Thursday, December 31, 2015

On The Seventh, Eighth? Seventh Day Of...

Everyone hum along, on the seventh day of Christmas my true love is still not known to me,eeeeeeee! I probably would have better luck finding a pear tree with a partridge hanging out in it. Continuing my posting until the twelve days are up. Oh yes after tonight most of the world will have bleached away any reminder that Christmas was only a week ago. .................................. Christmas cactus, many of us were given one of these little guys, an easy plant to keep actually. The trick is to have it bloom at Christmas time. Not hard to do, just a little attention to detail regarding daylight hours, watering etc. My mother was given one years ago, I don't know how old it is but probably before most current pop stars were born. The thing with this cactus is for years it blooms late. Like a drunken Santa that shows up shouting and ho ho hollering to a party after everyone has gone home, this little cactus bursts into flower.... at the end of January, even February once. While we enjoy the colour, a Christmas cactus in January or February is like a pumpkin in January or February, cool to see but out of place. ............................................... This year however I noticed little pink buds forming in November and there were many. I was thinking that they should be blooming right on time, people would think I have a green thumb, it would be natural Christmas decoration. However the buds began to quickly grow large, the blooms became erect pointing skyward, spurting forth colourful petals, but then after the big moment they began to go limp, shriveled and the plant returned to its unexciting self, with two weeks left until Christmas. Yes the Christmas cactus missed the holiday season again, only this time I think it suffered from premature ecaculation.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

Truth, stranger than fiction. Since I am off I decided to correct a little problem the phone company has created for my mother. They have put her name backwards in the phone directory, so for example if her name was Mary Murphy, it keeps coming out as Murphy Mary, oh and with a slight spelling mistake, like Murphy Mery. We filled out the forms, we have sent them in, we have done this numerous times. I called on Monday and asked for the simple reverse and to correct the spelling. When they went in to mom's file, the company had a complete meltdown, I think smoke started billowing out of the main computers somewhere. They didn't know what to do with her file, the problem is it's a simple plan that she has had since the house was built in 1952. No long-distance calling options, no internet, high-speed, low speed, WiFi, satellite tv nope none of that. "I'm sorry sir I can't change it," so on hold I go, back again but to her supervisor, nope he can't help me either, they could hook me up to a guy in India on top of a mountain somewhere but they can't change Murphy Mery to Mary Murphy. Finally after being passed around and around, they switched me to a completely different department, where I sat listening to the same piece of elevator music for an hour. You get suckered in to sitting there for an hour because you keep thinking that any second someone is going to come online and help you. It never happened, I gave up and hung up. Like some bad comedy sketch they couldn't do a simple name change, that is unbelievable. They have been trying so hard to update everything to be more efficient, that they have become efficiently useless. ........................................... I guess I should blog something Christmas-ish. We are going to have our Christmas on New Year's day so I am hoping for good weather. Anyone listening out there, enough with the snow, I am over it! In fact I learned that the day after New Year's day was called plow day, I guess after the farm folk partied for the twelve days of Christmas, it was back to work. Here in Canada it would apply to plowing snow, I got an unwanted jump on plow day, and cold toes day, stiff fingers day and frozen arse day.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

On the fifth day of Christmas.....

I can still talk about Christmas if I want, my blog, my rules, besides I think I was told I have to keep the twelve days of Christmas. I think this is the fifth day, according to my math, we don't count Christmas eve if I remember correctly. We finally have snow, too late for Christmas but it's here. I think all the wishing for snow collided in one spot causing a snow dump that made us remember how much we hate that white crap! .......................... I have been torturing myself by watching the worst Christmas movies ever written, one of my local stations has been playing a movie nearly every night and I can't believe that these stories ever made it to production. I laugh and laugh at the predictability of these films, I even turn away for a while because I miss nothing. Tonight, the woman leaves her man at the moment the minister asks "do you take this man" she then runs down the street in her wedding dress, in the rain, meets an old school friend, who tells her he always had a crush on her and invites her back to his place, roll credits. Hahaha, ten year olds could write that, or am I being a b#$*ch.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Careless Drivers and Dangerous Mistakes.

