Shallow

Sometimes I need to remember that this is a gay blog and to have a little fun with it, to accept and play around with my sexuality. I still feel most times that I must avert my eyes away from another man's body, as if looking at him is wrong. Even with Dave, sometimes when I go over and he is taking a shower, I feel I must look away when he steps out or I should go down stairs until he is dressed. I remind myself, no it is okay to look, to appreciate and enjoy the view so to speak. I get so tired when I hear people say, "naked men look silly and not good like a naked woman" well that is in the eye of the beholder. Straight men and even women are just not used to looking at a nude male, it is just something that is not really in the main stream media as much as nude or partly nude images of women are. To me there is a strength to the male form and I love how the muscles curve, the shoulders widen, the jaw line and of course the 'package', size matters when looking and a nice package gives that "whoa" feeling. Hey I can be shallow too! It does not always have to be about a good personality. Looking at a glance, I am never going to get to know every guy in the world anyway!

Dear Miley Ray Cyrus, you seem to be a good girl and are doing very well for yourself, (trust me this is going to get shallow) and I'm happy for you. Lately you have become a little skanky but I saw your boyfriend underwear model Justin Gaston today and sweetie I really don't blame you! If you decide that you want to become the kind of virgin that the Spears sisters were (ha) I would pass no judgement because of this vision! In fact if you were to have an accident like all the other skanks in training I would not look down on you one bit, I couldn't say 'no' to this either! No, I would not judge you at all, maybe even as long as you and the baby were healthy, I think I might even high five you, wow an underwear model, you go girl! On my final shallow note, in case you have not examined the goods yet, I see he is circumcised!

Really Great Sex

We would all like to be able to have really great sex. I am not one of those people that thinks sex is everything in a relationship, as most of you can guess by now I am usually a fairly reserved person and I think I see the bigger picture in life. I understand the greatest moments are more along the lines of your partner bringing you that perfect cup of coffee/tea/beer/wine to relax and watch a beautiful sunset together. However good sex is a bonus to that relationship, great sex is just a really fun connection 'thing' to do between you and your honey bunny! Yesterday I was not having a good day, a lot of personal stuff that was not working out for me. Dave was out with friends of his, so I was surprised to get a call from him in the evening. He was only ten minutes away from me and wanted to come over, I was happy to hear his voice and told him to "get here now!"

It was a nice surprise, I was so glad to see him at that moment and it made all the days events fade away. Visiting so late led him to staying over and I really wanted that. Since he does not have the net at his home, I was showing him some hot, nasty, gay sex stuff on Xtube, oh yeeeeah! You should know I'm not always a good little guy, I have my dirty-boy side as well! The effect of the steamy, nasty, gay videos made for two really hot and bothered guys who were about to go to bed, well can't sleep so what to do, what to do. Forgive me but I am about to get a little rude here. We had really great sex, yes it is no longer work for us, we have found our rhythm and everything works nicely. Surprising enough, even though Dave is a big straight acting man and in construction type work, I am more of a top in this relationship, at first I was a little awkward with this position (ok pun intended) in the relationship but now I am really into it, hear me roar! Yup really great sex, bodies sweating, moaning, groaning, mattress creaking, bed posts banging on the wall sex. In fact it was so good we talked about it after for hours, it was so good we decided to try it again! Yup even better sex the next round and I think that I saw stars the second time! It should have worn me down but after it seemed to kick me into high gear and I could have went a third time, only that Dave has to work on a project today, plus he said something about walking funny.

Really great sex is what I think you people should try for this weekend, everyone deserves to have it. Now I can not believe I waited so long, I mean does everyone know about this? Take some time this weekend to connect with your partner and slam bodies, laugh, have fun, enjoy yourselves-together, I guess even if you are alone you could have a great moment but I suggest to find a partner in the future. It is hard to close this post, there is no point to it really, other than to brag and say that I had really.... okay you already know! ;)

Old Dog, New Tricks

When I was growing up in the country, one of our neighbours had this nice old collie dog, he was a good dog, friendly, good working dog and most of all never left his yard to bother the surrounding farms and villages. One day however this trouble making bitch came to his place (that is bitch as in female dog) and even worse she was in heat. For the first time in Shep's long life he had a taste of doggy love, umm well actually more like doggy style, but you get my meaning. The farmer was very upset by this, he said that once Shep had a taste of 'wild oats', he would always look for it and the farmer was afraid he would start to ramble. Well sure enough poor old Shep started to go out on the town looking for bitches to hook up with, the farmer had no choice but to start to tie him up when no one was around. Suddenly I understand old Shep now, the more you get the more you want and like that old dog, I can't help but make up any excuse to wander over to Dave's place at night, woof!

