Rescued One Month

Well people, one month down and hopefully the rest of our lives to go. It is hard for me to believe but it has been one month since I swallowed my shyness and asked Dave to kiss me, best move I ever made. That just goes to show it is true when they say to go for something that you want in life, or least try. Dave and I are getting very comfortable with one another, he is pretty much the person that he first presented to me and that is a good thing. How many times have people started a relationship (gay or straight) only to find out the guy was a jerk and just kept it hidden long enough to hook the other person into the relationship. My guy still is the easy going man I fell in love with, maybe a little less serious than I first thought he was, and a lot more playful which to me is honestly a bonus, I like a man with a sense of humour.

He genuinely really loves me, sometimes his attraction to me is so intense that I find it a little scary, partly I think it is because I am new to dating but for now I'll just relax, appreciate it and let things take their course. The times he goes out of his way for me, the details that he stores in his head about me, only to be used later to please me or as a sign of affection, make me feel so wanted that it takes my breath away. I am lucky, I am living in a romantic comedy where every day he does something so sweet for me, but some how we end up laughing until the tears come. This is everything that I wanted but thought I would never have. Dave makes me think of that song 'When A Man Loves A Woman,' only with the gay twist regarding our relationship. I think of the man in the song who will do anything for his woman and no one can come between them. Dave makes me feel that way, I clearly see it every time I am with him, his number one priority is me, not in just words but in actions. I don't ask for this, I don't expect or demand it, this is just how he is when in love and it makes me dizzy when I think the person making him this way is me. We are finding that we have a lot in common regarding how we were raised, things we like and dislike, what we want out of this. We can talk about any subject, we are becoming good friends besides being boyfriends and I think that is important to any relationship.

I really feel Dave rescued me, I had given up on finding love, on finding romance, on finding a guy that was more interested in a relationship than sex. I honestly believed that all those good men were already part of a couple and that I would have to pick through the guys that mostly wanted one night stands. He restored my faith in love, in commitment, in a connection between two people. I understand this is all new to me and that in a few months we may realize that a relationship between us will not work. I also know I probably would still have a good friend out of this, however mostly it would show me to hold out and search for that right person, not to give up and give in to what is easy.

I hope anyone reading this who is single, will set their mind to meeting someone. It certainly is true that it will probably happen when you least expect it, just go with it but be smart enough to get out if something does not feel right. Most of all I want you to be happy also, if I can find someone then so can you and sometimes, just maybe that knight does ride up on a white horse to rescue you.

Get Away From Me!

I have lived most of my life alone, I did for a while have a boyfriend when I was in my twenties. Even then we were not together very much, we were both in the closet and had room-mates so time alone was very rare. Now I have to get use to the idea of being part of a couple, to not always think only of myself. I am doing not bad at it with a few small mistakes. Dave has a good sense of humour, that is very important to me and we laugh a lot about things.

The thing I find hard now, and this is totally on the lighter side of life, is sleeping together. No I don't mean sex, I mean sleeping in the same bed. I am so used to sleeping alone, I have always slept alone. We go to bed, cuddle, kiss and hug which I like a lot. The thing is when I want to sleep, I need to sneak away from him or else I can't sleep. If he touches me I wake up, if he moves I wake up, if he talks in his sleep I wake up, if he is holding me too long, the heat from our bodies wakes me up. I am not getting enough sleep lately as either he is here at my place or I am staying over at his place. He can't stand being away from me, which I think is romantic and it feels good to be so wanted. He constantly wants to hug and hold me but that also happens at night. Even in his sleep he will reach out and pull me into an embrace. Yes it feels good, warm and loving but like I said, I can't sleep if he is touching me.

