Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I Don't Want To Be Mrs Roper

When I was a kid I liked to watch the show Three's Company, for those who never saw the show, there were these two characters, Mr and Mrs Roper. They were an older couple that played the landlords of the show. Mr Roper was a bit of a jerk, he liked to drool over the younger women while not treating his wife very well. Mrs Roper was a sweet lady and her beauty was on the inside, in fact looking back, she probably would be a perfect person for drag queens to copy at a gay pride parade. In the show I used to feel sorry for her character as she wanted to have a healthy sex life with her husband but being a jerk, he rejected her at every turn. Even though I was very young and had a slight grasp of what sex actually was, the game of being naked with each other and kissing looked like fun, I used to think "what is wrong with him, he does not look so hot himself anymore, when I get old if my partner wanted sex all the time, I would think that was a good thing". I was so young, I did not even realize at this time that my partner was going to be a guy, I didn't yet understand why I found the character Jack attractive and could not get why every other guy talked about the women on the show. I did know one thing however, I would not deny my partner a chance to be intimate with me.

I should say that Dave is certainly no Mr Roper, he is very kind and loving to me. We do enjoy each other's company and like I am always saying, he acts very thoughtful towards me. However I keep thinking lately of Mrs Roper, it is almost as if I knew as a young child I would end up in a situation like hers. Even last night watching a comedy on TV, the woman in the show was worried that she missed her proper moment to have sex with her boyfriend, her male friends laughed at her and said not to worry, that him being a guy, every moment was the proper time to have sex. That line would at any other time have been really funny to me, however last night it hurt.

That was one of the things I talked a lot about with Dave, I wanted to be sure that he was not being 'with' me just to keep me from leaving, I do not want to hold that over his head all the time. I do not want to place him in the position of doing something that he dislikes. He said that he wanted to try, he does not want to lose me and that he was fine with it. I need the love of a good man more than the sex, I would hate to meet someone new that was great in bed but was not as thoughtful or loving towards me. Still I don't want to end up being Mrs Roper later on in life, needing my partner and him finding ways to avoid me, that would hurt.

Dave is trying and I hope this works, I am pretty lucky when I see other people looking for the right person in terms of years, my situation is not as hard as some others trying to come out so I don't want to appear whiny here. However I can't help feeling a little sad, even though Dave is trying, he is doing it for me, he does not get a lot of enjoyment out of the act and is not interested in it. That means that he will probably be less likely to say no to me but he will never try to start anything with me. That was part of my daydreams for when I finally had a boyfriend, for him to gently wake me on a Sunday morning by starting to make love to me, to go camping or some place private and have him come onto me, to give me a sly wink on a rainy afternoon when there is nothing else to do, to just start being silly and get me down on the living room floor then turn playful wrestling into something erotic. Those daydreams will have to make way for my reality, they just won't happen and I have to stop being obsessed with them. I have to focus on other things, like when I go to his place and he lights up at the sight of me, at the fact that if he is within reach of me... he is hugging me, that I am on a pedestal in his eyes, that I feel so loved by someone other than family, that he wants to take care of me and make everything right for me, that I love him like no other in my life... ever. To give that up and walk away would almost seem stupid.


Topher said...

I feel ya (;_;)

Greg said...

Heh heh...I don't even know what you look like, Steven, and yet suddenly, I'm picturing you in caftans and boas. ; )

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Kris, thanks buddy. ;)

Greg... noooo.. no.. no.. no! O_O
That is certainly not me! However now you gave me an idea for halloween.

Anonymous said...

Though I'm a straight woman, I can say I've been in the same position. I thought I could make a relationship work when the sex was good but the 'out of bed' relationship wasn't so much. And another relationship was so great and fun, but the sex (what there was of it) was D-U-L-L. One or both of us had to really work at intimacy after a while. To be honest with you, I settled for one thing and dreamed of another, and it just never worked out.
Instead of trying 'for you,' he should seek counseling and find the real answer. I wish you both luck....and patience. I always pitied Mrs. Roper, too......

Will said...

I definitely think Catrina has it right at the end--trying for you is dealing with the symptoms, exploring the root causes will deal with the real problem.

Unless, of course, he doesn't feel there IS a problem, if sex just isn't that important to him, or if he doesn't actually like it for whatever reason--then there may be decisions to be made.

Later in life, love can sustain you gloriously when sex drive wanes, but for, healthy 30-somethings, these should be years of love AND passion, particularly if you, like me, express love THROUGH sex.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Catrina, thanks for the comment always nice to see a new face (so to speak). I know you are right and that is one thing I am afraid of, that there will be one and not the other, always feeling like you are missing a huge part of a relationship. I told him I will not live that way, I can't. We actually do know the 'why' and there is not much he can do about that.

Will, as I said above, we do know the 'why' and there is not much we can do about it. He is healthy but some people are just not at the same level as others. We are going to try and see how this goes but we also talked about what happens if we are looking for different things. I don't express love through sex but I am a very sexual person and I feel this is my time, this is part of what being gay means to me, I do see it as a special way to connect with him, so no sex means no connection and then I start to feel like this is just a complicated friendship, which is not what I want from him. Plus I feel that once you start a sexual relationship, it is hard to stop and not fair to me to get me started and then cut me off. Thanks for the input Will.

Stephen said...

Commitments, relationships are difficult whether it is gay or straight. To make it work there must be a willingness to compromise and an open line of communication at all times. I so hope everything works out for the both of you..........

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Stephen, usually I am pretty good at saying what is on my mind, in a gentle way however, I am not one to cause tension. I guess with this issue I did not press it enough. The last two times we spoke about this I made it loud and clear to him, after he said that only made him love me more and so far so good, but we will see. Thanks for your good wishes.

Java said...

Yeah, I too always felt kinda sad for Mrs. Roper. She was a lot more attractive and pleasant than Mr. Roper, too. I don't know what his problem was. He also didn't treat her lovingly in non-sexual ways. So if Dave does that, you're definitely ahead of the game.

Anonymous said...

Τoday, I went to thе beaсh with my kids.
I found a ѕea ѕhell and gave it tо my 4 yeаr οld daughter and saіd
"You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell
to her eaг anԁ scrеamеd. Thеre wаs а hermit crаb inside and it pinched her eаr.
She never wants to go bаck! LoL I knoω this is comρletely off topic but I had to tell

Feel free to νisit my wеbpage - bucket trucks for Sale
Also visit my web page ; utility bucket trucks

Anonymous said...

Αsking queѕtіons are really pleаsаnt thing if уou are nоt understanԁing anything еntiгely, howеver thіs pοѕt ргovidеѕ
plеasant undеrstanԁing eѵеn.

My blog - cheap auto insurance dallas, tx
My webpage :: auto insurance

Anonymous said...

As the admin of thіѕ web site іѕ working, no uncеrtaіnty very quickly іt will bе famous, due to its fеaturе contentѕ.

my web blοg :: tens 7000

Anonymous said...

Howdy are using Worԁpreѕs fоr your blog
platform? I'm new to the blog world but I'm trying to get startеd anԁ create mу own.
Do you need any html cοԁing expertisе tο make your own blog?
Any help would bе greatly apρreciateԁ!

Here is mу homepage; roofing contractors moore