Careless drivers, I hope you never meet one. Today while listening to the news, they ran a story about a guy doing 160 km on a 100 km highway, if that wasn't careless enough, he had taped a screen to his dashboard so that he could watch a movie while driving. Beyond stupid, I don't care if he hurts himself, it's some poor innocent person who always ends up paying for an idiot's mistake. .......'.................................... I wanted to blog about this because of something that happened last Wednesday. While driving to pick up some items, a small van suddenly lost control in front of me as it took a sharp corner. In a split second it crossed over a passing lane and into the oncoming lane, smashed into a guardrail and bounce back, which was lucky because if it broke through, it would have gone over a cliff and into a river. ............................................ Fortunately the young woman and baby in the back were not hurt. It was a miracle that there was no oncoming traffic at that moment. The side of the van was badly damaged, tires flat, rims crushed. The thing that upset me about this is she said that while driving, the baby started to fuss (kid was almost two) when she entered the curve at high speed, she turns around to see why the kid is squawking (it's what kids do) and so she loses control of the van. Let the kid whine, when you are entering a sharp turn, hang onto the flipping wheel! It was real life not a video game where you can put the console down. She kept rolling her eyes as if the accident inconvenienced her, the way she was on the cell made me wonder if maybe it wasn't the baby but rather texting and driving. The final straw for me was when she said that she has already been in three accidents this year, "but none of them were my fault", I wouldn't place a bet on that. .............................................. Later that evening, I realized everyone was in the right place at the right time. Meaning if some family was driving in the opposite lane, she would have hit them head on and it would have been disastrous, or if she hit the guardrail in a weak spot and plunged into the river, or if she met one of the many transport trucks that use the highway, or or or. It's the area I grew up in, it could have been someone I know. One careless moment on her part and people could have died. Even me, to have watched her baby get killed, innocent people on their way home get killed, it would be a memory that would haunt me at every Christmas. People are people and there is probably not much we can do about it, I just needed to get the thoughts out of my mind, they have been racing around and around all week, what if, what if.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Jumbled Holiday Thought.

Allow me to ramble, scattered all over like a toybox dumped out onto the floor. I am having a little Christmas withdrawal. I really hate the way every station, store and newspaper pushes and pushes Christmas from end of October to Christmas day, then suddenly it's like nothing ever happened. Just when it is time to be in a Christmas mood, everyone wants to talk about the end of the year or worse, back to work! Let the turkey cool before we jump to the next step, at least let everyone's drunk uncle/neighbour/brother-in-law sober up before taking down the decorations. ................................... Today we finally have snow, making it look more like the holiday season. I have enjoyed the last few days of our freak September in December weather, I did miss snow on Christmas eve, same thing happened last year, I hope this is not a trend. The drawback last year was it rained all the time, at least this year it was sunny. ....................................... Ok so movies, Miracle on 34th street is cute enough, if I have to pick an oldie but goodie, I like the original, it's funny and has that Christmas feeling. I think however for me personally I like A Christmas Story, I know the critics hate it but the film rings true for me, I feel very nostalgic when I watch it. If I had to pick something animated, Polar Express impressed me, it hints at that magical feeling of being a little kid who still believes, but also that sadness of leaving your childhood behind. ...................................... T.V. specials, hands down it is the Charlie Brown Christmas special, that puts me in the mood. For a lot of reasons but mainly because Christmas day at my grandparents was like a Charlie Brown Christmas, small town, rink across the street, kids all over the place, even a Snoopy in the living room. Sadly I don't get to see that special anymore, I don't have cable and the stations I get refuse to play it because of the passage Linus reads. Sad really, it's just a cartoon. Close second is the Grinch cartoon, I love a good villain, way more interesting. I am horrified by that awful Grinch movie with the "dumb" from dumb and dumber. That film should be destroyed never to be seen again, but that's just me. ............................................. I do have a favorite Christmas song, O Holy Night, but it has to be sung by someone with pipes, yes even Celine Dion or Josh Groban, it can't be Niel Young (lol) or most country singers, or all rappers, actually I think a prison sentence would be in order if a rapper tried it. There are not many new Christmas songs I like, I prefer mostly older ones. I can't recall any that I hate, sometimes a song just needs a different singer or change of style. These are all just my preferences, so of course that means I am totally right about everything and if you don't agree, then you are completely wrong. .......................................... Now like torn wrapping paper and discarded bows, I will clean up the Christmas theme and put it away until next year, cheers everyone, on towards the new year.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Boxing Day! It's Called Boxing Daaaaaay.