At night it is almost a funny dance, where I try to get away from him without hurting his feelings. I wait until I hear him fall asleep, then ever so gently try to slip away. I have to remove his arms and slide over without waking him. I think 'home free' until I hear him say 'what's wrong' then I say 'nothing', then he says 'come over here' and I begin with 'I am too hot' or 'your breathing in my ear keeps me awake' or 'your twitching is not letting me sleep'. Then he says things like 'awe but I love you' or 'I want you near me' or 'I need to hold you so I can sleep better' and that is just not fair, melting my heart makes it hard to say no. It ends up with me protesting as his long arms reach out and cuddle me into him, yeah it is not so bad but I am grumpy in the morning and really need a coffee (even though I don't drink coffee) to get my day going. Finally he is back asleep again, I slowly begin to slip away, mission accomplished, I drift off as he remains asleep, he stirs a bit but does not wake up, I close my eyes and suddenly feel two strong arms wrap around me and pull me into him, I give up and just enjoy the warmth of being together, as I am sure this honeymoon period will not last forever.

As for the tests we took on Tuesday, the full results will take three weeks so I will share those with you. I spoke to the doctor as I had a lot of questions. I took the test to show Dave I was telling the truth about my past. I know as of now I am okay. He believes me but I felt it only fair to show him the results. I asked the Doctor about Dave being celibate for five years and how that could relate to HIV. She told me some interesting stuff. She said it is very possible for someone to be HIV positive for five or more years and not show any outward signs. She also said it would not show up in a yearly check-up unless you asked your family doctor for an HIV test. She did say however that if a person was HIV positive for five or more years and showed no signs, it would show up on the HIV test, of course there can be exceptions but mostly it would show up by then. Like other have said, it would take at least three to six months to start to show up on a test if you became infected.

Connecting To

I still have to pinch myself, I knew I was heading towards a relationship but I did not see it happening so fast. I guess it is true when they say you can't plan these things. I want to say that I understand that this may not be the one, I know in a few weeks or months we may feel that it is not right for us. For now I want to take it one day at a time and just enjoy the moments, I have been working all my life to get here and I just want to live the moment and not worry too much about what tomorrow means for us. As a lot of you may have realized by now I tend to over think, over analyse everything and I want to just shut that romance killer down for now. It feels so strange, I am a whole person but now I am part of another whole, a connection to another person, a couple.

Everything is still going great between us, Dave is such a total romantic, he makes my heart melt at least three times a day. I spend a lot of time at his place, when I am not there he calls two or three times a day plus half a dozen emails. He tells me things like, he now believes in love at first sight, from the moment he first met me in the coffee shop. Strange how that is, when he first walked in I thought he was very handsome but I figured I had no chance with him, and now here we are. Last Friday I went there to spend the day with him, it went so well he asked me to stay and one day turned into four. He has many layers to his personality, I love that in a person. He has a very masculine side, he works in construction, drives a motorcycle in summer, even takes it to a race track sometimes, however he also has a very soft and loving side to him. He had us take a bubble bath by candle light, he keeps one of my T-shirts beside his pillow, he says because it has my sent on it, when I am not there he says it helps him to sleep. He is my total cuddle bear, we are always snuggling up on the couch together. He is a good cook and is spoiling me with awesome dinners where I am waited on like at a restaurant, when we sit down to eat, we always have to kiss before we start.

Dave is also very much a gentleman, we are slowly getting to know one another, and I mean that in every sense. We are taking our time with all things so no, it is not a wild sex fest. I would have to admit that I am more the aggressor at the moment, years and years of pent up sexual energy, 'lol' I think I may scare him sometimes! Toby the chastity cat also is hard at work, she interferes quite often, wanting to join in on the fun games. Her latest stunt was after getting into bed, she kept rolling her ball with flashing red and blue lights around the bed, it also makes a tinkling sound. I would be kissing Dave and suddenly burst out laughing, I told him I felt like we were being pulled over by the gay police with the red & blues flashing. He quickly hid the ball!

Like I said I may not be around that much for a while, I need to work on the real world now, this is what my blog was for and now it has accomplished what it was intended to do. Have a good week end everyone, I know I will!

Single No More, Woo Hoo!

