Is romance dead, did it ever really exist or did I just want it to and imagined it so. I sometimes think I am being too much of a romantic and looking for something that is no longer there, if it was ever there in the first place. Maybe a result of growing up with the Hollywood mush factory, regurgitating out love story after love story, cue Celine Dion singing about lost, forbidden or unrequited love. Especially in the gay community it does seem to be very rare. I am almost hesitant about writing this, for fear of stepping on toes and hurting feelings. I certainly would not want anyone to read this and feel judged, I am actually reallying wondering if I am being unreasonable or too prudish. Maybe I need to lighten up a little, maybe that is why I am finding it hard to connect. I just feel that the relationships and dating within the gay community seem to move so fast paced, that my head spins.
I have been reading (lurking) blogs for a while now, so I often followed along quietly as a person similar to me was unsure about being gay, coming out, dating etc. When I started writing I often connected with people of all ages in the same boat and I really enjoyed the feeling of finally belonging somewhere. I had these visions of us all finally meeting someone, writing about it, first date, forming a crush, first kiss, what that felt like and the progress of this into a loving relationship. However that never seems to be the case, it is more like one day a guy is unsure of his sexuality and then the next he is on the floor with a stranger. Maybe it is a guy thing, I really believe there are almost no real romantic straight guys, most only act that way to get the girl. I even see now that as girls get more comfortable with their sexuality, their relationships often start to resemble gay relationship. Meaning this, I once watched a show on relationships, part of the panel had two gay men on it. They were saying that often with straight relationships vs gay it went as follows. Straight people meet, get to know one another, start dating, then finally have sex, however in the gay culture, gay men have sex, meet, get to know one another and then date if there is some connection. I was offended by this at the time, but I think to a huge degree they were being honest. I think most straight men would do away with the romantic side if the women said one day it was no longer required, maybe that is why it seems easy for gay men to hook-up, there is no woman to say 'where are my flowers?' Was romance just a way of drawing out the dating process so that no sex occurred until after the wedding? With today's methods of preventing pregnancy and partial break down of marriage, is romance no longer required. It would seem that way as more and more girls hook-up on the first date.
I thoroughly enjoy and honestly like all the guys that I interact with (meaning you, yes you) through this blog, whether reading your blogs, you reading mine, comments etc, so again I just want to be clear that I am not judging anyone, or pointing anyone out. More like thinking I could be unrealistic in my expectations. Prince charming is not sitting by his computer waiting for me to put up my profile and he certainly is not sitting in a bar all these years telling good looking guys to back-off as he is watching the door for me to enter. Perhaps I need to get out and slam bodies with a few strangers before realizing that one is my match. The Catholic up bringing may have shaped my view on relationships, however we all know Catholic and gay don't mix, the only time they ever condone male on male sex is when one is a priest and the other is an alt.... okay okay I won't say it, my bad sorry! (Actually to be honest there were some very kind Priests and Nuns that watched out for us while growing up). Gay relationships might just be faster paced and me being too slow about it has caused me to miss them. Still I can't help feeling empty when I read about two guys meeting, having sex and then move on. There is to me a 'gift of self ' when being intimate with someone else, and I feel a stranger who has never proved himself to me, does not deserve that gift. That is just me being me and not thinking my way is better, I guess if you are okay with it, then that is a decision you have to live with. I wonder if the ones who wait for romance are the people that really sell themselves out by not being part of life. At least the others are out there living and trying to form relationships, the truth is also they are the ones most likely to find a partner, so does it matter how they found each other. Is romance dead, does it just get in the way, or did it ever exist in the real world.