I understand better the difference between sex and making love to someone, I mean I always understood what someone was trying to say with that remark, but now it is a reality for me. My first boyfriend from many years ago and I had a few good times also, but I never felt the same connection as I do with Dave. Sometimes in those moments together, the bond is so intimate and I feel such a deep love for him, that the need for my expression to him of that love almost makes me cry. I know that may sound strange but these are emotions that have been waiting to come out for years and it can be over whelming to me at times. Often I really feel during sex, that thrusting deeper is an act to get myself closer to Dave, as close and connected as I physically can be to him, and not actually an act just for pleasure. In the moment of passion, I think that is as intimate as you can get with someone, they are giving themselves to you and you are giving yourself to the other person, you are trusting each other in one of your most vulnerable moments, you can no longer hide anything and if you truly let go, you have reached that final step that is something only you and your partner can share.

Dave often jokes and asks if I am real or is he dreaming. He will often say "pinch me" to see if he is sleeping. I think the opposite, if I am dreaming then leave me, let me sleep. Don't pinch me, don't wake me because I want to stay here in this dream. For me to wake and find myself in a world without Dave, would be the beginning of my nightmare.

Is Sex Work?

Is it just me or is sex a lot of work? I mean it looks so easy in the movies, not so in real life I am finding. I guess with anything practice makes perfect so I think we all need lots and lots of practice but I wonder if others feel the same way. I know one of my straight friends says he usually only goes once in a night and only twice a week at most, I teased him and said he was getting old. He said to me that sex is not as easy with another person as by yourself, a little dig at me for being single at the time. What about you guys/ladies? Do you find that some days you just want to cuddle because you are too tired to put in the effort? Sometimes we end up laughing so much that the concentration is gone and then it is over, we just can't get back into the mood. Sometimes I get grossed out by the gels, condoms etc and the added tension puts me out of the mood. Does anyone else find at times that sex is a little silly, a little awkward, even a little gross? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it and most of us know by now it is way better with someone than without. Plus when you are in love with that person, it makes you feel so connected to them. I mean besides being a little awkward, it also feels so awesome and gives you that intimate, final bond where you want to share yourself with that person, in a way that only lovers can. Still however it certainly is different than what fantasies are like, who ever thinks of the sweating, sticky, elbow in the ribs, knee in the chin kind of things that happen.

I always tease Dave, even though he is a total sweetheart to me, I tell him I am going to write a post called 'Dave My Abusive Lover" he begs me not to! The thing with Dave is he is actually a large guy compared to me, almost 6'4 and 220 lbs so there are bound to be a few accidents. He asked me (while laughing) not to tell anyone, but I am!

...........My nasty boyfriend - and the dangers of sex!

A) While kissing and really getting hot and heavy one day, he reached back to hand me something and cracked me right on the nose with his elbow, ouch! I started to bleed like crazy and had to run to the bathroom so as not to get blood all over the sheets! He came after me and felt so so bad, he kept saying he was sorry. I was laughing but also in pain, I made him laugh by pretending I was afraid to let him near me.

B) Again one day while trying to be suddenly romantic, he grabbed me and pulled me into him, however in his attempt to bring me closer to him, he kneed me right in the 'boys', a bad one! It was bad enough that I rolled out of bed in total pain onto the floor. I was rolling around on the floor asking him not to touch me, look at me or breath on me because it hurt too much, then comes that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling that only another guy can understand what I am talking about.

