Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Hard words, made easy!
I have been joking with people that I'm calling this "my second coming...out". I was talking about it with the guys at the party and everyone has a coming out story. One guy said something that explained to me why I suddenly stopped telling people. We all agreed that we are constantly coming out, the guy said that when he meets new people, he then introduces his husband so for him he doesn't need a coming out moment, every time he introduces his husband, he is essentially coming out.
I think that's the hiccup for me, when I was with Dan, I wouldn't go anywhere without him, so it was an automatic out moment for me. I think also when you are in love, you want everyone to know the great person that has entered your life. When you are single, you just get into the habit of not saying anything. I see that's silly now, I shouldn't have let it go this long.
I did however always hate that awkward moment, when I am about to tell someone. My heart pounding between my ears, getting ready to pick the right time, hoping I don't get misty eyed and even worse, the right words to use. I wished there was a way to erase the tension, to take away the pressure and awkwardness. I have found my way, I have discovered how to be me and still tell people without feeling like I'm under stage lights.
Yesterday I told a buddy of mine, we have known each other since we were kids. I used my new method, it always works for me. First I trick internal chicken Steven. He's usually saying something like, "are you going to tell him? Why don't you wait until next week, I'm not ready for this, the timing is bad". I assure internal chicken Steven that I'm not telling anyone today. Then as I relax, I suddenly say to the person, "there's something I want to tell you, I prefer you hear it from me", then internal chicken Steven says, "are we doing this? Oh... I guess then we are doing this, he tricked me"! I laugh a little and then say these smarty pants words, "it has to do with why you have never seen me with a girlfriend" and I'm done, perfect coming out. Usually the person starts laughing with me and then nods their head knowingly. There is no big drama moment where I say I'm gay and feel like I am about to pass out, or they scramble for words trying to sound supportive. I do it in a light hearted way and everyone understands what I am saying. Even better they feel free to jump in right away and talk about it. My friend started saying, "it's all good Steven, I have been through my own crap and I stopped judging people long, long ago. Live your life, you have to live your own life, it's going to feel much better now that you're out, it should take any weight off or pressure off". We talk about some things and then moved on to other conversations that we often have, like nothing happened, as it should be.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 9:02 PM
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Of course there's no big drama moment, big baby! It's all in our heads.
But going back to your initial statement, yes, we are always constantly coming out. I sometimes are with a male friend and when they mistake us for a couple, I don't clarify we are just friends.
Why? They seem to be enjoying themselves being all open and progressive and shit.
Aren't you the one who is always threatening to turn your troublesome internal chickens into soup? I think some internal chicken soup would be very nourishing on a cold day.
Good for you on being more open with your friends.
I never had a coming out. The closet wasn't big enough, and a guy this good looking and mannered couldn't be straight!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
You're a coming out PRO now!
Every so often we'll have a client come into work, and while helping them they'll see my wedding ring and comment on it, saying.
"What a beautiful ring. What does your wife's look like?"
And I always say,
"I don't know, but my husband's looks just like mine."
And it breaks the ice.
I'm telling you, throw that chicken into some rainbow colored booty shorts, put on some Village People or *shudder* ABBA, and turn him loose! I think the subtlety would register with perceptive people :)
Sixpence, yes let them enjoy their moment of wokeness! Lol
Lurky, I follow through on those chicken soup threats.
Maddie, it wasn't your looks or humble personality, it was the bra and high heels you were wearing that gave you away!
Debra, yes I'm making YouTube clips on how to come out!
No Lurker, I'm just joking with Debra, don't spend all day on YouTube!
Bob, I love that explanation, so sweet, so cute!
Deedles, just back and already throwing shade on ABBA are you? Tsk, tsk, tsk what am I going to do with you. Too cold for booty shorts, something might snap off with the cold.
Deedles is hereby allowed to throw as much shade as she wants on ABBA or anything else so long as she sticks around and comments from time to time.
I agree, we are forever coming out. There is some hesitation as you wonder whether the person will be receptive or be an asshole.
I don't offer any explanation about my personal life to everyone. I do however mention my partner in conversation using his name. And normally there is a positive reaction..."oh you should bring him next time" or "we have to get together for dinner or drinks".
You hear that, Steven? The Lurkster has spoken, nyah, nyah! I'm sure your butt in booty shorts would have the menz fighting amongst themselves to keep important parts from breaking off. You can't be snarky without your tongue, you know ;)
johnmichael- I certainly hope your partner isn't named Pat, Chris or Lesley. Talk about confusing!
Lurky, that's funny... I don't seem to recall giving you permission to run this blog, back to your corner! >=[
Johnmichael, most people (especially in Canada) are fine with gay people. Actually the ones that are not, are usually hateful and bitter anyway and no one wants to be around them straight or gay.
Deedles, JM's partner was named after a heavy metal rock musician, so there is definitely no confusion with the very masculine name Alice as in Alice Cooper.
The more you come out the easier it gets as everybody knows already anyway :-)
Dr Spo, yes true and I tell people it's ok to let others know.
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