Bye bye summer 2018 :(...

Ugh, ewwww, yuck. Tomorrow is September, I don't have anything against September it's what starts to happen after September. Today is the last day of summer for us basically, it actually came close to the end of garden season last night, there was frost on the deck roof but fortunately no ground frost, so the plants were spared. It's supposed to warm up today and be warmer and rain most of this week, so at least we will have a little extension. That's the frustrating thing about early falls, just when the gardens looks good, the frost comes and kills everything.

 Just remember little flowers, when it comes time for your final rest, daddy loves you. :(

Don't ruin the canvas.

 I was at my sister's place and she was wearing shorts. She had a large tattoo on her leg, just above the knee. I asked if it was real and she said yes. I was very surprised, I never thought she would do that, I asked if it was a mid-life crisis, she gave me her disapproving eye roll and sigh. It's an interesting tattoo, a maple leaf in fall colour with a native American touch to it and some themes within. She said that is the one and only tattoo she is interested in getting.

 I don't have any tattoos, I'm not really interested in getting one but I'm not against getting one. Personally I find when it comes to tattoos, less is more. I think the human body is nature's canvas for it to paint on, adding one or two interesting tattoos can enhance someone's look but don't mess it up. You wouldn't plaster a dragon eating a flaming skull and "I love Brittany" across the Mona Lisa.

 I have noticed sadly a new trend, many good looking young guys, in nice shape, become covered in tattoos. I find it takes away from their looks. I also hate how it looks like they are wearing a shirt even when they are not, I know that is my own preference but I find too many tattoos a turn off. One or two small ones on the arm, shoulder or chest can actually make a guy look more erotic but an entire scene from some sort of armageddon event is a huge turn off.

 I really dislike the ones that run up and down both sides of a man's body, especially the barbed wire or the ones that look like blades or spider legs. It looks cliche because so many guys get those, they are trying to be an individual by looking like everyone else with the same tattoo, ironic. What is up with the penis tattoos, that's one thing that I am never doing, actually I mean NEVER, ouch, ouch. I think shrinkage would come into play regarding this situation. Anyway, this is just my preference, I'm sure there are many people who feel the complete opposite.

Those Three Little Words.

 Every gay man loves to hear those three little words, I... love.... porn? I want sex? Want to hookup? Actually straight guys are the same no matter how much they say that they are different, like my women friends say, they only behave better because they are trained that way! I left my profile up on two different sites because I do talk with some guys that are lonely and I have met a couple of guys. It is however a waste of time, I heard that over and over but I'm thinking that maybe one day I will be contacted by someone just like me, a gay or bi man not sure how to go about meeting people and trying the site.

 I don't mind the guys that are pretty direct, nude pics and specific likes and dislikes. They seem cold or aggressive but when you talk to them, they are usually really nice guys, they just don't want to have to play games before connecting and I respect that. The guys I have a huge problem with (and there are many like this) are the guys who write up a really nice profile, say they are looking for friendship or friends first, seem really down to earth, then I contact them and get the three little words. "Any cock pics"? What the hey??? What happened to "really friendly guy, down to earth, say hello" Sometimes it's "you got pics" or "send me pics". Other times it's hard to get a sentence out of them, "hi" or "hey man", this comes after I wrote a couple of lines to show them that I am serious about meeting. The hypocritical thing about this is these guys usually don't have any pictures and have no intention of showing you any pictures but demand and expect pictures. No thanks, I think their auto correct is not working properly, it changed "selfish jerk" to "nice guy" and "in the gutter" to "down to earth".

 The warnings about trying to meet people on line seem to be totally true. I just don't get why you would pretend to want something completely different from what you actually want! Nothing is more disappointing than thinking you are about to connect with someone who seems to have a lot in common with you and is different from the other guys, only to discover he is exactly the same and sometimes worse.

Next year, maybe next year.

