brag about how green everything still is, in contrast to the time of year, you can see below the trees have turned that yellow colour just before all the leaves fall off. I had just trimmed the plants as they were getting out of control. At night I give them warm water and they reward me with cherry tomatoes, I hate to let them go because of my dislike for winter, I love my green, like Noah I will rescue a few from death and my window sills will become their ark.

My Grandmother's coleus doing very well, it will be the first to go when things turn cold so I will have to take cuttings now, this way I carry on a living memory of her.

Everyone have a good weekend!

This Little Piggy

This little piggy went to market when this little piggy should have stayed home.
This little piggy had roast beef, tacos, chip dip, chocolates, cookies, BBQ chicken, pop, bacon and many other things to eat more than his normal fill of.
This little piggy noticed a tummy where this little piggy used to have none.
This little piggy stepped onto a scale and cried "Dave, oui oui we have been eating too much!"
This little piggy is almost twenty pounds over weight for his build so this little piggy realized he will have to go on a diet!
This little piggy said "oh crap" because this little piggy likes to eat!
This little piggy is hungry. :(

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Walk With Me

Okay everyone take a hike! Time to get out for a stroll through the woods. The weekend was a bit wet but Sunday was only cloudy so Dave and I decides to go for a hike after being stuck in the house most of Saturday. It was warm enough and cool enough to be a perfect day for a walk.

When we came to this path it reminded me of Patrick's post about paths and I thought to myself "gee Steve you really need to get a life outside the blog world" ha ha! Seriously it can be surprising how the blog world can touch the real world for me now. This path was just begging us to follow, like opening a good book and wondering what is to come with the next page, it certainly did not disappoint.

Water falls, I love the sound and sight of water pouring over the rocks, makes me feel almost like a kid again. To throw in a stick and watch it flow down, there is also a feeling of freedom with a water fall, as if the river has suddenly escaped it's banks and is making a mad dash to get away.

Don't look down! The river is angry and is attacking the rocks, they fight back and the roars of their clashing drones in your ears, time will let the river win as the rocks wear down from fighting through the years.

The main water falls on the river, it is too bad the camera can't capture the power, sound and mist coming from it. You can feel it in your chest, one of natures perfect scenes.

Back on the path to see where it will take us, the next page to our little adventure.

A pic of some cute guy (depends on your taste) that was walking that day. ;)
Okay its just me.

More fast flowing water, we sat for a minute listening to the water flowing over the rocks, has a bit of a calming nature to it.

The sun was trying to come out on the trail. Every time I went to take a picture the wind would stop, I wanted it to blow because it made for an almost perfect shot with all the leaves falling but I gave up trying.

Some cute guy playing in the water like a big kid, the kind of guy I could really fall for and did. Yeah that's my babe.

Ouch "fall for" most of you will see the possible bad pun in there considering what happened at the end of this hike.

There was a deck that let you go out over the falls to have a closer look. The shots off the deck though did not turn out as the white water was almost too bright and I did not adjust my camera. I did not realize this until I got home and saw the results.

What is a hike without some fall colours. With the clouds above the lighting sucked so the leaves do not show up that well.

From a distance, where the falls and rough water ends to flow into a rocky river.

Everyone is an artist these days, everyone is an earth child. Someone left behind this little reminder of their visit here.

The rock formations here are very interesting, the rock below is heaving up and exposing itself in the layers it was formed out of many moons ago. Some places I could not get a shot but it looked like someone had built walls under the water, yet it was all natural.

A bridge to somewhere, almost like a sore thumb sticking out, I want to tell it "go away, you don't belong here, your going to spoil everything".

Leaves hanging over the water, I call this piece, "leaves hanging over water" ;) Hahaha!

The river calms down, regains it's composure and flows onward, what is around the river bend is a chapter of this book I will not read. It is getting late so we decide to head back, unlike the river we are not free of time and restraints, so we will just use the memory of it to help us feel free.