Saturday, January 12, 2008

Yikes! Hey Guys?

I think I am being set up for something, I read on a local site a guy saying he just wanted to make friends with another gay person first and maybe a relationship later if things turned out. Sounded like the type of person for me to meet since I am looking for friends so I responded, I told him a little about me, body type, age, personality etc and asked him to tell me a little about himself, (since he did not say too much in the ad). He answered me after three days, he said I am what he is looking for, that he is also in the same position as me (coming out) and wants to exchange numbers. I don't know, I am getting a funny feeling. The last guy told me a little about himself like age looks weight etc, this guy again did not say a thing about himself. Hmm, gaydar is giving a caution signal here. I could give him my cell number and that way he could not find out where I live in case he is nuts. Any tips? Like one for sure is I'll meet him at a coffee shop.


danny/ink2metal said...

hmm...i say definitely go with your gut feeling, steven. it's the one thing i think as gay people we are more attuned to since it is a mechanism we use from an early age to protect ourselves against people we feel will hurt us in some way because we are gay. so if it already feels shady, it probably is.

though i also see the flip-side where this guy is being cautious; which makes sense, but if he is that worried about making himself known to others that he can't give you some basic info about himself over a social networking site, well, then i think he is the type of person that may hold you back in your own process of coming out and hinder your ability to move forward.

you need to have someone that is more at your comfort level where you do things together and not where you pull him along.

i hope that made sense.

anyway, if you decide to give him a chance, i think you should keep it i.m.- or e.mail-based for now. at this point, it seems he knows more about you and that isn't exactly fair. if he is really serious, then i think he'll understand where you are coming from if you choose not to meet face-to-face right away.

eventually, if things seem more on the level with the guy, then, you should meet at a cafe for a first in person encounter.

hopefully, i didn't scare you, steven. you should go out and meet guys, definitely! but i would err on the side of caution.

Steve said...

I agree with your gut feelings and danny's comment. Either this guy is still really deep in the closet or it is something shady. I would stick to email and IM for a while and them meet him. You never know.

David said...

That makes three so far.

I say it keep it to the computer for a bit. Heck, you can agree to meet somewhere and make those plans through email. Just please do the safety check first. Make sure someone knows where you are... blah blah blah.

Darth Gateau said...

Hey there! Happy New Year!

DON'T give him your cell no. until you know him a bit better. Meet for coffee or lunch is what I'd recommend, keep it all via email so that if he's not what you're looking for or turns out to be a crazy (a discerning gent should never be too careful!) you can block future mails.


Anonymous said...

We all have intuition, listen to it. I agree with everyone else, don't give him your phone number. I tried the whole online thing before I met my partner and I'm gonna tell you. Out of all of them, only one of them didn't have issues and the reason he was online was because he turned out to be a relatively famous actor and it was easier for people to meet him and not just the celebrity. Of course, I was using the popular hook up sites. Now, we have blogs that tend to give you a little more insight to people. I suppose that can be a plus to the online situation. Just use your judgment and everything will be fine. I still think you most likely will meet someone in a social situation rather than an online one.

Matt said...


Go with your instinct. Nothing wrong with getting to know more about him before meeting (and agreed, SO NOT give your cell number).

If he's decent he'll understand being cautious.

Bill said...

I'd say no cell phone. It's quick and easy to change your number, but it's very inconvenient, so don't put yourself in that situation.
If you are inclined to continue with contact, get to know him better via email. He could be a nice guy who is being very cautious, which you know all about.
If you are just looking for a friend, it doesn't matter what he looks like as long as he's clean and decent.
If you reach a point where you agree to meet, follow all the safety rules, and meet someplace where you can make a quick getaway. Coffee at the most; a meal involves too much time without a quick escape.
I tried the internet method of meeting, and it only worked well one time. Most guys were liars, either about appearances or intentions, so I agree with will probably meet the right guy in a social situation.

r. said...

Everything's said here already. Right, if I were gonna meet someone, also someplace out in the open, a public establishment... sex clubs included! ehehe! kidding. Meeting for coffee is good, or is that too passe?? ;-)

Take care Steven!! xoxo

Anonymous said...

I don't really have advice other than to say that's the problem with meeting people over the internet. Everyone's a liar. Or it's safe to assume they are first and hope to find out later that they aren't. It's one argument in favor of the least there, you can see what someone looks like, or there is usually someone else around who will tell you if you are about to befriend the local axe murderer. Online. you're on your own.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Okay guys, thanks for the input! Here is what I did, sent him an email asking, since I am new at this, if he would not mind exchanging a couple of emails first and then exchange numbers or meet out somewhere for coffee. I again asked him to tell me a little about himself. If this time he again avoids telling me anything about himself then I will know it is not being shy but he is hiding something and I will block his emails. Thanks again guys, I knew I could count on some advise.