Thursday, January 31, 2008

Damaged Goods

The other day I was chatting with someone about the frustration of meeting people online. So far I have only made one friend after being months on line. He is a very nice guy, a little older but to be honest I am not comfortable around him. He is a little too proper and hard to read. With him I feel like when a person becomes friends with an old elementary school teacher, there is always that feeling like you have to still sit up straight and watch what you say. The person I was chatting with, said that he heard most people on line were damaged goods. I am starting to believe he is right, even myself when you think about it, I would agree it is not healthy to deny yourself for so long.

Not making friends and feeling lonely I decided to kick it up a bit, so I put up an ad that said I was looking for friends and if more developed, well that would be good also. Oh man did it hit the fan then, I tried to be as honest as I could, I did say I am not looking to hook up with strangers or any weird kinky stuff, I also said guys that are decent looking, a couple extra pounds on a man does not turn me off, I don't expect someone to be perfect because I am not. The thing is I did mention that I am a little new at this so as not to lead someone on into thinking that being friends with me will equal wild nights out drinking in gay bars. Man was that a mistake, I am new at this but not naive. I think I will have to make a top ten rules list for my next ad. I came out of the closet, not fell off the truck!

Rule number one, your ass better not be married! I mean frig, do I have to put in no married men allowed. Why do they have to be good looking married men, like the husbands in Desperate house wives, why can't they be ugly so I could act all outraged and lecture them.

Rule number two, if you want to send me a picture to show how handsome you are, don't send me a pic you took back in the seventies, because you must be lying about being only forty if you were twenty five back then.

Rule number three, don't try to pretend you are not married or living with someone if you can only contact me at 6:00 Am, noon, 5:00 PM or midnight. I can see these are times when you are getting to work, having lunch, getting off work or the wife and kids are in bed!

Rule number four, I understand most people are not really hot like in the movies, I am actually turned on more by the average type of guy. I know most men will have a bit of a pot and love handles after thirty and I think it is actually cute. However when I said a few extra pounds are okay, if you are telling me that you are 5'8 and 310lbs, that is not a few extra pounds! You better be holding your Saint Bernard while standing on those scales.

Rule number five, it is okay to want to hold some things back from me until you learn to trust me, but don't lie. If you tell me you are just out as well and never did anything like this before, then when I google search your gay ass it better not pop up on every gay site in the surrounding two or three cities for the last ten years.

Rule number six, when you email me, express concern about my being new to the scene and want to talk about seeing homosexuality and my choice of that lifestyle in a different light, you can put the bible away because I am not meeting with you Thumper.

Rule number seven, when I try to express myself in an ad, to quickly let you know a little of who I am and what I am like. Take the time to properly respond back, if you say "yo, lets meet up, maybe get to the next level" I am not going to answer that.

Rule number eight, short one lines show me you are not really meeting me as a person and you are trolling for sex. If you are only going to send a few words in one line, at least get them right. Not like this " it b really god if we coud meeet up go coffee latre" were you in that much of a hurry, did answering mean so little to you.

Rule number nine, don't send me a picture of your penis, okay actually do send me one if you really want to but just know I will never ever meet with you!

Rule number ten, what part of "not wanting to hook up for anonymous sex" did you not understand? Did you think your creepy come on was going to work? Did you not think it would make my skin crawl. Are you like a bathroom wall, did all the guys that have been there, write on you?

I did receive an interesting email the other day from someone wanting to just be friends, hopefully he is serious and we will see what happens, as for now I am certainly getting an education in gay life on line, such fun. I'll keep you guys posted.


Daniel Thomasson said...

Amen. That's all that needs to be said.

David said...

Why not post this in your profiles?

And I AM NOT damaged.

Steve said...

Wow! All these rules ;) Haha...funny post.

But erm...I don't believe in the damaged good thing you mention. I just don't think that's true.

Bill said...

I tried the internet thing a few years ago, and all I can say is I hope you have better luck than I did. It seemed like most folks were lying about something or other. I like your rules, though!

Anonymous said...

These are brilliant. I can be a friend if you like, even though I live miles away across the world, lol. I met many friends online, none damaged, and I met my life parnter online, also not damaged and I'm not either. Just that there are some guys out there who take chances... yuck! :-)

john said...

Those are great rules!!

Wayne said...

Ya, most people on line are looking to get lucky. And not lucky in love, if you know what I mean. But it does take time to learn how to screen the, let's say, 'undesirables'.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Daniel, I was getting so frustrated with the replies I was receiving.

David, it might make me look bitchy! I so want to be a smart ass about your second line David! ;p

Steve, not all but a lot of them are looking for some freak hook ups or are married to women.

Bill, I am finding the same thing, most are lying about something.

M, you already are a friend, I am friends with a lotof you guys but I want someone in the real world to hang out with.

John, use them if you ever place an ad John, I know you will be grossed out about what is out there.

Wayne, I have suddenly understood the pattern greatly over the last 72 hours.

Anonymous said...

Online dating is like learning a new language. It's full of nauances. You have to learn to wade through the endless BS. If I was you I wouldn't rule out the married guys! It's some of the best sex and chances are high that they might be near ending the other relationship. My only suggestion: stay away from the ones with young kids. These guys tend to be looking for other guys looking to financially support them.