Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Hard words, made easy!
I have been joking with people that I'm calling this "my second coming...out". I was talking about it with the guys at the party and everyone has a coming out story. One guy said something that explained to me why I suddenly stopped telling people. We all agreed that we are constantly coming out, the guy said that when he meets new people, he then introduces his husband so for him he doesn't need a coming out moment, every time he introduces his husband, he is essentially coming out.
I think that's the hiccup for me, when I was with Dan, I wouldn't go anywhere without him, so it was an automatic out moment for me. I think also when you are in love, you want everyone to know the great person that has entered your life. When you are single, you just get into the habit of not saying anything. I see that's silly now, I shouldn't have let it go this long.
I did however always hate that awkward moment, when I am about to tell someone. My heart pounding between my ears, getting ready to pick the right time, hoping I don't get misty eyed and even worse, the right words to use. I wished there was a way to erase the tension, to take away the pressure and awkwardness. I have found my way, I have discovered how to be me and still tell people without feeling like I'm under stage lights.
Yesterday I told a buddy of mine, we have known each other since we were kids. I used my new method, it always works for me. First I trick internal chicken Steven. He's usually saying something like, "are you going to tell him? Why don't you wait until next week, I'm not ready for this, the timing is bad". I assure internal chicken Steven that I'm not telling anyone today. Then as I relax, I suddenly say to the person, "there's something I want to tell you, I prefer you hear it from me", then internal chicken Steven says, "are we doing this? Oh... I guess then we are doing this, he tricked me"! I laugh a little and then say these smarty pants words, "it has to do with why you have never seen me with a girlfriend" and I'm done, perfect coming out. Usually the person starts laughing with me and then nods their head knowingly. There is no big drama moment where I say I'm gay and feel like I am about to pass out, or they scramble for words trying to sound supportive. I do it in a light hearted way and everyone understands what I am saying. Even better they feel free to jump in right away and talk about it. My friend started saying, "it's all good Steven, I have been through my own crap and I stopped judging people long, long ago. Live your life, you have to live your own life, it's going to feel much better now that you're out, it should take any weight off or pressure off". We talk about some things and then moved on to other conversations that we often have, like nothing happened, as it should be.