Still feeling lazy but I will do a mini post today instead of being a total wind bag as usual. It all started when I was five, no just kidding not going to put you through that. The thing I want to talk about is what happened this morning, something minor but it shows me how far I have come in just six months.
This morning the guy I had met here in this city, called to say he was back from visiting his family over Christmas. We spoke a little and he asked if I would like to join him for brunch. Without a second thought I said yes, got ready and went out. While there we had a nice time discussing our Christmases, he was going skiing after and said to bad that I don't ski or I could have come along. Again the thing that makes me happy is that I am getting comfortable enough to just go out with a gay friend and then have a nice time. Six months ago it would have taken a lot to get me to go out with another gay person, plus I would have been sitting there sweating bullets thinking someone would, at any moment, walk in and see me there. As if by being with another guy they would know and start screaming at the top of their lungs, strange yes but the closet keeps a person from thinking straight... um no pun intended. I was totally excited to see him again and the thought never entered of being afraid or ashamed to meet. I'm still taking baby steps but they just feel right for me now, not like before. I can see now being in love and wanting to show off my boyfriend to everyone, before I would wonder if I could find a guy that would not mind hiding 100% and be my boyfriend at the same time. I'll keep making these small steps until I get exactly were I want to be. Meeting for brunch was something minor but when I think of the closeted Steven from this time last year, minor steps suddenly become major steps.