Where are you going.. summer?

 Last week after I came home from pride, I went out to check on my garden because I had been absent Saturday and Sunday. I saw something that hit me like a door in the face. The potato plants were lying down, some were turning brown and some yellow... noooo! You see for the non gardener, when the entire patch lays down like this and they are healthy, they are getting ready to go dormant. The plants die off and then you harvest the potatoes. The onions were doing the same and the tomatoes were dropping their leaves. 

 Summer is over. There was no mistaking the message, plants go by daylight hours, they don't care what the calendar or weather man says, they follow their own rhythm.

 No little onions.. get up! Get up! It's not time to sleep, please get up, hurry before winter hears about this, we don't want him coming!

 Noooo little potatoes, get up! Get up! Please do it for uncle Steve! Get up you little bastards or I'll poutine your dumb asses!

 No little tomatoes... nooo, stop dropping all your leaves, you still have time to grow! Now stop that baring your branches, shame on you, we can see your balls.. urr tomatoes. What are the neighbors going to think, filthy little plants, I'm never reading posts from Maddie's blog to you again!

 Gasp! Gassssssp! What? What has happened? Farewell rhubarb, you have earned your rest my old girl, you may sleep for you were the first to herald spring when I needed a sign of spring. You were the first real flavor after a winter of frozen or canned food, many plants have come and gone over the years but you have always been loyal to my family, good night, until we meet again some day.

 Hey at least the peppers are still doing kickass!

 I don't care what the calendar says, today is the last day of summer for me, tomorrow is the first day of fall. In this part of the world, the weather agrees with me. There is a chill in the air and this long weekend is always very different temperature wise from even last weekend. There is no more swimming in lakes and frost is a real constant danger now. Over all the summer of 2019 has been a pretty good summer, it started off cold but warmed up into a pleasant normal summer. Doesn't that sound weird to say or read, summer of 2019, really.. seriously it's been 19 years since the year 2000? When did that happen, imagine 2020, seems almost like the title of a science fiction novel or movie.. but I'm rambling.

 Even where the sun sets now is unbelievable in how far north the planet's tilt has progressed. My mom used to be saddened by the position of Sun, she passed that obsession on to me. You can see the sun setting on the left, on June 21 it sets on the right where you can see a tiny bump of a treetop. Hard to grasp in a photo but a huge distance in real life. You can see why things cool down, in another week or so, the sun will no longer shine on the north side of the buildings, or for that matter any hill, mountain or forest. The flowers on the north side of the house will stop blooming because of lack of light. The ground will begin to cool off as ever growing large sections won't see sunlight again until next spring.

 Tomorrow begins the decent into darkness, death and cold but as you see... I'm keeping a positive attitude towards it. :p

My nipple clamps arrived!

 I'm so happy, my nipple clamps arrived and they came with shocking power to give that extra spark!

 Well you people did say to get more in touch with my sexuality. Plus every nipple clamp purchased during August comes with a free set of fuzzy handcuffs! Grrrrowl.

 I can't believe it's been a week already since my pride weekend. Time flies when you're trying to get shh.. I mean, stuff done. It's too bad I didn't bump into anyone at the parade. I was prepared to meet people, even straight people from work, many are LGBTQ positive and I could see them bringing their kids out to have fun. I know it would have went like this, "what are you doing here"? Even though I would be wearing a button and carrying a little rainbow flag, I would have said, "these are my people, this is my tribe". Then I would be the Monday morning gossip but that's ok with me.

  We have a number of out lesbians at work and I was surprised none were there, neither was the two trans people. Actually at work, no one even knew pride had happened.

  A blog buddy said to me last week, while we were emailing back and forth, "what are you going to do to keep the moment going"? I like that he said that because it's exactly what was on my mind. I am trying different groups to socialize with, not dating sites but groups to make friends. I figure make friends first then maybe out of that I will meet Mr Right. Unfortunately this city seems so lame. In other cities these same groups meet, socialize and the groups thrive, here nobody goes, nobody puts any effort into meeting someone new and the groups disband in a year. Anyway I'm going to keep trying, onwards and outwards. Now I have to remember to turn the power down on these nipple clamps, last shock nearly made me wet myself and not in an erotic way!

Call of the wild, shh don't answer!

 I wish I could record what I have been hearing most evenings this summer. I have tried but the phone doesn't pick it up. Some nights it's just coyotes howling, creepy enough but they are mostly just yappy when they howl and bark a little as well. However some nights there is a sound that even frightens the coyotes into silence. The hair standing up on the back of your neck comes from the wolves, apparently some must have built a den just north of the buildings because as night falls, they start howling after dark. It's not a silly yapping howl, it's the blood chilling deep moaning wail of a creature stalking the woods for its next kill. You get an image in your head of a dark figure, skulking from tree to tree in the evening mist. All the fairy tales filled with night terror become real. The big bad wolf, is the big bad wolf..  but only if you are another animal, they tend to stay away from people but they will kill anything they can get a hold of and when they get really hungry, they will do things that can get really scary, like come into your yard during the day.