C) One Saturday we had a really romantic day together, he made a perfect dinner, we slow danced a little and then spent a couple of hours soaking, relaxing and kissing in his hot-tub by candlelight. We later took a quick shower together to rinse off, as I was getting out of the shower he closed the metal door and the bottom corner cut a huge chunk out of the back of my heel. Again there was blood everywhere, I was trying not to bleed on his floor or towels, again he felt so bad! I asked him jokingly if he really hated me down deep inside and was not telling me. It took a long time to stop the bleeding and for a while we though that I might have to go and get stitches, how embarrassing would that have been.

Maybe since I have been out of practice for so long I forgot how the mechanics of things work. I could get one of those books and to spice things up, we could read it upside down once in a while. Mostly to be honest, I go over to Dave's for a hug. I know that sounds sappy but it is true. It gives me a lot of pleasure when he wraps his arms around me, kisses me and tells me he loves me. The best part is I know he really means it and is not just saying it. There is no one else except him that I want to have icky, sweaty, sticky, awkward, raunchy, passionate, hot, loving sex with.

Sex Application

Gay sex, I guess that has your attention. I am tired of thinking about it, looking at it, reading about it. I totally want it, I want to feel a guy's lips on mine, I want to run my hands up and down some guy's body, I want to smell him, breath him, feel him. I want to watch him undress, I want him to undress me, I want to lie down with him, arms and legs tangled up together. I want to hear the sounds he makes, watch him, taste his skin. I want to see another man naked besides just seeing them on the net, I want to see, feel, touch another penis besides my own, I want to see him hard, see him excited. This is taking too long, why can't I find a nice guy that is willing to....

I am thinking of taking applications, you know like a job application. Well hopefully having sex with me would be fun and not seem like a job! I am not sure however what questions or comments I should put on it.

........................Steven's Sex Application.........
Job Experience:
He does not need experience, actually probably the less the better, we could both learn as we go, plus I don't want someone who has been around the block so many times that he carved a path in the concrete to his door. I don't have any experience but I will make up for it with enthusiasm!

Tools & Equipment:
I am not hung up on looks, he can be an ordinary looking guy, I do really like tall guys, that would be hot but short guys are cute too (shout to John) so that does not matter to me either. Penis size, everyone talks about it, I don't care really, maybe the smaller the better as well, since I would be new at this, meaning I think I might pass out if he unzipped an eight or nine! I am not interested in toys yet, well I would like to get to use my new flavoured condoms!

Positions Of Interest:
Almost all positions are available, he could explain which position he was interested in and what he had to bring to the table on that position, or counter, floor, shower etc. None of that tongue in bum stuff, oh no that is not happening. You really want to do it to me, then fine but no way are you kissing me after unless you rinse out with bleach for six weeks. Come to think of it, I don't even like getting water in my eyes so not really into facials either. Positions, well lets try them all and see what we like.

Relationship To Coworkers:
Well to start he has to get along with me, that usually makes for good sex. If he already has a boyfriend then no cheating that is just not right, so bring the boyfriend along because I am at the point where I will go along with that.

Skills:
I hope he has really good ones! ;)

...This application is open to people of all races and faiths but not gender, oh no I am a total bigot there! NO WOMEN need apply, girls yuck, totally yuck yucky, yuck yuck! :p

The CEO of this company reserves the right to panic and not reply to any applicants since he is a total chicken, very conservative when it comes time for real life and would never ever actually go through with something like this!

Who's On First, Top, Bottom

There is one thing that drives me crazy with the gay culture, that is this obsessive need to place everyone into a category, top, bottom, vers, etc. I always cringe when I hear that, I feel sex should not be regimented between two people and they should be allowed to explore. It also irritates me when you see that there is a subtle hint, the bottom is thought less of a man than the top. There are a lot of jokes and giggling about the bottom but not the top, the bottom can sometimes be referred to as the 'wife' or 'my bitch,' that is what bothers me, the bottom is still a man and not some sort of second class woman. The top is viewed as the strong one, dare we say almost a straight male. Who is kidding whom, the guy on top is performing as much of a gay sex act as the guy on the bottom. I don't see how someone could think himself more of a man by his position with his partner because unless his partner is a woman, he is not straight. The other question is what are his issues that he confuses being a straight male with being a man.