My thoughts are all in jumbles at the moment so this will not be anything deep. I just felt like filling you guys in on the little things that have happened over the past week. Since the Sunday where we finally admitted our feelings for each other, things have been moving at a good speed. We call each other a lot as he is about 40 minutes from my place. Wednesday was ground breaking for me as I had him over for dinner, it was an early Valentine's dinner as he could not make it Thursday. I have never been with someone on Valentine's before in my life, I had always been single until now.

I was not sure if I should get him something, I mean we had only started to go out and I did not want to look desperate (which I am) and maybe scare him off. I got him a card that said how happy I was that he entered my life. I was so nervous waiting for him, he finally came we hugged, kissed and I got him a drink while waiting for dinner to be ready. I decided to give him the card, I was a little embarrassed, he is very much the straight acting type, he is in construction and home renovating so I was not sure how he would take being given a card. He was at first puzzled and I reminded him that Valentine's day was the following day. He said "oh" and looked surprised. I was really starting to feel stupid, acting like a school girl by giving a man a card. Then he had that silly grin on his face, went to his jacket, pulled out a Valentine's day card and a little bear sitting on a heart shaped box with candies, whew, we are on the same page, plus how cute was that! We had dinner, kissed a lot, snuggled a lot, watched some movies, then he had to go as he needs to be up by five in the morning.

The next day he called to tell me that he had been invited to a party on Saturday. He said most of the people were close friends of his, they are all straight but have known about him for a while. He was wondering if I would go with him as his date. I thought this would be a huge step for me, to go as another man's date somewhere, to a house full of straight people. I felt really uncomfortable with the idea, however I have learn to make that feeling go away, I have to head straight into it. I closed my eyes and told him "yes, I'll go with you." I was so nervous but Dave is really good to take care of me and I knew he would not ask me if there was any chance of an issue happening, so I trust him. Two of his friends came with us and I could instantly see that not only was there not a problem with me being gay, but they were beaming that their friend (Dave) had found someone. The rest of the day was the same, no one paid any more or less attention to us than any other guest. In fact some people were very welcoming to me since I was the new guy to the group. Only one guy I could tell was a little startled by it, but he was fine once it sunk in that I was with Dave. I enjoyed the dinner very much and at times I was in awe of the situation, here I was finally, at a party sitting beside a guy I really liked, who was actually my date. I understand more and more everyday what people mean by 'out' is freedom.

On the way home Dave reached over and held my hand while he was driving, at first this made me really uncomfortable because there were three friends of his in the back. I told myself to relax, they care about Dave, they want him to be happy so I closed my eyes and just held on. It was nice, sometimes it gave me a dizzy feeling, I am reclaiming my lost teen years I sometimes think. I feel alive again, like something deep inside has awakened and I am happy in all areas of my life now.

That night he fixed us drinks and we sat on the couch, talking, cuddling and kissing by candle light. He is a big handsome guy but he is also a total romantic and I feel so lucky to have found him. We finished our drinks and he led me up stairs to his bedroom. We lay down on the bed and he started kissing me. Then in a total mood killer, his little cat got up with us and wanted our attention also. She is actually really cute and he showed me how he plays a game with her (yes I am going some where with this) where he runs his hand under the covers and she goes nuts trying to catch the hand that is making the movements and sounds. Finally she leaves and we get back to being together. He turns out the lights, we undress and get into bed. We kiss like crazy, he is such a good kisser, he wraps his huge warm arms around me. I lie on my back and he is lying on his side. He is telling me how lucky he is to have found me, he is kissing me and massaging my chest. However unknown to poor Steven, his cat has stealthily crept back up the stairs and now all her attention is focused on the rustling sound of the hand moving under the covers, on Steven's chest. She quietly glides over to the edge of the bed and in total darkness pounces out of no where onto me! Needless to say this startled the crap out of both of us, I start to laugh so hard that I had to run to the bathroom because the drinks he gave me start to come up my nose. Yeah and you were hoping for light erotica! We laughed for days over this one.

