Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Why has shopping for the simplest things become so complicated. Like when you go to the grocery store to get milk and you find yourself staring at a wall of milk choices. There is 1%, 2%, homo, (that sounds like something I should get), filtered milk, organic milk, lactose free milk, company brand A milk, company brand B milk and on and on. Then on towards the bread aisle and it is the same thing all over with the amount of choices, and yet they still manage not to have the one I want. ........................ This leads me to talk about my underwear. I know a lot of gay men obsess over what kind, not me, I am never going to have to model what I choose so I go for comfort. I take the diplomatic approach to the boxer or briefs debate and pick boxerbriefs. I was told that the front part of men's underwear is called the basket, I guess because it's supposed to gently support the eggs. After Christmas I found that my trusted egg baskets were wearing out, they started doing that thing where I pull them up and only the waist band makes it all the way to the top. Off to shop for underwear, when I get there, I am stunned, there are so many to choose from it's almost confusing. Finally I find a brand I like and the type I like but even they have different varieties. The only ones similar to the kind I usually get, come in the gaudiest colours and I ponder going to another store. Teal, purple and other colours that make me wonder who picked these out, little girls that just finished their colouring books? I figure might as well just go ahead and get them, seriously with my love life, it's not like anyone is going to see them. ............................................. My version of gay sexuality is the masculine side of men, I am attracted to and identify with the male side of humanity. Meaning I have no attraction to the androgynous side of homosexuality, I never want to wear anything feminine. So imagine my horror when I take my new purchases out of the package and they look more like a woman's girdle than men's briefs, or something a female dancer would wear. I have no choice, I bought twelve pairs and I can't return them. I figured might as well use them; however after a few days of wearing them (different pair each day, not one pair for a few days) I came to realize that these things are just completely made wrong. They are some kind of twisted testicle torture device and at the end of the day, I feel like I have been given a super wedgie! I can't wait to get them off in the evening and freeball it in my jogging pants. Even the material doesn't breathe, they are supposed to be cotton but I think the cotton plants were genetically modified with a polyester scrub brush. Back to the store I guess I will have to go and somewhere in that mountain of underwear there must be a comfy pair I can buy. Another thing that would make shopping for underwear more enjoyable is I wish the model on the package came with each pair I bought as well.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Last Saturday I was thinking about goals in life that people set to achieve. Some are small like wanting to visit a tourist attraction that we often heard about, while others are a major part of our life journey, like planning a career. I was thinking about a goal I had set for myself many years ago, in fact I had set it during my teenage years. A goal that I had stopped striving for about twelve years ago, it was the goal of living my life in the closet. I had it all worked out, never put myself in any situation where someone may try to fix me up, never go out with a bunch of single people, never let anyone get too close to me. I had every answer memorized as to why I was still single and more importantly, I became a master at diverting attention away from me when there were too many uncomfortable questions. My plan was simple, I would just continue on being the nice guy, the good son, there was never going to be a dramatic coming out for me. .............................................. That all changed for me when a guy my age suddenly died, he was a good friend's brother, so I knew him well enough. It was the realization that I had never really "lived" and time was not infinite for me, I no longer felt staying closeted was my goal in life, the closet began to feel like a prison. .............................................. This all came crashing back down on me this week after visiting with my mother, she is always happy to see me but she doesn't always know how we relate to each other, some days she thinks I'm one of her brothers. I was thinking on my drive home after, that mom no longer understands, Dad died, my grandparents are all gone now, many of my aunts and uncles even some cousins have died, as most of the neighbours I grew up with around here. I guess what I had been working towards came true, none of these people ever found out about me, only now it feels hollow to me, like being proud of a lie. It's ironic that I achieved something that I was no longer trying to achieve, I accomplished my goal... sadly... and the truth is I accomplished nothing, I still ended up alone.
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Like a light bulb coming on, "click" I suddenly understand the point of dating sites. My confusing was in how I was using them, I did understand that I most likely would not meet Mr Right but I thought maybe I would at least make some contacts, a little gay networking I think some would call it. However I now finally realized that the guys on those sites are not the members of the community that I want to meet, they are the members that I "DON'T" want to meet. They have been compiled by the secret good gay people as a warning to others. By learning who these men are and avoiding them, you will no longer feel the need to shower with bleach after chatting with them or get the urge to buy a hazmat suit in case you meet one. In what world did sending a picture of your member or opening a greeting with the word "horny" become a way to start any kind of relationship. I probably should have clued in sooner when these guys keep listing in the hobbies and interests sections, things like, smelling sweaty feet, wearing women's underwear but mostly having someone pee on them. I'm going to be single forever lol.
