Sunday, February 21, 2016
I Broke Someone's Heart.
Last night I broke someone's heart, someone that I care deeply about and today I feel what can only be described as sorrow. This is not how I had planned to start blogging again, I had a bunch of posts in mind but have been too busy to put them in writing, I have said in the past, whatever is rolling around in this head of mine, may come out in my blog, and this hits the emotional scale at the top. ............................................ To fill in the blanks, I met a really nice guy not far from where I live. We really hit it off, there is chemistry between us, we are really comfortable around each other. He is a very down to earth type guy, a very manly, pickup truck driving, construction worker, slightly bad boy type guy. I should be nuts about him, but I'm not, unfortunately that "spark" just isn't there. I like having him as a friend...... and yes when he suggested a friendship with benefits I agreed. Something that I have never done before, something that a huge part of me kept saying "no" to but I have grown tired of being a "good" guy and wanted some sort of connection with another man. Lets just say he knows all the right moves and so our friendship became quite intense. However he suddenly began to use the word "love" which sadly I just wasn't feeling, I really wish I did but love doesn't work that way. I tried, which I know was a mistake, it only made him fall faster and harder. Finally this week he was telling me about plans he had for us in the future, how he never felt like this about another guy. He said to please not hurt him, that I had won him over, that he would do anything for me. I was stunned, shocked, I didn't think this would happen so fast. ............................................. I love the guy but not in the way he wants, he often picked up on that, I felt so much guilt about this for the last two weeks. Finally last night I told him the truth. He was heartbroken, I mean really heartbroken, he really cried, his past relationships were not that good and he said he thought he finally lucked out with me. If he had grown angry with me I could have taken that but he said kind and loving things that melted my heart on the spot. He understood, better to know now than later, it would only be worse. I don't think I have ever felt like such a pile of garbage as I did last night hurting someone I care about. On the way home I cried, I realized that the old saying is probably true about friends with benefits doesn't really work, in a lot of cases someone will end up getting hurt in a fwb situation. Yuck, life is just easier blogging instead of meeting actual people, maybe I'll just stay on my computer. Well not really, I'm just saying that because I'm down.