Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Life In Review

I wasn't going to do it, review the past year that is. I see some blog writers did it and some stayed away from it. There have been a lot of ups and down for me in 2007, I did not want to drag those stories out and subject you guys to them. However this is a blog about a guy coming out so I will stick with the coming out part of the last year. I sometimes still can't believe that I actually started the process and now in these last few months I don't know why I did not start long ago.

It is hard to put it down without sounding like a recap, I have actually deleted this post twice. The start of my coming out this year was me contacting my second blog friend who I will call "John", but I also have to say that my first blog friend had helped me to the point of being able to even type the words "I'm gay" without breaking into a cold sweat. Blog buddy number one, I am going to blog about one day soon but for now since this post is about 2007 I'll start with blog buddy number two or "John". Forming the friendship gave me the courage I needed. It helped me to stop feeling ashamed of being gay, if people like John were gay then it was okay for me to be gay as well. It really helped when we started chatting and then later talking, there were so many thoughts that were running through my head, it helped so much to hear I was not the only one. We had a lot in common, he made me feel good about myself, about being gay and I finally began to accept who I was. We could talk about our likes, dislikes and laugh our guts out at misunderstandings about all things gay. Usually we don't really mention each other's blogs to keep it low key, some of you already know who he is, some of you read both our blogs so I will give you a little hint, that is I am Mr. Canada. Hey John I spilled the beans a little! ;)

My way of thinking was fast changing, I no longer felt so obsessed with hiding, in fact I felt compelled to tell some people, it was something I just needed to do. I felt dishonest and that time was running out on me. I began working up the courage. By this time John and I were very close and I always thought if he were in this city I would date him, not just date him but that I would also want people to know we were dating because I would be proud to show him off, not ashamed of our relationship like I was before with my first boyfriend years ago. I was at the edge of telling people, just almost ready to do it when the final brick was put into place for me. That was in the form of short gay love stories that I read. They came to me from blog buddy number three "David" who I met through John. He thought I would like them because they were set in this city and were very romantic. I loved them but they also gave something inside of me that final push. Loosely based on the life of the actual author who grew up here, I could see what I was missing and could identify with the main character, plus his circle of friends had an uncanny resemblance to my circle of friends. I never properly thanked you David for that and I appreciate it on such a high level that I never really expressed to you.

This all brought me to August to the night where I was about to tell my best bud, however after bumping into my lesbian friends, he ended up asking me, I said yes and that started the ball rolling to , telling my sister and most of my other close friends, to starting a blog about coming out, to making a lot of gay friends on line, to one of my close friends saying she is bisexual, to me meeting and making a gay friend and feeling good about it.

So here I am in 2008 and gay! Now what? I am hoping by the end of this year I will be in a steady relationship, I am hoping I will have a partner to celebrate 2009 with! First though on to 2008 and lets see what this will bring me. I can't help think if someone told me this time last year that I would be partly out, I would have thought they were crazy.


Vic Mansfield said...

Take it slowly, sweetheart. That's the best way we can go.
We'll make it. I believe.
Shalom & Cheers.

john said...

You are the best!! EVER!!!

danny/ink2metal said...

hey steven,

just think, 2008 is 365 new chances to keep moving forward, day by day.

i hope the new year brings you renewed hope and strength in making your "gayness" fit in with your everyday life.

so have a great new year!

Steve said...

With all the hard work you did in 2007, 2008 must turn out as a great year for you!

Just do not forget to enjoy it!

Bill said...

Happy New You, Steven!

Cardinal said...

Here's to '08 and to coming out even further.

Doug said...

Amazing what can happen in only a year. Good for you, and congrats on coming so far.

Happy New Year! *hugs*

Java said...

I wish there was no reason to ever be in the closet in the first place. Congratulations, and may your gay life continue to be blessed.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Joe, hey my sexy bear! Finally at least I began the journey! We can both compare this time next year!

John, no I'm only second best, you are the best EV'ERRR!

Danny, or 365 chances to screw up! Haha! Just kidding, thanks and the best to you in 2008 as well!

Steve, I'll remember to enjoy it and not add so much stress that I make it feel like work!

Bill, thanks buddy! Here is to your progress as well!

Zac, yikes! I have to come out further! No one said that! Wait everyone I change my mind, um I was just kidding about the being gay thing! Hey dudes like no really I'm into chicks.

Doug, thanks I wonder what will happen this year. Happy New Year and hugs back.

Java, hopefully some day the younger kids will not have to put up with it. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Just keep moving Gayly forward Steve. :-)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Thanks Devon I will!