Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Sex Application

Gay sex, I guess that has your attention. I am tired of thinking about it, looking at it, reading about it. I totally want it, I want to feel a guy's lips on mine, I want to run my hands up and down some guy's body, I want to smell him, breath him, feel him. I want to watch him undress, I want him to undress me, I want to lie down with him, arms and legs tangled up together. I want to hear the sounds he makes, watch him, taste his skin. I want to see another man naked besides just seeing them on the net, I want to see, feel, touch another penis besides my own, I want to see him hard, see him excited. This is taking too long, why can't I find a nice guy that is willing to....

I am thinking of taking applications, you know like a job application. Well hopefully having sex with me would be fun and not seem like a job! I am not sure however what questions or comments I should put on it.

........................Steven's Sex Application.........
Job Experience:
He does not need experience, actually probably the less the better, we could both learn as we go, plus I don't want someone who has been around the block so many times that he carved a path in the concrete to his door. I don't have any experience but I will make up for it with enthusiasm!

Tools & Equipment:
I am not hung up on looks, he can be an ordinary looking guy, I do really like tall guys, that would be hot but short guys are cute too (shout to John) so that does not matter to me either. Penis size, everyone talks about it, I don't care really, maybe the smaller the better as well, since I would be new at this, meaning I think I might pass out if he unzipped an eight or nine! I am not interested in toys yet, well I would like to get to use my new flavoured condoms!

Positions Of Interest:
Almost all positions are available, he could explain which position he was interested in and what he had to bring to the table on that position, or counter, floor, shower etc. None of that tongue in bum stuff, oh no that is not happening. You really want to do it to me, then fine but no way are you kissing me after unless you rinse out with bleach for six weeks. Come to think of it, I don't even like getting water in my eyes so not really into facials either. Positions, well lets try them all and see what we like.

Relationship To Coworkers:
Well to start he has to get along with me, that usually makes for good sex. If he already has a boyfriend then no cheating that is just not right, so bring the boyfriend along because I am at the point where I will go along with that.

I hope he has really good ones! ;)

...This application is open to people of all races and faiths but not gender, oh no I am a total bigot there! NO WOMEN need apply, girls yuck, totally yuck yucky, yuck yuck! :p

The CEO of this company reserves the right to panic and not reply to any applicants since he is a total chicken, very conservative when it comes time for real life and would never ever actually go through with something like this!


Anonymous said...

Too funny!! good luck with the applications! and don't forget to check their references!

Steve said...

Haha..so where are you going to spread the application form? Better choose a good place for that ;)

Victor said...

I think you should patent that application form. :-)

Cardinal said...


Franciscus van Munster said...

That's funny. But if you're a total chicken that never follows through on anything, then I guess we've found the solution as to why you aren't getting laid... ;-))

danny/ink2metal said...

hot damn! that was funny, steven!

don't forget that there should be a 90-day probation period once you have "filled" the position. you know, just in case.

gawd, someone needs to snatch you up. and soon! you are too cute and have such a great sense of humor.

TWISI said...

very funny

and the first part was HOT

Steven said...

Wow! An application that is actually interesting to fill out and not mundane or monotonous. I may even make the cut. ;-)

Great post, Steven!

daveincleveland said...

omg was the first part hot or what and yes, where do i go to apply......::)

john said...

That's hilarious!! Good luck with sifting through the applications.

Unknown said...

Brilliantly funny. May I apply? hahahaha.

Bill said...

You are a most fascinating blend of the prurient and the Puritan.
Bless yer pea-pickin' heart.

K said...

You are so adorable!

Java said...

I feel the pain of such desire with no viable outlet. I hope your desires are fulfilled soon, in the proper way. I love the honesty about yout fears and reservations. You are a noble man, Steven. Be careful, and be brave!

Naughty Confucius said...

Dear Mr Steven,

I hope I find you well. I am writing to you in the hopes of been granted your much needed position as your PS(exual)A.

With no prior job experience, I believe I will be the best man for the job, as this will allow me to start afresh and to leave me with plenty of space to grow.

Regarding your positions of interest - I am very open-minded, flexible ;-) and work extremely hard, so I will be willing to work my way from the bottom to the top.

I am a very friendly and easy going guy. And will definetly work hard to meet your demands.

I eagerly wait for your reply,
Yours Sincerely

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Hey guys, glad you liked the form! I have been lazy in thanking my commenters lately. Plus I want to welcome the new guys as I always do.
Victor, Franck and Naughty, welcome to my blog, thanks for dropping by and for the comments. Okay everyone just knows I had to email NaughtyC, turns out I am just a bit too old for him though! Thanks for the application anyway! ;) Franck if that is your real body my address is.....haha!