The other night, lying in bed I was jokingly thinking over my relationship position in the gay world, I was laughing to myself, wondering if I am more of a top or bottom. I always want to be thought of as masculine so I figured I am a top. However when I really thought about it, deep down I suddenly started to see why I am so offended by some attitudes towards bottoms, it hit me, "oh no I'm a bottom!" Yes it is true, (slightly) well not in a kinky or submissive way but in my own way, I want to be rescued. I want the other guy to be the one to take charge, I want him to look out for me, I can still kill the spiders in the bath tub but I want him to be the head of the household - well slightly. In relationships, I want him to pursue me, I need to feel wanted, I need to be desired by someone. I feed off the energy that I get from the attention directed towards me. Honestly it feels good to be wanted. When I was young and one of my friends would come in, driving a pickup, shirtless, ball cap or cowboy hat, and get me to go swimming with them, I always had a thought of how hot it would be if they were picking me up for a date.

I also realized the position I favour from thinking back to when I did actually have a boyfriend. I loved being able to sometimes just lay back, relax and let him do most of the work. He noted how tense I would be always at the beginning, but after some heavy kissing for a while, he would feel me at ease under him and then he would start penetration. Yes I thought it hurt, but it hurt so good. My thing is I find it so erotic to watch the other guy, to see, hear and feel his pleasure knowing it is because of me. To have him deeply thrust and deeply kiss me at the same time, the chemistry of our connection. I loved the protective warm feeling of his body over me, running my hands down his back, I loved watching him begin to lose control, as he gets closer to the point, the change in rhythm, the change in his breathing, him trying to be gentle with me but falling under strong convulsions of pleasure, his face expressing ecstasy, the increasing low moans and sighs of pure joy, those final deep primal thrusts of the hips. Such raw emotion and in that moment he is lost to the world, gone to his own space of pleasure, slowly he comes back to me and I am the first thing he sees, then there is always that kiss, deep complete, an unspoken way of saying thank you for taking me there.

I know when I fantasize about someone I often see myself in that position so why should I feel like I am taking the lesser role. Maybe it is the romantic in me but I like the idea of being looked after, not dominated though, I am way too stubborn to let that happen. I am more the damsel in distress, than the fem in leather having a gold shower while calling some guy master. Well so now I know the truth about which position I would really favour if I had to choose, I think it is kind of funny, so I am not a top big deal, I am not going to worry about it, lets drink to that, bottoms up!

Strike The Funny Bone

This week I have been keeping it on the lighter side, there are some issues on my mind but I don't feel like dealing with them at the moment so I'll stick to the lighter side for today again.

The following paragraph will be a wee bit X rated so since there are a couple of really sweet people who read this blog, you may want to stop now and go else where, the rest of you I see are waaaay more perverted than I am so deal with it! Today on a Canadian Lesbian web site I saw the funniest slogan. It said "save a tree, eat a beaver", leave it up to the sisters! Which brings to mind one of my quirks that I can't explain. Every once in a while I do briefly look at porn, it's a guy thing right, anyway sometimes I look at straight porn since they have some pretty hot studs now. The strange thing for me is that I like to watch the guys um... um... well uh... eat beaver! Yup it is true, not sure what the kick is in it for me, however on the contrary I don't like to watch her su... um smoke pipe. Nope not at all, when she starts that, I skip the part and go straight to the humping. Yeah straight guys humping, I just even love the way that sounds, oh come on I can be naughty once in a while too!

Okay joke time! Everyone put away the rotten fruit and vegetables first though.
One day this mature American woman was driving through a Canadian town, being still quite beautiful and independent she was somewhat of a cougar on the prowl when away from home. She spotted a bar and stopped to go in and maybe pick up a little action. She set her sights on a couple of handsome young men sitting at a table, seeing one of them go for drinks she knew this was her chance to move in on the one left sitting down.
As she approached, the man looked up at her and said "don't even think about it lady."
She asked " and why not?"
Holding up a ring on his finger he responded "because I am a happily married man."
With a grin she said, "a little fun on the side, how do you know you won't like it?"
A little angry now the man again pointed to his ring and said, "don't even think about it lady I'm a happily married man!"
With a huff she got up and scanning the room, she smirked as she spied the second man getting the drinks.
The first man's voice broke her thoughts, "don't even think about it lady."
With an annoyed tone in her voice she said, "and why not?"
"Because" he said chuckling to himself, "he is the one I'm happily married to!"

