Wednesday, September 11, 2019
Steve the.. drag Queen?
I have mentioned that my dreams are often elaborate and extremely bizarre. Monday night I had one such dream, probably due to not sleeping properly the night before. As strange as it was, I felt that I learned something from it.
I dreamt that I was in a large building, partying it up with a lot of people. It was something like a casino, there were games, music, eating and dancing. I was enjoying a dinner with friends.. even though I have never met these people before. We were seated at long banquet tables and everyone was well dress for the evening. A hostess came up to my group and said, "this is drag night, who wants to try dressing up like a drag queen"? I didn't want to but some of the guys I was with said, "oh come on, this will be a blast"! We got up and the woman lead us to a dressing room, like what you see backstage at a theater. I tried on a wig, we were all giggling like crazy. Looking in the mirror, the wig transformed my appearance, looking very much like a woman. One of my friends said, "oow, wow, here's some lipstick, try some make-up, you look like the real deal"! I said, "Maddie is going to be so proud of me.. or really pissed"! The woman said, "oh you know Mistress Maddie, she is supposed to be on tonight"!
Once we got changed, we were all laughing at ourselves. The hostess asked us if we were ready to go back to our seats and give the rest of our friends a treat, maybe even get up on stage. I said, "we've come this far, we might as well". Laughing we got up and the other guys went down the hall ahead of me. They went through the door into the banquet hall and I was trying to keep up. I went through the door and as it slammed shut, I stood confused, I was looking at the night sky.. black dark with twinkling stars and it was completely quiet. I had ended up outside somewhere. I looked around and realized I was back at the country fair I had been to on Saturday... now I was with all straight guys, some of who had been drinking and I was dressed as a drag queen.
Stunned I wasn't sure what to do. There were some people there and they stared at me a little startled to see a drag queen appear. I tried to return, I couldn't get in the door, it was a back door and I was too embarrassed to walk around. I knew the people couldn't recognise me, at least not yet but they were giving me a look of disgust. Suddenly the door opened and a man stumbled out, I grabbed the door and went in, I was hoping that I would be sent back to the banquet hall; however I wasn't, I was still in the main building at the fair grounds. One man rolled his eyes and shook his head at his friends, other people snickered at me. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. I saw some of the other guys, also still dressed in drag. I asked what had happened, they said they didn't understand but that we better get to the washroom and clean up. We passed a group of young guys, they gave us a look of hate, one guy turned to his friends and said half under his breath, "ugh, fucken fags". I felt threatened.
We went into the washroom and were hurriedly trying to rub off the make up. I pulled off the wig and began to look like myself again, sometimes myself and sometimes a much older version of myself. The other guys pulled off their wigs, we were trying to figure out how to get back to where we came from.
I was feeling really scared, really threatened, unsafe, I felt vulnerable. A thought suddenly occurred to me and I said to the guy sitting next to me, "I guess this is what it feels like for transgender people a lot of the time, even feminine guys or drag queens out on the street". Then the dream ended but those feelings still haunt me, I think I learned something, it wasn't real but it felt real enough.