 This morning I got up and it was pouring rain outside. Not a good day for a parade. I had these visions of chubby drag queens with rain soaked wigs plastered to their heads and mascara running down their faces.  My cold sore had come back with a vengeance on Thursday and was pretty gross this morning. None of my new friends wanted to go to pride and there is nothing more lonely than being at pride alone. I know people will say go and meet people but the truth is, most people just want to hang out with friends, they are not interested in meeting new people, I didn't feel like standing there watching everyone else laughing and having a good time. I decided to give up and not go.

 As usual I regretted not going, the sun came out right when the parade started, then the sky cleared up for the rest of the day. My festering face wound didn't look that bad later on. Like I usually do, I obsess over not wanting to go, then once I reach the point where it's too late to go, I obsess over wishing I went. I was thinking  about my not going and my gay friends who live right there, they have no interest in taking part. I felt embarrassed when I saw interviews with parents who brought their children. They wanted to show support for the LGBTQ community and raise their children to be accepting. I, a gay man on the other hand, didn't support the event (tsk, tsk).

I was watching on the news the street festival they had afterwards, two streets were shut down for the event, this was for me, I should have been with my people. I should have taken part, I wanted to go, I always do that to myself, I'm not sure why. I always want to walk around and see if I meet anyone I know, I am always hoping for a surprise, any kind of a good surprise, even just a straight person I know being really supportive.

Next year, I always say next year I will go.

The Zero Mile Diet.

 Have you heard of the 100 miles diet? Basically you try to eat only food that has been grown within a hundred miles from your place. There goes my banana bread problem, the banana crop in Canada hasn't been doing so well lately. The thinking is that this will save the environment from the effects of transporting food. This evening I had a zero mile diet. Everything that I ate, I grew myself, including dessert. Makes me feel good when I grow healthy food for myself, very heritage or back to the land like the hippies in the sixties.

I love the fresh taste, plus I don't have to worry about any chemicals on my food. The garden is growing well and I have been eating produce from it but tonight I wanted to have a meal entirely grown by me.

I'm no chef but it turned out well.... yum! Little bit of butter, a little bit of salt and pepper and I am ready for my meal. I decided to have a vegetarian meal to make it really healthy but I could have used eggs from my hens for protein. Now if I could figure out a way of cleaning the kitchen without having to do dishes!

In the Habit.

 Sometimes I find that I do things from habit, I no longer think about it, I have just always done something a certain way for years. I was trying to wash my hands with little pieces of soap, it's not like I can't afford soap, using a new bar would save me a huge amount of time compared to trying to lather up a bunch of micro pieces. Yet here I am trying to use these little pieces, I don't want to waste them, I have just always tried to get %100 out of my soap. The same thing happens with the tube of toothpaste, by the end I am squeezing the very last drop from the tube, if a pavement roller was working outside, I would probably ask the guy to roll over the tube. I have always done this, I can hear my parents voices, "it's a sin to waste".

 These are just habits because I have no problem wasting things, especially food or should I say healthy food, non healthy food never gets thrown out, I have never tossed a box of cookies because they were past their best before date!

 I also have a habit of keeping black bananas for the banana bread that I am never going to make. I try to make sure the shampoo and deodorant bottles are completely empty, you would think the world was runny out. I grow lettuce and beets because I always have yet I almost never eat them, I give them away to friends. I buy a local paper when I am getting groceries and often don't read past the first two or three pages. I watch the news at six, even though I could get it anywhere at anytime, we always watched the six o'clock so I feel it's the only real news. I like to see what movies are playing or what events are happening on the weekend, even though I will most likely not go. I am a strange man, I know.

Nooo! Lip Leprosy!

 This week in Ottawa is pride week, next weekend will be the parade. All week long there will be all sorts of events and I planned on going. I was hoping to convince at least one of the guys I met but if not I was going anyway.

 Yesterday I felt a soreness on my bottom lip, by evening it looked like someone had punched me. Aaaahhh! It's a cold sore! I am hideous! I'm a monster! I have face herpes!!! Well isn't that just perfect timing, their is no way I am going to anything looking like this. What... is this high school all over again, I would be excited about a dance coming up, only to develop a giant pimple on my forehead like a unicorn or on my nose like a rhino! Oh for Pete's sake, now I will never find Mr right. People will think I have some STI and keep away from me. I know you did this to me on purpose universe because of the back talk I have been giving you!