Friday, March 17, 2017
According to my ancestry I am supposed to be nearly pure of Irish heritage, with a little Scottish and English thrown in. My mother used to tell me I make a poor Irishman because I hated potatoes when I was a child. Another apparently bad move on my part was I hated beer, so not that popular during high school in a small town where drinking started at twelve for many people. This made my parents happy, they didn't drink either, my mother despised it actually. She would turn people away if they came for a visit while under the influence. .................................... Finally as I got older, beer and I worked out our differences. I'm still not a huge fan but there are some I enjoy. Last year at work they decided to have a St. Patrick's day party with different types of beer, wine and pub style foods. Someone asked me if I liked Guinness, I told them that I didn't know, I never tried it. I started to get the comments about being Irish and how is it possible that I have never tried Guinness. Thinking this was the perfect time to try I asked for a glass and started to drink it. STOP THE TRAIN, screeeeeeeech!!!!! Eeeeeeeyuck! One of my Asian friends asked what was it like, I told her it was as if they took all the bitterness out of a twenty four case of beer and put it in one bottle! I think the dark colouring comes from the roofing tar that they added in. One guy said to keep drinking it, that it would start to get better, nope I think it's more like drinking poison, the more you drink, the worse you feel. Seriously who came up with this stuff, I think if I was making beer all those years ago and my results were this, I would think something went "off" and I would be warning people to stay away from it. Any way later that week I received my Irish heritage letter of warning, stating that I was lucky that I now enjoy potatoes, otherwise I would have been out.
Friday, March 10, 2017
The other day while reading an article on men's health, they quoted a statistic saying that much higher numbers of gay men live in isolation, compared to straight men who tend to have a partner or family. They said because of this gay men have a higher risk for mental health problems like depression. I don't feel like going into it at this moment but to be honest I'm having some hard days lately and I can understand this point. Not counting how crazy things got near the end of my taking care of a parent with Alzheimer, at least for a while I wasn't alone. The stupid thing is a lot of gay people are lonely and at some levels maybe even hurting but they are so inflexible and stubborn that they have imprisoned themselves. Some days I just want to smack all the guys past thirty five and tell them to get over themselves, Ryan Gosling is not going to show up to date or hangout with them. It's about who cares for you, who shows up when you need help, who suddenly thinks about you out of the blue, life is definitely not about how big someone's thing is. .............................................. I often wonder about this because on many different levels I isolate myself, even though it's completely the opposite to what I really want. Now it seems according to this article that it's a gay man's quirk. The disappointment in trying to meet guys is the constant realization that the only thing most guys want is to hook up with me. Maybe that's why I hear so many stories about guys becoming friends or boyfriends after hooking up, maybe sex has become the gay man's "hello", maybe it was always that way and I was too naive to see it. I am fully aware that I can be an odd character, plus as I have said before I am also introverted which certainly doesn't help meeting people. I can't help feeling saddened by this tidbit of information, is this going to be my life. .................................................................... Maybe this fact should be brought out into the light more often, gay men could use it as a tool hopefully to change things around and work against it. I could use this knowledge as a tool, I can say "here is what happens, isolation, loneliness, depression, now make sure it doesn't happen to me". I know it can seem easier to be on your own but I don't think it's healthy for a person to live on their own. There are people who live as friends, two to three in a house or apartment and people often say "that is so weird" but I don't think so, I think it's beautiful when done out of friendship and mostly I understand. My only problem is I have to deal with gay guys, and they can be such self centered, stuck up, moody bitches, but I'm keeping a positive outlook.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Dating sites are the worst, I am not expecting results but I was thinking it doesn't hurt to try and maybe I would at least make a friend, you know a friend who may one day introduced me to another friend and then one day he would fake a leg cramp and....propose? Alright I will come back to earth. I did meet the ex on line so, so, actually I am not sure if that is a positive point or not. Anyway, have you ever had the feeling that someone is looking at you the way a hungry wolf stares at a lamb? I got that today, I received two messages from someone who had absolutely nothing in common with me, when I read his profile it made me feel dirty and not in a good way. I may have grown up in the country but I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. Having been on this site for a week now, sadly I have come to realize it's just the same old, same old. Guys with no pictures..... because they are married, guys my age and older looking for under twenty five, young guys looking for a sugar daddy etc, etc. I received message from young guys that are clearly escorts but also even though I indicated that I'm not into cross dressers, I got hits. Not to be mean but one in particular who makes me think of Alice Cooper in a tight black leather dress that's two sizes too small, I don't think there could be a faster deflation of the below the belt area than seeing that picture. .............................................. In other news, since I no longer have a Santa, I decided to get myself something for Christmas (pathetic I know) and I wanted it to be something just to enjoy, not socks and underwear, which I did actually get myself as well. I decided to get a cd since I haven't bought one in ages. I saw a Coldplay album on sale and since I keep hearing that gay men love Coldplay I figured might as well be part of the herd. I thought I