 It's the call of nature and when you hear it, let the machine pick up, "sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, plus to be honest I wouldn't taste that good, I'm all bones... and my friend Jim is here.. you know.. the hunter"!

 It's interesting to hear them, I know people travel out into parks at night to listen for them. There are a lot more wolves around now than there used to be. My favorite actually is hearing the owls at night, I will miss them when I move. Now how do I set these wolves to shut off at eleven, life in the country.

Pride 2019.

 I was thinking I better get this post done before it's been a week since the parade. Interesting (to me anyway), I happen to look back ten years ago to see what I was doing. I was posting about going to a pride parade, only the Montreal one and not Ottawa. I found that startling because it was the last parade I went to, I can't believe it's been ten years since I went. Anyhoo here's some pics.

 Here Debra, some amazing boobs for you! Even better, some nice wholesome lesbian sex slaves with dog leashes and everything.

 Just like with our mayor finally coming out, the beautiful thing about eventually coming out, is it changes people for the better, like this fellow, welcome to the rainbow side.. like father like son?

 I can't imagine how great it is for younger people, sadly they probably don't realize how lucky they are, to get to have gay proms etc. I loved this little guy, he was about twelve or so and was fabulously leading his group in a butterfly costume. The expression on his face was priceless, he loved his role.

 Even though it was downtown Ottawa, surprisingly a group of bears showed up! I want a bear hug!

 It wouldn't be right of me not to include a gay rugby team, drool drool pant!

 Speaking of athletes, how about the volleyball team, drool drool pant!

 Every pride parade needs a unicorn!

 Speaking of animals, lots of people brought their dogs and puppies. This gorgeous young man was so good at keeping his three pups in line. Take note John Grey since you love dogs.

 Of course our special ladies are always front and center.

 Who wouldn't enjoy a burlesque show? Heck I want to go see that. Maybe even get to wear the tassels!

 There was much much more, it was hard to get good pictures but this was a small part of what I saw. The crowd was huge, I heard yesterday that they estimated it to be at least a hundred thousand, I totally believe that number from what I saw, good thing I went because 999 999 just doesn't sound as sexy.  I can remember a time years ago, when I heard 5000 showed up and I was amazed it was that big.

 I always feel very emotional for days after any big LGBTQ event. I spend my life thinking I'm alone only to be snapped into reality that I'm not and that I have a whole community that can relate to me. I never want to leave something like a pride parade. Walking back to my car always feels so weird to me, like for a brief moment I get to live in a world where people are like me, then later I'm transported back to a world I'm not fully a part of.

 It was important that I went this year because of all the bigotry I've heard being directed towards the LGBTQ community in the last twelve months. We got together, we played thumping dance music, we dressed up, (some undressed), we laughed, we cheered, mostly we had fun! I'm so thankful that as a gay man I live in Canada. There was a guy in the parade with a t-shirt that read, "this parade is gay" thankfully.. yes it is!

Speaking of good signs.

 Just another short post this morning. Speaking of signs at the parade, there were many, some hilarious, some thoughtful, some straight to the point (no pun intended).

 There was a different kind of sign however and it made me feel really good inside. There were no news cameras anywhere that I could see, no reporters, no journalists.. nothing. Probably at some point the media came out for a few sound bites but otherwise stayed away. A sign that the pride festival and parade is something no longer news worthy, not like some kind of street riot, this is the way it should be. Of course the early coverage did help get the message out but the feel of it was predatory at times.

 I remember in the early days when I was really uncomfortable with my sexuality, that was one of the annoyances. News crews would be running up and down trying to capture the freaks on display. You could hardly sit down without a camera suddenly being shoved in your face.

 "What do you see Bob"?
 "Well Kent there are a number of homosexuals eating on this restaurant patio, it appears that most have ordered the salad with their meal, clearly this must be some kind of sexual signal"!
 " You heard it here first folks, we will be keeping an eye on this story, next up is Janice and her unbelievable story about a lesbian that has never been to Home Depot"!

Thoughts on Pride 2019.

 I just got home and I'm having a late dinner so tonight I'm only going to touch on a few thoughts about the pride parade today, I will make a proper post about it tomorrow or Tuesday. First.. it.. was.. HUGE! I haven't gone for about eight years and I was utterly gobsmacked by the size of the parade. Also the crowds were incredible, thanks to all the straight people who came out to support us... and thanks for bringing hundreds upon hundreds of children, who will now grow up accepting of the LGBTQ community. The parade used to take less than an hour, today it started at 1:30 and finished after 4:00. There were times when I would look up and down the street and see nothing but people for as far as I could see. There were plenty of older moms and dads there to give love to lonely LGBTQ children.