Silent Dawn.

 Summer is short here, maybe that's what makes us appreciate it so much. "How short is it"? Well I'm glad you asked, for us we have two weeks left, that's it, doesn't matter what the calendar says, it's two weeks, there will be a big difference in two weeks. September can be mild and we can have some nice days, even nice weeks some years but it's not the same.

 The first clue nature gives is the silent dawn, it happened two weeks ago. I woke up early, dawn was breaking, the sun hadn't come up yet but it was bright out. Lying in bed, something was off, then I realized that you could almost hear a pin drop. I jumped up and went to the window, not a sound except crickets and other similar bugs softly chirping. In spring and early summer as dawn breaks the air is fill with the songs of many different types of birds. It's a beautiful chorus to wake up to and it gives you that feeling of wanting to enjoy the day. The birds do it however not out of happiness, the truth is they are claiming their territory and raising their young. Once they have finished raising chicks, they no longer need to sing in order to keep away rivals, resulting in late summer mornings that are quiet.

 I don't mind the fall, I enjoy it actually, all the colours, the cool nights, the fall scents, the lack of mosquitoes lol. Fall fairs, fresh apples and pumpkins, I like pumpkins with the bright orange colour. I just don't like what comes after fall. However I don't want to rush it, fall will come soon enough, the birds have spoken... or in this case, not spoken. Now time for me to go outside and enjoy.

Is this a joke.... hey Universe?

 I woke up to a strange noise, it was kind of a soft ouwaa, ouwaa and a loud thumping sound on one of the old sheds across from the house. I went to the window and there was a large bird sitting on the roof, did I say large, I meant huge! I said out loud, (what the hhhheck is that)? I went and got the binoculars, it was a vulture. I nervously laughed to myself, "is this some kind of sign or something". I snapped a picture but I couldn't find my camera so I used my phone and I couldn't bring it in closer. In the real world, at first it almost looked like someone's flying monkey stopped to rest, it was that big.

 Ummm, err hey Universe are you trying to tell me something? Last year you sent a peacock, I prefer that one, send one of the nicer birds.

Negative Thursday.

 Sometimes a day can turn out negative and you didn't see it coming, it's supposed to be just another ordinary day but it just keeps disappointing you until you see a pattern.
Yesterday started innocent enough, I was supposed to stop by the nursing home where mom is and sign a few papers. It turned into a half hour meeting regarding mom's care. Mom has been declining in both physical and mental health the last few months, within the last few weeks she has really gone down in her mental capacity. We talked about maybe having to place her in a different type of home. I also came away with the sense of assault to her dignity. I didn't expect to be driving away gulping down big mouthfuls of air to keep from crying, that often seems to be the new norm for me now.

 I planned on meeting someone I have been communicating with. It was the guy that I had posted about, I had forgotten to email him for a week and hurt his feelings, I felt horrible because he seems really nice. I tried meeting him before but our schedules were out of sync. His pictures were ok, I started to see him as more than a friend potentially because his character seemed really decent. He was definitely a little odd but in a cute way, not a creepy way. I myself am odd, I know it and embrace it now as part of who I am, therefore I am accepting of people that others overlook, sometimes there is a great friendship just waiting for you to discover, you just have to ignore the Star Trek t-shirts or butterfly collection with individual names like Ethel or Mildred. He told me not to judge him by his pictures, that they were terrible and that he looked better, I said not to worry, the pictures were ok and that happens to everyone.

 I got lost on my way to meet him, road construction sent me into an unfamiliar area with many one way turns that kept taking me further and further away like some bizarre torturous film. Finally I got back on track and some how the gay fairy godmothers using pixie dust, suddenly landed my car in the correct parking lot. I actually arrived before him. I was thinking this guy could actually end up being "the one" because life is funny like that and I really like him as a person, he seemed very genuine, at least in emails and chatting with him. However as soon as I saw him, I felt inside something drop, it was disappointment, I remember thinking, "awww that's too bad, there is nothing there to work with". I have absolutely no attraction to him what so ever.

