Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Umm Just Stuff

Some times I receive emails asking how are things in my relationship and did Dave and I work things out. Well no, not really nothing has changed in the no nookie department, I guess you could say things are worse if you want to judge it that way. For now it is the duck in the room, I don't consider it the elephant in the corner as people say, just a little odd tension that is there between us, not huge to me so maybe as odd as a duck in your living room. Now that I understand this is just the way Dave is, I am not as upset as when I thought there was a problem with me and that he no longer was interested in me. I know he loves me and shows me in his way and for now I am good with those expressions of love. I also love him deeply so there is no way at the moment I could just walk away from this.

On another note, this past weekend the movie Broke Back Mountain was on one of the french channels (french Canadians are way more cool and open than english Canadians) and I watched part of it, I stopped watching because it seemed to hit harder this time around. I stopped because I want to watch the full movie again on DVD. Some of you may remember I blogged about finally seeing it about seven months ago, however at that time I had not met Dave yet and I suspect it was harder this time because I could relate more to the characters now that I am in a relationship. I guess I could feel the angst and loneliness more at the thought of being separated from Dave. I asked Dave to watch it again with me sometime soon, also because he cries much more easily at movies and I want to tease the crap out of him. Also funny is when my Dad saw the previews, again he said he wants to see the movie, I guess I could just fast forward the tent scene for him but I think he would probably enjoy most of the movie.

I don't know about you, and I mean 'you' as in a fellow gay man, or woman, but I love to hear about 'family' doing well. Meaning a gay couple marry and have a happy life, a gay person start a business and it thrives or someone has a gay kid and the parents are behind their child 100%. Dave knows a gay couple that have been together for years, he is not close friends with them but does know them fairly well and has done business with them. A few years ago they decided to try and adopt to complete their family, they were given twin boys. The boys had been bounced around foster homes because they had learning difficulties and a lot of people only want perfect children with no flaws. They formed a family out of little people who needed love and big people who wanted to give love. The boys did very well, the men threw resources behind the boys as in one becoming a mostly stay home Dad plus getting tutors to help them catch up with school. I loved when Dave would tell me about this family, sometimes I would think of Dave and I as gay parents and wondered what that would be like. I never had the chance to meet them yet but Dave often speaks highly of them. Last spring one Dad was diagnosed with cancer and had to go in for an operation. He seemed to be recovering until Dave was told today that things turned for the worse and he passed away. I never met them but I feel so sad inside, it is just not fair. The boys finally were given a home with people who love them only to have their security shattered, the extra sting for them would be it was the stay at home Father so there was probably an extra bond with him. I can't also help feeling so sorry for the Dad left behind, he will really have his hands full now with trying to take care of the boys and the one person he could lean on the most in rough times, is gone. It is moments like these when I can be thankful for the things I had growing up, when I see how life can turn so cruel on others, like two little boys in need who this week, had their hearts broken.


Birdie said...

It is times like this when community is most important. We must step in and do what needs to be done until the dad can find his way again. He is in just as much need as those poor boys. Make a meal in a disposable dish. Do the laundry. Make weekly visits to take care of the lawn. You and Dave can make a difference, however briefly, in the life of those boys. "Family" is family.

Anonymous said...

Birdie makes a good point. Maybe there is some way you guys could help them...if not to just go over and talk a while. You and Dave sound like excellent men who could help in some way with this ...you both are tender towards others. I am like you I enjoy reading and hearing about gay families making a life together...I am so sorry this has happened.

Greg said...

That is sad to hear. Life is unfair sometimes, but I suppose really, it's offering the rest of us a challenge of whether we can find it in ourselves to step up and help someone in need.

I'm glad to hear that things are good between you and Dave. Sex is fun, but it's not everything, that's for sure.

Anonymous said...

I vouch for Birdie's viewpoint as well. There is this "automatic" acceptance of other gays and lesbians as "family" that I have always had. And I couldn't help but think of Brokeback Mountain when I read your "The Visitor" post.

Vic Mansfield said...

I pray things will work out for you and Dave. Those ducks can sure bite (and elephants certainly stomp). Best to name them and move them on.

The gay community has (I hope) gathered to support the widowed dad. In this country there have been some children ripped from their stable homes (with GLBT adopting parents)just because those folk were GLBT. That is a death that is even harder to explain to a child.