I had to post this title because soon I will no longer be allowed to use the term "boxing day". What..... you may be asking if I am losing my marbles, sadly the answer is not a joke, the province I live in at the moment has an absolute hate for the english language and works tirelessly to drive off and out any form of the use of it. Boxing day is now in their sites, they are going to try and ban the use and replace it with a government approved term. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. .............................................. Now that we made it through all the Christmas movies, music and t.v.specials, let the judging begin! I am not a person who believes that there is a "best movie" or "favorite song", that makes it to hard to discuss, too many good ones and, too many bad ones. ............................................ Again this year, they kept running It's a Wonderful Life, I know, I know it's a classic but I don't really like that movie. I find it drags on, after a while I forget where we are heading with the message. Everyone seems to be screaming all the time and at many points I fear for the safety of Mary, George Bailey's wife! Then there are the Home alone movies, number two came on one night, I haven't watched that in years. I watched in horror as a mobster executes his girlfriend with a machine gun for cheating on him. This is supposed to be a children's movie? I hope with all the recent tragedies that none of those families stumble on to that movie. On the cheesy side of movies, to save money the stations ran a steady stream of romance movies, common theme, girl getting married, girl meets guy, girl hates new guy, girl gets stuck somehow with new guy, girl falls in love with new guy, new guy is a free spirit, boyfriend is bad because he is more conservative in his thinking, girl dumps boyfriend just before/during wedding, runs off with flake to live happily ever after. However not before it starts to snow/place star on tree/group hug/lost dog comes home/stopped before getting on plane. Just once I want to see, stops wedding to run off with gay lover. Scrooge (A Christmas Carol) also played over and over, in many forms, I like the older version with Alistair Sim, and it has to be in the original black and white, none of this added colour, I think it detracts from the film. I used to hate that story as a child, it frightened the s#t out of me and I couldn't understand why they kept running it on Christmas. Moaning ghosts in chains, tiny Tim dying, grim reaper, being dragged into hell, yup nothing says Merry Christmas like those scenes. ............................................. Ok I will stop here, it's beautiful out so I want to take advantage of our extra fall. Tomorrow Christmas music, cartoons and movies that put me in the mood (the mood for Christmas that is). Try the chicken, I'm here all week, lol.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Christmas Day

Christmas Day, I don't think I ever posted on Christmas before, I am too lazy to look back so I will go by faulty memory. My Christmas plans changed when my supposedly fixed car decided to leave me at the mall. Bad timing but I'm not a huge Christmas fan so not a big deal for me. ............................................... Christmas Day, the one day of the year where everyone gathers together and ignores their family while playing on their phones! Hey so if you have people around you and you're reading this on Christmas day, then you really suck! Lol, put the stupid phone, laptop, iPad or whatever down and talk to the people around you! Now go have a Merry Christmas or else!

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Merry Christmas.

Well here it is already, time flies so fast for me now, I can't believe that the 24th is here. With everyone probably carrying out plans, including myself, I would like to take this opportunity to wish a Merry Christmas to all, plus good health, happiness and love, love, love.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Beginning to the end of Darkness.