 He is easy to talk to but doesn't make eye contact very often. His picture was actually a lot better, I didn't feel any spark. He still was the same genuine guy that I got to know from emails and I felt he is a decent person. We talked for a long time and as we parted ways I could tell he liked me. He nervously asked if I would email him to let him know what I thought. I felt bad because I know that he has probably been treated really rudely by gay men and probably figured I would go home and ignore him. Then he sealed the non deal, he gave me the soft noodle handshake, ugh how I dislike that, I find it worse than not shaking my hand. That evening however I said it was nice meeting him (which it was) in an email, he wondered about continuing on towards a friendship, I accepted because I want gay friends, I will have a talk with him however if I think he wants more.

 After I went to see my sister and we discussed mom and what we need to do going forward. More unpleasant conversations, more shaking our heads in disbelief as to how things turned out. Finally I came home and opened the mail, there was a letter from the government saying it reviewed my taxes and has decided that it wants more money, more more more money, never mind the giant companies that horde billions in tax loopholes, they have people pouring over my numbers to make sure I don't squeak by with an extra ten dollars. Hopefully today will be better.

Lust is Blind.

 Have you ever thought about a past crush that you were totally taken with years ago, only to have your fantasy ruined when you looked back at that person? I was thinking about tv and movie stars that I was totally in love with when I was a teenager or even as a boy, with the internet nowadays, we can look back at old shows and movies to check out our crushes. However I am often surprised by the results, I remember vaguely that person "X" was the most handsome person I ever saw at the time, that their appearance would send jolts through my stomach. Then when I see them again after many years, I am startled by how ordinary many seem to me now.

I think because of changing times our view of what is or isn't attractive also changes, hair styles, clothes, hairy chest, smooth chest, mustache, clean shaven. However some guys have a classic look to them, no matter how many years from now we look back they will still be handsome. Not all guys however and sometimes I find myself wondering what it was that made me think a certain person was the hottest thing on two legs.

 Often it is the same situation when I look back over old year book photos. I seek out the guys I had the biggest crush on at the time. In my mind they have perfect hair, perfect smile, cool way of dressing and hot looks to complete the package. Again, when I look over the photos, I see these awkward, pimple faced kids that have big teeth or messed up hair, there are no models in my year books. My crushing on them blinded me, I didn't see that they were just some lanky kids exactly like me. Now that the spell has long worn off, I see them for who they really are. The other interesting thing is to see that some of my other friends were actually really cute guys. They weren't that high up the teenage coolness ladder so I didn't see how attractive they actually were, unfortunately.

 It's funny how our emotions and inexperience can cloud our judgment about a person when we are attracted to them, they seem perfect in every way, when that attraction is gone, we wonder what was the attraction in the first place.

Gay Roles for Gay Actors.

Tonight I was listening to the radio and they were discussing if gay roles in movies, plays or t.v., should be given to gay actors. It was amusing to hear straight male caller after straight male caller saying that the part should be given to the best actor because otherwise it would be too politically correct. Just like when these same straight white males call and say it's not difficult growing up as a visible minority or women don't suffer from discrimination.

I am of two minds on this topic, on one hand I want to see the best actor for that role while on the other hand I think a studio should at least try to find the right actor from a pool of people that the character represents. When I think back about most major films regarding the lead character and his homosexuality, most gay male characters were played by straight guys. I could understand in the beginning but I'm sure there must be qualified actors out there now.

The debate was caused when Disney apparently cast a straight man as the only gay character in an upcoming movie. I think there are probably too few roles out there for gay actors so why not give them a shot at playing a role they have been playing their whole life. I know that I was really offended and embarrassed when I heard they had cast a white man as Michael Jackson in a movie about his life.

The other side is actors are supposed to play a role that may be the total opposite of their personality and yet if they are good at their craft, they will convince us that they feel all the right emotions, making the character seem real. I think gay actors are finally getting credit for their skills. It's confusing, on one hand I want to support the gay actors, on the other hand I want to support the creativity of the person making a film.