I need to work on this relationship, so if I don't blog for a while, don't worry it is going well and I will fill you guys in. I will also keep checking up on the rest of you to see what you are up to, so even if you don't hear from me, I am following your blogs. I thank all you guys that gave me feed back, advise and helped me to feel good about myself, enough to get to this wonderful point in my life. This is great! ; )

So This Is Me

...BOOK 3....Final of the crazy weekend Trilogy...

Dave followed me up to my apartment, I was so nervous. I knew I could trust Dave, he is very much a gentleman, but I needed to find some way to tell him how I felt and that was what scared me. My fear was that he would either say I was not his type or because I am new to the gay scene, that he did not want to get involved with me. We get along well, I like a guy with a sense of humour and he has that sometimes dry, sometimes a little silly sense of humour about him. We talked about his work, how family is very important to him, more about his experiences of coming out. I sat close to him, again like the first time we met I was staring into his eyes, his spell was coming over me again. I placed my leg so that the more I relaxed, the closer it got until I was touching him. He is so easy to talk to that the time passed very quickly and it was almost three in the morning. Again while talking he would touch my shoulder, arm or knee. I felt though the conversation was not going in the direction I wished.

Most times he seemed not interested in me at all, every now and then however he would say something as if to put out feelers to see how I felt about him. I was not sure and did not want to end up embarrassing myself. We talked about our trip to Montreal and he worried about coming back late at night if it were to snow. I said I would rent a room for us so we could stay over, I said not to worry I would make sure it had two beds or would he prefer his own room. He said one room two beds was fine, then he said "I don't bite", I saw this as a subtle chance and said "I wish you would." He asked me to repeat that statement, I did, he said he did not understand what I meant by it, I tried to explain the joke, I suddenly realized he must have no interest in me if he did not get that joke. Blushing I said lets just move on, it was a bad joke. We continued talking but to be honest I was not paying attention to what he was saying, he had to work on the weekend and I knew he would soon have to leave. Feeling slightly embarrassed about my attempt to connect with him, I was thinking that the next day I would have to call up one of the other guys for a date and try to move on from there. I was a little sad because Dave is the one that makes my knees weak (yes like a little school girl, bitches) and I had wanted it to work with him. As we were talking he brought the bite joke up again and suddenly to scare me jumped at me as if to bite. I suddenly realized he did understand what I meant and was probably torturing me with it. I would give him the wolf stare, he became shy and would look away while talking. He suddenly looked at the clock and said "I have to go," I knew if I did nothing I would hate myself the next day, I panicked for something to say, anything at all. I looked down and suddenly realized what huge hands he had, so sexy! I grabbed one and commented on the size, he teased me about my small hands and we interlocked our fingers, it was like an electric charge went up my arm. He said he found finer featured guys attractive, this gives me hope. I did not want him to feel uncomfortable so I relaxed my fingers to let go, however he looked at me with this funny grin on his face, and held on.

I tightened my grip again, we just sat there in silence for a few seconds, he caressed my palm with his thumb. I said "this is nice" he was shy and looked away, again I said "this is nice - yes?" He said "yes", we were sitting there, close to each other, staring at each other, I was looking into his eyes and I thought here goes nothing so I asked, "can I kiss you?" Again he stared at me with that funny grin, I asked "yes?" He sat there not saying a word and it felt like time stood still waiting for his answer. He smiled and did a little 'come here' nod and finally leaned in for a kiss. Wow, fire works! Soft, warm, exciting, electrical all at once. We looked at each other and leaned in again, this time he brought me into him and we embraced, I could feel his hands on my back and we held on tight. I was shaking like crazy, finally things turned my way. I told him I found him attractive, that he is someone I want to date and that I was not sure how he sees me. He told me that from the moment he walked into the coffee shop at our first meeting, he wanted to date me. He kissed me again very passionately, he is a great kisser, he smelled good and yeah taste good too. He pulled away and cupping my face in his hands said, "can I just tell you something, I think you are so beautiful," something like that just takes your breath away and leaves a person speech less.

