PART ONE, Book 1
Fasten your seatbelts, you are in for a long and strange ride. Around two Saturday afternoon Dave calls to confirm plans as to what we are doing. We decide to take a walk and view the ice sculptures down town, dinner, then head over to the Lookout bar. I am still confused at this point whether Dave sees me as a friend or potential boyfriend, the answer comes quickly to me when he asks if I mind another friend coming along with us, my mind was thinking 'hell no' but I said "um uh yeah sure I guess." I kind of figured that Dave was not into me so I might as well make another gay friend. Actually it later worked out that the third guy did not join us until after our walk. We made our way to the sculptures and spend almost an hour there, Dave is so easy to talk to, I felt such a strong connection to him, he was easily taller than most people there and I followed him like a puppy, looking up into his eyes, wishing that he felt the same about me. His voice, his smile, the way he winks at me if we saw something funny or he teases me, just made me watch every move he made. I knew it was silly to be so attached to someone so soon but it was just happening and I did not know how to stop it.
We talked a lot about coming out, his past relationships etc. He also spoke about looking for someone to start a relationship with and about a guy he was going to meet later this week. I felt the plug being pulled from my chances with him and settled for the reality of it. Sometimes I thought he liked me but I figured because I am knew to the scene, Dave did not want to take the chance. I tried to give small hints to him that I was interested in him but he never seemed to pick up on them, or worse I knew it may also have been that he did notice them and ignored them so as not to hurt me.
We met guy no# 3 (Doug), not my type but a nice guy. He also explained that he was only out to a couple of friends, sorry but this guy would make any person's gaydar kick into over drive. Most of his friends must know and just not say anything. It was nice to be able to talk about gay issues at the table and it was great that I did not care who over heard us. To be honest, I still would liked to have been born straight and I think that will always be there, to be married with kids and part of the norm, but now at least I stopped hating the fact I'm gay. Sitting there I was thinking, if I have to be gay, I want to be gay just like Dave, gay just like my lesbian friends, gay just like all my blog friends, I am part of that norm, there are a lot of great people in that club and I am okay with being part of it. We finished up and headed over to the Lookout. This was pretty much the end to the normal night I was having.
PART TWO, Book1
We got to the bar around ten, I was disappointed as there were almost no people there, mostly a handful of cute Lesbians. We came to watch the drag show that was at eleven. While waiting for the show to start, there was a young couple, early twenties sharing our booth, one was a young woman, super sexy and her partner we were not sure about. I thought it was a boy-ish cute lesbian, the other guys thought it was a cute guy. The girl a little drunk, turns to us and says "I am a married straight woman who likes to fuck lesbians," we just look at each other, I mean what do you say to that. As the night moves on, this girl starts to rough play with her partner, knocking over and spilling her beer everywhere, lucky for us we don't get wet. The bar begins to fill, Dave, Doug and I had picked a booth that faces the door and dance floor, we have an awesome time checking out the other guys as they come in or dance. One guy kept staring at Dave and I, like that stalking, National Geographic look a lion gives to the gazelle just before he attacks. Looking out the upstairs window, I really begin to feel for my gay brothers and sisters as I watch them approach the building, check over their shoulders to see if anyone who knows them is looking and then enter the bar.
As all this is going on, the annoying chick next to me says, "I have a really great husband at home, he does everything for me, it is just I want babies and a lesbian can't give me babies" umm uh okay, I mean again what can I say, other than I don't give a crap! By this time she is leaning up against me, at first I am thinking she is just a fag-hag and is comfortable around gay guys but suddenly I begin to receive other signals. She hangs on me, giggles at things I say, gives me high fives, tells me I need to loosen up, feels my leg, yes you saw that right, feels my leg and not by accident, the full under the table grab. She gets up to use the washroom, french kisses the boy-girl and tells us "this is my ex, we were dating before I married my husband." While she is gone I turn to the guys and say what the frig is up with that, I go to a gay bar so that for only the second time in my life, I can be me in a gay world, and I get hit on by a girl, a very pretty girl under 25 I might add!
