Not much to report in Steven's gay news these days, a few days ago I told another high school friend. Not from the high school in the country but here in the city as I went two years to high school in this city. My friend (I'll call her M) is pretty open about things so I knew it would be okay with her. I thought she might already suspect as she has gay friends, so I figured she may have clued in long ago. I was surprised by her reaction, she was shocked, she said that she never saw it coming, she told me that it really floored her. I know it is wrong but that always makes me feel good. She thanked me for counting her into the group of people I felt comfortable enough to tell. She was very encouraging and supportive.
I was also outed to someone a few days ago, Lyn was telling a very close mutual friend of ours (I'll call her P) that she is a lesbian, P then asked if I was gay as well, this is not the first time she has asked Lyn about me. Since Lyn and I seem to be together a lot lately she figured it out. My friend 'P' is also cool about these things so I had told Lyn not to lie about me if backed into a corner by her, so she told her that I was gay also. I only received an email about it so far so I have not had a chance to ask Lyn how it went down. Lyn apologized and felt terrible for spilling the beans but I reminded her that I know she can't really lie, especially not to P, she would be able to see it on Lyn's face, plus I had already told Lyn not to lie. I am actually not upset at all about it, makes one less person for me to have to tell. Strange to think that only six months ago, this would have been the end of the world to me.
When I started this blog, the first blog writers I contacted were guys also in the closet. Even though I had been reading other blogs for one to two years, I thought I would start off making contact with other guys in the same boat (or closet) as me. Usually they were younger than me but the fears were the same, it has been interesting watching their progress. I had pretty much put the idea of telling my parents on hold, I though maybe I would never tell them. These thoughts of telling them have surfaced again. The reason is I proudly read where one of these younger guys (Matt at Closet-NS) bravely decided to get it over with and came out to his parents, (way to go buddy, you are going to have to change your blog title)! It really has me thinking but also confused as to what I should do. I feel he is lucky now, no actually more like free now, free in that he will not have to worry anymore about something getting back to his family, free to be able to just go ahead and live his life. The only difference is that my parents are from a very different generation than his parents. I can't figure out where the balance will be, tell them and maybe feel free but also have a wedge between us, or not tell them and still have a wedge between us that only I can see. I find now that when I am around people who don't know about me, I feel drained. I feel like I have stepped back in time, back into the closet and I don't want to be there anymore. I think there is no clear answer to this in my case, maybe it is just one of those steps that I will have to take and see how it works itself out. A lot for me to think over.