Thursday, March 8, 2018

The Penis Measurement Job.

 I want the penis measurement job! I was reading some articles on sexuality (because I'm a guy), especially male sexuality and anatomy. Seems that when past researchers wanted data regarding length of the average penis, the owners of those penises lied! Unbelievable right? I would never have thought guys would do something so dishonest, did they not realize the middle finger they were giving science. Even more bizarre, like some secret agreement within hidden men's clubs, all the men lied, claiming that their penis was actually bigger than it really was and oddly enough no one claimed it was smaller.

 It was decided that someone other than the penis owners would take the measurements. I want that job! They mostly use college aged men or soldiers from the army, where do I sign up! I would be polite and professional, no drooling what so ever! Duties include measuring the penis when flaccid and then measuring it when erect. I think it's only fair to take the erect measurements twice so as not to cause anxiety with the owners, we want them at their full potential. I would diligently record length, cut/uncut, race, thickness etc. I think that would be one of those jobs that you wake up in the morning and start pinching yourself.

 It can't be all that difficult I would imagine, I assume the main thing is to keep your tools warm. I  could negatively affect my readings if I left everything in the car over night at below zero. I know true measurements are read from the top of the penis, none of this measuring from the side or bottom and sneaking in an extra inche or two. That's cheating and it's unnecessary, guys don't need to be stressed about size, most are the same. Anyway I think that would be a cool job to have, the penis measurement guy! I guess it would be a little awkward trying to explain to people what I do for a living but probably not as awkward as for the person shaking my hand when they suddenly realize I spend all day touching men's genitals.


Mike said...

Systems Analyst, specializing in Logistical Support. Warming up my tape measure now!

Anonymous said...

You may practice on me whenever you like.

Anonymous said...

From my experience, six is the new eight.

Old Lurker said...

My goodness. It's not even spring yet and already you are in heat. What are we going to do with you?

You are welcome to have that job. There are all kinds of penises in the world, and some of them are disgusting. Penises with open sores, or oozing with discharge? They still have lengths and girths, and need to be measured. Penises on people who forgot to take their monthly baths? They need to be measured too.

RJ: Do you mean that people are claiming they are eight inches when they are six, or are they claiming they are six inches when they are four?

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Mike, you can be my assistant and don't feel that I am up to something if you keep getting the troll-ish looking guys, it's just purely coincidence.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Walter, brat! If you lived near me I would totally take you up on that offer!

rjjs, I seriously need to give you a name!
Lol, that is hilarious, you really made me laugh! I think it's been like that my whole life. Guys were always saying they were 8 or 10 in high school and I felt cheated, until I found out maybe they meant ten centimetres!

Mr Lurker, good grief you really know how to kill a fantasy! I said penis measurement guy, not penis doctor! I really doubt someone with something like leprosy is worried about length! Just for the record, like most guys, I'm in heat 24/7.

Anonymous said...

Just call me RJ

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Ok RJ it is then.

Ur-spo said...

#1 - you have a nice sense of humor

#2 - I can assure you after years of medical training one finds the handling of another's organs has little if no erotica to them - at least not in a medical setting.

#3 - I suppose it is naif wishful thinking on my part, but it would be nice for men to get by 'size' and value more about vivacity and the ability to 'use it'.

#4 - frankly when they get too big they aren't much fun.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dr Spo, thanks for #1, I totally get #2, I agree with #3 and I actually really totally agree with #4. My first bf was only a 5+ but you could jack a car up with it lol, plus he was versatile and so... let's say I was glad he wasn't too big.