It is, what it is, that's my new mantra, I use it repeatedly. I didn't realize how much until lately some of my friends started quoting it back to me. It's my way of saying that life is in control and all I can do is hang on for the ride. I went out with friends for a local fund raising supper and some people there told me that I had just missed mom, her nursing home is really good to the clients they get them out into the community and they had them there for the early sitting. People know it's hard having a parent with Alzheimer's but I tell them I take whatever little gifts I get, it's all I can do. The other night I had to drop off something at the home and when I walked in, mom was snuggled up in her comfy chair with the other ladies enjoying their last tea before bed. That's a gift, I don't have to worry about her safety and she always has company, she is not alone anymore. They can laugh and repeat all the same stories to each other without getting upset because every story is new each time it's retold. A little funny to us maybe but it's conversation for them.
I am trying to accept that many things are beyond my control and to just let it go. There is no benefit to worrying about situations I can't change, I have to accept that some things are just not going to get better, they are going to get worse. People will look at me as if expecting me to say something that can magically make everything go back to the way things were, that is never going to happen, all I can do is shrug and say "it is, what it is". Work on things we can change and just accept things we can't. It's not because I have become some enlightened person, it's for my own survival.
* I was a little tired when I wrote this and my intention was not to focus on mom's dementia and dealing with it. It was about dealing with life in general, the constant garbage that life deals out that is completely out of our hands. The dementia issue is part of it but also getting older is another thing I have no control over, losing family members and neighbours, my work structure changing etc, etc. I was starting to feel broken until I adopted the attitude of just saying whatever, forget it, there is nothing I can do about "XYZ", that's when I started to say "it is, what it is", this phrase also lets my friends know I no longer want to talk about the subject.