 The Ottawa pride parade is a lot more tame than most pride parades. It is family friendly, a lot of the group's have children marching in them. My sister said something to me Thursday and it seems to be true from what I saw today. She said the Ottawa parade is boring because it's too political and too commercial. She said that's why she stopped going, she is thinking about taking in a larger parade next year like Montreal  or Toronto pride. True, I don't want to see a group of union reps protesting some work grievance or one political party sniping at the other. Even though I enjoyed the day, I personally wouldn't recommend anyone traveling here just to see the Ottawa parade, it was lame at times. There just isn't the floats or fabulous-ness you see else where. There are mostly groups walking, waving flags. You spend all afternoon watching groups representing the major banks, unions, insurance companies, Starbucks, political parties blah blah blah! I want to see drag Queens, I want to see men in leather, I want to see the gay hockey teams, I want big scary dykes on bikes! There were times when I felt that everyone around me and everyone in the parade were straight and I was the only gay person. Fortunately those times didn't happen long...

 I was alone again, my fault; however I moved around where ever I wanted to. It's hard not to notice everyone else in groups having a lot of fun. Another thing that can almost ruin it for a person is smoke. I was so glad years ago when they started banning smoking from buildings, parks, public places etc. I hate the smell of smoke. Unfortunately since they made smoking pot legal, everyone does it everywhere. Even though I was outside yesterday, I could smell it in my car this morning. The car was parked off site, my clothes absorbed the stink enough to transfer it to my car.

 I never saw a single person I knew, it's possible that we didn't cross paths but I remember a time when I would meet a lot of my friends. The old farts probably didn't want to come out anymore. I was thinking how opposite of the old days. I used to be terrified of meeting someone, I remember once almost bumping into a friend of a friend. A huge drag queen stepped between us and I slipped away before being seen, scurrying home before I was outed. Now I don't care at all. I was hoping to see a bunch from work, there are a group of guys I was suspecting to be gay, I thought they might be there.

 I decided to leave after five, the crowds were large and I didn't feel like waiting an hour for everything. You can't dance alone and if you talk to someone they think something is wrong with you. Another thing that was very pleasing, at the end of the parade, we didn't have the usual haters with their signs and bible thumping. Although some people came prepared with some songs of their own.. lol.

 Oh and did I mention about the gay firemen... gay firemen people.. gaaaay fire..men! Get that truck over here because I think I'm melting!

My big ol'gay Saturday!

 I was thinking to myself the other day that I was being the usual stick in the mud and not taking part in any of the g'activities this past week. I couldn't get anyone to go with me so last night I said screw them.. I decided to take in the LGBTQ street fair today. Two streets were closed down and there were a lot of booths set up.

 As usual at any LGBTQ event, there is a number of gay bears!

 There were some good acts on the smaller stages, they had the gay men's chorus and two young girls that could really sing well. On the main stage they had a d.j spinning tunes.

 There were also two drag shows going on. One at a smaller stage with local queens which was entertaining, also there was one heck of a kickass show on the main stage, it was freaking awesome! These ladies meant business!

 This next one was my favourite, she came to conquer! Very out there, very theatrical, brilliant! Like Maleficent and a drag queen had an offspring. She did her route to the Todrick song, I like boys.

 Sorry I couldn't get closer to the stage, a lot of the pictures didn't turn out, too bad because there were some other really good acts.

 There was a queen from Montreal, the outfit demanded attention!

The main guest of the evening was the 2018 Drag race winner Aquaria, some of you probably have heard of her. I have never watched the show, nearly lost my gay card over that one today.

She was hard to take a picture of, she uses the entire stage, running back and forth and getting down on the floor, it was like trying to take a picture of a balloon someone just released the air out of.

 During the day, I couldn't help feeling like I was back at square one, here I am alone at pride, just like before I came out. However I can't hold a pity party, I procrastinated over making more friends and this is the result. I also felt my age there, most people were thirty five and younger or at least it felt that way. I did get a few looks and one guy really checked me out, I mean really checked me out! Like a wolf looking at a lamb chop! He wasn't my type, his eyebrows were plucked and I think he might have had a little male makeup on. He was however very good looking and younger than me, made me feel good inside, I still got it. :D

 I was thinking about buying a gay teddy but I already have a teddy bear, we have been together for thirty years. Teddy was given to me by a friend who would later come out to me as a lesbian, so there is a gay connection with him, feeling guilty I brought teddy back a little gift from this afternoon.

