Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Use to this?


 I wasn't going to blog about this at first but sometimes I look back in my blog to remember certain events and time lines. It's odd to say but when I was answering some of your comments, I was actually sitting in the emergency ward with mom. A lot of the time it's a question of hurry up and wait, wait, wait when you are there and so to kill time, like most people, I play on my phone.

 I wasn't going to blog about it because I don't want people feeling sorry for me, this is my life now, this isn't something extraordinary, it happens frequently and it's only going to get worse. Mom had tiny episodes before Christmas, she blanked out for a few minutes a couple of times but seemed to recover fine. Yesterday she did it twice and the second time they couldn't get a response from her, mom's eyes were open but she was just starting straight ahead and not responding to anyone.

 I was called to meet her at the hospital, driving down I was thinking this is something new, maybe it's a stroke, this could be the end. Honestly, yes I would be sad because it's my mom but I also would be okay with it, I have said my goodbyes to mom long ago. However when I got there she was responsive again and recognized me coming down the hallway which is actually a huge thing for her. She asked me when I got there. A little later she said the doctors were slow, they don't have enough staff on and that she doesn't have all day to wait on them (lol). I felt it wasn't a stroke by then, plus she was strong enough to go with a nurse to the washroom again.

 They feel it's mild seizures and are going to try medication. She would never sit through any tests and as the doctor said, even if they found something, an operation would probably be too dangerous at her age and the state she is in.

 A good friend was asking how I was doing and I told her to be completely honest, I am fine, a little rattled at first but I just went into caretaker mode, I told her "I'm use to it" which is sad in a way but "it is, what it is". If anything is going to bother me, it's usually later after everything has been taken care of. I'm not Mr cool and calm inside however, during the moment when I have to be strong, I am strong. I am really stressed about this situation as a whole, not about the hospital visits if you understand my meaning, and that is a blog post for another time.

14 comments:

Leanna said...

Have you thought about talking to her about seeing a specialist like a Neurologist? She might be having little epileptic episodes. Has she ever hit her head hard without you knowing? Find out. I'm sure these blackout episodes aren't ischemic or tiny strokes. But have her checked.
Also, be kind to yourself. Don't over do or worry too much. It could be anything but she needs to see a specialist.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

THIS is what blogs are for. In your blog you write whatever it is you want to write. We are here because we find what you write to be crazy/sexy/cool and we like it.
If you wanna write about your visits to the hospital then do it.
Hope your mom gets better and it’s nothing serious.

XoXo

Old Lurker said...

Don't worry about hiding things from us. We feel sorry for you anyways, for reasons having nothing to do with your mom. On the other hand, I do feel sorry for the situation. I was really hoping your mom's medical situation had stabilized.

Richard said...

It makes me sad when you write about your mom. Not because of her medical issues and declining health, but because I didn't have that type of relationship with my mother. It make me realize what I didn't have. I didn't cry when my mother died. I was relieved her sad life was over. Stay strong, my friend as we are here for you.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

It's hard to watch a parent age and diminish, there's no two ways about it. Each incident and loss prepares you for the next, bigger one. Showing us what the end stages of life are like is our parents' last task as teachers of the young.

anne marie in philly said...

by writing about your mom, you may help someone else going through a similar experience.

my friends blobby of "blobby's blog" and david of "adventures of travel penguin blog" are/have been through similar situations with their parents. I encourage you to reach out to them.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Leanna, the medication they put her on is for epilepsy and similar issues. Unfortunately mom is coming to the end of 15 years of dementia, I can no longer discuss things with her. We did consult a neurologist yesterday and he felt going this route was our best option. We would not be able to keep mom in bed after an operation, no matter how serious, nor would she understand to stay still for very long. She is happy at the moment and strong physically so that is our goal, to keep her stress free. She is also in a nursing home so she has someone watching her constantly. There is no getting better, only worse.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, thank you,.. crazy... sexy... cool? I think one of those is right lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Old Lurker, thank you buddy... umm, I... think?
We're hoping that the new medications haven't started to lose their effectiveness.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, my sister and I often say how lucky we were to have such good parents. It wasn't the Brady Bunch however, my parents were strict and they saw affection as weakness so there was that. From what you wrote about yourself on your blog, most parents would be thrilled with how you turned out. Wait a minute, aren't you supposed to be encouraging me? Lol

Michael said...

Steven, I am sorry to hear about your mom. Never be afraid to write what you need to write, as this is YOUR blog for how you see fit. Blogging for me has sometimes been a way of therapy because it helps to write things down and it does put a timestamp on it all. Take care...
Michael

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Debra, that is very well said. It's especially hard to see mom like this, we used to never worry about her if dad passed first, we knew she would go on a make a life for herself, we never thought of dementia entering the picture.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, that's a good way to look at it.

I do have people I talk with, sadly it seems every second person has a parent or grandparent with dementia.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael, thanks buddy, sometimes I worry about sounding like one of those people who seems so obsessed with all the drama in their life. I much prefer a drama free life.