Monday, August 13, 2018
The Hazards of Country Life.
As evening fell I engaged in battle with a pair of pigeons determined to build a nest and create more of their spawn. They picked a spot right above the barn door, this way it only added to my dislike of the horrid creatures, every day I have to walk through their mess and worse... you better wear a good hat! Now some people describe pigeons as flying rats, I wouldn't go that far, after all... rats have feelings too! They do carry diseases, lice, mites and it's believed the virus that causes zombies... but that's still in the testing phase.
One of my weapons is a frisbee, while they fly up four stories out of my reach, they love to line up on the roof and look at me, as if to say, "stupid human, can't touch me, can't touch me, I shall poop on your head"! That's when the frisbee comes out, scares the statue droppings out of them. They think I learned to fly and I am coming after them. Usually you have to wait a few minutes and they will come back, it takes about three tries before they will leave, unless you waited too long and they laid eggs.
I was waiting for a third pass when I had to pee urgently, it was getting dark, no one was going to see me so I shoved down my shorts and began marking my territory, I was watching the sky not paying attention when I looked down. A giant mosquito had landed on the side of my penis, (hehehe, I said penis) and I could tell it was trying to find the best spot to strike, not the kind of sucking I would welcome, (sorry bad pun). Anyway the penis is not a body part that you would whack, umm slap...... umm let me rephrase that, it's not a body part that you would hit. I grabbed the pest between my fingers.... and then I let it go because it's only doing what our mother earth had intended it to do. No just kidding, I introduced its face to its asshole as I crushed it into molecules. I checked for damages but my penis looked fine, no redness or swelling, something very out of the ordinary for a man's organ. They say it's only the females that bite, big mistake to land on a gay man sister, I am very defensive towards anything that wants to shrink that part of me.