 I enjoyed running with the herd today, so I'm returning tomorrow for the parade, gay night everyone.

It's ironic how...

 Last night the air was cool and fresh, perfect for sleeping. I was picking some vegetables from the garden before dark and I noticed the leaves turning over on the trees. This is usually a sign of rain, the sky was completely clear however, I did notice the sun setting white, another sign of rain. I thought maybe it was going to rain the next day, the weather man had said clearing out overnight.

 At 2:30 in the morning I was awoken to a strange sound, I soon realized it was the oddest sounding thunder I had ever heard. I jumped up and closed the windows just as a downpour started. At the sound of rain, I remembered the trees with their leaves turned up earlier in the evening, mother nature like all moms, "a mother knows"! We definitely could use the rain, just not the thunder and lightning. I went down stairs to snuggle into my reclining chair and wait out the storm. Unfortunately every time I was just about to doze off, another storm would come, this went on until almost six, I felt exhausted by morning.

 Usually if something wakes me between two or three, I can't get back to sleep. The hour of the wolf, so to speak. It's ironic how at three in the morning, I begin to clearly remember all the tasks I was supposed to do earlier in the day but forgot. It's ironic how I suddenly have the energy at three in the morning that I had needed at work during the day. Also ironic that I can clearly see where I am making mistakes in my social life at that hour as well. Ironic that I become totally focused on those thoughts, no matter how hard I try to block them until the following day, compared to losing my train of thought often at other times, when I need to be focused. Also ironic that at three in the morning, I'm unable to do anything about my problems and for some bizarre reason, I finally seem ready to take on the task.

The writing is on the fall.. um wall.

 This week I can really feel summer shifting towards the end. There is that chill in the air, even when it is hot out, it's hard to explain but there is a certain chill in the air. We were supposed to have hot humid days, there has been some humidity but no real heat until today. Yesterday was a real wakeup call regarding the impending fall, even though it was hotter than normal and sunny all day, when I walked out barefoot, I was shocked by how cold the ground felt! It made me jump a little. Today the ground was warm again. The other difference is when night comes, even if it has been extremely hot during the day, the temperature falls below 50 Fahrenheit or 10 Celsius. However I actually like that about this time of year, it makes it easier for sleeping.

 Instead of picking veggies in the cool even at eight, I'm coming in for the night, the sun has well set by eight o'clock now. Time to release kitty for her night shift.

 During June and July, it wouldn't be this dark until ten at night. No sign of leaves turning yet. I see all the tomatoes are planning on ripening at the same time, grr.

 This morning I noticed it very quiet, not until a crow started squawking that I realized it was because no birds were singing. Actually for the last week they have been flocking, getting ready to leave. The only thing chirping now is crickets but I love listening to them as well.

 Last night I heard a whip-poor-will, for those not familiar, it's a little night bird with a beautiful repetitive song, sadly they are dying out. The last time I heard one was ten years ago when dad was ill, I recorded it for him to hear. When I was really young, I would listen to them at night, their song was magic and kept away the monsters somehow.

 Speaking of going outside barefoot on the cold ground, it's funny but starting last year, I love running around everywhere barefoot. I never could before. Some gingers it seems, have three times the nerve endings in their skin, making them super sensitive. That explains a lot for me. When we were kids, my sister and cousins would pull off their shoes and socks and run around the yards playing tag etc. Not me, I couldn't understand why I couldn't do it, to me I was walking on a patch of thumb tacks or broken glass, I could feel every thing under my feet. Ouch! Oooch! Eeech! Oooch! Ouch! That was pretty much me for the one minute I would try. Now as I get older, I don't feel it as much. I love walking in my garden barefoot, especially on warm days, I feel connected to the earth. It also sends stimulation constantly to the brain I find because of the difference between walking on grass, earth, sand or gravel. You don't get that sense of stimulation from shoes.

 I wanted to include the whip-poor-will song, sadly one day, recordings will be the only way to hear one.

Pimp my recipe!

 I'm beginning to feel all better now after my last post. The response to the incident regarding the drag queen reading has been really positive. I saw an interview with a young father and he said he took his little boy to the following gay picnic, he said that he wants his son to grow up being comfortable with whoever he is going to be. That was sweet and I was thinking what a cool dad he is. It doesn't wipe away a lot of the bad I've been hearing about lately but it's nice to see so many people jump to our defense.

 Moving on to something lighter. I have become a master at "pimping" up ready made foods. I find most have no flavor and also many don't have a lot of healthy ingredients. It's better to make home cooked meals but sometimes we don't have time.

 I think I mentioned this before, one of my favorite things to do is take a frozen pizza, cut up a little tomato, onion, green pepper and cheddar cheese, then put the cut up veggies and cheese on top of the pizza and cook it. It makes a much better tasting pizza plus it has healthy ingredients on top.