We kiss a lot, I settle back onto the couch and we talk in between kissing. He says "I can't believe I found you, I never thought the night would turn out like this." I told him I was dropping hints all night and before in my emails also, he said he knew that. I asked why then did he say nothing, he said it was because since I am new to the gay scene, he did not want to interfere with my coming out. He said if I wanted him, he was going to let me make my own way to him, on my own time. This suddenly made me attracted to him about ten times more than I was. He said his big fear of the night was that Doug and I hit it off and that Doug would take me away from him. I told him no chance. We kiss more, he points to the window, dawn is breaking, we had just spent the whole night talking. He says, "I have to go, I have a job I promised someone, but first can I try something with you?" I say yes and he takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, I know with him though it will be nothing sexual, he is the most decent guy that I ever met. He gets me to lie down puts me into a spooning position. He is a big man, wraps his arms around me, we cuddle in together, I feel warm, safe, protected and in few minutes he falls asleep, I don't wake him because I want to stay like this forever. Outside I see the soft blue light of morning, I close my eyes and fall asleep as well.

After twenty minutes he wakes up, gently places his huge hand on my chest to lay me on my back, he half places his body over me, again Dave embraces me and deeply and passionately kisses me. For the first time in years I feel so alive. So this is me, Steven the gay man in Dave's arms, so this is me, this is who I am, this is where I belong, it feels right, for once I am not going against the grain, for once I am not swimming against the current. I feel his warmth, touch him, breath him. I let myself dream away in this moment, it is what I have been searching for and I know this is my truth.

Dave keeps asking if he is dreaming, so I pinch him. Then I ask him the question on everyone's mind. Did you know what I meant about the "wish you would bite joke," he laughed and said yes he completely understood what I was doing and wanted to watch me squirm. I lightly cuff the side of his head for that. Again he said he wanted to let me decide what I wanted, I kiss him and say "I choose you." He looks at me and tells me he loves my eyes, he says it is why he was trying to get me to see the ice sculptures before the sun went down, he wanted to see the sunlight reflect in them. I melt when he says things like that, I ask him if this means we are boyfriends now, he says he really likes the sound of that. He lies on his back and pulls me on top of him. He runs his huge hands under my shirt, up and down my back, it drives me wild. I pull his sweater off, I want to touch skin and I start to feel his chest, he gives me one of his playful winks that I love so much. We explore each other a little but he is a really decent guy, it is one of the things that makes him so attractive to me. We lay in each others arms, he says he must go.

The clock says it is past noon, we finally get up. I gather all his stuff for him and he gets ready to leave. He asks how soon can he see me again, I say as soon as he can get back here! We kiss one final time, he says he can't believe this happened, it was something that he never expected or saw coming. I say I feel the same, I tell him to call me when he gets home so I know he did not fall asleep at the wheel. He gives me a tight hug before going out the door, now suddenly my apartment feels really empty. I smile to myself and think "finally I have someone" I make a mental note to tell the other guys, 'sorry I am off the market', and then head back to bed to sleep the rest of the day off.

Fasten Your Seatbelts

PART ONE, Book 1
Fasten your seatbelts, you are in for a long and strange ride. Around two Saturday afternoon Dave calls to confirm plans as to what we are doing. We decide to take a walk and view the ice sculptures down town, dinner, then head over to the Lookout bar. I am still confused at this point whether Dave sees me as a friend or potential boyfriend, the answer comes quickly to me when he asks if I mind another friend coming along with us, my mind was thinking 'hell no' but I said "um uh yeah sure I guess." I kind of figured that Dave was not into me so I might as well make another gay friend. Actually it later worked out that the third guy did not join us until after our walk. We made our way to the sculptures and spend almost an hour there, Dave is so easy to talk to, I felt such a strong connection to him, he was easily taller than most people there and I followed him like a puppy, looking up into his eyes, wishing that he felt the same about me. His voice, his smile, the way he winks at me if we saw something funny or he teases me, just made me watch every move he made. I knew it was silly to be so attached to someone so soon but it was just happening and I did not know how to stop it.

