Saturday, December 29, 2007

Mini Post

Still feeling lazy but I will do a mini post today instead of being a total wind bag as usual. It all started when I was five, no just kidding not going to put you through that. The thing I want to talk about is what happened this morning, something minor but it shows me how far I have come in just six months.

This morning the guy I had met here in this city, called to say he was back from visiting his family over Christmas. We spoke a little and he asked if I would like to join him for brunch. Without a second thought I said yes, got ready and went out. While there we had a nice time discussing our Christmases, he was going skiing after and said to bad that I don't ski or I could have come along. Again the thing that makes me happy is that I am getting comfortable enough to just go out with a gay friend and then have a nice time. Six months ago it would have taken a lot to get me to go out with another gay person, plus I would have been sitting there sweating bullets thinking someone would, at any moment, walk in and see me there. As if by being with another guy they would know and start screaming at the top of their lungs, strange yes but the closet keeps a person from thinking straight... um no pun intended. I was totally excited to see him again and the thought never entered of being afraid or ashamed to meet. I'm still taking baby steps but they just feel right for me now, not like before. I can see now being in love and wanting to show off my boyfriend to everyone, before I would wonder if I could find a guy that would not mind hiding 100% and be my boyfriend at the same time. I'll keep making these small steps until I get exactly were I want to be. Meeting for brunch was something minor but when I think of the closeted Steven from this time last year, minor steps suddenly become major steps.


Cardinal said...

Baby steps are good.

W said...

It's nice to be able to progress.

All the very best for the new year!

Birdie said...

Over the past year I too have been taking "baby steps" to face some fears of my own. My mantra has been "What would I do if I weren't afraid?" And then I do it. The fear does not go away, but I act as if it isn't there (with my heart racing). And the fear diminishes just a bit each time I act. Very freeing, isn't it.

Count me in as someone cheering you on each time you take that next step.


Matt said...

Everyone has some part of their life where they need to take baby steps - god knows I do.

Congratulations on your evolution. :)

Vic Mansfield said...

You go, bro! One step at a time sounds like a good plan! You're doing it! Cheers.

Steve said...

Yes, you have come a long way. Well done! They seem like baby steps, but altogether they form a giant leap.

And who knows which steps 2008 will bring!

Will said...

Steve, you're doing fine, just keep going and we're all here to cheer you on.

As 2007 seems to have been your great transitional, here are my best wishes for 2008 as the year when all this starts paying off big time for you.
Happy, healthy, wonderful New Year!

Anonymous said...

Steve, I'm not so sure that was a baby step. Sounded more like a leap to me. To meet him in public would have been a baby step. To be comfortable while doing it is much more. I just zoomed back to 1985, my first public one on one appearance. It was nerve wrecking.

Wayne said...

Life's short.....keep walking!

K said...

You are making progress buddy!

Just keep it up...and Happy New Year!

(P.S. I might be in Ont. next summer....that means we've gotta set up a shopping day...I promised haha!)

Java said...

Don't sell yourself short, baby. This is major progress. Yes, made step by baby step, but huge progress nonetheless. Congratulations!

Steven said...

Congratulations on these baby steps advancing you on your "journey." Here's to 2008 bringing you further along. Congrats!

Bill said...

Good for you...keep moving onward.

"By perseverance the snail reached the ark." - Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Anonymous said...

"the closet keeps a person from thinking straight..." I love this line! and you are SO right...

daveincleveland said...

damn dude i am so proud of make me just keep moving in the right direction and you will find true happiness.........its gotta be great

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Zac, baby steps are getting me where I want to be. :)

Erik, it took a while but I am making progress. Same to you in the new year!

Birdie, thanks that was really 'tweet' of you! Get it sweet-tweet, well I thought it was funny. I kind of do the same thing now, I think what if someone did walk in and saw me there, what could they do, most people don't care or won't say anything.

Thanks Matt, I guess we take steps all our lives about everything. It helps when I have people like you supporting me.

Joe, thanks and you to! We are both on the same journey.

Steve I know what you mean, when I look back over the last few months it seems strange how far I have come.

Will, the support is helpful and needed so thank you. I hope great things in the new year for you as well!

Devon, wow you were a kid when you first met someone, my hat goes off to you! Welcome to the blog world you will find that you will make great friends here and be able to work your thoughts out at the same time.

Wayne, I will keep walking, probably because I locked my keys in my car again! Hahaha! I feel so good that you just did the same. ;)

K, I'm just trying to catch up to you! Yeah we can go shopping!

Java, thanks and what is cool about it, is the fact I never really think about it until after we have been out together.

Steven, I hope you also find better things in 2008, like a guy that treats you like the sweet person you are.

Bill and he never was stepped on either! Thanks for always being here for me Bill.

Derek, it sounded funny when I wrote it but it is true, the crazy way I was obsessed with hiding did not make sense some times.

Dave, okay I will keep going but you are coming with me! All the best to you in the new year Dave. Most important, did you eat all the cookies you made, yet? ;)