Tuesday, May 28, 2019
I didn't do well staying off the net after I came home from work yesterday. I keep finding myself back on here. I'm not sure why or maybe I am. I need to make some serious decisions and I think I'm like an alcoholic, instead of hiding in a bottle, I hide myself online, I keep saying to myself that I will think about XYZ later, only later never comes. As long as I waste time online, I don't have to make any decisions, that way no decisions, no stress.
Also I think I'm looking for a connection, some unknown sort of connection but I'm not sure what kind. Sometimes I feel like I want someone I know to reach out to me, it feels like I'm on here waiting for a message, "hey Steve it's me, it's going to be ok now Steve, I'm here for you, we are going to be together, you're no longer alone".
Sometimes when I shut the phone off, the world feels empty, like I'm the last person on earth and even though there has been no sound most of the time, I only notice the silence once the screen goes dark. When I think about the time online that I have wasted in the last twenty-four hours, I feel shocked, embarrassed, stupid and almost like I have woken up from a coma since yesterday.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 10:17 PM
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Boy is this a familiar feeling.
Keep in mind that there are two things going on here. You are spending time in ways you don't like, and then you are beating yourself up for spending time in ways you don't like. The second thing is not actually necessary for you to do the first thing less.
I don't think of the Internet like alcohol. One can abstain from alcohol and be a teetotaler. I think of the Internet like food. I need a certain amount of Internet to exist in the world, but instead of consuming a healthy amount I consume and consume and consume, and then I wonder why I am fat. (Wait. What was the analogy again? I do the same with Internet as I do with food.)
I think Lurkie is right. The whole ‘eat to live and not live to eat’ balance act can be done with our online presence.
If I remember correctly an addiction is something* that takes over your life. I think you just wish you were more productive, no? Can you do that? The internet is mindless escapism and it should be treated as such. It’s not a measure of our lives or our worth.
Clearly you are doing some serious self-examination which is always an excellent task for any of us. I hope you find the answers you need.
The internet is indeed a hard thing to avoid. But if you live way out in the country it is also a connection to the outside world too...not always an easy balance.
Old Lurker, I worry about the food thing now as well. I could eat anything I wanted and not gain weight but now my tummy says differently.
Sixpence, I wish I would stay off the internet so that I would be more productive lol.
Debra, I need answers... maybe I'll google them... lol.
Michael, yes it's the balance that I have to work on because the internet is not going away, plus I need it for my job.
What would your life be like if you didn't have an internet connection to the world?
Out of a job :)
I would be out of the loop as well, so to speak. I just need to do better.
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