The dragon spreads leathery wings and rises in its cave. Calling out in its thundering voice, "I am Darkness, I shall cover this land with endless nights, despairing cold and the sleeping death of winter" the warning given to mostly strike fear into the minds of people in the lands of the north. Making its way to the mouth of the cave, it almost laughs at the way the sun has been banished, caused by its sinister doing. The dragon had plotted this take over, he had watched for the day when he could stop the rising of the sun. It gave the beast great pleasure to think of the moment. ....................... The morning ritual started off as usual, the glorious white swan would swim out onto the lake, fan out her wings and call to the sun, getting the beautiful golden globe to climb high in the sky, giving off light and warmth causing life to burst forward below. That morning however, the serpent lay in wait for the swan, seizing the opportunity it crept up unoticed, biting her, injecting her with its poison, the swan became weak and had to seek refuge, giving the dragon the power to rule. Each day the sun arose later and later, it became weaker and weaker. The days grew colder, life became still, ice and snow covered the lands. ............................................ In its moment of pride, the dragon hadn't noticed that it was his turn now to fall. As the creature excited the cave, the brave face of a young knight appeared, he suddenly pierced the dragon's scales with his sword. It roared flames and anger but the clever knight was already out of range for the expected return attack. To a distant hill he rode and stopped suddenly at the top. The knight yelled to the dragon, "I have poisoned you Darkness with my sword, it's your turn to suffer and grow weak now, hide in your cave you cur for behold, the swan is well again and shall sing the sun to wake once more. Your rien of darkness has begun to end". .................................................... Or in other words, this is a gay man's very dramatic way of saying that he is sick of sunsets being at 4:30 and the days will begin to get longer again finally! Sunny days can't come soon enough!

Sunday, December 20, 2015

My Letter to Santa.

I never wrote a letter to Santa in my life, it wasn't part of my family tradition, mom would ask us to tell her what we wanted and she would relay the message, very sneaky on her part. ............................................. I think if I did write a letter to him now, I would ask him to let me go with him Christmas eve, that would be all I wanted for Christmas. Come get me, take me to his shop and then on to his deliveries as well. The real gift would be the Christmas spirit, that Christmas magic many of us felt when we were kids, that's what I want for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Tran, Trans, Tranny Trouble.

The story of how trans trouble with a guy ended up costing me money. Yes people I have trans trouble, as in the transmission of my car kicked the bucket (lol got you) and the guy is my mechanic who will replace it. At this point I should probably point out that I would never call someone a tranny etc, sounds rude and makes them sound like an object instead of a person who happens to be transgender. ............................................. With a little over a week until Christmas, I really appreciate this curve ball that life just tossed me. Could have been worse, I was not far from home so my old girl was able to crawl back before giving up the ghost. This is the first time I have ever had trouble in almost ten years so I can't complain too much. All I have to do is watch the news for five minutes to grasp that this is not the end of the world. The only thing is out in the country not having a car is annoying beyond belief. I will have to rent one and I can't believe the user hostile attitude of the rental companies. Their motto should be "we are here to gouge you" or "we are here to serve us" or "bend over, we hope you're a bottom". I should at least expect dinner when I am about to be that badly screwed.

Sunday, December 13, 2015


Sometimes I can be quite judgemental, a flaw for sure, I get it from good old mom. It's wrong but I can make snap judgments on people. I do like to be proven wrong however, I'm not so full of myself that I put blinders on to keep up the charade, I like to be surprised by people. I do find I am usually correct, I think it's just from experience and I am a grounded, down to earth type. I try not to see the world through a clouded view. Although I also understand that we all see the world through our own clouded view. ............................................... This week I let something slid, a new friendship that I had started. I had been emailing back and forth with a gay man who was looking for friends. He seemed nice enough at first but the thing that gave me pause was the constant drama he seemed to have gotten himself into. He works in a career where he will be guiding people, helping people, and mentoring people. I would think a person should have their own act together before they expect to tell others what to do. ............................................ Instead I received emails about not speaking with family, breaking off from friends, horrible relationships, aches, pains, depression and on and on. I found this not very professional, like someone becoming a vet but doesn't like animals. Alarm bells began ringing, do people think every email is a therapy session, isn't it a little classless to start revealing every pimple and wart to a stranger? Soon I lost interest in meeting, maybe he is just lonely, maybe he is lonely for a reason. ..................................... I can get negative and down about a lot of issues but I try to fight that, I often make an effort to stay away from negative people. Everyone has drama in their life, friends are supposed to be an outlet from drama not heap more on. Maybe he needed that outlet, maybe he just needed someone to listen. Judgemental little me, I ended the friendship before I ever gave it a chance, so now I will never know.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Pity the Baroness.