 Another trick I have been doing is for a quick desert. I get cookie dry mixes, usually Betty Crocker for only a buck. Chocolate chip or peanut butter. With the chocolate chip, I add in a table spoon of brown sugar and some extra chocolate chips to make it more like the real thing, with the peanut butter I add in a table spoon of 100% peanut butter and put some peanuts on top, gives it a more old fashioned taste. I also get a blueberry muffin mix, I add in a handful of real blueberries to make it taste better. Doing these add ins, doesn't affect the convenience of the recipes but it greatly improves the taste.

 Another one I like to do is "pimp my chicken noodle soup". When I am only slightly hungry and don't want a big dinner. I take a can of chicken noodle soup, slowly simmer and while I'm waiting, I chop up and add, green onion, basil leaf, spinach leaves, a few green beans and tonight I poached an egg in the soup as it started to boil. It tasted awesome! The poached egg was perfect, it had a nice shape and when I cut into it, the yolk was still running. Chef Gordon Ramsay suddenly walked in my kitchen and said, "nice 'bleeping' job Steven, that's a perfect poached egg"!

 Sometimes I think I should write a cook book for bachelors, "How to make great meals in minutes" or "The lazy man's guide to cooking"! I'm working on chocolate coated bacon strips and for sure, I would include my famous tomato and onion sandwich!

Chihuahua sized Rottweiler.

 In this dawning age of the "bully", I'm beginning to feel like a kid in high school again. I have been watching how there has been an increase in homophobic incidents over the last couple of years, it's beginning to feel even more uncomfortable out there. I hate the feeling of being helpless, I hate the fact that nature seems to under equip many gay people for the oncoming battle. Fight or flight, I learned at a young age to back down, not only was I not aggressive like most boys, I was always half the size of my friends for that age. I was even a target for younger children, they knew that they could bully me and if I fought back, well I was considered acting shameful for hurting a younger person.

 Sixpence has been running some great posts regarding negative attitudes towards the LGBTQ community. I half jokingly commented to him, that I often feel like a Rottweiler in the body of a Chihuahua. I'm still a lot smaller than the average man. I remember being intimidated while watching hockey players come out on the ice after I was finished curling, one day last winter. These guys were huge, they were strong and they were very aggressive towards each other, if one decided to attack me, there would be no way to defend myself and I hate that feeling.

 Yesterday, here in Ottawa (of all places), there was a fun day planned for families with small children, it was story time, children's books read out loud to them by... wait for it.. drag queens! I thought that was hilarious! Many young families brought their children out to teach them about diversity. Over a hundred people show up and everyone was having a great time until a Christian group stood up and started yelling and protesting the event. They said it was perverted and child abuse. Now who would know better about sexually abusing children than a Christian church.

 This infuriated me, I have been feeling so angry inside and helpless at the same time because if I was there, what could I do. It's upsetting also when you realize that in the Ottawa area, these people are mobilizing, they are starting to show up at LGBTQ events. That's not homophobia, that's just raw hatred, targeted towards us. Maybe Anne Coulter was right when she said, "we should kill their leaders and convert them", only in this case it would be convert them to atheism and apply it to all right-wing religions. I'm tired of them trying to shove their hocus pocus on the rest of us. Enough with trying to play along with their make believe stories. We don't go to their church and start screaming about child abuse.

 I used to say that I respect people's religious beliefs, well I don't anymore, frankly I think most are stupid and they  better respect me enough to keep it out of my face. I'm going to end this here before I say something that I will regret.

What am I watching?

  What are you watching, I often see that question on the net these days. I guess because now people have so many choices, with the internet and satellite tv, that the answer is as diverse as are people. I don't watch tv anymore, I find it boring, very cliche, predictable. I think every scenario has been played out over and over, nothing surprises me much these days. Even when a new series looks promising, I find that soon I will be disappointed, the writers will fall back into the usual story lines.

 I woke up early this morning, 4:30... and couldn't get back to sleep, it was still dark out until almost six. I broke my "no drinking coffee" rule and settled down to watch the view. What am I watching, this is my Saturday morning show.

 The moon getting ready to set, with the soft sound of crickets as her lullaby.

 The morning fog suddenly forming over the fields.

 My flowers, glistening from the dew, silent now but getting ready for the day's busy bee activities.

 A mother deer, safely nibbling clover around the buildings. She acts casual but I know her secret, she keeps her fawn in the long grass around the barns, even though she doesn't trust me, she knows I keep the bad things away.

 The fog, lifting to quickly escape before the sun rises and dissipates it.

 On its way to becoming.. a cloud? Rising out of the earth and floating away, reminds me a little, of a squiggly caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly.