was getting the latest, because it was marked "latest album" but turns out it's the second last one, Ghost Stories, actually I didn't like it that much. What did happen though when I was buying the CD, I saw the album Native by One Republic on sale as well, since I wanted to try their music also, I bought it. I love it, I haven't enjoyed a cd this much in years, I'm listening to it now, that's why I'm doing this music review lol. Could be writing this also because I have heavier posts I want to write and I wanted to mix in lighter stuff to keep the blog from being grey and gloomy. By the way, I blog using an android and so I can't do much of anything, it won't even let me use paragraphs, that's why I separate using dots...... like that. I certainly can't load pictures anymore, but if you are wondering just how ugly am I, check out an old post of mine, October 17, 2008 called "This Way" I stumbled upon it and had forgotten about it, I was taking pictures while on a little hike with the ex and a friend, of course that's nine years ago so a whole lot uglier now lol. Maybe I should try to find a boyfriend with a seeing eye dog, I might have better luck.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Sometimes the best things in life can be the simplest things. Nothing like in the morning when you make that perfect cup of coffee or that soothing cup of tea. You never really think about it until one day for some reason it's just not right. You can try to add more water, more flavor, more milk, cream or sugar but it's a losing battle, once off it stays off. Tea for me is not some trendy bandwagon that I jumped on, it's in my culture, everyone in my family drank tea, most of my neighbours drank tea. Coffee was only for breakfast or a social gathering, for some strange reason most of the women in my family never touched coffee, only my generation changed that. I started drinking coffee at breakfast about ten years ago but I quit just before Christmas, suddenly I find now it makes me feel hyper, not a good productive kind of alertness but more like the feeling that there is a lion hiding in the bushes waiting for me kind of hyper. So it's back to my cup of tea. I hope nobody is trying to find a metaphor here, what I mean by a good cup of tea.... is just the feeling of enjoying a good cup of tea. ............................................. Sitting down with a good cup of tea last Saturday morning (and my homemade oatmeal cranberry cookies), I decided to try signing up for a gay networking site, (okay yes basically a dating site) and I suddenly realized how boring I have become. Filling out interests, sports I like and groups I belong to, made me see how NOT well rounded I am. The trouble is almost a catch twenty two, I can't find the right clubs because I don't know enough gay people and I don't know enough gay people because I am not in any clubs. I don't think listing the volunteer cemetery caretakers group I belong to is one of those things that would attract guys to me. Maybe I need to fill in the gaps, there seems to be a gap between the ages of 35 to 55 regarding things for gay men to do in order to meet in a social setting. There are a lot of nice wilderness parks nearby, I was thinking about trying to get a hiking group going. Just to give people a chance to meet and everyone could join, not like a gay hockey or baseball club where the clumsy guys would stay away. Right now it's -33 Celsius with the wind chill so that gives me time to figure it out.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Back in the day, when movies and television portrayed gay people, it was usually that certain type of cliche person with regard to how straight people saw us, thus the industry created the "stereotype" that they now claim is prejudice if someone thinks of gay people in that way. Finally however the industry got behind us, partly due to the fact that probably every third person they worked with belongs to the lgbt community and partly because they could see it was the right thing to do. To give credit, I think the big and little screen is the reason for the massive shift in a positive way regarding how western countries view the lgbt community. .............................................. Having said that I have been noticing something with all the talk about diversity in films, television etc. Sometimes the hypocrisy from the film industry is unbelievable, they lecture us (the public) with films and shows about racism and prejudice, then we all saw what happens when it comes to award shows or events, they are white as a snow storm. It is going better I think lately but only because they were embarrassed into making changes. .............................................. This had me thinking about the gay community, a lot of movies and tv shows have gay characters in them, it's wonderful that many of the characters are not there solely as a gay character but as a full member with all the experiences as the rest of the cast; however I see a slight problem. Most characters are played by really attractive straight people. I think it's the industry's way of saying, "it's okay if you are gay, as long as you look, sound, and act like a straight person". I know a lot of lesbians (A LOT) and they range from almost burly man to cute Ellen Page type but I have yet to meet any swimsuit model types that are often on screen. Same with the guys, yes there are some guys that look like (insert hunk name here) but we all know most gay men don't come close. Nothing wrong with that, it's okay not to be a hockey player, racecar driving surgeon who is a weekend lumberjack/secret agent that saves the world. You can relax and go right on lovingly tending your flowers while reading poetry because in truth there are many many like you! ............................................... I understood why in the past they would use guys like Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snips in To Wong Foo (22 years ago) because it was a clever way to get people comfortable with lgbt issues, plus it's a business and they need to make money. They should take note however that there are beloved gay characters on screen today that are just like the real characters we meet in every day life. We all want to see attractive actors but we also want to have a connection with people who are supposed to be portraying us. I think it becomes a problem when people start to feel a disconnect with the person who is supposed to represent them, we don't all have to look like Captain America.