Sunday, November 10, 2019
Straight guy love.
Thursday a good friend and neighbor of mine dropped in. He wanted to see how I was doing. I sometimes mention him here, he is a really nice person. I have been on a bit of a coming out roll as it were, so I thought "next"! I hate making it a big dramatic moment so it suddenly went like this. I said, "before you go I just wanted to tell you something".
It was actually funny because I heard a little voice in the back of my mind say, "oh wow are we actually doing this? Here he goes, no warning or nothing"! I went on to say, "it has to do with the reason why you never see me with a girlfriend, my sister isn't the only gay person in the family". He looked a bit confused for a second and suddenly realized what I was telling him. He said, "awww god love you Steve, that doesn't bother me, I couldn't ask for a better neighbor and friend, gay means nothing to me now, you didn't have to worry about telling me". He asked if I wanted to tell his wife in person but I didn't know when I would see her and I wasn't comfortable asking him to keep a secret from her. Instead of leaving, we talked for another two hours. He asked if he could tell his brother and sister, I said yes because I rarely see them anymore. That will however swing a door wide open, his sister is married to one of my first cousins but I'm okay with that.
This is like my second coming... out. Like many of you have said to me in the past, you spend the rest of your life coming out when you are LGBTQ. It was starting to get difficult again, different groups of people were crossing over and I thought it was better to hear it from me. I was thinking one day that I probably haven't told anyone I'm gay in almost seven or eight years.
I received a text saying that I have a friend who is behind me and treasures my friendship... from a straight guy! I could never see this day coming thirty years ago. Another straight guy text me saying that I am getting the love and respect I deserve. A little overwhelming, I didn't know straight guys could be so affectionate towards a gay man, some almost protective, it feels good. The next morning I suddenly received texts from my friend's wife, saying things like, "we support you, we have your back, you cared for others now it's your turn, be your authentic self". I had given her carrots the day before so the smartass in me text back, "wow you must have really enjoyed those carrots". Well you know me, I couldn't resist.
It's funny but over the last two months, every time I tell someone, I feel I should have done it years ago. I didn't think it mattered but somehow it does. People feel privileged when I trust them with such a personal secret and it brings us closer, I have seen people really open up to me emotionally, it's beautiful, that's the only way I can describe it, beautiful.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 6:07 PM
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my spouse's late BFF of 40 years was gay; he and my spouse were like brothers. and rob was the sister I never had. rob opened our eyes to so many things. he has been gone 2 years now and we still miss "janey" (rob's alter ego).
Yes straight guys do sometimes surprise you. One of my longest and closest friends is straight...and he's like a older brother and can get very protective. If we were out and had an issue, he'd kick ass for sure.
Your telling people now because YOU were ready.
And PS we have chicken and egg questions over at my place about freshness and taste? Where in hell were you in my time of need? I luv u.
Greater acceptance for gay guys has actually helped straight men too. It plays a big role in the ongoing redefinition of what it means to be acceptably male in our society. Men, gay or straight, can show more emotion, playfulness and unique quirkiness in public now without fear of being condemned as queer because that slur has lost a lot of its power now over men.
Times do change, and for many straight men it's a "so what"kind of thing now.
That's a nice feeling.
Don't underestimate the power of fresh, tasty carrots. (Oh behave!)
I am glad you are finally becoming aware of what the rest of us have been telling you for years. Keep up the good work. (And while we are on the topic of work...)
Mr... I am very glad for you .... !!!!
I'm so proud of you.
Nearly every time we do something that doesn't go badly it elicits a sense "I should have done this earlier"
Please apply this to all aspects of your life now.
It gets better.
Isn't that some kind of slogan? Well, it does. It gets easier, too, with every person who doesn't give a second thought to the fact that we like men. After all, we are still the same person they saw yesterday....
Good for you.
Okay, I have to ask... what response were you expecting?
Anne Marie, thank you for sharing that story, now I see why you are such a friend to the LGBTQ community. I'm sorry for your loss, I can see why you still miss him.
Maddie, I think that I wasn't giving straight guys enough credit. I guess I'm at another level of ready but it's a journey.
Okay okay, my internet was down-ish and it may be surprising to you but I do have another life besides blogging lol. You said chicken question so of course I had to go over!
Debra, this is a great comment and I feel completely true. I noticed immediately how the guys were more comfortable showing me their softer side because they know I'm not going to judge them.
Bob, yes I agree, a "so what" attitude now and it's a great feeling.
Lurker, sorry I just can't have you thinking that you were right, that doesn't sit well with me. I knew it would be fine, I just hate attention.
Tommy, thank you and I think it just makes life easier.
Richard, thank you buddy.
Dr Spo, yes I guess it's that hindsight is 20/20 issue. I path is always so clear after we chose it.
Sixpence, yes better but not that it was bad before, I had a group of friends that didn't know and now I'm changing that. People have to remember that I also have a group of friends that did know, some even met my last boyfriend.
Dave, I was expecting them to start screaming at me to get out and then coming after me with pitchforks and torches!!! No just kidding you Dave, I knew it would be okay but I was expecting the guys to just be a little uncomfortable or maybe just say "meh I don't care" I wasn't expecting hugs and to be told I'm important to them. I think it's because straight men don't usually tap into their emotions, maybe I'm stereo typing them but I also speak from experience.
I'm so happy he was so accepting of you. It's so refreshing to hear of such nice people out there. I'm happy that you are letting go of your fears and letting people know. It's so wonderful.
Thank you Leanna, it's just easier this way, now I don't worry about making a slip.
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