Sunday, June 21, 2020
The Truth Is...
To be honest it would not be correct to let people believe that Mr X and I had this perfect relationship and some guy suddenly came along and stole him. The truth is we were having issues, I didn't know this until the bridges opened up. I was so excited and called him, I was expecting him to be as excited as I was... not. I knew he was going to open up his summer place that Monday. I asked if he would be back Tuesday or Wednesday, it's only about 45 minutes away from the city. He said no, he wasn't coming back for two weeks. I was stunned... like being hit with a 2X4, the old Mr X would have jumped through hoops to get to me. Clearly he no longer felt the same way, I knew it was over for us in that moment. Especially when he wouldn't even come into the city for one day to see me. Even though he kept saying that he just needed a break from the city and covid... I knew we were finished.
From what I know, the other guy started chatting with Mr X much later after that. They announced their feelings the day after our breakup and made plans to be together, so clearly they had been talking before our breakup but he didn't take X from me, I was already losing him. Now that I have calmed down, I see a lot of things I should have done, like go and pin down Mr X and get him to make a decision. Even when he kept telling me things were fine, I have to admit I knew that they were not. I was just too afraid of the answer if I kept pressuring him. Still being replaced the following day was very unexpected and extremely painful.
I have also come to the conclusion that my having a hard time getting over Mr X, has more to do with covid than Mr X. I suddenly realized that I am still in lockdown, unlike most people, nothing has changed for me since March. Mr X was my last thread of normal, his phone calls every day meant a lot to me. I don't see people for days on end, I lost my job, I can't visit people, there is no place to go, everything is closed. Losing Mr X was that final straw. Today I realized I need to get out of here, I can't spend another winter here alone. Yesterday and today I frightened myself with how emotional I kept getting, I don't sleep at night, I can't concentrate on anything, not even a tv show. That's not because of Mr X, that's something else.
I will also have to agree 100% with that advice we always hear... stay away from your ex's social media. I disagreed at first, I thought finding out that he immediately replaced me would help me get over him faster. WRONG!!! Today a thought hit me, that today was the day they had arranged to be together, the guy was to stay with X at the summer place.. the place where I wasn't welcome. What good did it do me to know that!!! It didn't make me angry and get over him faster, it just made me picture them at the camp grounds having fun with his friends and then later them being intimate together. Now forever the memories of this relationship will be tainted, instead of knowing I was replaced the next day... It would have been better to go on in life just thinking Mr X was a nice guy but our relationship just wasn't meant to be.