Tonight, as is often the custom at Christmas, one of the local stations will be playing the film, The Sound of Music, I am not sure about the connection between Christmas and Nazis but who am I to judge. ............................. For those of you who may not know about this movie, it's the heart breakingly sad story about a true diva, one of the original divas, the stunning Baroness Schraeder (played by Eleanor Parker) and her quest to land a rich and handsome husband. However after spending years laying out the groundwork to reel in a good man, (the dashing Captain VonTrapp) her plans are foiled. ............................................ While the sophisticated and worldly Baroness is planning to come for a visit, along with every true diva's accessory, a gay man named Max, she is unaware that another woman has entered into her lover's household. A young backward mountain girl who climbed down from the hills to hide out in a convent. When the Baroness first arrives, being a woman who knows what she wants, she can always detect an amateur and sees right through the nanny/nun. This holy Mary Poppins starts to bond with the Captain through music and the Baroness becomes practically ill with the sickening sweetness. Giving us the best line from the movie "why didn't you tell me to bring my harmonica" which actually I used at a bbq last summer when everyone except me pulled out a guitar and started singing folk songs. ..................................... Fast forward and the clever Baroness tricks the dull nun into leaving, heaping guilt and shame onto her, it's brilliant. Now she realizes the only thing between her and a new hubby is the scary robot children that he cranked with his first wife, seven children, I guess we know what he did when he came back from being out on the sea. Boarding school, she confesses to max (who I think slept with the evil butler, I just get that feeling). She has the logical solution to get rid of the runny nose brigade, send them off to boarding school. ............................................. Everything is working to plan, things are back to normal when suddenly who shows up like a lost puppy, the nun-ny! Like the beautiful and gracious woman she is, she knows when she has been defeated, yes defeated by youth and the virginal promise of unmarked snow, what every straight guy in midlife craves. With a broken heart she still shows class by giving the Captain a way out to save face for both of them, she says she doesn't want to be tied down and their arrangement no longer works for her. She packs up Max and leaves the two lumps because they deserve each other. ............................................ Later she will be proven right as once he marries the ex-nun he loses his job, they form a band, tick off a bunch of Nazi soldiers, encourage nuns to steal auto parts and then they become homeless. ............................................ As a final note Eleanor Parker only died recently December 9, 2013 of phenomena at the age of 91, sadly I didn't hear anything about it.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Gay me.

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day and I was off work. I decided to walk through a field and as often happens when walking a thought occurred to me. I wondered how much of who I am is me because I'm gay and how much of who I am is "me" weather I turned out gay or not. How much of being gay affects who I am and I mean that in both the physical and mental aspects of the person I became. ............................................ There is a difference between gay men and straight men for the most part, I know many will not like or agree with my statement but I have noticed this long ago. It's not one thing it's more like a collection of things, it can sometimes be hard to pinpoint but there is a difference. ............................................. The reason this came into my head, I was having a failure moment. I have been on this farm six years now and never tried to run it. Instead I work in the city and rent the land. I sometimes think a "real" man would have given it a shot, not this half man, not this gay mouse. I over think everything, I fear every possible situation that could go wrong. ............................................ I wonder what I would be like if I was straight, how different would my personality be, or would it be different, I wonder. Even the physical part of who I am. My height is normal but I'm embarrassed by my size, I have the frame of a ten year old and I know being gay has something to do with that. Being this tiny Tim also affected my choice not to farm and not to take part in a lot of sports when younger. Being gay probably has something to do with almost every choice I have ever made and it's hard to explain but a lot of those choices were against what I really wanted, they were negative choices. ............................................. I don't want to make this a whining post, more like if an alien had been observing Steven growing up, it would have noticed that I was different from the other boys, how much was nature and how much was nurture. I don't want that anal probe thing that aliens do though, I'm actually more of a top so that would rub me the wrong way. I mean seriously they could just ask me what I had to eat and skip the whole procedure. ............................................ Sometimes I still feel like there are two of me, the "real" Steven, the guy I was suppose to be but was struck down by gay hormones, and the Steven I am today. I know this is not a healthy way to think because it is seeing myself as a damaged straight guy instead of a complete gay man. Still I have to wonder, how much of my personality is because I am gay and how much is because that's who I am.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Blasted Phone Company.

