Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Having been raised in the wilderness where most of your neighbours are cows, I have slipped up from time to time with some of my sayings, phrases or view points. I have repeated phases that I often heard without really thinking about the meaning behind them. I say this to point out that I won't pretend to be Mr perfect when it comes to being respectful towards others. I have made mistakes, I try to learn from them, I try to do better and I'm not going to judge someone else for a slip up.
I say this because of something innocently said to me in a text yesterday that stung me when I read it. I kept thinking about it yesterday and this morning, I was wondering if I was being over sensitive but I don't think I am, if it's brother me, that tells me something. I know the person meant no harm so I'm not angry "with" her.
It was when I was texting back and forth with a good friend of mine yesterday. We were discussing her nephew and his boyfriend and about me picking them out in the photo. She was wondering how I "knew" and I was joking back that "we can sense our own kind". I made the comment about how good looking he is and about the nice shape he keeps himself in. That's when she text back, "yes gay guys are always so good looking... what a waste"! That phrase stung like a slap on the face. Now before people jump on my friend, I know she was just repeating a joke that straight women often used to say, she loves her nephew and has always been supportive of me so she didn't realize what she just said.
Still it was an internal ouch, I often heard that phrase but didn't pay much attention to it when I was younger. I haven't heard it used in a long time and now it felt really hurtful because it means that I am a waste to society, I am not straight therefore I am taking up valuable space that could be used by a straight man. It also means that our relationships have no worth, that the only value is the potential of a future relationship of a straight person. Love is love is love as long as it's between two straight people, anything else is just a funny joke.
I will text with her tonight and let her see the error of her comment. I am upset with the phrase and not actually the person who said it, I would like to help make this phrase become extinct. I know she will feel awful, that's why I will wait until after work, she is a sweet person and might actually cry if she thinks she hurt me. I will do it not to scold her or argue with her but to help her, as people helped me when I (often) put my foot in my mouth.