Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Since I often blog that Dave and I get along pretty good with the exception of the 'no nookie' problem, there are however two things that he does that really set me off. He does not understand why I get angry but he is learning not to do them around me. For the straight women that read my blog, see we have to 'train' our boyfriends as well!

The one main thing I hate is, when we are out at a function with people I know or that he knows, he will make sexual jokes about us. Not vulgar as he is decent with his language, more like innuendo, as if we are going at it all the time like rabbits and also as if he is some kind of stud that is after me every chance he gets. First off, even if that were true, we were both raised that this kind of talk is wrong, our private life should be kept private. He does not do this all the time but enough to make me angry and threaten him to stop it or I would have to correct his misinformation, that usually makes him quiet in seconds. I think that is the sting for me, I hurt because we don't have a healthy relationship sex wise but I love him so I make the best of it and take it day by day. Then for him to try and embarrass me (and I know it is just teasing) by telling people that "he always keeps me busy all night long" only adds salt to the wound. I cringe if any guy says this about his partner, gay or straight, I think it is immature and I just hate it when he does it. Like I said, he is learning but every now and then I have to scold my little (6'3) boy. It also shows me that deep down he knows that is the way we are suppose to be, so whether he admits it out loud or not, he knows this is not a normal relationship.

The other thing that bugs me is when we are out at a fair or event in the country. We both come from Farm/country life and eventually we often find people that know both families. The odd thing about the farming community is that it has it's own second world where events are held that people from the city are not even aware of. This leads to farmers, hobby farmers, horse enthusiasts, loggers and some truckers knowing or knowing of each other for miles and miles around. Some times when we are out at these events, Dave likes to tease me. This is one of the last crowds where being gay is still not accepted, plus I am not out to a lot of my family. Dave will tickle me or put his hand on my knee or ask for a kiss just to get me flustered. I don't find it a bit funny, it makes me very uncomfortable, I don't want to be outed by someone telling my parents that they saw me flirting with a guy at a fair. Just to be clear, even if I was straight, I am not the kind of guy that would be hanging all over his girlfriend just to show off the relationship in public. That is the other hypocritical thing about this, Dave does not act this way around his family. Even though they all know and have made me feel very welcomed, he does not try to kiss me in front of his Dad or brothers. If he was affectionate all the time in public I could understand. Like I said, I get very uncomfortable in these situations, he will even say out loud "see that cowboy on the brown horse, oh wow is he ever cute in those tight jeans" and it just floors me because he does not act like that at other times, he has even complained about other gay people being disrespectful by doing this. I know he is doing this to get a rise out of me but the danger is this, most times in a city or town setting people will not do anything if they discover you are gay and have a problem with it, however if there was ever a time that you could be followed out back to the potty and get a punch in the mouth just for being gay, this is one of those times. Some of the 'good' people might feel it was their duty to keep one of those gays away from their events.

I believe we should live free but I also believe we still need to be careful. It would be nice if we could hold hands anywhere but that is just not the case yet. Any way more 'training' needed but I love the guy so what can I do.


Anonymous said...

Steven, I can very well understand your annoyance. It shows the two sides of Dave again.

The one side being kind, thoughtful and caring for you, a real friend, and the other side getting into a tantrum when things don't go his way, mood swings you can get scared of or acting about things that are not happening in your relationship.

Many guys would have kicked him out already, but you still stick to his side which is very noble of you.

I'm sure he never wants to get to a relation-therapist, just to find out why he doesn't want to do 'the deed' with you. Since the atraction between the both of you was from the start and suddenly it died down.

Wishing you lots of wisdom, and some nookie too.

Anonymous said...

You from all the things I have read and seen and researched...I think you are very wise to be concerned about how people might feel they have to take care of the situation when they see two gay men together...especially when you are not in the city. I get concerned sometimes when Paul and I are in the movies holding hands..

r. said...

Just remember what's most important in a relationship... :-)

Topher said...

Oh wow, I tend to act like Dave when C- and I are out and about, I would jokingly hold his hand or try to kiss him when we just happen to be strolling.


Wayne said...

I don't seems like he's trying to make people think in public what he can't/won't do at home.

Vic Mansfield said...

WHen he brags on his studliness, tell him to put his money where his mouth is. . . . or something like that.

Java said...

I have my own uneducated opinion about why Dave likes to divulge personal but untrue information inappropriately in public. I think he's insecure about his level of sexual activity so he brags about it to divert attention from the truth, that he does not have sex as often as what he thinks is socially acceptable.

Anonymous said...

If you have not had this talk with him, that is the first thing you need to do. And you need to tell him how it makes you feel and the uncomfortableness that goes along with it.

As you stated, you are still closeted to many members who are part of a community that is not accepting of gays. He needs to understand what kind of possible DANGEROUS situations this could leave you in.

Your love for him has to be balanced with his understanding. (((((Steven)))))