Okay everyone have a good week! : )

Homo-seXXXuality

One of the strange things I have to get comfortable with is finding guys attractive, when I look at a man with his shirt off and think "sooo hot" I always immediately feel guilty and turn away. I feel like I should apologize or I have done something wrong. It is still ingrained into my head that guys just should not be looking at guys. Even here in blog land, since all of you seem to be really hot so far, when I make the comment that one of my fellow blog writers or a reader is good looking, there is still that slight fear that they will write back and ask "what is wrong with you, are you queer?" It feels funny when I am with a friend who knows that I am gay and they ask while watching a movie, "do you think he is hot?" I always am startled by that and instinctively want to say "how should I know?" There is slight pleasure in being able to say yes I do or no I don't. It feels great not to always be guarded, the other night while on the phone with my friend Lyn, she mentioned about a past boyfriend of hers and how she felt confused over not being attracted to him, even though he was really good looking. Without thinking I made the passing comment "oh yes Mike was really good looking, he was hot" there was silence for a second and we both burst out laughing, she said it sounded so strange to hear me say that and she will have to get use to it.

The truth is that when it turns sunny and warm here, I am in total anticipation because the guys especially more so than the women, want to show how tough they are by stripping down. When I walk out in the late spring morning and it is getting sunny and hot, I smile a little because I know the shirts will come off and the pants will be changed to shorts. It is even strange for me to discuss guys with other blog writers. It feels funny especially when discussing it with bloggers who don't really blog about being gay. I have to keep telling myself, it is okay he has the same feelings, he understands, the same attractions are there. It felt really good one afternoon to email back and forth with a blog friend about what we see attractive in a man, favorite male body parts, the type of guy we like and he sent me pictures of a man he finds attractive. It was good to feel like I have joined the club and able to have this talk. The kind of talk straight guys do about girls all the time, now however I was really a part of the conversation, and not just playing the part of a straight man with no real interest in the conversation like I once did. Still there was a feeling like a nun was going to burst into the room at any moment and ask me what I was doing.

I tend to stay away from sex and sexuality on this blog as it is more about my coming out process. I also wanted to be a little decent and respectable in the eyes of my readers because that is part of who I am. Thinking it over however my sexuality is also part of who I am and I want to explore it and celebrate it. I do not have any brothers, I grew up in the country and I never played on a sports team so it worked out that I never saw another guy's penis until I was twenty four. It still holds an electric charge and a bit of wonder when I do see another man's penis, whether in a picture or a live person. As if I am allowed to share something intimate with him, a type of vulnerability that lets me see him exposed and not just physically. Also at the same time a taboo that I am not suppose to break, an unwritten code between men, we are not suppose to look. However I am gay, not only can I look but if we were to become sexual, his penis would be my main focus. Here comes the warning section to this blog, I am going to put links to sites that I enjoy looking at so if you are offended by gay sex or nudity do NOT click on them! If you are under age don't you dare or I will track down your mother and tell her!

Okay here it goes, things that Steven likes, straight men or gay men acting like straight men being homo-erotic. I don't know if this is true, but you just have to see this! Maybe Jess or one of the blog writers from England, do you know if this is a true documentary about a rugby team? So hot! Then there are guy's bums or buns, I just love me some buns! If you have not looked at Jon's site check it out! He has great man bum down the side of his blog, caution if you scroll down to the bottom you will see guys that are half donkey and you can guess which part of them is donkey! One day I stumbled onto this artistic site and liked the different choice of models he sometimes uses, not the usual under twenty, shaved guys. There are many other blogs and sites that are good also so don't feel left out. If you have a favorite and want to put a link in the comment area feel free, this is gay guy talk and we can share, like a gay locker room! No girls allowed, well unless they also know of a good site!

Update, it seems the rugby clip has been removed, too bad really, it showed a team that was really bonded and when they had a lot to drink went really wild and would do all sorts of crazy homo-erotic things to get women's attention. It looked very real like a documentary and not acted like a porn film. To bad I wanted to share it with you guys.

Straights and Gays and Bisexuals Oh My!

The other night I was talking to my blog buddy (who's more than just a buddy to me) about the usual things regarding being gay. We are in the same boat and at the same point of just coming out so I like to share thoughts, confusions, turn ons, turn offs, etc. I was telling him about a piece I read where the article was saying with the younger people sexuality was becoming more fluid, (no pun was intended there I would guess), more fluid in that years ago you were either straight, gay or maybe bisexual. In fact it said both sides gay and straight each thought bisexual people were hiding their true sexuality. The article went on to say that with today's younger people the lines are blurred. Looks like the Kinsey scale may be more true than once thought. As people become more comfortable with sexuality they are more inclined to have sex with the person not the gender.

I brought this up to him because I wanted to confess something strange to him. Even though I know I am completely gay and not even the slightest bit bisexual, I still am curious as to what it would be like to have sex with a woman. I said that if I was really comfortable with a female friend and she was open minded sexually if the moment came up, I would. It then makes me wonder, since I am a gay man in a straight world, I have the freedom to express those thoughts. Society would see absolutely nothing wrong with me having sex with a woman, in fact maybe even encourage it. However the thing I wonder about is, if straight guys were given the same freedom about curiosity would they like to try just at least once with another guy. I know if asked a straight guy would snap right away and say no! I wonder in the privacy of their own thoughts if they think about it or has that just been burned out of their mind. For myself it is completely different as I was never taught that sex with women was wrong so to me it is not a taboo, it is just something I do not desire.

I forget most times that some of the men who read this blog are bisexual and some of the blogs I read are written by bisexual men, I think the ones that are exploring the homosexual side are really brave. I have written to some and told them I think they are being brave because honestly in my younger days, if I had one once of bisexuality I would have married the first woman I could get along with and hidden the homosexual side forever. Some told me that to deny that part was to deny themselves or who they are, true and I admire them for that decision. I am fascinated by bisexuality, in some ways I feel they are the lucky ones and I'm almost envious of them. Back to the fluidity of relationships, I was even reading where some gays and lesbians who are close friends have entered into relationships with each other. They were saying that since the lines are not as solid between the sexualities as before, if a gay man suddenly finds himself attracted to a woman, then why can he not start a relationship with her without worrying about what his label is.

I hear this as well with straight women, some have told me that they are straight but maybe at one point in their life they fell in love and dated another woman but found that they were only attracted to that one particular woman. What about straight men, I then wondered this out loud to my blog buddy, he reminded me of the college experimentation stories that we hear of. I never paid much attention to those stories, I really always assumed those guys were actually gay or bisexual and were not ready to admit it. Now I am wondering if I am wrong, maybe they were just straight guys that were comfortable enough with themselves to want to try a little play. Thinking back, both my friend and I began to remember stories of where some of our straight friends, who somehow just seem to know about us, began to get a little too close to us. I can remember, straight friends becoming a little too sexual in their horseplay with me, usually beer was a factor here. Now I just hate myself, because I was so busy trying not to be outed as gay, I did not notice the guys that thought I was, and then tried to get somewhere with it. I should have realized if they wanted to push the envelope, they probably did not care about me being gay in the first place. I used to think of it as being decent, now I think of it as missed opportunities. I should make it clear that these were people I knew well, cared about and trusted, they were not strangers.

My reality is however, me trying to find gay friends, then a boyfriend. The above are only thoughts, I would rather have someone to kiss good night to every evening before going to sleep, and not me sleeping with women or horny straight guys. I know the right would go nuts at the thought of people dating whoever, and would claim the end of humanity, however I don't think at the moment there is a shortage of humans. I think with the younger generation there is less pressure to stay inside the box and more encouragement to think/date outside the box. Some people are just totally straight and will only date the opposite sex and some people like me are totally gay and could only love a same sex person, but imagine a world where people just went out with whoever they fell in love with, man or woman and no one judged and one cared as long as they were good to each other.

