Thursday, February 28, 2008

Get Away From Me!

I have lived most of my life alone, I did for a while have a boyfriend when I was in my twenties. Even then we were not together very much, we were both in the closet and had room-mates so time alone was very rare. Now I have to get use to the idea of being part of a couple, to not always think only of myself. I am doing not bad at it with a few small mistakes. Dave has a good sense of humour, that is very important to me and we laugh a lot about things.

The thing I find hard now, and this is totally on the lighter side of life, is sleeping together. No I don't mean sex, I mean sleeping in the same bed. I am so used to sleeping alone, I have always slept alone. We go to bed, cuddle, kiss and hug which I like a lot. The thing is when I want to sleep, I need to sneak away from him or else I can't sleep. If he touches me I wake up, if he moves I wake up, if he talks in his sleep I wake up, if he is holding me too long, the heat from our bodies wakes me up. I am not getting enough sleep lately as either he is here at my place or I am staying over at his place. He can't stand being away from me, which I think is romantic and it feels good to be so wanted. He constantly wants to hug and hold me but that also happens at night. Even in his sleep he will reach out and pull me into an embrace. Yes it feels good, warm and loving but like I said, I can't sleep if he is touching me.

At night it is almost a funny dance, where I try to get away from him without hurting his feelings. I wait until I hear him fall asleep, then ever so gently try to slip away. I have to remove his arms and slide over without waking him. I think 'home free' until I hear him say 'what's wrong' then I say 'nothing', then he says 'come over here' and I begin with 'I am too hot' or 'your breathing in my ear keeps me awake' or 'your twitching is not letting me sleep'. Then he says things like 'awe but I love you' or 'I want you near me' or 'I need to hold you so I can sleep better' and that is just not fair, melting my heart makes it hard to say no. It ends up with me protesting as his long arms reach out and cuddle me into him, yeah it is not so bad but I am grumpy in the morning and really need a coffee (even though I don't drink coffee) to get my day going. Finally he is back asleep again, I slowly begin to slip away, mission accomplished, I drift off as he remains asleep, he stirs a bit but does not wake up, I close my eyes and suddenly feel two strong arms wrap around me and pull me into him, I give up and just enjoy the warmth of being together, as I am sure this honeymoon period will not last forever.

As for the tests we took on Tuesday, the full results will take three weeks so I will share those with you. I spoke to the doctor as I had a lot of questions. I took the test to show Dave I was telling the truth about my past. I know as of now I am okay. He believes me but I felt it only fair to show him the results. I asked the Doctor about Dave being celibate for five years and how that could relate to HIV. She told me some interesting stuff. She said it is very possible for someone to be HIV positive for five or more years and not show any outward signs. She also said it would not show up in a yearly check-up unless you asked your family doctor for an HIV test. She did say however that if a person was HIV positive for five or more years and showed no signs, it would show up on the HIV test, of course there can be exceptions but mostly it would show up by then. Like other have said, it would take at least three to six months to start to show up on a test if you became infected.


S said...

What about snoring? That's the worst for a light sleeper.

Bill said...

I thought I'd drop by to catch up!

Wow, think about it, Steven! Who would have though when I first found your blog that you would be complaining about lack of sleep because a big ol' handsome man wants you in his arms all night.

That's a wonderful thing to find irksome, isn't it?

Birdie said...

I've been with hubby for 36 years, and he can't sleep with me touching him, either. He is such a light sleeper that almost anything wakes him up. He even uses a "white noise" machine to mask night sounds. I'll sleep through anything. And I'm the one who wants some part of us touching; I want to be tangled up with him in bed. Clearly, this could be a problem. For many years, it was.

Each of us has a "currency" of love. That is, how do you perceive love? I feel loved with touching. He feels loved with space when it's time to sleep. For a long time, I went to sleep feeling hurt when he turned away. But we have learned (with help) to give each other loving by cuddling until we are nearly asleep. I get all the tangled touching I want and need, and then I turn away and fall asleep.

I think it's important that I am the one turning away; it becomes my decision to end the touching that I find so important. And in doing so, I show him how much I care for his needs. Because we have talked about it and understand that we are meeting each other's needs, no hurt feelings go unexpressed. And we both get a good night's sleep.

You will find there is a dance of give-and-take that never ends in a close relationship. The beginning is the hardest time as you discover conflicts in needs, lifestyle, and habits. Keep talking!

Anonymous said...

For a 'beginner' you do great. Talk about it, find your and Dave's place in your universe.

Vic Mansfield said...

I echo other comments. TALK! Talk and communicate. Take the risks. You are doing the right things!

don said...

I can relate. I like the cuddling but when it's sleepy time then don't be touching me 'cause I will immediately awake.

Like others have said, you should talk to Dave about it. Your relationship can only survive and grow if you openly communicate.

Steve said...

I am not good at sleeping besides someone either. I always sleep much better alone, in my own bed.

Then again, of course it is cosy to sleep besides my boyfriend as well!

David said...

There's a blogger that I read who is married and each of them have their own apartments. Not just separate beds or separate rooms but separate apartments. If I remember correctly, one guy is a morning person and noisy and the other guy is the complete opposite. I found that extraordinary but hey, they found out what works for them though. I'm sure you'll get to your common ground too. But keep trying with that Hug 'n Roll.

Topher said...

Hmm, maybe you'll get used to it after a while. But like the others said, maybe you can talk to him about it.

I don't even know if I cuddle with the bf during my sleep or not. I'm such a heavy sleeper I usually don't know what goes on at night.

danny/ink2metal said...

complain all you want, but just remember this is what you have been wanting all along.

i doubt that the grass looks any greener on other side. you know. when you were single.

so learn to drink so coffee in the morning! it could definitely be worse.


john said...

It is a good thing--not the lack of sleep, but the being near someone.

Java said...

It was tough for us to get used to sleeping in the same bed. Now he can't sleep at all if I'm not here. I have some trouble with it myself if I'm in our bed alone. I don't have too much trouble sleeping alone if I'm in a guest bed or hotel room or on a sofa somewhere. Good luck honey! How do you feel about naps?

And what Birdie said.

W said...

You're very cute.Timmy Hos has the worst coffee.