 I finish my coffee, the sounds of daytime are beginning. I should get going, I have important plans to ignore and procrastinate on.

 Have a good day people. What are you watching?

Then vs now.

 Today marks the 50th anniversary of Woodstock, no of course I wasn't around to take part in it but many of you older folks probably remember when it was happening. I have over the years watched many documentaries about it, looks like a blast or at least the aging baby boomers want us to think that. I remember my parents being horrified by the same documentaries, they felt it was people channeling their inner piggy. Running around half naked in the mud, dancing, laughing, drinking, having sex, "mommy, daddy, you keep saying that like it's a bad thing"? Except the drugs, I was never impressed with drugs, all the potheads around where I lived were weird, I never wanted to be part of that crowd.

 I can't help think of the contrast between then and now. A festival, thrown together in a farmer's field, some really cool performers who loved music and who also felt it important to speak out on issues, came together to create a historic moment in music. Sure, many people went there to just have fun but it became bigger than just a concert.

 Compare that to today, people tried to recreate the moment, however in my opinion, it was with the idea of cashing in on a memory and not about the spirit of the original concert. They didn't secure a site, they had a line up of people, some who play a computer program and not instruments, some top forty pop singer types, the kind of people I feel, would be more worried about parking their limousine or having sparkling water shipped in. It just seemed a disaster in the making even though they had fifty years to plan it. After the usual bureaucracy, red tape or whatever piled up, the event fell through and was cancelled. That speaks volumes about the competence or maybe dedication of people today. I'm not into county music but maybe they should have asked for advice from the country music festival types, they know how to get things done, plus they still play real instruments at those festivals.

 I found it sad but to be honest, I don't think too many of the original festival goers would be able to take part, so it's not like that crowd was let down. I think it's best to let it go, just look back and think "wow". I watched a clip that gave me the "warm and fuzzies" there is that iconic picture of a young couple hugging, wrapped in a blanket. They tracked the people down and "melt in your mouth sweetness", they were a young dating couple who eventually got married and are still together today. You can watch the clip below if you like. Peace everyone!

Hearing a parent's voice when you speak.

 As we get older, how many times do we say something and then think, "mom/dad used to always say that"! Often it becomes a joke, a friend will shout a warning, then say, "oh I sounded just like mom there, I always said that I would never do that". I actually don't see the big deal, as long as you didn't have abusive parents, they got you this far and to be honest, many times.. they were right.

 Tomorrow is the fifteenth of August already, unbelievably some schools are back in session. The fall fairs are advertising for people to come and enjoy them, the nights here are cool with crickets chirping. I remarked to a friend about this, saying summer is almost over, when it hit me, I sound just like mom!!!

 We used to hate it when she would lament about the approaching fall. We would get mad at her, "awe mom stop ruining summer, there's lots of time left".  Now I understand her, I see why she felt that way. Why she would keep pointing it out on the calendar. Mom hated winter with a passion, she found it lonely and isolating. To a child enjoying summer, two or three weeks left was an eternity, fall couldn't touch us, even better, school couldn't find me, it was a world away. For an adult hating the thoughts of fall, we know just two more weekends and Boom!!! Summer is over, there's nothing to stop winter now.

 I feel that tug as well now, in the fall I always have the feeling that I should be leaving for somewhere. I'm envious of my godparents, they both have good pensions and retired early. As soon as Halloween arrives, they hug us goodbye and return in the spring. I always try to fight off the fall blues, I concentrate on the good aspects of fall which mom would stubbornly never do. Fast forward to today, I know if mom was well, she would laugh and gloat, "see what I mean now"?

 I also heard myself saying something mom used to say. Someone was making negative comments about homeless people and how they are always begging for money at the stop lights. How they wanted to tell them, "get a job, lazy bum". I commented that I thought the person was being mean, that it's more about mental illness than just being lazy. Then I said a warning mom used to always give me, "that's someone's brother, sister, son or daughter, how would you feel if it was a family member of yours being made fun of"? The person said, "yeah, you're right, it was was mean of me". Thanks mom.

Eye need new glasses.

 I have been procrastinating about getting new glasses, I damaged my old pair and have been using a really old pair for the last two years. I also needed my eyes examined, it's my inability to make a decision that let it get this far. I kept thinking that I might try laser eye surgery but I am hesitant to do anything regarding the eyes. One of my aunts keeps going blind, she has had three implants but they stop working after a year and it's painful to see a once active woman, look defeated, I don't want to go down that road unnecessarily.

 I had an appointment yesterday, everything seems fine, I was a little worried as I noticed some differences in vision. He said my vision regarding distance probably won't change much as I get older. Yes the doctor was a male... and yes he was attractive. He had slightly greying hair but I like that, I could tell he is probably close to my age but still has a young look to him. He was friendly and explained everything really well.