We talked a lot about coming out, his past relationships etc. He also spoke about looking for someone to start a relationship with and about a guy he was going to meet later this week. I felt the plug being pulled from my chances with him and settled for the reality of it. Sometimes I thought he liked me but I figured because I am knew to the scene, Dave did not want to take the chance. I tried to give small hints to him that I was interested in him but he never seemed to pick up on them, or worse I knew it may also have been that he did notice them and ignored them so as not to hurt me.

We met guy no# 3 (Doug), not my type but a nice guy. He also explained that he was only out to a couple of friends, sorry but this guy would make any person's gaydar kick into over drive. Most of his friends must know and just not say anything. It was nice to be able to talk about gay issues at the table and it was great that I did not care who over heard us. To be honest, I still would liked to have been born straight and I think that will always be there, to be married with kids and part of the norm, but now at least I stopped hating the fact I'm gay. Sitting there I was thinking, if I have to be gay, I want to be gay just like Dave, gay just like my lesbian friends, gay just like all my blog friends, I am part of that norm, there are a lot of great people in that club and I am okay with being part of it. We finished up and headed over to the Lookout. This was pretty much the end to the normal night I was having.

PART TWO, Book1
We got to the bar around ten, I was disappointed as there were almost no people there, mostly a handful of cute Lesbians. We came to watch the drag show that was at eleven. While waiting for the show to start, there was a young couple, early twenties sharing our booth, one was a young woman, super sexy and her partner we were not sure about. I thought it was a boy-ish cute lesbian, the other guys thought it was a cute guy. The girl a little drunk, turns to us and says "I am a married straight woman who likes to fuck lesbians," we just look at each other, I mean what do you say to that. As the night moves on, this girl starts to rough play with her partner, knocking over and spilling her beer everywhere, lucky for us we don't get wet. The bar begins to fill, Dave, Doug and I had picked a booth that faces the door and dance floor, we have an awesome time checking out the other guys as they come in or dance. One guy kept staring at Dave and I, like that stalking, National Geographic look a lion gives to the gazelle just before he attacks. Looking out the upstairs window, I really begin to feel for my gay brothers and sisters as I watch them approach the building, check over their shoulders to see if anyone who knows them is looking and then enter the bar.

As all this is going on, the annoying chick next to me says, "I have a really great husband at home, he does everything for me, it is just I want babies and a lesbian can't give me babies" umm uh okay, I mean again what can I say, other than I don't give a crap! By this time she is leaning up against me, at first I am thinking she is just a fag-hag and is comfortable around gay guys but suddenly I begin to receive other signals. She hangs on me, giggles at things I say, gives me high fives, tells me I need to loosen up, feels my leg, yes you saw that right, feels my leg and not by accident, the full under the table grab. She gets up to use the washroom, french kisses the boy-girl and tells us "this is my ex, we were dating before I married my husband." While she is gone I turn to the guys and say what the frig is up with that, I go to a gay bar so that for only the second time in my life, I can be me in a gay world, and I get hit on by a girl, a very pretty girl under 25 I might add!

The drag show starts and actually it is really lame, they were not funny, not fabulous, can't even dance well and did the worst lip syncing that I ever saw. In fact they probably took their looks too seriously. They also had a dance team come in and dance to a couple of songs, they were good but the dancers were so young that I wanted to put a shirt on them in case they caught a cold. My new girl friend was back at this point, now it was worse, she was hanging right on me, and would grab my arm and leg while talking to me, the boy-girlfriend was glaring at me ready to fight, I had enough. I pulled away and gave her the WTF stare, she said to me "oh are you gay" I said "girl I am TOTALLY gay, you can't get more GAY-ER than me!" Finally she got the message, she says "yeah that is my ex, she's a boy, yeah my ex, she is a boy" then she went on to tongue her ex and begin to undo their pants until a worker told them to stop. Doug and I said we saw enough and wanted to leave.