The Sexuality Of Masculinity

Last week I was watching a show about sexuality. Naturally as usual it started with women, it talked about women, their bodies etc, so I turned the station to watch something else. When the program that I was watching ended and I turned back, I was excited to see they were going to do another hour show on men and masculinity. That is one thing I like also about being gay, the erotic feeling of masculinity. I think that is the reason I do not relate to the really effeminate or drag side of the gay culture. Nothing feminine interests me, only the masculine side catches my attention. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not super jock, more like super klutz or captain awkward! I just want to date super jock or at least watch him in action. As I watched the show I was a little frustrated because it was the same thing that always happens when they begin to talk about men. They focus away from the sexuality part and begin to talk about aggression, fighting, competition. That used to anger me as a gay teen growing up, information before the Internet was hard to come by. When they would talk about sexuality, it was always the same, forty five minutes talking about girls (yuck) and wrap the shows last fifteen minutes up by talking about guys. Same with these two shows, when talking about women, there were breasts and bodies all over the screen, when they talked about the men, it showed them coming out of the dressing room to play hockey or it would show two guys fighting. I have to ask, really what is more sexual than a man. I was surprised as I thought things would be a little more open towards the male side of growing up and sexuality.

The show did make an interesting statement about when a young woman comes of age and tells her female family members and friends that she has started her periods, as opposed to a young man who does it in silence. That is true, I remember wanting to ask my friends about wet dreams, hair showing up where it had not been before, however it was something not talked about. I actually do remember when I first discovered that I was becoming a man, it was just before I turned twelve and I had watch a really erotic movie on TV, I was getting ready for bed and noticed being kind of wet, I realized what was going on and felt excited and proud but who could I tell without them getting grossed out or angry with me, so like most boys I said nothing. I think it is getting better, gay men are more open but in general it is true, men don't talk about these things. I can remember wanting to be able to, I remember asking my Dad a few questions but his turning completely red and sputtering on his words soon told me never to ask again. There were so many questions I had growing up but not many answers. The focus was so much on women that I am a gay man but I can tell you everything about the woman's body and reproduction system, much more than I ever wanted to know.

This being a gay blog, well then lets talk about men. Sorry this will be a bit shallow and probably jump around as I am not sure what I am trying to say here, if anything. Speaking of sports and competition, I love to watch kick boxing and rugby. There is something about the raw power of the guys going against each other. I am not the only one who feels that way as I see a lot of blog writers also have pictures up of these sports. The clashing, muscles locked in struggle, sweat pouring off the guys, as close to man on man sex as you can get! I think we still learn things about our bodies as men. Even just the other day, when I was totally teasing my special blog buddy, (he is going to kill me for this) I wanted to get him back for comments that made me blush, so since he is not Caucasian, I asked him if "the boys" were darker, he did not understand me, meaning guys with darker skin color usually have a much darker package, if everyone gets my meaning. He did not know that, he did not pay attention and said he would have to check! See I was right buddy! Regarding men's body parts. I always used to get asked, are you an ass man, a breast man? This was the question of course that a lot of straight guys ask, I always gave the PC answer that I liked the woman as a whole person. This was really because I had no interest in the female body. Thinking on that question and putting a gay twist to it, yes I know I need to like the whole guy but just for fun, I would have to say I am totally a buns man. Tastefully done pictures of a man stepping into a shower or whatever but a nice butt is a huge attention getter with me. Oh and absolutely no pictures of where the thermometer goes, that is just gross. On a smaller scale, I like a guy with nice calves, I think because it can be hard for most men to have nice legs, so I notice guys that have thick calves.

Hooking up and anonymous sex, I always say I could never do that, it is just not in my nature, I need to care about the person I am with. I understand it however, the raw animal lust, men acting like simple sex machines with one goal of pleasure, part of me wishes there were no diseases, part of me wishes I was a little more open and in a fantasy world I could see the attraction to it, I could see trying it. It is basic, exciting and there is an element of danger to it, so I won't judge because the raw animal in me understands the one in you.

I really like the normal looking guys, the guy next door type, I am lucky in that I have not fallen into the trap of looking for the perfect model. I like if he is straight acting, again because it is the masculinity that I am attracted to, not butch by gap however. Just an ordinary looking guy, that is what I find really hot, he could be a teacher, accountant, cowboy or doctor. I even know of guys that are a bit fem by nature but they carry themselves with a certain straight air and confidence, I could totally go for a guy like that as well. Actually who am I kidding, lets see if I can make a friend first before I pick a boyfriend.