The last few days felt great, I did not post because there are a number of things rolling around in my head at the moment and it is hard to pick one, put it down and not make this post appear jumbled. Well here comes jumbled, sorry I will probably jump around here so try to keep up. The last few days have been spent talking with my friend who came out to me. Mostly making plans, we did not actually go to a gay bar. The reason was since we did not get home until almost three, we were drained the next day, most people over 30 will understand this. We were going to go the following day but the area is suddenly gripped by wicked snow and ice storms so we decided to wait.
Last week through the wonder of You Tube, I found a cool video of a song I like by the band Filter, called Take A Picture (click on link to hear the song if you want), they are not gay but many lines of this song speak to me, "I feel like a new born" for example but the lines I like the best are "could everyone agree that no one should be left alone" and "could everyone agree that they should not be left alone". I really believe that, no one should be alone, whether it is a relationship with man-woman, man-man, woman-woman or trans-man/woman, as long as everyone has someone to love and love them in return, the thought of any of my friends in the real world or blog-land alone makes me sad, and that includes myself. My friend Lyn is now in the same place that I am coming out of, she is wondering why she hid for so long and is mad at society for making her feel like she had to hide and now has missed a part of her youth that she can never reclaim. Why can't people just agree that no one should be left alone. If they have a problem with gay people then just stay away but don't interfere with our lives. I really believe when people say they are trying to help us by changing us or pressuring us into false marriages, it is just to get us out of their sight. They don't want to have to deal with anything that is a little more complicated than the usual, most people are afraid of seeing outside the box, yes that phrase is used all the time now but their idea of outside the box is very ironically still inside the box!
We both wonder why we were so afraid to come out, I felt more ashamed than afraid. We both have to work through this and it will help to have each other. The strange thing is we knew that we could trust each other but still hid from one another. There were also some mutual friends that we could have told but for both of us we were only obsessed with hiding. She had gay friends while I had lesbian friends and yet we never told them, in fact we were a little afraid of them. I joked with her that we can swap friends, she had a good laugh at the story of me in a house full of women and said I should have taken her along. I told her that was the real reason I did not like the gay couple, I see it now, it was because I was afraid their gay-dar would go off and point towards me. The whole pointless thing to this hiding is that most of our family and friends were already sure and loved us anyways. Once you hit thirty and have never dated or were even interested in a relationship, people will suspect.
Lyn has been filling me in on some interesting updates about people. One of note was a younger friend of mine, I said to her that I know he will have a bad reaction when he hears I am gay as he had a bad reaction to another friend of his. She laughed and said don't worry that he changed his attitude so much that he was the best man at his friend's gay wedding. She also told me something that made me a little sad, a guy that I knew and was friendly with but passed away at a young age, may have been bisexual. I felt sad that we could have become friends and it would have been great to have a good guy like him as someone to talk to, now I will never have the chance to know.
It is hard to say much now as everything is in process of who else we tell what we are going to do etc. I have also met someone through my ad that I placed, I don't really want to say much now until I see where this goes, no point in building up a story that is not really there. A lot to think about. I just hope it stops snowing enough to let me go and be gay, because I agree with the song, I don't want to be left alone.