Friday, August 3, 2018
Where do I go from here?
When I started this blog I was a scared little gay rabbit hiding in my fake straight closet. Talking about it with other bloggers helped me out of my obsessive self-hating frame of mind. Like many gay people admit, you are always coming out but I'm ok with that for the most part now. Trying to meet other gay people and also trying to date is still difficult but it's not something that stresses me the way it used to. Most times it's more annoying than stressful. Before this blog, my sexuality was something that was always gnawing at the back of my mind, like a small sliver stuck in my finger, no matter what I did, it was always there.
Thankfully that has changed, I actually like it when someone asks if I am gay, it's just so easy to say yes and move on. The thing that is bothering me most now, is the realization that I am getting older, there are changes happening and unlike puberty, they are not exciting. I don't want to become "the old whiner's blog" but the scary thing about getting older is that there is no solution, blogging about it won't help. I email a couple of older blog friends with questions and they depress me by being honest...... lol, it's not the answers that I want to hear. I'm not ready to be old yet, I still feel like a kid some days, although to be honest a kid to me is someone in their twenties. I think I have been lucky so far, I know I look young for my age and I have been lucky health wise but that's not going to last. I was thinking this morning that these days after a good night's sleep, when I wake up, I am stiff and sore and not refreshed like when I was younger. I'm afraid to watch any reruns of the golden girls in case I can relate to the episode. If I was a calendar year, I think I would be the last week of August or maybe that's denial talking, maybe I'm the second week of September. Darn it!
Where do I go from here, I will probably blog about issues, I will try not to dwell on them. "Age is just a number" is a phrase young people use as they approach their middle age, I can tell you getting older sucks and it might be just a number but when your number is up, cute little phrases don't work anymore. I now understand why old people are so grumpy.