The Hazards of Country Life.

 As evening fell I engaged in battle with a pair of pigeons determined to build a nest and create more of their spawn. They picked a spot right above the barn door, this way it only added to my dislike of the horrid creatures, every day I have to walk through their mess and worse... you better wear a good hat! Now some people describe pigeons as flying rats, I wouldn't go that far, after all... rats have feelings too! They do carry diseases, lice, mites and it's believed the virus that causes zombies... but that's still in the testing phase.

 One of my weapons is a frisbee, while they fly up four stories out of my reach, they love to line up on the roof and look at me, as if to say, "stupid human, can't touch me, can't touch me, I shall poop on your head"! That's when the frisbee comes out, scares the statue droppings out of them. They think I learned to fly and I am coming after them. Usually you have to wait a few minutes and they will come back, it takes about three tries before they will leave, unless you waited too long and they laid eggs.

 I was waiting for a third pass when I had to pee urgently, it was getting dark, no one was going to see me so I shoved down my shorts and began marking my territory, I was watching the sky not paying attention when I looked down. A giant mosquito had landed on the side of my penis, (hehehe, I said penis) and I could tell it was trying to find the best spot to strike, not the kind of sucking I would welcome, (sorry bad pun). Anyway the penis is not a body part that you would whack, umm slap...... umm let me rephrase that, it's not a body part that you would hit. I grabbed the pest between my fingers.... and then I let it go because it's only doing what our mother earth had intended it to do. No just kidding, I introduced its face to its asshole as I crushed it into molecules. I checked for damages but my penis looked fine, no redness or swelling, something very out of the ordinary for a man's organ. They say it's only the females that bite, big mistake to land on a gay man sister, I am very defensive towards anything that wants to shrink that part of me.

Farewell old truck.

 I sold my Dad's old truck yesterday, it's the only truck that he ever owned. Like many farmers he always wanted a truck but also like many farmers he was very practical, so a car would do, since he had tractors with trailers to use instead of a truck. One day he decided to finally buy one, he was so proud of his new toy, well actually not new but almost new.

 It's a 1989 Dodge ram and it has been all over the countryside. There are a lot of memories tied to the truck, many of the farm dogs rode in the back, the special ones rode in the front, the most loved one spent her life riding shotgun. Almost anything you can think of was hauled in the back, from animals, lumber, groceries, lawnmowers to furniture. Dad wasn't supposed to be eating sweets but he usually had some hidden under the seat. He was excited because it had a tape player in it besides the radio. He kept a stack of tapes in the glove compartment in case of long road trips, most unfortunately I couldn't stand but it was his truck so I didn't complain.

 Dad took excellent care of his truck, in the later years he mostly just used it on the farm, he didn't want to take the chance of breaking down somewhere far from home. We have a second farm actually, it's about a kilometer away so the truck proved handy, the second farm has also been in the family for over a hundred years so we consider it as one farm. I did a lot of driving in the fields with it, I think that is what gave me the confidence to get my license.

 The truck never gave him trouble and he drove it until he died. I drove it for years after as well. The body is still in good shape, it stopped running two years ago and it's my fault mostly, I let it get run down beyond the point of return. A young guy I know, stopped in and asked if he could buy it for parts as he has the same truck. I felt this was the easiest way to part with it as I have no use for it anymore and also I have had many people asking for it which has become annoying.

 I cleaned out the truck of the few things still in it. The stack of tapes were still in the glove compartment, waiting to be played, there were two pens that still worked unbelievably, some small screw drivers and notes that Dad kept, "#of bales from field 6, parts needed for etc etc, call Mr so and so", the usual reminders. Never would he think while scribbling the notes down, I would be reading them nine years after his death. I kept the truck all these years and I didn't realize why until after I sold it Friday. I felt another part of my memories of Dad and happier times, were being taken away again, I felt loss again but it had nothing to do with the actual truck, just the memories that it represented. Goodbye old truck, you served your purpose well.

