Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Incomplete Task.

 Flipping through the channels, I stopped for a second on the show Survivors. Some years I will watch it, if there are a lot of hot men playing that particular season but most times I don't bother. They were going through a task that I know, I couldn't do.

 It wasn't eating bugs or carrying buckets of water up a steep hill, it was a day for visitors. People were extremely emotional as family members or close friends came to say hello and lend them support. I hate that task because when I think about it, I have no one to ask. There is no special person in my life that would make me cry on site and then give me strength just knowing they are there for me.

 I have been a loner all my life, I was never close to anyone. Yes I have friends but not like we hangout all the time. Dating Dan was the closest I had ever been to having a best friend that I could share everything with, as well as a boyfriend. I suspect that is one of the reasons for me being here in the blogosphere.

 I think that says something about my personality.


Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Well, you deciding to have a blog and share your thoughts with us tells me is that you are resourceful. You have found a way to create a circle of virtual friends who care about you and enjoy what you have to say about your life.
Also, you have got to be aware that not everybody has a family. Those who do not have a family decide to create their own. I have putative family members in many places. Would the Survivor producers invite them to make me cry in one of those challenges? I don't think so. Do I care? I don't think I do. But that's me.
You have created your own support system by having this blog and that's smart. It's self-care.
I also believe that you beat yourself up way too much, Steve. And I think you should give yourself more credit for what you do than you actually do.


Deedles said...

Ditto Sixpence. I'm too tired to be encouraging right now. I've whipped up another batch of grandma hugs and I'm exhausted! They're coming your way, don't waste any.

Old Lurker said...

You are on speaking terms with your sister. She would probably visit and hug you even though you had not bathed for several weeks.

I am also online because I have no close friends. There are many things I can share with nobody -- online or off.

Mistress Maddie said...

I'd come visit you on a island. I'd even wear a loincloth if you wanted me to. I can tell your very much thinking of things. Now its spring....there is something to enjoy. Plan a trip down here. Philadelphia will show you a nice time. Hang in there kid....

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I hope you find a special BFF boyfriend someday. That's the icing on the cake alright. But remember, cake is still damn good all by itself.

Jimmy said...

Maddie wants to play Naked and Afraid with YOU being the afraid part; chasing you all over an island. Gawd only knows what she'd do to you and how many times. lol

I love my alone time. I've never experienced being lonely, and I was alone in the backwoods of North Carolina for over a decade in my late 20's/ 30's.

Christina said...

My gay son could have written this post. It seems your personalities are very similar.
It's fine to be who we are. A heart can't be a leg, it wouldn't work! We have to be our own best friend sometimes.
I think you judge yourself too harshly.

You have some very wise friends who visit here. They speak the truth.

If you go to visit Maddie let me know and I'll meet you there.xx

John Going Gently said...

are you a loner?
or have you just got a harder shell around you for protection?
I think you reach out with your words for warmth and companionship
you are just used to being alone
that's different very different than being a loner

Tio Walter said...

I hear ya. You may have a "shell" around you, but you're looking for someone to step into your sphere and bring you out of it. I say, step out of it. You go invade someone's sphere. Draw him out. Make a new sphere of your own, one big enough for both. I find there's great joy and adventure when we step outside our comfort zone.

Bob said...

Don't badger yourself. You are who you are, and that's okay.
Plus, this blog business allows lots of us into your life, so think on that.

Mistress Maddie said...

Now jimmy......dont go scaring the lad.

Mistress Maddie said...

Oh what fun we'd have!!!!

Richard said...

You can still build a local network of friends. Every time I've moved it was to city where I had no friends. You need to make the attempt.

Ur-spo said...

What this all says about your personality is you are longing for love and worthy of it and we all love you and no one has to eat any bugs.