Out in the street I was so ticked off, straight people have the whole world to themselves, why did this one have to invade my space, put me in that awkward place and awkward feeling of being hit on by a girl that I have no interest in and never will. I lived that feeling my whole life, this should have been a sanctuary for me from that. Dave felt really bad for me when he understood how upset I was about this and why. It brought back memories of trying to get dates with girls and being shot down, especially one this pretty and where was she when I was trying to hide in the closet! I often tell people I think I am in a gay Mr Bean movie, this is very typical of me to go to a gay bar and have a woman try to pick me up. I was so disappointed over the whole experience. Dave being a sweet-heart felt so bad (I want to date this guy so much) that he said " you can either go home, or to make it up I'll take you to another bar I think you will like better." I said yes and that was the best decision of the night. Sorry this is so long but I wanted to get down everything that happened over this crazy weekend, plus things will get better in the next post, so everyone get caught up on your reading and I will post Book Two tomorrow! Haha!

When It Rains, It Pours

When I was younger and first moved to the city, I had a female friend who sometimes ran into a dry spell with her dating men. Usually after a while she would get asked out by a nice guy, only to turn around and be asked out by one or more other men in a few days time. She had this saying "when it rains, it pours" meaning having no one and suddenly too many to choose from.
Today I went out for my first coffee date, with guy number two, I will call him Tom. I was laughing at myself all cocky and confident on my way to meet him, checking myself out in the mirrors at the mall. I was a bit nervous but I am starting to get used to putting myself into uncomfortable situations lately. We met and wow, he is a really good looking guy as well. A little taller than me, dark hair and eyes so blue you could swim in them. I could not help think, I wish we met when he was twenty five or so, he must have been DAAANG hot then because he certainly is good looking now. He was really down to earth as well, friendly and we hit it off. He is very straight acting/looking, which is a huge turn on for me. We walked around town a bit, went to a coffee shop talked there for a while. He drove me home since I had taken a bus, I invited him up because I felt I could trust him. He stayed a couple of hours and we talked a lot as he is also dealing with accepting his attraction to men. It went well, we made plans to meet next week and then it was over, like I do this all the time!

After I went to check my emails and there was a sweet one from guy number one, Dave was apologizing that he would be unable to take me to Montreal this weekend. I told him not to worry, he then called and asked me if I would like to go out with him to dinner, movie and The Lookout bar Saturday evening, I thought about it, for like a fraction of a second and said yes as calmly as I could without jumping through the phone! I am excited about the Lookout, it is one of the more famous gay bars here and a very mixed crowd, I am hoping to bump into one of my lesbian friends to show off my new man!

There is even actually a guy number three, I don't get that same feeling from his emails and so I will end it with him as I want to see where this goes with Dave and Tom. I was thinking how odd, I was thinking of my friend saying when it rains it pours. The chances that I find these guys all at once, I guess my nude picture worked, no just kidding, that would never happen! Sitting there at my computer thinking how funny this is, an email came in from a guy that had expressed interest in meeting me last week. I had been interested in meeting this guy but he never replied back after the first contact emails, so I assumed he was not interested. He said sorry for not emailing for so long (a week) but that he was really busy and even now he was so busy that he was letting me know there would be another email coming. Yeah well DELETE!

So I told Dave and Tom about each other and my situation. They both seemed fine with that for now, so why do I feel like I am cheating! They are so different from each other, Dave is that sweet, funny guy that a person would think of as your life partner material, he even asked me if I would get married to another man, I said yes and he was quite happy with that answer. On the other hand, Tom has that sexual energy about him, he is respectful but I feel a bit of that wild boy from him and honestly it is a bit exciting. This is not fair, nothing and now two good guys! This is hard work, I mean I am not used to being in any kind of relationship so I have to appear not that interested without making them think I don't care at all. You know I don't want to seem really needy and scare them off. Oh wow, gay life here I come!