 Then came the hard part, picking out a frame, they were having a two for one special so I got a pair of sunglasses as well. Picking out a frame is so hard because it's not like a hat that you don't like later on, your mistake will be on your face every day, you can't leave your glasses at home if you don't like them. I got tired of looking and picked a frame that is not too obvious, the trend of the retro style with large frames looks good on some guys but not me.

 I went shopping after to give my eyes time to recover from the drops. The optometrist said that it's a cloudy day so I should be fine. As soon as I stepped outside, the sun came out full force and I imagine that's what an owl must feel like.

 I went into a nearby candy shop and thought of Debra "She who seeks" right away, they had candy unicorns! So I bought some... because that's what gay people do, it's a calling. They came in all pretty pretty colours lol.

To be honest the taste is something that I would describe as being, "acquired" to put it politely. I went to a nice restaurant and treated myself to a good dinner.

 After dinner I went to do a little more shopping for things I needed.  People kept staring at me startled or surprised, giving me strange looks. I checked myself out in a mirror to see if I had food on my face, lol it was because of the drops, I forgot, instead of this : ) people were seeing this O_O  they must have thought I was high on drugs or a vampire. It made me think of a cat at night.

 They said the sunglasses take longer, up to four weeks, which is too bad because I would have liked to have them for pride so that I would look cool.. while everyone ignores me. My procrastinating was always an issue. Just last week I finally got my kindergarten project done!

Observations from a chip stand.

 Yesterday on my way home from visiting mom, I stopped at a local chip stand, or as some say french fry stand. This place has been there since I can remember, it's not a chip wagon, it's an actual building but you eat outside. When we were kids it was a huge treat to go there. As owners changed there was less effort put into the taste of the food,  it was just a business to them, eventually I stopped going and spent years just driving by. That changed four years ago when a woman who is a foodie took over. I'm not a fan of fries but I like hers, everything she makes has an added touch. The place is as popular now as back in "the day", she had to extend her hours and stays open until October, unlike the previous owners who closed on the long weekend in September. I'm glad her extra efforts paid off.

 I didn't feel like cooking (or doing dishes) when I got home so I decided to stop there. I try not to eat unhealthy food but I figured this was my Sunday treat. Sitting in the eating area allowed me to "people watch", this is one of my favorite past times. The first person I noticed was a woman who pulled in, she was trying to figure out the best way to park, the parking lot is not clearly defined but most people try to be efficient with the space they take up. Just as it seemed she had a perfect spot and was about to shut the engine off, she would put it in drive again and shift her car around. Finally after, literally about four or five minutes she timidly got out and went to place her order. I take note because I think all these little behaviors, tells me something about their personality.

 Next was a nice looking couple with young girls, while waiting for their food the girls giggling climbed onto rocking horses designed for much, much younger children. They were laughing as they really put stress on the toys. The parents just looked at them, you could tell the father wanted to say something but he didn't. The children trained him and the mother to stay quiet, never to challenge them, that's what I feel. It would have taken my dad one angry glance and I would be off.

 As I was eating, a young family sat down at the table beside me. In my head I was thinking, "wow kids your daddy is hot"! Actually the family was gorgeous, both the husband and wife were very photogenic, the little girls were cute. I couldn't help it, I totally checked out the guy. He had major cute daddy butt, his shorts and polo shirt fit very very nicely, handsome face as well, just an all around dilf! They were quiet people that spoke politely to each other, which is nice. There is nothing more annoying than a loud family with bratty kids climbing on everything, when you're trying to eat. Usually they keep looking around to see if they have an audience, no thanks I don't want to be part of your low-class show!

 A very nicely dressed woman in a beautiful suv pulled in. She asked if they took debit, they said unfortunately no, keep in mind this is out in the countryside so it's not always easy for a business to get access to that technology. I found it interesting as she was trying to find money in her car, enough to buy at least a large fry. She probably never had to worry about money, she probably hasn't used actual money in years, until one day when she doesn't have internet access, suddenly she can see what it feels like to not have enough for what she wants. She sheepishly placed her order, as if embarrassed by not having money.

 I love when people don't act the way you expect. Another young couple with a little boy and girl, were eating in front of me. The kids were adorable, sweet little munchkins that reminded me of two little kittens. They were dressed to suit their looks, which was surprising because the parents were biker gang looking. Kind of scary looking, scruffy beard, tattoos, piercings, "punch you in the face demeanor" and the husband had the same look about him. They were very loving and attentive towards their children, which shouldn't have surprised me but I battle my own stereotypes. When they finished they decided to get ice cream for dessert. The kids asked for chocolate and I listened as the parents ordered for themselves. I was expecting something like whisky flavored ice cream or at least maple walnut. The mother asked for bubble gum flavoured ice cream and the father asked for cotton candy flavoured ice cream. I am not kidding when I say his dessert looked like a gay pride day, ice cream cone! Her cone was a bright neon blue, the happy colours really clashed with their anarchy attire. I thought that was the high point of my people watching adventure.

