Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Shopping for groceries with Anderson Cooper.


 Tonight while shopping for groceries, I turned the corner past the salad dressing and there he was, sharply dressed with his swimming blue blue eyes, handsome face, and white hair... it was Anderson Cooper.... well not thee Anderson Cooper but a doppelganger and not just any doppelganger... a much younger than current Anderson doppelganger. Also for me, he had the added sexiness of being a dad (dilf), with him was a mini Anderson doppelganger of about five, honestly the pair was just so adorably cute.

 The guy was shopping against the flow, you know what I mean, always going around the shelves in the opposite way of everyone else. No complaints from me however, I could just look at his cuteness over and over and over. Also adding to his desirability, he was very attentive and loving towards his son, can we all just say awww.

 As I was in the dairy section getting  milk, Anderson 2.0 handsomely came around and proceeded to choose between different types of cheese, with a manly flair he opened the glass door and "haackcough uughhack", O.O what the ffff! Did he just hack a phlegmy open mouth cough into the coolers full of cheese? I was stunned, how can a person not realize what they just did! He's gorgeous, the cough must have crept up on him without warning, yeah that's the answer, a nice guy wouldn't do something like that. Then he opened the door to the butter, "kkhack guugh cough cough" open mouth full spray! Without meaning to do it, I said out loud, "GROSS" but nobody noticed as most people in the city ignore everything. My d i l f, just became a j e r k, what.. was this guy raised by wolves or something? He didn't even attempt to cover his mouth, just imagine what his kid is going to be like! Next he added more bacteria to the yogurt than it normally has!

 I fled the area before I was surrounded by his cloud of virus. I was suddenly thankful that I bought my fruits and vegetables before he did. As I was walking down the cereal ile, I suddenly heard the hacking cough again, there he was, mouth open, checking out cereal on sale. Oh Anderson, my fantasy of you is finished, I'm never going to be able to watch you on the news again, I would become ill if you suddenly sprayed the camera lens with phlegm. Somebody's moma did a bad job.

24 comments:

Michael said...

You painted a very handsome picture until the coughing started!

Deedles said...

Anderson Cooper has always reminded me of a little weasel, or ferret. I don't see the attraction. Now I never will! ACK! Did he wipe his nose with his sleeve, too? Next step, vigorous ball scratching and farting in public! Light scratching and tooting is okay, though.

Jimmy said...

Purell is my friend in the car after shopping or being in public. Anderson has lost his glow.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Oh noooo.i can’t believe he did that in front of his son.
That’s how fantasy die. Reality is always a merciless mistress.
And I think Anderson (the original) is DREAMY. Love me some silver foxes.

XoXo

Old Lurker said...

And to think that if you saw him on your Grindr you would have swiped right.

Hopefully you weren't blowing your nose into the strawberries either. Have you gotten over your cold?

anne marie in philly said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

the real anderson is totes fuckable!

Bob said...

Anderson Cooper, My-Husband-In-My-Head, would NEVER do that! Nevernevernevernever!

That guy needs to have his good looks taken away from him.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Alas, ugly reality often interferes with perfect fantasy.

Dave R said...

I always thought AC looked too much like an albino to be attractive. Oh, and you should work in retail... You saw one hacker / cougher, on a weekend I see as many as 10 and (I'll skip the spoilers) they do more than just hack and cough and sneeze.

Richard said...

It's a good thing you kept your distance. You need to fully recover in order to hang with your new friends.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael, I was trying to get across my utter disappointment in someone who went from fantasy to freak show!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, nope no nose wiping, there was some ball rubbing but I stopped as soon as he ask me to. Bah dump dum! :D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, I was thinking about duct taping Purell to my showerhead after that!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, send this one to a Fox farm!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lurker, yes I know right! However if he opened his mouth around me I would plug it with... anyway he's straight, or maybe bi actually, dressed too stylish to be a straight guy.

Almost over my cold but I was raised with manners and they really come in handy when out in public.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, I am with you ewwwww! This guy is totes doable also, I would just have to take him doggy style so that he coughs away from me... also makes it easier for both of us to watch a hockey game on tv.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob you already have a perfectly good husband, Anderson is mine.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Debra, I know lol, totally destroyed the story about how we ended up on a deserted island and lived happily ever after!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dave, one of my first jobs was in a coffee shop and sometimes had to work a night shift.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, yes I don't want to miss the Christmas parties coming up. I want to see what Santa has in his bag.

Jimmy said...

One of my phobias is escalator rails. You know they are never sanitized!Think of the multitudes of people with dirty, snotty, shitty hands on them. I won't touch one going up or coming down. I jump on and used my elbow on the rail for balance. When I return to my car I put some Purell on a kleenex and rub it on my elbow. Then I use it on my hands.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, now I get to be the sensible one this time, Jimmy my friend, yes there are some germs on the rails... but nobody... nobody.. has died from touching the hand rail, on the flipside, many many many people have been injured, maimed and killed on escalators from falling or not using the escalator properly. An older neighbor fell down an escalator because she wasn't hanging on, she was never the same after. Now live dangerously and hang on, sticky boogers and all!

Jimmy said...

Steven, you are reason my stock portfolio includes Kleenex and Theraflu.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, lol your Kleenex stocks should start going up with this cold I have.