Amongst Canadians, one of our complaints is that our phone charges are much higher than other countries. I guess it's because the phone lines freeze in winter and all the words get back logged, only to run free again come spring. This morning we were startled by the phone ringing, very unusual as no one would be calling me that early. We have a saying in the country, good news sleeps until noon. Scrambling for the phone I brace myself for bad news. On the line is some guy telling me my computer has a virus and if I give him my credit card information and access to my computer, he will fix everything. So I said sure, I mean who needs all that stupid money to pay for food and rent anyway. Just kidding I hung up. ............................................ The serious side of this is they target the elderly or people who have learning disabilities, so if you have anyone in your circle of family or friends that fall into this group, keep an eye out for them. That is not my angle with this post however, my take is on the glaring problem due to the phone companies. Take for example, I belong to two clubs and some of the people in it live about one and a half/two hours from me. If I call them for information I get a charge of eight to twelve dollars, even on weekends and nights. The guys who call regarding these scams are overseas, it's one of the reasons the law can't touch them. If you think about my bill for eight calling someone who is two hours away, their bills should be eight thousand! Hmmmm, something doesn't smell right. I am feeling a little gouged. I have one friend who told me he no longer calls his brother, instead he jumps in the car and goes to visit him because he said they can talk for hours and the price of a tank of gas is almost the same as his phone bill lol. ............................................ I think if the phone companies really wanted to help protect their clients, there is probably an easy solution but I wouldn't count on them because they will never do a thing unless they start to lose money, then watch how fast the clampdown comes. As for me, lower my charges you swindlers! Maybe next time that computer virus guy calls, I will ask him to call my friend for me and relay my messages.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

FWBs and other bad ideas.

When I was younger I used to have friends over, we would play video games, drink beer and eat pizza. My friends were straight family men and my place was a getaway for them. I remember sometimes guys being guys, they would strip down to get comfortable, it was hard not to feel aroused by the situation. One day I had the thought in my head, why couldn't a person have a few friends over that would play video games, eat pizza, drink beer, get naked, play twister and help each other out with a little intimacy. When I first heard the term "friends with benefits" I thought "bingo" that may be the thing for me. Lately "friends with benefits" just seems to be part of the relationship dialogue, as if it has become a new form of couple, as if equal to boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend. The evening news did a segment one night about it and discussed how to navigate through a relationship like this, it almost seemed to recommend getting into a friendship if you happen to not be dating anyone. ....................................... Sounds good in theory but I can't actually see myself doing that. I think I would get attached to the person, (I would hope I get attached) it's not in me to not care. If I didn't, then something is really wrong with me, or him (or them lol). I am not judging anyone here, if that is your current situation then that is your business. As for myself, I think searching out someone to start this type of relationship would feel phoney, because it's not an actual friendship built on mutual interests, shared experiences or connections. It would be an arrangement, like a business partnership or something along those lines. I think after an encounter like that I would feel empty (oh, no pun intended) or have huge regrets. ............................................. Even now if a life long friend came forward and wanted to start something, it would be just too weird. Oh the awkward moment when I get naked and he gets naked, then the handcuffs come out etc etc, yuck it would be like when I have to strip at the doctor's office. I have come close to entering into a relationship like this but I backed out, it's not really what I am looking for. Better to keep these thoughts for fantasy, dirty dirty fantasies. Oh well you know what they say, you should learn to love yourself first, yes pun intended.