 My last observation was that I must listen to my body, a little voice kept saying, "Steven, it's almost six, it's too late for you to eat greasy fast food and drink a pop, just go home, you're not twenty five anymore". Didn't listen but should have.. burp.

What does the label say?

  This is an adult only post, warning strong language and sexual content will follow. You should probably click away if you are not comfortable with this topic. There, I warned the innocent people, just in case. These are some of my rambling thoughts, while reading items regarding LGBTQ issues. You must however agree with everything I say.. everything. Just kidding.

 Straight is the new gay... sorry, no it's not. I find it almost comical how a lot of the younger guys insist that they are straight, while at the same time it's difficult to understand what they are saying with a penis in their mouth. I guess a gay or bisexual man, is still a second class man in their eyes, why else reject the label. They still see it as a weakness I assume. When I talk to actual straight guys about this, they just shake their heads and laugh.

 For straight men, their goal is to have sex with women, they said even if they are having a dry spell, they would be inclined to find an older woman or a less attractive woman, it's just not in their mind to think about being with another guy. Most said if worse came to worse, they might try an escort but never another guy. Real straight guys don't tense up from these questions because real straight guys are not hiding something or in denial about something. They usually just shrug their shoulders and say, "nothing against gay people, it's just not how I am". For the gay men into the fantasy of being with a "straight" guy, before you jump on me, think in reverse, many of you have a close female friend that would sleep with you, how often have you done that? I know personally I couldn't, it never crosses my mind when I'm thinking about sex. Anyway, youth is short, call yourself what ever you want and have fun with each other, don't worry about labels... but you're not straight.. ha!

 I find that the younger generation is so worried about not being a label, that they have hyper labeled themselves. When I read about local LGBTQ events, I get confused by the person's identity. On one hand they start lecturing people about labels and then they proceed to put a multitude of labels on themselves. I find I'm doing a google search half the time to understand what they identify themselves as.

 Stop the bi-phobia, there has always been a mistrust towards bisexual people and a dismissive attitude towards them on both the homosexual and heterosexual sides of society. I have heard people say, "pick a side". I'm always disappointed with gay people, if anyone, we should be more understanding. It's basically saying that you are either a damaged straight person or damaged gay person and you should get back to your group. I have met a few bisexual men and they certainly were not confused, they like both and have always know it. There is a movement to wipe out the bisexual label apparently, they want everyone to be called pansexual. The way I understand it, some people look down on bisexual people because many are attracted to the stereotypical male and female, where pansexuals are attracted to the typical male and female types, plus everything in between the spectrum. They feel bisexual people are discriminatory in choosing a partner because they may not be attracted to transgender or non binary people.

 I find this completely ridiculous, your sexuality is your sexuality, that would be like saying I'm discriminating against women because I'm gay and only attracted to men or I'm discriminating against transgender people because I am not attracted to MTF people. I have written about being attracted to FTM transgender people, it's not something I chose on purpose to be more accepting or politically correct, it's just the way my sexuality works, I have no control over it. I can't help who I'm attracted to, neither can bisexual people. It seems like the younger generation is so worried about being tolerant that they have become intolerant. It's becoming a joke, let's celebrate diversity as long as everyone's diversity is exactly like mine.

Rainy Saturday.

 It's a very wet Saturday but that's perfectly fine, we could use some rain. The weather network has been calling for rain all week; however it never materialized until yesterday. We've had dark clouds, winds, thunder and lightning all week but no rain. All the fields are brown, walking across the lawn is like walking across tacos with all the crunching. Yesterday seems to have broken the dry spell. We had a storm around five and it rained heavily. This morning was the same.

A welcome sight, everything was getting thirsty. I was watering the garden and flowers but it's never the same as a good soaking rain. Unfortunately for today that meant the temperature has really dropped, we are in the sixties Fahrenheit or around seventeen Celsius. I suspect this may be one reason for the rain, cold air can't hold as much moisture the way warm air can.

 Rainy days allow me to stay in and not feel guilty. I can tidy up the house, go through old papers and see what I don't need to keep any more, laundry, maybe vacuum.. maybe.

  Best of all it's been doing this off and on all day, with no bad storms. This is actually enjoyable, I like the sound of a good rain, as if the earth is taking a shower. I like the smell of rain, that fresh scent. Hopefully it will rain most of the night, the parched earth needs the drink.