Happy place, happy place, calm thoughts.

 No... I don't want to talk about it. Moving on, I just needed to really vent last night, sorry for my potty mouth, that was my artistic side expressing my raw feelings to the world, at least that is a good explanation for me to use.

 I am going to try a new sexuality that I just invented, it's like the "straight curious" guys only the opposite, "gay curious". It's gay men dating and having sex with women, just don't call us straight, we don't like labels. It's actually going well, I have already met some really nice ladies, we have so much in common. They like gardening and flowers, I like gardening and flowers, they like dressing up and going out for an evening, I like dressing up and going out for an evening, they like looking at shirtless jocks, I like loo..... no wait... forget that last part, I meant to say sports, I like watching sports, like that one where the guys wearing all one colour try to do something with a ball they rudely take away from the other guys wearing a different colour, anyway that game, I like watching that game.

 I am just having a little trouble figuring out the physical relations part, I thought I would be ok since I never got to do the other too much. The big round squishy things up front I get, some guys have those too only a little more hairy, (well that depends on the woman). I am a bit confused in other places, like did you know women have a second much larger belly button   below the first one?

Dear Universe.....

 Dear Universe, Mother Nature, God, Fate or what ever is running this joint, I would just like to say... YOU - FUCKED - UP! Thank you so much for making me gay (dripping sarcasm), not only did you reduce my chances of finding the right partner from about twenty five percent of the population, to a sliver of about one percent, you also placed me into a category of the most fucked up, mentally unstable, emotionally immature, sexually shallow, untrustworthy, indecisive, passive aggressive, lying, irresponsible group of shitheads that I have ever had to deal with.


 P.S. Don't think I also haven't noticed how you keep almost every rotten dictator alive and healthy well into their old age. So FUCK you!

A Home for Lucky.

 This one is for the animal lovers. While reading another blog today I was reminded of a feel good story that played out two weeks ago regarding one of my roosters. I finished hatching chicks back in June and I no longer needed a backup rooster. The backup is the one waiting in the wings (no pun intended) in case something happens to the breeding rooster. Out of a little sense of superstition, I always name the backup rooster "Lucky" because as long as he is around, nothing bad will happen to the main breeder, if you don't have a backup, some bizarre accident will happen to your rooster and you are left with infertile eggs.

 I have very, very low tolerance for bad rooster behavior, aggression towards me is a big no no but especially towards the girls (hens). Towards other roosters or other animals is acceptable because he is just doing his job defending his ladies. My backup was a nice big black cock, yes my own bbc, no actually he wasn't that big, I just wanted to get to say bbc. I noticed this rooster was a real Casanova, I gave him three girls of his own for company. He was never rough with them, more suave like a real ladies man. He would spill some grain out of the feeder and then pretend he found the mother load, when the girls came over, he would smoothly say, "hey baby since I found all this grain for you, why not give me some sugar in return". He also had the best crow of the two roosters, very Disney perfect crow. I had to remove him from the pens eventually and he would follow me around the farm, just standing there watching me work, like a little kid trying to see what I was doing. Sometimes he would follow the old cat everywhere and I realized that he was lonely, I also realized what a character he had and thought it would be sad for him to end up as soup. I put down my tools one day while he was watching me and said, "I am going to find you a home Lucky, you will make a great pet for someone".

 "Is this my good side Steve", yes Lucky you strike a pose well. I would just like to say to that other blogger, this is a rooster! Seriously a gay man should know c... Usually it's very difficult to find a decent home for a rooster, most people don't mind hens but not a rooster. After weeks of searching I heard about a friend of a friend, she liked having a rooster around but someone had given her a ten pound velociraptor disguised as a rooster and everyone in the family was terrified of leaving the safety of the house. With some negotiations    
the offending rooster was sent to jail to do time with some carrots, celery, onions and potatoes.