The drag show starts and actually it is really lame, they were not funny, not fabulous, can't even dance well and did the worst lip syncing that I ever saw. In fact they probably took their looks too seriously. They also had a dance team come in and dance to a couple of songs, they were good but the dancers were so young that I wanted to put a shirt on them in case they caught a cold. My new girl friend was back at this point, now it was worse, she was hanging right on me, and would grab my arm and leg while talking to me, the boy-girlfriend was glaring at me ready to fight, I had enough. I pulled away and gave her the WTF stare, she said to me "oh are you gay" I said "girl I am TOTALLY gay, you can't get more GAY-ER than me!" Finally she got the message, she says "yeah that is my ex, she's a boy, yeah my ex, she is a boy" then she went on to tongue her ex and begin to undo their pants until a worker told them to stop. Doug and I said we saw enough and wanted to leave.
Out in the street I was so ticked off, straight people have the whole world to themselves, why did this one have to invade my space, put me in that awkward place and awkward feeling of being hit on by a girl that I have no interest in and never will. I lived that feeling my whole life, this should have been a sanctuary for me from that. Dave felt really bad for me when he understood how upset I was about this and why. It brought back memories of trying to get dates with girls and being shot down, especially one this pretty and where was she when I was trying to hide in the closet! I often tell people I think I am in a gay Mr Bean movie, this is very typical of me to go to a gay bar and have a woman try to pick me up. I was so disappointed over the whole experience. Dave being a sweet-heart felt so bad (I want to date this guy so much) that he said " you can either go home, or to make it up I'll take you to another bar I think you will like better." I said yes and that was the best decision of the night. Sorry this is so long but I wanted to get down everything that happened over this crazy weekend, plus things will get better in the next post, so everyone get caught up on your reading and I will post Book Two tomorrow! Haha!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
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Sweetheart, you are SOOOO in touch with your feelings and articulate them so well! You GO. That's the way to process it and work it out. It IS a bitch that straights have the whole world, but we're carving out our part. The more out we can be, the less we will have to rely on bars as our ONLY gathering place. (I like bars, mind you, in moderation; but other choices would be nice, too.)
You are so wonderfully honest and it sure helps me with my journey out. Shalom & Cheers
I am so happy that things are moving along for you, the growth and acceptance in just the last couple of months is mind-blowing!
"...like that stalking, National Geographic look a lion gives to the gazelle just before he attacks." Such a classic line. Just like Kendall said, it is amazing how far along you have come. Of course now you have to experience those "bumps in the road" that will be coming your way every now and then. But soon it will be like a freshly-paved asphalt arterial expressway. :-)
Ah well, stranger things happen in bars than that. Give people some alcohol and...
I like the part where you say "Sitting there I was thinking, if I have to be gay, I want to be gay just like".. it really shows that you are getting comfortable with being gay en enjoying the good (gay) life...
I totally feel for you!
It would be just your luck to go to a gay bar and get picked up by a chick.
I LOL'ed so hard at my desk when you started talking about how she felt you up....totally spilled my Cocoa!
as uncomfortable and upsetting as the experiences may have been (dave being clueless to your hinting and then suffering through the unwarranted advances from the lesbi-straight girl), i do sense that in some way it has helped strengthen your resolve to live your life openly as a gay man.
and for that, you should find solace that the evening wasn't completely a bust.
hopefully the rest of the story takes a turn for the better!
Oh! Just leave us hanging there!
Take it as a compliment that she was flirting with you. It proves that you have some magnetism, charm and good looks!
I recently took one of my close, straight, female friends to a gay (99% male) club to go dancing. Some guy pulled her aside to tongue her in a deep kiss, which was more action than I got that night. If nothing else, know that you'll have much more off-beat memories going on a circuit than any combination of straight establishments...not that it's a bad thing. I/O hating her for how she made you feel, you just as easily could have removed her hand the first time, asked for her name, and very pointedly remarked, "Nice to meet you [name}. My name is [name] and I am here with my friends [name] and [name]. In case you couldn't tell, I am gay and have no interest in you. Please refrain from grabbing or touching me. Thanks." All of course with a dry undertone. She was probably too drunk to notice how uncomfortable she made you, but coulda, shoulda, Prada. Glad to hear though that as far as first part is concerned the night was agreeable overall. Next?
Well written. I love the lion/gazelle image. I'm rooting for you and Dave. I hope it does work out and you can date him!
I also hope that Dave and you work out together. Just be your very fine self and don't work too hard. If he's right for you, he'll realize what a catch you are.
The part of the evening I liked best was your saying you are so gay, that you can't get any gayer than you. I think I developed a bit of a blog crush right at that part of the story! :-)
Hey, where's Book Two? I want to hear the rest of this.
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