Friday, May 10, 2019
Am I Gay Enough?
Every day I read some piece about a certain gay candidate (Pete) in the leadership race for the democratic party. Many people are commenting on the importance to today's LGBTQ youth, regarding seeing a married gay man running to become president. I can believe that it's happening but my seventeen year-old self would have never believed that it would happen. Also he doesn't fit the stereotype that was constantly thrown at us in the past. Clean cut, boy next door type, ex military, religious and not some gay caricature from a sitcom or movie. I always said that role models are important, we need to see ourselves in society, we need to feel that we are represented and not just LGBTQ people, other minority groups as well.
This makes me wonder about what I am doing. Most of my friends know I'm gay, some family members know. However at work no one knows. There is one or two people who might know, friends of friends so it's possible they know. I recall a certain blogger pointed out to me, that I like to have my cake and eat it to. I like it when people come out, it gives me strength and makes me feel less and less like an outcast. While on the other hand I remain in the closet in a lot of settings.
I have a lot of good excuses that I use not to come out. There is also a little bit of a power trip for me, I'm going to secretly judge you regarding situations. I do like however that people are unfiltered around me. It means that much more to me when someone speaks positively about gay people, this way I know their true feelings and not something that they felt they were supposed to say.
I think the younger generation, doesn't need me as a roll model anymore, they are pretty sure of who they are. Unlike me during my younger years, they have grown up with positive images of gay people all around them. Still I feel that I'm not towing my line, like I'm letting the gay club down.
I have to end this here, I can't keep my eyes open. I think however if I was dating someone like Pete, I would want everyone to know, "THIS ONE'S MINE"!