Tuesday, October 28, 2014
When I started this blog, I was terrified of being outed as gay. My whole being was about keeping it hidden. It actually never occurred to me to use the blog as a way to help me come out. I think my first intentions were to secretly meet other gay people who wanted to stay hidden as well. I thought this was the right thing to do. We could form a group and hide together. I realize now that I was truly... here comes the word... homophobic. Yes I know that word is used all the time now, but it describes my fear at that moment perfectly. It was in being able to talk with others that gave me a type of support I didn't even know I was looking for until it found me. Now here I am, not really finding myself but more like stumbling into life. My love life sucks or actually isn't, zip, zero you get the pic. I am in a good spot now however. Meaning I never really think of being gay or not gay, I am just me and all that worry and obsessing about being gay is gone now. I never thought I would get here, not sure when it happened but I guess this is my arrival, buuut less dignified than a romantic movie scene in an airport, more like tripping over pots and pans down the stairs when I'm trying to be quiet.