Thursday, December 6, 2007


One of the strange things I have to get comfortable with is finding guys attractive, when I look at a man with his shirt off and think "sooo hot" I always immediately feel guilty and turn away. I feel like I should apologize or I have done something wrong. It is still ingrained into my head that guys just should not be looking at guys. Even here in blog land, since all of you seem to be really hot so far, when I make the comment that one of my fellow blog writers or a reader is good looking, there is still that slight fear that they will write back and ask "what is wrong with you, are you queer?" It feels funny when I am with a friend who knows that I am gay and they ask while watching a movie, "do you think he is hot?" I always am startled by that and instinctively want to say "how should I know?" There is slight pleasure in being able to say yes I do or no I don't. It feels great not to always be guarded, the other night while on the phone with my friend Lyn, she mentioned about a past boyfriend of hers and how she felt confused over not being attracted to him, even though he was really good looking. Without thinking I made the passing comment "oh yes Mike was really good looking, he was hot" there was silence for a second and we both burst out laughing, she said it sounded so strange to hear me say that and she will have to get use to it.

The truth is that when it turns sunny and warm here, I am in total anticipation because the guys especially more so than the women, want to show how tough they are by stripping down. When I walk out in the late spring morning and it is getting sunny and hot, I smile a little because I know the shirts will come off and the pants will be changed to shorts. It is even strange for me to discuss guys with other blog writers. It feels funny especially when discussing it with bloggers who don't really blog about being gay. I have to keep telling myself, it is okay he has the same feelings, he understands, the same attractions are there. It felt really good one afternoon to email back and forth with a blog friend about what we see attractive in a man, favorite male body parts, the type of guy we like and he sent me pictures of a man he finds attractive. It was good to feel like I have joined the club and able to have this talk. The kind of talk straight guys do about girls all the time, now however I was really a part of the conversation, and not just playing the part of a straight man with no real interest in the conversation like I once did. Still there was a feeling like a nun was going to burst into the room at any moment and ask me what I was doing.

I tend to stay away from sex and sexuality on this blog as it is more about my coming out process. I also wanted to be a little decent and respectable in the eyes of my readers because that is part of who I am. Thinking it over however my sexuality is also part of who I am and I want to explore it and celebrate it. I do not have any brothers, I grew up in the country and I never played on a sports team so it worked out that I never saw another guy's penis until I was twenty four. It still holds an electric charge and a bit of wonder when I do see another man's penis, whether in a picture or a live person. As if I am allowed to share something intimate with him, a type of vulnerability that lets me see him exposed and not just physically. Also at the same time a taboo that I am not suppose to break, an unwritten code between men, we are not suppose to look. However I am gay, not only can I look but if we were to become sexual, his penis would be my main focus. Here comes the warning section to this blog, I am going to put links to sites that I enjoy looking at so if you are offended by gay sex or nudity do NOT click on them! If you are under age don't you dare or I will track down your mother and tell her!

Okay here it goes, things that Steven likes, straight men or gay men acting like straight men being homo-erotic. I don't know if this is true, but you just have to see this! Maybe Jess or one of the blog writers from England, do you know if this is a true documentary about a rugby team? So hot! Then there are guy's bums or buns, I just love me some buns! If you have not looked at Jon's site check it out! He has great man bum down the side of his blog, caution if you scroll down to the bottom you will see guys that are half donkey and you can guess which part of them is donkey! One day I stumbled onto this artistic site and liked the different choice of models he sometimes uses, not the usual under twenty, shaved guys. There are many other blogs and sites that are good also so don't feel left out. If you have a favorite and want to put a link in the comment area feel free, this is gay guy talk and we can share, like a gay locker room! No girls allowed, well unless they also know of a good site!

Update, it seems the rugby clip has been removed, too bad really, it showed a team that was really bonded and when they had a lot to drink went really wild and would do all sorts of crazy homo-erotic things to get women's attention. It looked very real like a documentary and not acted like a porn film. To bad I wanted to share it with you guys.


S said...

Sooo... which blog writers/readers do you think are hot? LOL.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Steven, so far everyone who reads this blog is hot! ;)

daveincleveland said...

ok boys this is hot from cleveland....hehehe....i agree...its so nice to finally look,appreciate, and perhaps even lust over a hot male.....while for so long i would look and then just stop looking, now i look and stop, with mouth wide open in awe of his sheer beauty, this evolving, steven i think is the most awesome part, because there was this gay person inside and its just like a metamorphisis happening and slowling just changing,evolving into who we really are, and yes dear steven, you are hot, and like being able to say that about a guy

David said...

I also wanted to be a little decent and respectable in the eyes of my readers

Ha! After 2 Girls 1 Cup???


Darth Gateau said...

Whatever they may say, ALL men look! It's a competition thing for straight guys.
I find eyes and mouths attractive in a guy (as well as the usual fabulous bits we all like!) so I end up staring into someones eyes if they are lovely - I need to remind myself all the time to stop gawking - and I've had a seat here on the gay bus for years!

Wierdly, I've also got a thing for biceps - when I see sexy ones I just want to bite them! Does that make me a freak? Hmmm.. maybe I should have just kept that thought in my head rather than in print...

Daddy Cool said...

I've had some naughty ideas for posts but my blog has veered towards the "family" persuasion. So, I'll just be the dirty perv on everyone else's blogs.

Vic Mansfield said...

