Saturday, October 24, 2015
Why is it that I think of all the craziest thoughts while shopping for groceries. Like for instance, there is some sort of universal conspiracy against me when I go to get my munchies. One of the reasons I dream this up is because inevitably I will always bump into someone who I can't stand, maybe even haaaaaaate. Oh there will be no warning, oh no, they're is no chance of escape, no hiding behind the broccoli and zucchini, it will be turn the corner and blammo, there they are, right in front of me. Oh hi, yes I would love to talk and listen to your bitter hateful rants about whatever and that exciting way you drone on and on but you know that sale on salad dressing is not going to last forever! Then the universe plays that joke where I keep turning into them at every corner, no matter how I try to rearrange my ile search. Finally I give them the slip and while looking over my shoulder, run smack into someone even worse. ...................................... Why do I never meet an old friend, why do I never meet some of the people I admire, why do I never meet a current friend who I just don't get to spend time with. Then I wonder, well worry actually, what if I am "that guy" to someone. What if someone is shopping and his wife comes running up, out of breath and whispers, "don't look now but Steve is to your left buying toilet paper". They nod to each other silently, knowingly, put down their groceries and quietly slip away. Later they tell a friend of the near mishap, "oh that guy would just go on and on". ........................................ I am back to noticing gay couples, I used to watch gay couples shopping together and wish that was me. When I finally had someone to shop with, I stopped noticing. I am funny like that, I never hear of all the wild and crazy stuff gay men get up to and think that I want that for myself. I get excited when I hear two guys get a house together, get married or even shop for groceries together, boring I know but I'm a family man, a gay family man that is. Need to work on that but I'm stalling stalling which is probably better as another post for another day. Anyway I broke down and bought a breakfast type pastry, so you know......
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Is it wrong that I'm in love with our septic system guy? Lol, it started last year, living out in the country we have no city sewage system, so people have to have their own tank which gets pumped out. Now normally I hate calling these guys, usually what happens is some guy shows up who is unshaven, adverse to bathing and hasn't washed his clothes since spring, resulting in more oil on his pants than in all of Texas. Conversation consists of grunts, uh huh and then silence. Sometimes there is a beat up cigarette hanging off his lips as well. I think you people probably get the idea now. ............................................ Last year however a new company started to operate in our area, when the truck showed up, I went to meet the driver, I was momentarily stunned by the GQ model that stepped out of the vehicle. Tall, handsome, with hazel blue eyes that penetrate, sandy blond hair and a natural tan. He was neatly dressed in clean work clothes but also added a little style to them as well. Instantly he connected with me as a person should do with a customer. Bright, funny, intelligent and really easy to talk to. I even teased him about his career choice. He just laughed it off. I think he is young, about twenty four so I don't imagine he will do this forever but I'm sure many people are pleasantly surprised when he shows up. .............................................. Is it wrong I wonder what my septic guy looks like in the shower, at night, running water, soap lathering up to wash away a days work. I can just imagine how crushed I will be if one day I call and some slob shows up again, lol.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Election day.Today is the day Canadians go to vote for the next Prime Minister of Canada. Many people could not be bothered to take part in democracy, it is not fair to always label the youth with this trend as I know many people of different ages who won't even be able to tell you who won by Friday. .................................... Then there is my mom, she has Alzheimer's, it's in the middle stages, she gets confused a lot, has no grasp of days or months, asks if her parents are still alive and yet she wanted to vote. She sees it as her duty, wants to know the candidates names, which party they represent, remembers the names, which is actually almost a miracle at this point. She is clearly on a mission. So I take her to vote, she marks her X and contributes to the democracy of Canada. She still grasps the importance of that X, no matter the result. Feeling a little proud at this moment.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Strelitzia! Strelitzia! What an interesting sounding word. Almost sounds like a toast of joy at an Italian wedding. It is however a thing of great beauty. A flower no less and not just any flower, a flower so beautifully bizarre as to actually look like a little bird perched on a plant. Thus I assume it was given the common name of the bird of Paradise. I was able to see one when I visited the botanical gardens in Montreal, nature can be breathtaking. ........................ Even more wonderful is how I found out about the flower. It happened back when I was first blogging, when I was trying to get my gay legs under me. I was part of a group of blog writers who read and commented on each other's blogs. One day these kind and encouraging comments began to appear on our blogs. The odd thing was, it was a woman! She had stepped into our realm of gay men. Quickly she gained our trust and friendship with her thoughtful comments. She gave herself the blog tag birdie. ............................................ She eventually explained that she had lost a brother who was gay and was saddened by the fact he thought he had to hide his sexuality from her because she was a Christian, however she was a loving Christian, not one of those clobber you over the head with a bible Christians. I became friends with her and we exchanged emails, she was someone I looked forward to hearing from. Like most of my blog friends, I lost touch when I moved to the country. ...................................... A little while ago another past blog friend sadly informed me that birdie had died. She had been battling cancer and it was finally too much. I since have lost that email account so whatever was said between us is gone now. ............................................ I was not sure if it was proper for me to write a post about her. Meaning there are many people who would be devastated by her loss in the real world and I only knew her through the internet. However some of my old posts have been called up on my blog feed and I have been reading them as a way to look back at my progress over the years. Often in the comment section, there she is, supporting me, cheering me on, encouraging me, laughing with me and consoling me over the loss of my father. It may sound strange but I was looking for permission to blog about her, but from who? Then I think it came, strange to say but a post came up called Why Blog, and in the comments I convinced her to finally start a blog as she kept saying that she would one day. I had forgotten about that, it was my moment to realize that maybe in some small way I had affected her life as well. .............................................. I just have to say, Oh you beautiful beautiful lady, if there really is a paradise I hope it's filled with people like you, thank you for the support when I needed support, thank you for the validation when I needed validation, thank you for the friendship when I needed a friend. I am truly saddened by your loss and there is a noticeable silence in the world, a silence that happens when the bird of paradise sings no more.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Many times I hear people say that if we don't like the way politicians are running things, we should run for what we believe in. I say that is uneducated bull, I myself am not capable of running a town, city, province and certainly not a country. I and most people don't have the talent to pull off such a serious position. I believe someone like myself could back a candidate whom I felt represented the same beliefs as I, that would be more realistic. ............................................. It does make me wonder about the people who run, I feel they should be of a higher calibre and well rounded regarding many subjects. Anything less than that would be like replacing a company manager with the guy who cleans garbage from the parking lot. He may be a great guy but I would have no confidence in that company. ............................................. That brings me to an issue this week regarding our elections. One guy who could have been elected to our government, was caught writing an article about changing gay people straight. He used such wonderful phrases as making us normal because being gay is unnatural etc etc, the usual vomit people like that spew out. He was sneaky enough to publish it in a non english paper, probably thinking it would not find its way to mainstream media. He got the boot but it makes me wonder about our leaders. I expect them to be more knowledgeable, more worldly than me, certainly not less than myself and definitely not ignorant or backwards. ........................................... . Political parties seem to have become more like an industry, they are geared to getting the "contact" of governing but not actually "governing" and they look for people to fill the positions but not people who could really contribute. I am hoping people begin to tire of this, meanwhile could we get some people in there who actually know something!
Saturday, October 3, 2015
As far as friends go, I tend to move amongst the straight crowds. Sometimes that makes more sense to me as friends should be of like mind with similar interests and not just picked because of sexuality. However I do miss not being able to talk about gay issues with other men. I say men because I have a lot of lesbian friends, I didn't plan it that way, life just worked its funny magic and voila, lesbians everywhere around me. However I think a gay man needs gay male friends, lol we need to run with the pack so to speak. .................................... So I want to say that I have been actively working on a friendship with someone. We have been communicating back and forth for a while now. I wanted it that way, there have been some bad experiences in the past so I wanted to proceed with caution. My bad sense of humor, I actually said to the guy for us to email back and forth, just to make sure one of us was not crazy! It's going really well actually, we have a lot of common ground, we are both in similar situations and it makes everything easier not having to explain myself constantly. ................................................ He did say that he just needs a friend now, I think he has been hurt a few times and is cautious about getting into another relationship. I said I am on the same page, right now I have too much on my plate and I told him it would not be fair to the other person for me to try and date. ............................................... However this is my blog, these are my thoughts so here comes the truth because really, I can't lie to myself! I'm feeling a strong connection to this guy, I hope we like each other, he seems like a really decent person. I hope he is really like the person that he is presenting himself to me as. I hope he falls for me, I hope he comes to me one day, sheepish and red in the face and asks to change our dynamics, asks me to go out with him as more than just a friend, I hope we fall in love. ........................... Or, this could be that new guy experience, the one that makes me blind to someone's faults, maybe right now I am refusing to see the problems stretch out before my eyes, so I need to guard myself, play it cool, detach and step back. Ok Steven, calm down, press the reset button and just work on being friends. What if he hates me after getting to know me. .................................. I think that was the hardest part about my breakup with Dave. The fact that once he got to know the "real" me, he no longer wanted to be with me, comes as a huge shock to the ego and assaults your core. Once bitten twice shy and I think it's part of the reason I essentially stopped being gay for the last couple of years. Well I will keep all three of you posted.