Friday, August 17, 2018

Negative Thursday.

 Sometimes a day can turn out negative and you didn't see it coming, it's supposed to be just another ordinary day but it just keeps disappointing you until you see a pattern.
Yesterday started innocent enough, I was supposed to stop by the nursing home where mom is and sign a few papers. It turned into a half hour meeting regarding mom's care. Mom has been declining in both physical and mental health the last few months, within the last few weeks she has really gone down in her mental capacity. We talked about maybe having to place her in a different type of home. I also came away with the sense of assault to her dignity. I didn't expect to be driving away gulping down big mouthfuls of air to keep from crying, that often seems to be the new norm for me now.

 I planned on meeting someone I have been communicating with. It was the guy that I had posted about, I had forgotten to email him for a week and hurt his feelings, I felt horrible because he seems really nice. I tried meeting him before but our schedules were out of sync. His pictures were ok, I started to see him as more than a friend potentially because his character seemed really decent. He was definitely a little odd but in a cute way, not a creepy way. I myself am odd, I know it and embrace it now as part of who I am, therefore I am accepting of people that others overlook, sometimes there is a great friendship just waiting for you to discover, you just have to ignore the Star Trek t-shirts or butterfly collection with individual names like Ethel or Mildred. He told me not to judge him by his pictures, that they were terrible and that he looked better, I said not to worry, the pictures were ok and that happens to everyone.

 I got lost on my way to meet him, road construction sent me into an unfamiliar area with many one way turns that kept taking me further and further away like some bizarre torturous film. Finally I got back on track and some how the gay fairy godmothers using pixie dust, suddenly landed my car in the correct parking lot. I actually arrived before him. I was thinking this guy could actually end up being "the one" because life is funny like that and I really like him as a person, he seemed very genuine, at least in emails and chatting with him. However as soon as I saw him, I felt inside something drop, it was disappointment, I remember thinking, "awww that's too bad, there is nothing there to work with". I have absolutely no attraction to him what so ever.

 He is easy to talk to but doesn't make eye contact very often. His picture was actually a lot better, I didn't feel any spark. He still was the same genuine guy that I got to know from emails and I felt he is a decent person. We talked for a long time and as we parted ways I could tell he liked me. He nervously asked if I would email him to let him know what I thought. I felt bad because I know that he has probably been treated really rudely by gay men and probably figured I would go home and ignore him. Then he sealed the non deal, he gave me the soft noodle handshake, ugh how I dislike that, I find it worse than not shaking my hand. That evening however I said it was nice meeting him (which it was) in an email, he wondered about continuing on towards a friendship, I accepted because I want gay friends, I will have a talk with him however if I think he wants more.

 After I went to see my sister and we discussed mom and what we need to do going forward. More unpleasant conversations, more shaking our heads in disbelief as to how things turned out. Finally I came home and opened the mail, there was a letter from the government saying it reviewed my taxes and has decided that it wants more money, more more more money, never mind the giant companies that horde billions in tax loopholes, they have people pouring over my numbers to make sure I don't squeak by with an extra ten dollars. Hopefully today will be better.


Christina said...

For fucks sake, Steven. That's a whole load of shizzle for one guy to deal with.
Most days are negative for me. When people ask if my glass is half full or half empty,, I ask "what glass?"
It's just my personality. Your negativity has been imposed on you by circumstance. Things will work out because they have to ,don't they, one way or the other.

I feel for your sister and yourself seeing your mum this way. I have experience and boy it's so hard. I send you both hugs and hope you find the strength you need to get through.

Aaah the tax man. We all love him, right? Not. Hope there's been a terrible mistake and that they owe you a couple of million!

Take care.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Some days just suck, that's for sure. I hope your weekend is terrific to make up for it!

Anonymous said...

Oooph! What a day. Glad you could put it behind you. Sorry to hear about your mom. I hope you are able to figure something with your sister so that you can accommodate your mom's needs and feel better about them. I'm sorry the meeting didn't go as you had hoped. Chemistry between two people is such an odd thing; I find that meeting people in apps or online doesn't compare to meeting or knowing someone face to face. I've had so many similar experiences to yours, I decided to let go of the apps. I hope today and the rest of week are better for you. Treat yourself to something nice this weekend.

Deedles said...

Let's just turn Throw Back Thursday into Throw Away Thursday, okay? I'm not going to say anything else for fear of swallowing these big feet of mine.

John Going Gently said...

I'm glad you were kind to him x

Richard said...

I'm glad you were nice to him too. Gay men can be so mean at times. He may turn out to be a good friend. Sorry to hear about your mom. I sure you'll figure out a good plan.

I pay a lot in taxes and it's never fun. A friend told me to be thankful for income that was taxed because without income you have nothing. I'm not sure if that helps or not.

Old Lurker said...

I'm sorry your Thursday was bad. I am having a Negative Friday, but it was entirely forseeable. That doesn't make it hurt less, though.

The news about your mom and your taxes sucks. The meeting with the guy does not sound that bad, though. Fortunately you are not obligated to find your gay friends attractive.

Juan said...

I like how you always tell a good story. Your writing keeps me coming back to learn what happens next!

anne marie in philly said...

aye carumba! what a mess! hope today went a bit better for you.

Jennifer said...

I hate disappointing days like that. I hope tomorrow is better for you!

Michael said...

Oh that was a really crappy day. I hope the next day was a better one. I am so sorry about your mom...that must be so incredibly difficult to deal with.

JohnMIchael said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom.