Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Use to this?
I wasn't going to blog about this at first but sometimes I look back in my blog to remember certain events and time lines. It's odd to say but when I was answering some of your comments, I was actually sitting in the emergency ward with mom. A lot of the time it's a question of hurry up and wait, wait, wait when you are there and so to kill time, like most people, I play on my phone.
I wasn't going to blog about it because I don't want people feeling sorry for me, this is my life now, this isn't something extraordinary, it happens frequently and it's only going to get worse. Mom had tiny episodes before Christmas, she blanked out for a few minutes a couple of times but seemed to recover fine. Yesterday she did it twice and the second time they couldn't get a response from her, mom's eyes were open but she was just starting straight ahead and not responding to anyone.
I was called to meet her at the hospital, driving down I was thinking this is something new, maybe it's a stroke, this could be the end. Honestly, yes I would be sad because it's my mom but I also would be okay with it, I have said my goodbyes to mom long ago. However when I got there she was responsive again and recognized me coming down the hallway which is actually a huge thing for her. She asked me when I got there. A little later she said the doctors were slow, they don't have enough staff on and that she doesn't have all day to wait on them (lol). I felt it wasn't a stroke by then, plus she was strong enough to go with a nurse to the washroom again.
They feel it's mild seizures and are going to try medication. She would never sit through any tests and as the doctor said, even if they found something, an operation would probably be too dangerous at her age and the state she is in.
A good friend was asking how I was doing and I told her to be completely honest, I am fine, a little rattled at first but I just went into caretaker mode, I told her "I'm use to it" which is sad in a way but "it is, what it is". If anything is going to bother me, it's usually later after everything has been taken care of. I'm not Mr cool and calm inside however, during the moment when I have to be strong, I am strong. I am really stressed about this situation as a whole, not about the hospital visits if you understand my meaning, and that is a blog post for another time.