For SOOOO many years, I felt that same shame, looking at men. But I am soooo drawn to do that. When I finally came out to myself, accepted that this IS who I am, I have come to relish it, wallow in it, and enjoy it. Just enjoy it.

Try to stare TOO much, unless of course, he stares back . . .

I am very much bear and muchly drawn to bears: hairy men, bulky men, etc. But I reserve the right to fall in love with any sort, shape, or size.

Sexual activity is part of our sexuality. Not the only part, but definitely a big part. WIth a man, I will surely be drawn to his cock, but the whole package is really the focus. Snuggling, caressing, kissing, rubbing up togehter. All these things make up what I want, in bed anyway.

When it comes to a longer relationship, I know I will want more than just those things.

Another photog. I admire is Woolsrake. Check out his website:

Shalom & Cheers

JOHANNES said...

As I read your post I just smiled all along the way.

Although I am not "out", I have been gay and known it since pre-teen times and looking at eye-candy was part of growing up.

I was conflicted some along the way, but always knew guys are HOTT and spending intimate time with one was just wonderful.

I also smile because you are growing and relating to people who know you are gay and sharing those questions they asks, etc.

It's nice.

Doug said...

You've found one of the joys of being gay and out. It's even better at a gay pride event, because there it's considered rude if you don't stare. To quote someone wise, "So many mens, so little time."

Steven said...

Looks like I'm going to have to invest in high speed internet service if I want to keep up with Steven's perusals. ;-) Wouldn't want to be caught surfing those sites at work. ;-)

Thanks for sharing your desires.

Bill said...

Well, Steven, you know I'm a buns-watcher. It's true, it is fun to ogle hot guys with other gay men, and why shouldn't we do it? We've put up with comments from straight men for years.
One morning after a meeting I was outside with some folks when a guy jogged by wearing short shorts, and he had obvious tan lines on his legs from wearing longer shorts in the summer. I was the only gay guy there, and I said "Hey, eye-candy alert!" A straight woman said "He's nice looking, but I couldn't get past the tan lines." I said "Believe me, I could get past those tan lines real fast." Everyone cracked up, including the older straight men. These people aren't even close friends; they're just in my morning fellowship group at a church.

...and don't even think those nuns you mentioned ain't havin' the same thoughts, Steven!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dave, when I see a cute guy, I always say under my breath "oh yeah, mother nature has been good to you!" It is fun to let myself look more often.

David, I'm trying to keep this blog decent and then you show up! Hahaha! Yeah you know your my bud!

Darth, don't worry, yes now I do think you are a total freak but I don't have good (or any) biceps so I have nothing to worry about. Some of my straight male friends told me they always look. You're always welcome to be a freak here. ;)

DaddyC, okay you can be a perv here if you want, just not too much of a one though!

Joe, yes I enjoyed the site thanks. I also am open to picking a guy from any group, I am attracted to all types of men and see the attractive qualities in each type of man.

Jon, glad to make you smile. Even though I have been hiding, I have always known I was gay from a very early age, I just could not accept it and felt ashamed.

Doug, I did go to a pride parade once but I was by myself and felt very alone when I saw others in groups having fun. Where did that quote come from, I forget.

Steven, no no don't look at these at work! I don't want your next post to be about you looking for a new job!

Bill, lol I could get past the tan lines also! Sometimes I hated working with all male groups, if they were the shallow type then sexual comments about women is what I would hear all day long and I would be bored fast.
Maybe that is why a lot of nuns were so cranky!

W said...

I related to so many things in your post. It's strange and sad and funny that so many of us are in this quagmire.

I enjoy your sensibilty and calmness.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I read your blog and I'm not hot
Kevin @ sunshine day

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Erik, you would think it was the worse thing in the world for us to look at a guy and find him attractive. I'm calm on the outside, but on the inside....

Kevin, this is my blog and I get to say who is hot, I read your blog. You are a beautiful beautiful person and beautiful = hot, so that makes you hot!

Patrick said...

Isn't it weird how hard it can be to talk about our attractions, even after we've come out and are talking to someone sympathetic? It took me a few years to get comfortable with it. Some of my friends said it took some getting used to for them as well, when I started appreciating men around me.

Wayne said...

I love the summer too! And always wear sunglasses. Easier to watch with out getting caught!

oh, and here's a nice eye candy site.

no nudies here, but if you want those, I have a ton. just e-mail me.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Patrick, I always thought it would probably be okay around women because they have the same attractions, oddly enough it is one of my straight male friends that is most comfortable. He is more likely to ask me about dating and what type of guys I like, however he has always been an open minded person and very comfortable with his heterosexuality.

Wayne, oooh good idea with the sunglasses! I love getting gay tips! Thanks for the candy Mister. ;)

Java said...

So I want to say to you as you shy away from looking at sexy man-parts, "What is wrong with you? Aren't you gay?" Look! Enjoy!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Java, okay but I will only be doing it because you wanted me to! Thanks for the support, it means a lot to me, oh and yes I am sooo gay! ;)

Jess said...

I kept meaning to comment on this post and kept forgetting.

Well, okay. What to say, so late to the party? :)

Enjoy every bit of skin you see! It's all fair game. As for rugby players, I put some photos on the blog today. Perhaps you should travel down here sometime during the season and admire some of the boys in person! ;)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sounds like a good plan Jess! ;) Those guys are so hot!