I sent her a picture and invited her to come meet Lucky. They hit it off, his character came through. A few days later she came to pick him up, he would have fififteen lonely ladies to attend to. After a couple of days I received an email thanking me, she said that her family loves to sit outside with their morning coffee and watch his gentlemanly interactions with his flock, and they enjoy how he actually likes people. I was thinking, fifteen service calls and a fan club watching the show, you couldn't be more lucky for a rooster.

However Lucky is not completely gone, this is his first wife with his little family.

Wardrobe male-function!

 
 The term wardrobe malfunction is a term most often associated with women and things that go wrong while wearing the latest styles. There are some malfunctions for guys as well and here is a warning for my bros. This will be a little gross so ladies you can talk amongst yourselves, you've been warned.

 Wardrobe malfunction was a phrase that popped up when Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson didn't have the balls to admit to their little stunt during a family viewing football game. The sex fearing American audience was subjected to a breast, many were so traumatized that they couldn't masturbate to porn that evening or clean their guns. The cool Americans (that's the ones reading this) said "meh a boob".

  I had posted about switching to boxers as I find most underwear gives me a wedgie! I guess it's an age thing, I also suspect the seat of my car that I bought two years ago, I use a pillow now. Some nights I have been tempted to pull over, take my pants off and just drive home in my underwear, no I'm not joking.

 Having gotten used to wearing my boxers, I find I wear them more and more often. One day while at home, I was wearing shorts because of the heat. I was playing around on the internet and of course I started looking at hot guys which really aroused me. Now some guys, (me being one), will umm, umm really leak? That's a good word, I "leak" a lot, I mean "a lot"!

 Suddenly there was a car in the yard, it was some friends stopping in for a visit, I was excited to see them (no pun intended) and asked them in for coffee and snacks. While I was getting ready to make the coffee, I felt something wet touch my leg, I thought I must have spilled water on my leg. When I looked down, (remember I'm in shorts) there were long strings of pre-cum stretching down my leg (hey I warned you) from under my shorts to my knee, to my ankle. Shiny and glistening for all the world to see!

 Horrified I looked at my guests who were taking off their jackets and pulling out their chairs, I snapped away before they saw anything, excused myself because "my nose" was running and went to clean up, then grab a pair of pants. Nobody warns you about these things! I went back to my boxer-briefs, I don't normally wear shorts in public but I was thinking about how embarrassing it would feel if that happened in the middle of a mall or out at a restaurant or worse, a family gathering.

 Boxers or briefs, well men you have been warned!

Where do I go from here?

 When I started this blog I was a scared little gay rabbit hiding in my fake straight closet. Talking about it with other bloggers helped me out of my obsessive self-hating frame of mind. Like many gay people admit, you are always coming out but I'm ok with that for the most part now. Trying to meet other gay people and also trying to date is still difficult but it's not something that stresses me the way it used to. Most times it's more annoying than stressful. Before this blog, my sexuality was something that was always gnawing at the back of my mind, like a small sliver stuck in my finger, no matter what I did, it was always there.

Thankfully that has changed, I actually like it when someone asks if I am gay, it's just so easy to say yes and move on. The thing that is bothering me most now, is the realization that I am getting older,  there are changes happening and unlike puberty, they are not exciting. I don't want to become "the old whiner's blog" but the scary thing about getting older is that there is no solution, blogging about it won't help. I email a couple of older blog friends with questions and they depress me by being honest...... lol, it's not the answers that I want to hear. I'm not ready to be old yet, I still feel like a kid some days, although to be honest a kid to me is someone in their twenties. I think I have been lucky so far, I know I look young for my age and I have been lucky health wise but that's not going to last. I was thinking this morning that these days after a good night's sleep, when I wake up, I am stiff and sore and not refreshed like when I was younger. I'm afraid to watch any reruns of the golden girls in case I can relate to the episode. If I was a calendar year, I think I would be the last week of August or maybe that's denial talking, maybe  I'm the second week of September. Darn it!

 Where do I go from here, I will probably blog about issues, I will try not to dwell on them. "Age is just a number" is a phrase young people use as they approach their middle age, I can tell you getting older sucks and it might be just a number but when your number is up, cute little phrases don't work anymore. I now understand why old people are so grumpy.